Killing a Small Child with my Ass (52020 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.85 on 126 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Jon (View user info) at 2004-06-02 14:27:22 EDT
I've eaten some sick things in my life... a pig brain, a dead fish on the beach, and a sheep testicle, but 2 year old Easy Mac took the cake.
Every night when I go to my cupboard looking for something to eat... a packet of Easy Mac falls to the counter and teases me with its potential cheesy goodness. But, I don't eat it because of all the Thiamin.
Last night I had to eat something quick to get to the bar in time to catch the end of the Pistons game. Pistons won... and I had to make something "easy". Some food I could "mac" on. Some Easy Mac. I was excited. I was going to eat the Easy Mac.
I opened my cupboard in anticipation waiting for it to fall down to the counter, yet tonight... it stayed put. It sat there and taunted me like a little bitch. A little bitch I would devour.
I snatched it out, emptied the crusty noodle into a bowl, splashed some water in, and nuked. As I kept my face pressed against the leaky microwave I caught a glimpse of the noodle wrapper. I saw what I thought was the serial number and started thinking to myself what a huge dork would understand what that shit actually meant. I mean honestly, how boring of a person would that have to...
<BEEP!>
I emptied the cheesey pack into the bowl and stirred. It wouldn't be long now. A cloud of cheese powder floated into the air with the toxicity of what I could only guess was that of asbestos. I took my first bite. It didn't taste like easy mac at all. It tasted like Satan.
I ate three more chomps wondering if maybe I just hadn't had the shit in so long my body needed to build up a tolerance. The third bite kind of sat in between my lungs. Almost like there was some sort of problem down below...
I waited for my food tube to push the easy mac down yonder and started looking at the serial number again. Maybe I could decipher it...
"EXPMAR01"
Hmmmm... before I could let the realization of my own stupidity sink in, it felt like I'd been shot in the stomach. I keeled over and stared at my trash can for a couple seconds and as quickly as it came, it went away.
I got up, threw away the easy mac, and ate a sandwich.
The next day I was at the Secretary of State renewing my licesnse plate. I'd taken my number and was sitting in the row of chairs that face the wall, when a little thimble of gas arrived to my rectum. It was a minor disconfort and I was sure nothing would come of it. I put my arm over the chair next to me, lifted my right cheek as I acted like I was looking behind me, and released.
<pffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffsssssssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh>
I hadn't noticed but a small black kid was curled up behind my chair, I had probably just killed half his brain cells. I soon realized that was the least of my worries. I could watch the smell move through the room as people one by one became extremely uncomfortable. I finally smelled it, it smelled like death.
My number was called. I sat motionless deciding on my next move. Would I sit and wait for the smell to leave and then get another number? Or would I give away the culprit. There was no was I was about to sit here for another hour in this room, besides it smelled like shit now.
I walked through the aisles and approached the counter. As I walked through the aisles I heard comments behind me.
"Oh for Christ's sake..."
"Damn, that boy needs a Doctor!"
That one got people laughing.
"Yes, I need to renew my plates."
"Ok sir..." she looked at me with a skeptical look, "here's a pass to leave and come back, you won't even have to wait in line. Go out that door, use the bathroom NEXTDOOR, and come back after you've made sure that won't happen again."
"Yes maam," Id just gotten a Federal pass because of my ass.
As I walked out I saw the little black kid's eyes roll into the back of his head. He fell over and the mother exploded in agony...
"naw NAW NAAAAWWW!!! MUH BABY BOY!" she turned to look at me, "you did this, cracka!"
"No maam, Thiamin did this. Thiamin."
User Reviews
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2006-07-21 11:22:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2006-07-21 11:21:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is the first thing I had ever read on Uber, and it made me laugh so fucking hard I laughed for ten whole minutes and fell off my bed. Thank you. As such, I shall give this post what it deserves: five +2s.
Submitted by viciousthawts (user info) at 2006-02-08 09:35:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That was some good shit!
Submitted by Lmarie22000 (user info) at 2005-12-05 20:00:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm eating Easy Mac right now....I found it at the back of a cabinet at work. It doesn't have an exp. date....but I'm really really hungry
Submitted by Lmarie22000 (user info) at 2005-12-04 23:54:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I always read this when I need a good laugh.
It works well.
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-05-26 17:50:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Just think what would have happened had you been waiting in the unemployment line...
Great Post
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2005-05-26 17:34:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
still awesome, after all this time.
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2005-05-16 19:16:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Jon is my all-time favorite Uber writer. I used to read these posts at my desk and laugh 'til I cried and could barely breathe. My coworkers would avoid me for days. Priceless.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-05-16 19:13:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh dear fucking lord that's funny.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-05-16 19:12:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
sick
Submitted by Girlwithaclue (user info) at 2005-05-16 19:07:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I read this article the other day about shitting and farting. Believe it or not it was on Oprah's website, anyway they say you should fart 14 times a day!!
We look forward to the other 13...........
Submitted by hairjr (user info) at 2005-05-16 18:58:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by sg11588 (user info) at 2005-05-16 18:45:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
How the fuck can you read an Ubersite?
This was the first Ubersite post I ever read.
Submitted by sg11588 (user info) at 2005-05-16 18:42:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
FINALLY I FOUND IT!
+2s for life. This was the first Ubersite I ever read, and I'm glad I could find it.
Submitted by Confuzitron (user info) at 2005-05-09 23:02:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Never saw this before. Pure awesome.
Submitted by InsoManiac (user info) at 2005-02-08 16:20:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy shit. Classic
Submitted by ljgmlg2 (user info) at 2005-02-01 04:55:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
great stuff
Submitted by siervua (user info) at 2005-01-30 12:31:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ha!
Submitted by Feijuada (user info) at 2005-01-30 12:30:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It's okay because they're black, so you can kill a few before the law gets involved.
Submitted by SelfRighteousPorkchop (user info) at 2005-01-30 12:19:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This made me laugh my ass off in the middle of Graphic Design class and now everyone thinks I'm weird. Are you happy now?
Submitted by MisterOCD (user info) at 2005-01-28 03:46:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome!
Submitted by FearTheFedora07 (user info) at 2004-12-03 22:46:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"you did this, cracka!"
I almost got in trouble in school for laughing so hard after I read that.
Submitted by BiGTiMe NeRD <canigetawhawhawha.at.yahoo.com> at 2004-10-22 10:11:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hilarious.
Submitted by Gregory S. White <grwhite.at.clarku.edu> at 2004-10-18 18:56:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good Show!
Submitted by dedbabydoll (user info) at 2004-10-08 21:38:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hmmm.....Maybe this explains what is wrong with my cat, Stinky. I can see green skulls in the air above him.
Submitted by me <angie.at.yahoo.com> at 2004-09-26 21:15:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
yet tonight... it stayed put. It sat there and taunted me like a little bitch. A little bitch I would devour.
It didn't taste like easy mac at all. It tasted like Satan
THOSE LINES ARE HILARIOUS!! good one!great story! +2
Submitted by queenoftheramen (user info) at 2004-09-20 03:45:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by MarkTwang (user info) at 2004-09-18 15:32:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So past expired by a few years old Easy Mac + Gas buildup = LETHAL!!!!! thanks for the tip
Submitted by Erin <daisych626.at.hotmail.com> at 2004-09-17 20:50:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Haha... that was great, Jon. My roommates kept wondering what the hell I was laughing at. I showed them... and one of them was laughing so hard she farted. :)
Submitted by tommy2putt (user info) at 2004-09-16 20:52:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
kicks ass, nice touch with the formula - dad
Submitted by Bill at 2004-09-09 16:34:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
*Grin* That was pretty good.
Submitted by sparkle_pink (user info) at 2004-08-18 23:12:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I forgot to rate this one. I laughed so hard when I read this that I ruptured my spleen.
Submitted by persephone1007 (user info) at 2004-08-16 10:50:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I had tears from laughing so hard. The chemical reaction put it over the top for me being that I'm a chemist.
Submitted by You Suck at 2004-08-11 00:29:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You Suck
Submitted by Kieron James <mellamokeyrawn.at.ayhoo.com> at 2004-07-20 22:18:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow! This article is simply to great for words... I mean the humor is so elementary but still I found myself having stomach spazms. For all those who told the author to grow... man, lay back, everyone has an inner child somewhere. Look deep down and see if you can find yours, you cold, humorless bastards.
-Oh yeah, I think I forgot to say THIS ARTICLE ROCKS... no question
Submitted by Victor <yukkon164.at.yahoo.co.uk> at 2004-07-01 10:34:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Entertaining article - thanks. I'm sure JoshC's mother will be thrilled when his school report lands on the mat.
Submitted by danieldandy (user info) at 2004-06-29 20:25:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
toots are silly. nicely done with the chemical stuff at the bottom. i'll pretend to understand that.
Submitted by skitty (user info) at 2004-06-25 15:42:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
What we need more of is Science.
Submitted by browneyes at 2004-06-25 15:19:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Ummmm.... I dont know why people actually thought this was funny. Kinda stupid if ya ask me! Hopefully you learned your lesson about eating old ass easy mac.
Submitted by Josh C. at 2004-06-25 14:43:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
this was one of the biggest peices of shit ive read! a sad excuse for a story...usually this kind of thing is funny, but you ended the shit with fuckin science!!!BULLSHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-06-25 12:37:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
this was crap. a story about farting? can we say JUVENILE?
Submitted by xxfallenblissxx <xxfallenblissxx.at.yahoo.com> at 2004-06-24 14:24:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
*swoon* you're terrible! haha. funny shit
Submitted by Bill <Steelthuder.at.aol.com> at 2004-06-23 00:02:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
now you really should worn people that you are going to be that funny. It's 12:20 am and my wife is trying to sleep in the next room.
Submitted by potpyro <weykent3650.at.hotpop.com> at 2004-06-21 02:34:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
oh man thats some funny shit. and as for 7 sticks of butter... maddox kicks ass along with this story
Submitted by 7 sticks of butter at 2004-06-20 18:28:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This is worse than maddox.
Tucker-esq, but then tucker is actually somebody with his own show.
You don't even touch somethingawful.
Worthless.
Submitted by hpt94 <hpt94.at.verizon.net> at 2004-06-16 16:42:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
that has gotta be one of the funniest things I have EVAH read!!!!!!!
Submitted by j0andre1 (user info) at 2004-06-16 02:11:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Loren
Then baby will be fine, just give it more refried beans and stick it back in it's cage.
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-06-15 09:19:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Jon.
It's been almost 2 full weeks since you posted anything, and I'm going through withdrawals.
Don't you know I depend on you?
Can't you feel my anguish?
Don't you care anymore?
What about the baby?
Submitted by chicagogirl (user info) at 2004-06-15 08:58:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
YEAAAAAAAAA PISTONS!!!
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-06-13 02:01:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
haha awesome
Submitted by Bizdorph (user info) at 2004-06-11 22:32:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
ooh you farted.
nobody's ever done that before.
garbage.
Submitted by chipolatte (user info) at 2004-06-10 20:16:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahahahahahahah
giggles abound on this side of town.
Submitted by dezushnutz (user info) at 2004-06-10 19:22:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Comedy..."You did this, craka!"
Submitted by the_lone_stranger (user info) at 2004-06-10 19:03:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That was grade A shit. My stomach was sore from laughing so much.
But not too sore....abs of steel and all.
Submitted by Jesus H. Tapdancing Christ <Game_Master5000.at.hotmail.com> at 2004-06-10 08:22:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow... That is freakin' amazing. Had me on the floor, laughing my ass off. Good times.
-The Alex
Submitted by Solidsmith at 2004-06-09 20:53:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
lol!!! Great...It made me laugh hard...
Submitted by bluerampage2 (user info) at 2004-06-09 08:00:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by jumpinjellyfish (user info) at 2004-06-08 13:56:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked this...it made me laugh and laugh.
Submitted by get me outta here at 2004-06-08 13:48:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
very funny
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-06-08 10:03:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Dragon (user info) at 2004-06-08 05:05:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh dear God....my stomach...laughter...
*gasp*
*gasp*
Submitted by Jesus at 2004-06-07 06:33:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Shit I hate sharing an office... the old lady who shares this place with me thinks I'm weird now for laughing my ass at my computer.
Submitted by euripidestrousers (user info) at 2004-06-07 04:23:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Stauquin (user info) at 2004-06-06 11:46:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by sublime (user info) at 2004-06-06 10:30:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
this is amazing, you would like to meet my brother, he can't even blame the thiamin anymore.
Submitted by j0andre1 (user info) at 2004-06-05 21:36:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
umm... thanks?
Submitted by helium_the_balloon (user info) at 2004-06-04 23:44:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
for telling such a lame ass story in a hyperbolic manner.
Submitted by someone (user info) at 2004-06-04 16:00:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
About time you're getting the attention you deserve.
Submitted by hcp28 (user info) at 2004-06-04 10:25:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you took three more chomps that's awesome!
Submitted by SausageKing (user info) at 2004-06-04 04:05:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy fuck sticks this is funny
Submitted by Snot_String_McTweety <sedger.at.umich.edu> at 2004-06-04 01:29:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by GhostWriter (user info) at 2004-06-03 21:35:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh, the hilarity that an ass can create...
Submitted by w00tm0nk33y (user info) at 2004-06-03 19:45:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"It didn't taste like EasyMac. It tasted like Satan" hahahaahahha
Submitted by digsy (user info) at 2004-06-03 19:42:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Pure silk.
Submitted by maleficent1 <Maleficent1111.at.yahoo.com> at 2004-06-03 19:39:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahahahahahaha thanks for the laugh
Submitted by bluegoddess (user info) at 2004-06-03 19:02:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh my god!!!
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-06-03 16:51:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
There are at least 12 posts by jOandre that I would have voted for to get on B@W.
Good pick Bart! Jon, feel free to push me off the MVA, you deserve it.
xoxo - for always making me cry laughing.
Submitted by Mr-Boo (user info) at 2004-06-03 15:54:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Too damn funny! Glad it made on B@W!
Submitted by Lady_Emily_03 (user info) at 2004-06-03 13:50:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I knew this would make it to Bored at Work.
Wonderful, if not digusting.
Submitted by Goldeneyes (user info) at 2004-06-03 13:04:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for the diagram
Oh...and for making me laugh so hard I farted.
Submitted by Rondom Joe <lordhamlett.at.Yahoo.com> at 2004-06-03 12:46:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good "Shit".
Submitted by fhreak (user info) at 2004-06-03 12:36:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHAHA!
Submitted by Carrie <laina0605.at.hotmail.com> at 2004-06-03 11:43:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
hmmmmmm
Submitted by j0andre1 (user info) at 2004-06-03 11:04:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
That's not nice Random Joe
Submitted by beautifuldisaster (user info) at 2004-06-03 11:03:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Adona (user info) at 2004-06-03 10:10:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Laughed so hard I pissed myself.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-06-03 09:42:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-06-03 01:30:24 (#)
Ranking: 2
Congrats on the B to the @ to the W.
----
Fuck, you are a loser.
Submitted by lowsodiummonkey (user info) at 2004-06-03 08:07:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by dsfsdf at 2004-06-03 07:00:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"it smelled like death."- HAHA!
Submitted by mikethescottish (user info) at 2004-06-03 05:49:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm torn between revulsion and uncontrollable laughter. Just for that, +2.
Submitted by funk_boy (user info) at 2004-06-03 05:22:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I used to regularly stink out large places. And was kicked out of school classes at least once a day for such smells.
Funny post
Submitted by Malificent (user info) at 2004-06-03 04:32:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Blech!
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-06-03 03:52:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by FunniestGuyEver (user info) at 2004-06-03 02:17:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahah awesome
Submitted by bargled (user info) at 2004-06-03 02:16:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Thiiiiiiiaaaaaaammmmmmiiiinnnnnnnnnnnn
Submitted by Creepy_guy (user info) at 2004-06-03 02:09:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
One of the best posts ever.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-06-03 01:30:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Congrats on the B to the @ to the W.
Submitted by atz (user info) at 2004-06-03 01:13:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2004-06-03 01:07:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"I finally smelled it, it smelled like death."
Fantastic.
Submitted by moebius (user info) at 2004-06-03 00:51:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This should be a scratch and sniff post.
Submitted by antluvdog (user info) at 2004-06-03 00:00:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Classic.
Submitted by j0andre1 (user info) at 2004-06-02 23:55:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
That One Girl-
I think you've called me out on my chemistimpostorbiotchness
BLAST!
Submitted by jcricket (user info) at 2004-06-02 23:42:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
them cracka's with their nasty gas...
Submitted by Quartermain (user info) at 2004-06-02 23:28:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by ThatOneGirl (user info) at 2004-06-02 22:01:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by j0andre1 (user info) at 2004-06-02 20:22:58 (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks Gecko,
I spent hours trying to figure out how to draw Thiamin
--------------------------------------------------------------
You drew your own Thiamin? In that case, another +2 for you.
If not, you're a lying chemistimpostorbiotch!
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2004-06-02 21:58:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Kicker of all ass indeed.
Submitted by ThatOneGirl (user info) at 2004-06-02 20:53:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Literally made me laugh.
Oh I can almost smell it now. gulp.
Submitted by antiLemming (user info) at 2004-06-02 20:36:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"It didn't taste like easy mac at all. It tasted like Satan."
Gold.
Submitted by Scott_James (user info) at 2004-06-02 20:28:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Mwhahahahha
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-06-02 20:26:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahaha thats classic sickness.
love it.
Submitted by j0andre1 (user info) at 2004-06-02 20:22:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks Gecko,
I spent hours trying to figure out how to draw Thiamin
Submitted by indigogecko (user info) at 2004-06-02 20:16:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
another one gets an eeeeeeeeeeeeeewwww!!
But this was a cool story too.
Submitted by j0andre1 (user info) at 2004-06-02 19:56:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
nicole3, I had no idea
What's ironic though is if you eat foods long enough past their expiration date, they'll act like a narcotic.
ie. hallucinations and euphoria
Submitted by lucid (user info) at 2004-06-02 19:14:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I wonder if the kid saw a bright light.
Submitted by Yams (user info) at 2004-06-02 18:42:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So Easy Mac probably degrades back to its radioactive components after its expired, right? Bad, bad business.
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2004-06-02 18:05:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Pretty dang good.
Submitted by Slapshot99 (user info) at 2004-06-02 17:50:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
freaking hilarious
Submitted by ChristPuncher (user info) at 2004-06-02 17:34:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ohhh lawd maaa baby bouy
a hee hee
GO BEARS WOO!!
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2004-06-02 17:17:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh my God, that was funny.
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-06-02 16:46:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
UlfGabe, you're a prick for fucking up a perfect 2 so early on.
UlfGabe
User id: 8935
-1.46
What a shock.
Submitted by versus_god (user info) at 2004-06-02 16:27:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahha beautiful!
Submitted by wazzawazzayo (user info) at 2004-06-02 16:25:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Whooooweeee!! Now that's some good gumbo!! Yeeeehaaw!! Yip-yippie-kie-yie-yo!! Head 'um up and move 'um out!! Yha! Yha doggies! Moooooooooooo!!!!!!!
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2004-06-02 16:14:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
heheheheheheheh. that made me chuckle. im suprised easy mac CAN go bad, since it seems to be made entirely of synthetics. obviously i was wrong. it can. hahahahaha.
Submitted by Degreeless_Capibara (user info) at 2004-06-02 16:12:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah, that's how I take a shit.
I just farted. It's an omen...
Submitted by Burn (user info) at 2004-06-02 16:10:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
oh shit i am now crying with laughter.
i had the benefit of 3 girls seeing me laugh like a jackass thru webcam too lol
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2004-06-02 16:07:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
As good as this was, I still think these two were better:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/33504
http://www.ubersite.com/m/30210
Submitted by DarkWraith (user info) at 2004-06-02 16:07:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Best. Story. Ever.
We need a plus 3.
Submitted by UlfGabe (user info) at 2004-06-02 16:06:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
smiles are free at mcdonalds
Submitted by aznkiddo69 (user info) at 2004-06-02 16:00:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"I put my arm over the chair next to me, lifted my right cheek as I acted like I was looking behind me, and released. "
hahahah man you are slick
Submitted by Homsar (user info) at 2004-06-02 15:44:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
great stuff, had me laughing the whole time.
"it tasted like satan" really got me.
Submitted by Julia (user info) at 2004-06-02 15:40:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Okay, have another +2. "It tasted like Satan." Loved it.
Submitted by kai070169 (user info) at 2004-06-02 15:38:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by itchy (user info) at 2004-06-02 15:38:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Mmmmmmmmm. Easy Mac.
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2004-06-02 15:37:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It is a conspiracy to make us buy more drugs.
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What a waste of time, I was going to do that anyway.
Submitted by Domochevsky (user info) at 2004-06-02 15:35:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Mac and Cheese is the devil incarnate!
...Or maybe just the expired stuff. Either way, good post.
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-06-02 15:28:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Submitted by Nicole3 (user info) at 2004-06-02 15:23:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
aaahahaha
While EasyMac may not be any good past it's expiration date did you know that most drug expiration dates mean very little. Most of them will loose very little if any effictiveness years beyond their expiration date. It is a conspiracy to make us buy more drugs.
Submitted by jimbo (user info) at 2004-06-02 15:17:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy Christ that's fucking funny.
Submitted by jme7551 <JME7551.at.HOTMAIL.COM> at 2004-06-02 15:11:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
tasted like satan hahaha beautiful
Submitted by Beren (user info) at 2004-06-02 15:07:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Destined for Bored at Work. Classic.
Submitted by tsu (user info) at 2004-06-02 15:01:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hilarious!
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-06-02 15:01:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ha ha ha ha wicked funny!
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-06-02 15:01:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You added a few more minutes to my life... yet again.
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2004-06-02 14:56:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yes!!!
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2004-06-02 14:55:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I took my first bite. It didn't taste like easy mac at all. It tasted like Satan.
I ate three more chomps wondering if maybe I just hadn't had the shit in so long my body needed to build up a tolerance. The third bite kind of sat in between my lungs. Almost like there was some sort of problem down below...
I waited for my food tube to push the easy mac down yonder and started looking at the serial number again. Maybe I could decipher it...
"EXPMAR01"
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Hilarious as always.
I have some Easy Mac in my cupbaord that's at least 2 years old. I know this because I bought it at Sam's Club, and my Sam's club membershit expired at least that long ago.
I'm glad you told me. I thought Easy Mac lasted for ever.
Submitted by VerbOrgy (user info) at 2004-06-02 14:54:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"It tasted like Satan." It was all over from there.
Submitted by potatomanjack (user info) at 2004-06-02 14:54:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Farting Is Good
Submitted by VerbOrgy (user info) at 2004-06-02 14:53:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This made me burst into a fit of uncontrollable laughter. I'm sure the neighbouring cube denizens are wondering what the hell is so funny.
Submitted by ugaly (user info) at 2004-06-02 14:51:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Yes maam," Id just gotten a Federal pass because of my ass.
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That was a good one.
Submitted by shark25 (user info) at 2004-06-02 14:50:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
good stuff
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2004-06-02 14:47:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh Hell No! A death and a fart post?!?! Bwahahahahahahahaha
Submitted by Rainer (user info) at 2004-06-02 14:43:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't care who you are, that's funny.
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2004-06-02 14:36:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahaaaaaaaaa.
Submitted by WillZone (user info) at 2004-06-02 14:35:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ahh, farting.
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2004-06-02 14:34:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The first post to make me laugh today.
Good Work.
Submitted by Oleannder (user info) at 2004-06-02 14:33:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
A post worthy of me forwarding it to all of my friends.