Promises are Made to be Broken (745 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: 1.82 on 20 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by ugaly <UG_A_LY.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2004-06-02 22:07:07 EDT
"Could I see your license and registration please?"
"Did I do something wrong officer?" Jordan asked.
"You were speeding." He replied as Jordan handed him the items. "Alright I'm just going to give you a warning. Just slow down for me in the future okay?"
"Yes sir," he replied, letting out a sigh of relief. After a few minutes he was back on his way home. This hadn't been his day.
When he arrived at his house he decided to park his truck in the backyard to conserve space. Mom always wanted her car in the driveway and she always had visitors coming and parking behind her; the street was never too fun to park on.
He walked inside and dropped his bag on the floor of his bedroom. No one was expecting him for at least another four hours. His sister Marie wouldn't be home from school for another hour so he decided to go running.
As he was running he kept thinking about being pulled over. It had been his first time; he thought it was kind of exciting.
Jordan kept running, eventually clearing his mind, focusing only on breathing and his aching knees. He loved running; it always cleared his mind. He had been gone for an hour and a half when he got back. Figuring his sister would be home, he bolted towards the front door to give her a big sweaty hug; she hated the smell of sweat.
When Jordan was about to burst through the door, he glanced through the window, and stopped dead in his tracks. Marie must not have been expecting him. She wasn't wearing her shirt. Instead it had been unbuttoned and taken off one arm, but left hanging on the other shoulder along with her bra. Her pants were hanging on to her ankles, like she hadn't taken her shoes off. Sweat was running freely down her face, her makeup had smeared all over her place. She was leaning back, naked, on the couch looking up at the ceiling; her mouth was wide open. Her boyfriend was on his knees on the ground in front of her, face deep in pleasure. He had one hand grabbing Marie's breast, and the other hand pulling down his pants. As he pushed himself up and grabbed hold to aim his way in, Jordan was entering the house.
"What the hell are you doing Marie?" He yelled, throwing the door open, the knob making a circular hole in the drywall. His face turned red with anger and disappointment. Her little boyfriend jumped up and turned around, shaking.
"Jordan! What are you doing here?"
"You knew I was coming home damnit. What the hell are you doing? You broke your promise you little bitch." His breathing had accelerated. He looked down at the floor, trying to control his temper. His fists kept clenching and releasing. Finally he closed his fist so hard his knuckles turned white.
His gaze turned toward the naked boy. "You little bastard! I swear to god I'm going to kill you. You have exactly 3 seconds to get the hell out of my sight. One..." the boy didn't move. He stood there frozen in fear.
"Two..." he started looking around for his pants. After realizing they were around his ankles he looked up.
"Three!" Jordan ran and swung his fist at the kid, connecting hard with his jaw. A tooth flew out with a small amount of blood.
"Jordan stop it!" Marie yelled, tears were running down her face, carrying her mascara with them.
Jordan ignored her. He grabbed the boy, picked him up, and threw him to the ground. The boy gasped as his breath left his body. He rolled over, trying to futilely to cough, the blood leaked out of his mouth and onto the brown carpet. Jordan stomped on his stomach twice, causing the boy to start heaving. His lunch ended up on the ground and his face was purple. Jordan waited for him to get a few quick breaths, and then knelt down on the boy's chest, stopping his breathing once more. He used both fists, swinging away freely at the boy's face. His left blows were significantly weaker than his right, but caused damage nonetheless.
Marie dove at Jordan, taking him off of the boy. "Leave Dustin alone. It's not his fault damnit." She cried. Her eyes had turned red with the dampness of her tears. She stared Jordan in the eye for a moment then went over to make sure Dustin was all right.
Jordan couldn't stand it. He walked over, pushed Marie to the side, picked up Dustin, and threw him head first out the door. After lying on the ground coughing for a minute, Dustin stood up and limped his way out of the yard.
"I hate you Jordan."
"Neat. You are fifteen years old Marie! You are a fifteen year old whore!" He yelled; emotion was building inside of him.
"He loved me Jordan!"
"Loved you?" He forced out a laugh. "You don't know what love is. You think he loves you? He told you that to get you in the sack, which it looks like he did pretty successfully."
"It didn't start out that way Jordan."
"Oh really. After you put your clothes on you can enlighten me."
Marie pulled her underwear and pants back up. Then she walked across the room and retrieved her bra and shirt. She walked into the bathroom and washed her face. When she came out Jordan was sitting on the floor watching the television. There was a movie playing when he turned it on.
"So how'd it happen?"
"Jordan I don't want to talk about it. Please."
"If you don't want mom to know about this you had better tell me right now." Jordan always had a way of getting information out of Marie because she was still afraid of their mother.
"Well, he came over today like he normally does. We were watching a movie and started making out. After a couple minutes he started reaching up my shirt like he always did. Before I knew it, my pants were unbuttoned. I told him no, that I didn't want to have sex. But he kept trying. He unbuttoned my shirt and took it and my bra off. Then he tried to unzip my pants. I told him no again. Then he said 'You have to get over your fears of it sooner or later.' Then I agreed and it started from there. You showed up ten minutes later."
"It was his fault then."
"No. It was mine. I made the decision Jordan. I'm sorry I broke our promise. Are you never going to talk to me again like you said you would?"
"Just leave me alone."
With that, Jordan went out the back door and climbed into his truck again for a little drive. When he pulled onto the freeway, he didn't see the diesel in the right lane, and he merged in front of it.
User Reviews
Submitted by Whiskey_Sour (user info) at 2004-06-04 15:06:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Great story. It's a good thing Jordan merged in front of
the diesel, or else he might have gotten in a bad accident.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-06-03 15:02:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
yeah, i thought it was going to turn into an incest thing also....
awwww... did you have to add the last sentence???
Good story!
Submitted by Lucky (user info) at 2004-06-03 14:30:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm really relieved because I thought this was going to turn into some incest thing. But it was really good. I wish you had put a little more into the ending though.
All in all a definite +2
Submitted by funk_boy (user info) at 2004-06-03 06:19:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Not as good as other stuff of yours. So a 1.5 is about fair.
More please dude.
Submitted by JewdoMaster (user info) at 2004-06-03 06:08:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Amusingly_shaped_semen_stain (user info) at 2004-06-03 06:05:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Not bad.
A diesels a truck, right? So he died?
Submitted by funk_boy (user info) at 2004-06-03 05:50:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'll read this later, but doubt i won't give it a +2.
As for more reviews, just keep writing. I now look out for your stuff, as it's some of the best i've read on here.
Coffee now.
Read later.
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-06-03 04:30:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2004-06-03 01:15:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by ugaly (user info) at 2004-06-03 00:48:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I never said anything about the tv being where people could see it coming in. Maybe if they walked around to the other side of the window they could have. I based this story off my sister's house. You can see the couch from the sidewalk that leads to the door, but you have to walk maybe 6 away from the sidewalk to see the tv.
Also, if I had just gotten the crap kicked out of me by my girlfriends pissed off brother, who just threw me out of a door, I probably would have gotten away from there incase he got too pissed off again. Laying there waiting for him to come at me again wouldn't seem like to great of an idea.
Submitted by hcp28 (user info) at 2004-06-03 00:42:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
This was good but I think it could have been better done. I really doubt the kid would have gotten up and limped away after being thrown out the door or getting the shit beat out of him. More likely he would have just laid there. Also I think the scene should have been set up better the whole looking through the door at them making out seems implossible... also what family places their TV right there for anyone to see through the front window? I would normally give something like this a +2 but I think you can do better so I'll have to give it a +1
Submitted by ugaly (user info) at 2004-06-03 00:23:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Poly - I think I'm decent when I want to be. If you look at my history, I stopped trying to be funny about 2 months ago and got serious. I kind of wish I could go back and erase all but maybe 4 of those entries but oh well.
Sideburns - The last two stories I did I might have spent about 1 hour actually writing the story. Then 1-2 hours editing and fixing it so it makes sense and doesn't have typos.
Having no reviews does kind of blow. Having 9 +2 reviews is a lot better than not having a lot of no comments and no encouragement. Your words of encouragement help me. Thanks a lot.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-06-03 00:05:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You're a hell of a writer, kid.
Submitted by Genko (user info) at 2004-06-03 00:00:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Why didn't he look into the right lane?
I didn't like the ending, but the rest kicked ass.
Submitted by dakingisdead (user info) at 2004-06-02 23:45:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice peice of work dude.
I am a little bit worried about what that promise was though. It kinda looks more than a bit suss.
Submitted by Domochevsky (user info) at 2004-06-02 23:31:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good piece. I too know the pain of getting paltry few reviews...
Submitted by Scott_James (user info) at 2004-06-02 23:28:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What the guy below me said.
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-06-02 23:15:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Uber-- When Sidburns says to read something, damnit, READ IT! ugaly put work into this story-- and it shows. Now READ!
... and +2 it.
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-06-02 23:05:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Why doesn't this have more reviews?!
+2 all the way.
Submitted by Kat at 2004-06-02 22:34:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow, nicely done. very impressive.