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Build Your Own Crap Project Manager (560 hits)

Category: None

Rating: 0 on 3 reviews (Rate this item) (V)

Submitted by Magicaddict (View user info) at 2004-06-04 13:40:40 EDT

After working for crap project managers three years running when organising our hall ball at University, I decided to create my own, just in case the supply ever ran out. Apply to your boss and see if you agree.

Extract from programming language of Microsoft Project Manager v1.0

1. IF [Manager = Helpful] THEN BEGIN [SET [Hell = Frozen Over]] [SET [Me = Queen of Sheba]] GOTO [The top of our stairs]
2. IF [Position = Underling] THEN GOTO [Hell and back]
3. IF [Position = Manager] THEN GOTO [Maui]
4. IF [Mood = positive] THEN BEGIN [bullshit.exe] REPEAT UNTIL [Mood = Suicidal]
5. IF [Day = Day - 2] THEN EXIT
6. LET [It = All happen around you]
7. BEGIN [apathy.exe] REPEAT UNTIL [Day = Day - 1] THEN BEGIN [SET [ Underlings = Lumbered with it all]] [SET [Work = Round the clock] [SET [Motivation = Redundancy]]
8. IF [Day = Day + 1] THEN TAKE [All the credit]
9. IF [Underlings = complain] THEN BEGIN [indignation.exe] REPEAT UNTIL [Underlings = homicidal] THEN BEGIN [SET [Eyes = Closed]] REPEAT UNTIL [SET [It = All goes away]]
10. [SET [Mood = Positive]] REPEAT UNTIL [SET [Wronged underlings = Revenge]] THEN BEGIN [apathy.exe] BEGIN [indignation.exe] GOTO [Hell]

User Reviews

Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-10-10 09:07:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1

Swing and a miss

Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-06-04 17:08:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

I was forced to use that shit for ENeMA 401, I hated it.

Submitted by iamhewhoisnot (user info) at 2004-06-04 13:42:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1

heh

Marge, you being a cop makes you the man! Which makes me the woman -- and
I have no interest in that, besides occasionally wearing the underwear,
which, as we discussed, is strictly a comfort thing.

-- Homer Simpson
The Springfield Connection