One Reality of Blow Jobs (3897 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.06 on 38 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <oleannder.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2004-06-05 12:54:44 EDT
So I was going through all the outdated files on our computer last night when I came across a very short video of some porn my boyfriend had neglected to delete. It was pretty much just a 'money' shot with the asshole guy then telling the cum dumpster* in front of him to "lick it all up 'cause it tastes so good".
*I wouldn't normally call anyone a cum dumpster, ever, but I have to make an exception for this woman as she was just about the skankiest thing ever to walk (or in her case, Fuck)the Earth.
While I quickly sent this little gem to the trash bin I started thinking aout oral sex. Don't get me wrong I do enjoy giving a blow job every once in a while but I really dread that moment when the wad will finally be blown. Bascially you have 3 options (I know there are more but I did say basically):
1) Swallow it & feel pretty sick for the next couple of hours
2) Spit it out - but that involves holding it your mouth longer then it would take to swallow, doubling your chances for a puke fest.
3) let him come on himself - if you can find a guy who would agree to this then I'd like to meet him.
This made me ponder some things. Do guys actually think this stuff tastes good? Are they laying back thinking "Damn, I made some sweet goo today. I hope she likes Mango"? And this though made me think even more......
Guys, if it tasted so damn good there would be women stopping men on the streets to give them head right then & there as a tasty afternoon beverage. It would be bottled up like 'Coke' or 'Pepsi' & we would call it 'Jizz'. The employement rate would skyrocket as many men who have no training to do anything but jerk off would suddenly find work at the 'Jizz' plants all over the globe.
I can picture it now. There would be ads. Think of a parody of the 'Got Milk?' adds but replace the milk mustache with a jizz one. Then there are the factories, stables of men hooked up to milking machines, looking happy & satisfied with porno's running in the back ground 24/7.
And just like 'Coke' or 'Pepsi' there would be all kinds of different 'Jizz'.
Diet Jizz - made by vegitarian men
Cherry Jizz - virgins
Lemon Jizz - men bitter about divorce
Vanilla Jizz - collected only at the country clubs from men named Kip or Skip or Biff
Rum & Jizz - alcoholics
The possibilities would be endless. Men would be happy, women would be getting more protein & the accidental pregnancy rate would drop as women would be far more likely to suck the men off as a finishing move.
But it's all a fairy tale because the truth remains reality. It tastes bad. real bad. I know that there is a small percentage of women who enjoy the taste - lets be generous & say 5% - but the rest of us put it on par with really runny, salty sweaty peanut butter strained through a used gym sock.
But there is hope out there men. If you want to improve the taste then you need to improve your diet. Stop eating the sour cream & onion chips & switch to guava or papaya instead. Sweet fruits will help cut down some of that nasty taste. So, if you want to ensure that you get more head then start eating some fruit. She will thank you for it.
User Reviews
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-11-18 17:31:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Rum & Jizz - alcoholics
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A Rum & Jizz is some Cap'n Morgan, with a few droplets of Baileys poured recklessly on top - don't stir, obviously
Submitted by CleverName (user info) at 2004-06-17 12:20:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You say that spunk always tastes bad? At least you know what you're getting every time.
Not every woman's special area is a friggin' spring bouquet. Any veteran bushman could write a post about this. Instead, I'll use the words of a great poet, DJ Assault:
'Dirty-ass bitches, that need to wash up: Don't get mad when I don't wanna fuck. You need soap and water. Soap. And water. Soap. And water. Soap. And water. Waterwaterwaterwaterwater...'
Submitted by hairycoo (user info) at 2004-06-17 11:17:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
really runny, salty sweaty peanut butter strained through a used gym sock
ewww... do old men have super crunchy style ?
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2004-06-15 18:18:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
3) let him come on himself - if you can find a guy who would agree to this then I'd like to meet him
Haha! I'm not picky. If a chick is giving me head I'll cum wherever she wants me to.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-06-15 17:50:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Oleannder (user info) at 2004-06-08 18:01:49 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Scotsman (user info) at 2004-06-07 05:13:46 (#)
Ranking: 1
I have no problem with being finished off by hand and coming on myself...
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Most guys don't.... the whole masterbation thing & all. Another reason that women are superior - no gunk to mess up our furniture if we feel like a solitary celebration.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I protest. Unless you're a woman with female ejucalations (which I have witnessed - from close), you're totally wrong. Sperm is dirty yes. But the quantities are much less impressive.
I remember her cumming like 7 times in 5-10 minutes, which while I was eating her made me smile (since I would gloat about this afterward) until she started spraying that weird juice all over my face and the futon.
That's right lady. I have been 'pissed' upon.
I got used to it.
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-06-13 16:43:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I eat a well balanced diet, which includes fruits.
But seriously... If I am eating you... When you come, I'm going to swallow it, and not be sick for hours... Doh!
Submitted by BleedTheSky (user info) at 2004-06-10 01:29:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
You'd make a horrible girlfriend.
Submitted by ThatOneGirl (user info) at 2004-06-10 01:12:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ok, the whole bit about Jizz plants really did make me laugh.
Submitted by Oleannder (user info) at 2004-06-08 18:01:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Scotsman (user info) at 2004-06-07 05:13:46 (#)
Ranking: 1
I have no problem with being finished off by hand and coming on myself...
---------------------------------------
Most guys don't.... the whole masterbation thing & all. Another reason that women are superior - no gunk to mess up our furniture if we feel like a solitary celebration.
Submitted by Scotsman (user info) at 2004-06-07 05:13:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I have no problem with being finished off by hand and coming on myself...
Submitted by moneyshot (user info) at 2004-06-07 05:00:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like the moneyshot myself. But that's me... I say take Option 4 (the romantic one) and come on her. Then both of you can clean up the mess. Like teamwork. That's amore.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-06-07 04:41:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Okay, you have a point. I was in a shitty mood and this is an old, overdone topic. You're not a whiny bitch, just predictable.
Here's a +2 to make up for it.
Submitted by Guy (user info) at 2004-06-06 21:35:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I wouldn't mind the 3rd option if she would clean it up. Getting off is getting off, regardless of where it ends up. I don't really think your boyfriend would mind if you ... withdrew at the last moment and finished it off in another way.
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-06-06 20:35:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Diet Jizz - made by vegitarian men
Cherry Jizz - virgins
Lemon Jizz - men bitter about divorce
Vanilla Jizz - collected only at the country clubs from men named Kip or Skip or Biff
Rum & Jizz - alcoholics
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Cute.
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2004-06-06 13:27:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I laughed because it was too close to the truth not to.
And before anyone starts, no it doesn't stop me doing it!
Submitted by Oleannder (user info) at 2004-06-06 12:26:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-06-06 08:24:26 (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm a woman and I still think you're a whiny bitch..
An observation: At least you HAVE options. For anyone giving oral sex to a woman, there's no choice but to stick your tongue down there amongst the vaginal discharge. Sounds bad, doesn't it?
Some advice:
- There are no taste buds in the back of your throat.
- The sentence "I love it when men come on my tits" will almost always stop him from coming in your mouth.
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Once again I am amazed. I know that it can't be the most pleasant thing in the world for a guy to go down on a woman. I was writing about the taste of jizz. How am I being a whiny bitch by saying that I don't like the taste? Am I supposed to jump up & proclaim it to be the best shit ever? While I'm at it maybe I can say that I love pickled beets too. Since its more socially acceptable to lie rather then post something about how you really feel.
Submitted by Oleannder (user info) at 2004-06-06 12:20:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-06-06 08:24:26 (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm a woman and I still think you're a whiny bitch..
An observation: At least you HAVE options. For anyone giving oral sex to a woman, there's no choice but to stick your tongue down there amongst the vaginal discharge. Sounds bad, doesn't it?
Some advice:
- There are no taste buds in the back of your throat.
- The sentence "I love it when men come on my tits" will almost always stop him from coming in your mouth.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2004-06-06 08:43:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-06-05 16:06:33 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2004-06-05 13:18:01 (#)
Ranking: 1
I really don't think it tastes that bad.
You've really slipped for someone who was saving herself for marriage.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
What the hell? Are you just going to follow me around this website and say nasty things to me? It's getting really old. At least don't be such a pussy and give yourself a name if you're going to be the president of the "I Hate Lojo Club."
Also, I was never saving my MOUTH til marriage, so that comment makes no sense. Second, it doesn't really matter because my choice was taken from me be an asshole like you. Fuck off.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-06-06 08:24:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm a woman and I still think you're a whiny bitch..
An observation: At least you HAVE options. For anyone giving oral sex to a woman, there's no choice but to stick your tongue down there amongst the vaginal discharge. Sounds bad, doesn't it?
Some advice:
- There are no taste buds in the back of your throat.
- The sentence "I love it when men come on my tits" will almost always stop him from coming in your mouth.
Submitted by bklyn65 (user info) at 2004-06-06 08:03:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by GrizzlyHunter62 (user info) at 2004-06-06 03:53:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Holy shit. What's wrong with you assholes? I'd give my left nut to be able to eat my girl's snatch right now. I live, however, four provinces away from her. Seriously, Random Joe's a prick. It's a man's privelage to suck a girl's clit and taste her lovely cunt.
I'm not just saying this because I'm drunk.
But I am.
Eating Strawberries.
And chocholate chip cookies.
GO FLAMES WOO!!!
Submitted by cheruboo (user info) at 2004-06-05 16:42:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by conrad (user info) at 2004-06-05 16:40:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I too agree with RJ, though it's really not a bad post. It's true that what one consumes can effect the flavour of one's, ahem, output. In a past incarnation I was a fine wine broker, and did a lot of entertaining: consequently, I consumed very little but the finest wines known to humanity, the food of great restaurants, and cocaine. Several of the young ladies sufficiently privileged to taste my, ahem, release, during this time commented on the uniquely fine flavour. Needless to say that, since my return to academia and a diet more prosaic, I have recieved no such accolades. I feel dirty now.
Submitted by someone (user info) at 2004-06-05 16:12:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I agree with random joe.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-06-05 16:06:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2004-06-05 13:18:01 (#)
Ranking: 1
I really don't think it tastes that bad.
You've really slipped for someone who was saving herself for marriage.
Submitted by Judoka (user info) at 2004-06-05 15:51:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm with these guys.
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-06-05 13:16:30 (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-06-05 13:04:12 (#)
Ranking: -2
girls never fucking understand hte concept of oral sex, and for that, i hate you. it's not supposed to benefit you. who's the one getting off? (please tell me its the guy...)
which leads me to my next point--how "great" do you think musty tuna tastes? do girls actually think we like be able to smell them from a mile away when they've got their pants off?
it's a two-way street you dumb, ignorant bitch. get a life
---
Let's give ol' random a counting vote.
Submitted by lilbill87 (user info) at 2004-06-05 15:43:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
made me laugh
Submitted by Dufflady (user info) at 2004-06-05 15:22:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Funny, but could have been better.
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2004-06-05 15:12:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Random Joe was pretty much right.
Submitted by gassygirl73 (user info) at 2004-06-05 13:24:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I enjoy every aspect of oral sex for the explicit reason that I know he loves it. I don't especially love the taste - but the enjoyment and the stimulation of his orgasm makes me want it.
The post is good and funny.
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2004-06-05 13:18:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I really don't think it tastes that bad. Unless they ate asparagus. Ew. *shudder*
But this was a funny post.
Submitted by Spiral_Abraxis (user info) at 2004-06-05 13:17:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-06-05 13:04:12 (#)
Ranking: -2
girls never fucking understand hte concept of oral sex, and for that, i hate you. it's not supposed to benefit you. who's the one getting off? (please tell me its the guy...)
which leads me to my next point--how "great" do you think musty tuna tastes? do girls actually think we like be able to smell them from a mile away when they've got their pants off?
it's a two-way street you dumb, ignorant bitch. get a life
---------
Don't get me wrong, I really liked this post but that comment has a lot of truth.
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-06-05 13:16:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-06-05 13:04:12 (#)
Ranking: -2
girls never fucking understand hte concept of oral sex, and for that, i hate you. it's not supposed to benefit you. who's the one getting off? (please tell me its the guy...)
which leads me to my next point--how "great" do you think musty tuna tastes? do girls actually think we like be able to smell them from a mile away when they've got their pants off?
it's a two-way street you dumb, ignorant bitch. get a life
---
Let's give ol' random a counting vote.
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2004-06-05 13:13:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i heard if you drink lots of pineapple juice it helps too.
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2004-06-05 13:11:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Oleannder (user info) at 2004-06-05 13:06:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2004-06-05 12:59:55 (#)
Ranking: 2
This was really funny, but don't post something else this time to take your good post off the front page. Deal? Deal.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-06-05 13:04:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
girls never fucking understand hte concept of oral sex, and for that, i hate you. it's not supposed to benefit you. who's the one getting off? (please tell me its the guy...)
which leads me to my next point--how "great" do you think musty tuna tastes? do girls actually think we like be able to smell them from a mile away when they've got their pants off?
it's a two-way street you dumb, ignorant bitch. get a life
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2004-06-05 12:59:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was really funny, but don't post something else this time to take your good post off the front page. Deal? Deal.