The Unabashed I Love Kristen Post (1456 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 1.47 on 20 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Phoenix (View user info) at 2004-06-04 14:44:06 EDT
After a month long hiatus (didya miss me? didya even notice I was gone?), I'm making my triumphant return to Uber so that I might tell you about the most superlative girl I know. You know who I'm talking about - my best internet buddy, my faux-lesbian pal, and one of Uber's greatest posters, the one, the only KRISTEN!!!
<crowd goes wild, choir waves their arms in the air and looks up toward the Heavens as they rejoice and sing "Hallelujah!">
But seriously, folks. What do you get when you mix me, Kristen, and a vat of Jell-O? Uh oh, I see some of the guy Uberers lookin' a *little* uncomfortable. Is it getting hot in here? What?
If you haven't gotten to know Kristen, perhaps you should. As many of you know, I don't shamelessly promote my Uber friends for nothin' (coughsideburnscough...coughwillzonecough), but throughout it all, Kristen has always been my #1.
<audience member in front rips off their shirt and starts screaming neurotically>
So Kristen, babe, this one's for you <wipes tear from eye> 'cause, girl, I WUV WU.
<band breaks into their rendition of David Cassidy's "I Think I Love You">
For all the times your advice has pulled me out of a bind (or has caused me to pull my head out of my ass);
For the few times you've kept me on the phone longer than any phone conversation I've had before;
For complaining when my emails are LESS than 10K as opposed to bitching about them being too long;
For the fact that 10K emails really truly ARE short to us;
For all the hearts that we've collectively broken (two faux-lesbian heads work better than one!);
For not blocking me on your buddy list;
For the yummy yummy recipes you send me actually causing me to LIKE cooking;
For that tight sexy ass of yours (what??);
For driving cross-country this summer to come hang out with me in my crappy town;
For being gross and unladylike with me (you know what I'm talking about har har);
And for that ONE SPECIAL NIGHT (yeah, you remember that night? whoo!)
This Bud's for you, Kwissy! YOU'RE MY BIGGEST FAN!!!
User Reviews
Submitted by volklcess (user info) at 2004-06-17 13:18:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Don't kid yourself into thinking I give a shit what you think.
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2004-06-13 17:10:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Maybe i'm out of the loop here, but shouldnt you have just emailed it? Theres not much by the way of shits and giggles in it for the rest of us.
Submitted by TonyMontana (user info) at 2004-06-13 17:01:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
another shit ass post from a shit ass human being. you're only getting +2s by virtue of your ownership of a cunt...probably a rather large, filthy one at that, but a cunt nonetheless...kind of like you yourself are...just a big nasty cunt.
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2004-06-13 16:45:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well, since you came back like 6 days ago and I only check Uber on weekends when I'm working in Boston...
WELCOME BACK!!!
That said... thoughts of you and Kristen (and possibly Josie) naked in an inflatable pool of jello in my living room will keep my smiling for months.
Werd.
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-06-07 12:33:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
And I even get a buttheart! I'm so flattered! :P
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-06-07 12:32:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This post gives me wood.
Submitted by someone (user info) at 2004-06-04 21:16:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Kristen is fucking hot. Kristen, will you marry me, move to MA and have my children? No?
Plse?
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-06-04 16:26:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I wuv Kristen too.
Submitted by AlwaysAnEagle (user info) at 2004-06-04 15:46:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I need to be on the recipe mailing list. Summer is the height of cookin' season in JosieLand.
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2004-06-04 15:36:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2004-06-04 15:14:45 (#)
Ranking: 0
We have some fucking strange ass broads on this site...
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I don't think there is anything wrong with her ass.
Submitted by whataefag (user info) at 2004-06-04 15:32:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
yah, Kriston's neat, etc.
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2004-06-04 15:24:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for tight sexy asses.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-06-04 15:15:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
<audience member in front rips off their shirt and starts screaming neurotically>
sorry that was me... i had a spontaneous case of tourette's
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2004-06-04 15:14:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
We have some fucking strange ass broads on this site...
Submitted by WillZone (user info) at 2004-06-04 15:01:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you know I missed ya baby cakes. welcome back...look like i didn't have time to serande you either...guess you dno't want it.
Submitted by volklcess (user info) at 2004-06-04 15:00:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
There's good reason for using this picture.
Submitted by Zod (user info) at 2004-06-04 14:59:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
#1) Welcome back, I just came back too. If I knew you were gone, I would have missed you.
#2) Yeah, the devil pick woulda worked better. The blue wig scares me.
#3) Uh...welcome back!!
Submitted by Yes (user info) at 2004-06-04 14:48:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
show me boobies or show me an arse that is a super-duper-pooper playground where your popular posterior pumping pal can pump a rump till he's too pooped to pop any more poopers.
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-06-04 14:47:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"(coughsideburnscough..."
and another +2 for that.
WUV WU EWIKA
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-06-04 14:46:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You should've used the picture of her in the tubetop and devil horns holding the beer.