The planes are mine to traverse (641 hits)
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Submitted by tshia (View user info) at 2004-06-02 22:08:47 EDT
I stood at the top of the stairs. I surveyed my laboratory of evil; mentally assuring myself everything was in place. Two giant jet-black spires came erect out of the floor each occasionally ejaculating a bolt of lightning. The apparently random electrical discharges mostly landed on the opposite spire, occasionally one would miss though and crash into some other nearby laboratory equipment.
I turned to observe the manifold of darkness just as a bolt of lightning shattered a shelf of beakers and chemicals. There was a splash of dark purple fluid, I cursed. Demon blood was getting harder to come by all the time. A tiny imp scuttling by the shelf had the misfortune of being splashed by the blood. He screamed as fell to the floor. He writhed in pain for a few moments, and then finally lay still. I clapped my hands.
Climbing quickly up the stairs was a creature about 8 feet tall, he was half man and half goat, but his entire body looked as green as an emerald and was almost transparent, but not quite. "Yes Master?" it intoned.
"Dralfx has suffered an unfortunate accident, clean him up"
"Yes Master" The fiendish creature ran back down the stairs, his cloven feet making a cheery clopping sound on the solid stone stairway. "The time is nearly upon us," I said to no one in particular and then I stepped off the stairway plummeting to the ground, a fall of hundreds of feet. My purple robe of nightmarish evil flapped above and fluttered as I fell through the air. I let out an evil cackle.
I landed on the stone floor of my laboratory a moment later, my mortal coil unharmed by the considerable fall. A small diamond embedded in the flesh behind my ear granted me immunity to damage from gravity.
I strode through the large cave like building, looking from side to side as I went, all was in order, all was in chaos, all was prepared. I saw jars holding heads, brains, hearts, and tongues. There were rotting corpses, the products of old experiments, there were ancient and powerful artifacts, this was my home, this was my lair. "Alyssa attend me" I called into the gloom.
Moments after I called there appeared a walking corpse. It came swiftly to me, the corpse possessed a striking physical allure; in life Alyssa was amazingly beautiful. In life her only flaw was a disgusting little blemish called free will, her death, and subsequent reanimation, had corrected that flaw. "Bring me the key"
With a silent nod she disappeared, I waited a moment and while I did the half goat half man returned. In his arms was Dralfx, the small imp creature. "Do you still require his services my lord?"
"Leave him"
Dralfx was unceremoniously dumped at my feet. I untied a tiny golden strand from my wrist; at one end of the strand there was a tiny silver marble. Holding onto one end of the tiny golden strand I dropped the other, letting the silver marble fall and sway against the pull of the Earth. With an imperceptible effort I used my mind to push the tiny marble, it became a pendulum of dark magic. "Dralfx rise, your master has need of you yet" I claimed, following those words I began a quiet incantation. Before my eyes the small creature's wounds were healed, even more amazing he began to writhe again. He let out an agonizing scream and then twitched again. The return from death was completed. I dealt him a quick blow with my foot for costing me so much time on this special night. "Be gone".
I rewrapped my magical pendulum and then with my left hand I adjusted a large sapphire ring on the middle finger of my right hand. With the aid of my recently activated artifact I thought about flying and off I went, the air enveloped me and off I shot over my equipment, over all the creatures in my laboratory, I landed next to the darkness manifold. It was a huge block, blacker than the blackest night, its matter wavered and gleamed like the air on a hot day.
The darkness manifold was dwarfed however by a large wrought iron cage immediately beside it, inside the cage were two giant three headed gorillas, each stood at over 20 feet tall, and almost that wide. They each weighed more than 2 tons. Alyssa came up to my right hand side and proffered a key made from the same iron as the cage. I took the key and dismissed her with a wave of my hand.
I touched the key to the walls of the cage and they melted away, both gorillas turned to me, "Move the darkness manifold to position" I told them and then turned to go. One of the gorillas's made a terrible mistake though, he lashed out with all the strength of his right hand, which was clenched into a fist the size of my entire body. Draped over my body, beneath my purple cape and robes was a shirt of chain mail forged entirely from shadow, the gorilla had a massive strength, but all physical damage was inconsequential to me so long as the magical chain adorned my body. His fist rebounded off my body and I turned to regard the rebellious beast, rebellion could not be tolerated, and yet I needed his strength for what was to come. I decided humility was the best option. For now. "Move the manifold now".
The two beasts placed their shoulders against the darkness manifold and gave it a tremendous push. For a moment nothing happened and then with a groan the manifold began a slow move, the gorillas overcame the diabolical machines inertia and it began to slide faster and faster. I arrived at the location at the same moment the manifold did. In between the two giant jet-black spires, a rouge lightning bolt slammed into one of the unruly beast's heads. The head that was struck erupted in flames and the beast screamed, for a moment it forgot its duty. But the manifold was already in place the beast was now expendable. I began to dance.
In the air above me a giant purple tentacle materialized above me, and with a minute hand gesture made while I continued my dance and the tentacle flailed at the wounded gorilla. It struck the monstrous beast again and again, rendering its other two heads into a bloody pulp, the gorilla collapsed on the floor. I turned to the better behaved monster, "Dine well".
The pace of the electrical discharges between the two spires increased, then soon it became a steady beam of searing white lightning connecting the two. I placed my hand on the manifold, it was cold as ice, I raised my other hand and let loose a feral scream. The beam bent down to meet my waiting hand. Connected to the beam I was connected to the ultimate power, I felt the power welling in my bones, the planes were mine to traverse "And now, TO EARTH".
User Reviews
Submitted by tshia (user info) at 2004-06-03 17:47:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I see what you mean cwl989, I was trying partially to make the story sound kind of overdone, or, I don't know what the right word is but like the scenes in old movie with the mad scientist, or Frankenstein's lab. Whenever I watch movies like that I always like to imagine myself as the evil scientist (or sorcerer in this case) and so I was trying to combine the hokey elements of those movies and my own desire to be an evil sorcerer.
Submitted by cwl989 (user info) at 2004-06-03 10:46:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Maybe I used the wrong word.
"My purple robe of nightmarish evil flapped above and fluttered..."
It just seemed a bit overdone and dramatic at times. The line above was probably the hokey-est line in the story.
But otherwise, I thought it was pretty creative and quite good.
Submitted by JewdoMaster (user info) at 2004-06-03 05:41:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I like the third person perspective, but with little insights into the character's mind; that's a really useful techinique. Fantasy writer Tad Williams (Memory, Sorrow and Thorn trilogy) uses alot to great effect.
A little steryotypical, but I think you were intentionally trying to create an effect. I loved the gruesome 'ejaculating lightning' imagery. How grotesque.
Submitted by Malificent (user info) at 2004-06-03 05:07:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I like your imagery and your central character a lot; the writing itself needs work, particularly punctuation, but you have a lot of potential.
Submitted by tshia (user info) at 2004-06-03 00:48:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
cwl989
I'm sorry, I don't mean to come off as offensive but I do not believe that alliteration was included at all in this post. Perhaps you could mention an example to clarify?
Submitted by cwl989 (user info) at 2004-06-03 00:00:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
A little bit too much alliteration.
Submitted by tshia (user info) at 2004-06-02 23:18:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Tom, I don't hate you and I certainly don't want you to hate me. I won't blather on about how this is a website and you need to chill out or anything like that, because I don't really want anything from you. I'm not sorry if you took offence at my minus 2ing your posts, I try to rate each post objectively, independant of author and I am glad that you are, apparently, trying to do the same.
Really there was no point to saying this, really I just took a while to write this and I want someone else to read it.
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2004-06-02 23:15:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
The writing is amateurish but you definitely have potential.
Submitted by Tom (user info) at 2004-06-02 22:11:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This really was a nice post.
Too bad I hate you.