When was the last time I felt truly alive? (Inspired by Envenom) (519 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.7 on 10 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Homsar (View user info) at 2004-06-02 14:03:20 EDT
In response to this post: http://www.ubersite.com/m/34823 by Envenom. This could end up being long, so I didn't see much sense in clogging up a reply field with my nonsense rambling.
I wondered, "How could a person describe in detail the element of what Envenom is asking about?" I guess to me its that feeling of carelessness. If the world's problems were gravity, then it would be a feeling of weightlessness, with no sense of knowing up or down, and no hurry to find out. A feeling of being genuinely happy; discovering that even though life may not be perfect, its indeed perfect enough for all to seem balanced.
I'm only 23, but very much like Mr. Venom, it seems it's been quite some time since Ive felt that way. During high school I was never cool with the "in" crowd, and never had a desire to be, and although I was one of those quiet geeky loser-types that rarely spoke up in class, there were actually times when I felt like I had substance. Sometimes you forget that you make an annoying cackle when you laugh because something was funny, dammit, and thats all that really matters. Maybe it was those camping trips to Carter Caves I used to take with past friends (most of whom are married with children now). Maybe it was the trip to Woodstock '99, which was unbelievable to say the least. Maybe it was just waking up with no plans at all and playing basketball on the driveway, the only deadline being to play to 1000 before it got too dark outside to see. Since those days are gone, I dont feel like I matter as much anymore.
What gets me down is the fact that Im getting older, and years start going by really fast when you have no summer school breaks to look forward to. Every week starts to seem like a repeat of the last, and time has little meaning when the near past and the distant future seem to be identical to one another. Life just feels less important these days. Nothing to be excited about when I wake up in the mornings. No reason to feel giddy or slap-happy or no reason to anxiously stare at the clock, waiting on 4pm and the drive home. I dont know where my life is headed...couldn't begin to explain where I might be in 5 years. All I know is, we as humans only get one life, and I really hate the feeling of wasting it away just going through the motions that society has deemed normal. My father and mother worked their entire lives, and although I appreciate the sacrifices they made for their children, I think it's their turn now to enjoy life. People get old and die fast....and no one ever really knows how fast it could be.
Bah....maybe Envenom can relate.
User Reviews
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2004-06-14 17:42:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Whoa, shit, just now seeing this. I wish I had some good advice for you. It's funny, I lack that feeling even though I have most of the things that you would consider to be prerequisites - a girl, a purpose (my music) and yet it still feels like somethings missing. It's not even about being happy (at least not for me) because on the whole I'm as happy as I've ever been. IN fact, maybe that's what's missing, being sad. I actually used to yearn for that feeling, being depressed. That's when I was always the most inspired and did my best work artisticly speaking. Like Curt Cobain said "I miss the confort in being sad." When things are going well you take stuff for granted and don't notice the little things so much.
Submitted by uber-widow (user info) at 2004-06-07 21:32:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
You're never going to feel "truly alive" again if you don't just LET yourself... just b/c you work and have a routine doesn't mean good things can't happen to you, you just have such a set idea of how life is supposed to be, anything off the beaten path seems just unacceptable to you. Stop feeling like that.
-I think you know who this is from
Submitted by JinkyWilliams (user info) at 2004-06-03 10:56:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I just wanted to say...
Slapshot99 is the man! And his reply/counter to totally_worthless was great. +2 for him.
Homsar, go with Slapshot's advice. It seems totally contradictory, but the more you give, the more you get back. It's just how life goes.
Stay orange.
--JW
Submitted by Slapshot99 (user info) at 2004-06-02 18:25:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I think it was Steven Covey that said it all best about living your life."Imagine seeing your funeral and the eulogy from 4 people in your life. A close friend, a coworker, your wife and children and a neighbor. What would you like to hear from them about yourself. Write each persons eulogy as you'd like to hear it . Now.....What will it take from you as a person to live up to that eulogy." Pretty good advice. I highly recommend Steven Coveys "7 Habits of Highly Effective People" as a afternoon read.
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2004-06-02 17:13:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
"Life just feels less important these days. Nothing to be excited about when I wake up in the mornings."
----
My oldest, and dearest friend in the world died this past March 22, in a horrible car accident, at a very young age. I was crushed. But at his Memorial Service, it seemed the same sentiment was voiced over and over again. Hundreds of family and friends, all agreeing on one thing...Mikey knew how to live. That kid knew how to fucking live. They were right. And It made me smile.
Live well, my friend. Because life IS important. And at least you have the luxury of waking up in the mornings.
Submitted by Slapshot99 (user info) at 2004-06-02 16:45:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
just a thought......smoke a doobie WITH a senior citizen
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-06-02 16:03:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yikes - Slapshot - if that was "Just A thought " - I'd hate to be around you when you're on a tangent.
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-06-02 15:25:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You're already whining about getting older and you're only 23???
Come on now.
The best any of us can hope for is to get by and have as many of those short, fleeting moments of real happiness to reflect upon. And you don't get those moments by feeling sorry for yourself.
Submitted by Totally_useless (user info) at 2004-06-02 15:08:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Fuck slapshot.
Smoke a doobie.
Submitted by Slapshot99 (user info) at 2004-06-02 14:39:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
One Question?..Do you or have you ever VOLUNTEERED to help ....something or anyone?.......ie: Special Olympics, a little league team.(pick a sport).A neighborhoood watch/support/rehab group...Go to an old folks home and play chess with some of the grey panthers.(some if not most, are pretty damn good at all the board games)..Sit around an old folks home porch and just TALK to them.man the stories and advice i've been privy too are priceless....One of my best nights ever was when I got a group of "grey" panthers,Men vs Women, to play a game of pictionary. Looking back I don't think I've ever laughed that hard in my entire life......and to hear everyone else laugh at Dick Gurleys "Gorilla"...will live with me forever.....Tutor at the local library......Teach people how to read and write.......Become a life guard at the YMCA......Work as a guide at a museum.......Camp counselor is a great way to mentor younger folks.....Be a Bill Murray in "MEATBALLS".......My daughters and I always try to help out Special Olympics as a family...Each girl of mine (the ones old enough) are assigned a special child to chaperone all day during the events. My girls get so much out of it and do such a good job that now past families now request them as repeat guides for their children. It warms me to no end seeing other families take on my children as "one of their own"........and vice versa...My children gain new sisters during the days that pass. Make a conscience effort to go out and look for something or someone that needs a volunteer badly...and do it.....feeling good about yourself is like the ripples in a pond.(sorry for the Jedi "Relaxation CD" bullshit).If you wait for the ripples of feeling good to hit you.......you might not ever feel good about anything..and you've given up your control on how YOU feel about yourself. Then you end up in the situation like the one you're in now. Waiting for something to change the way YOU feel. Feeling good should radiate outward..Give it a try.................Just a thought