MONSTER COCKs (4994 hits)
Category: Quotes & Stories -> PoetryRating: -1.76 on 18 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Jesus Christ (View user info) at 2004-06-05 16:35:53 EDT
DONOVAN'S YOU'RE A RACIST, DR. SEUSS I usually reserve this space for the standard movie review. And for Dr. Seuss' How the Grinch Stole Christmas, I'm sure I could do that. I could tell you how the film captured the spirit of the book (and cartoon). I could spew about how Jim Carrey was nearly perfect at bringing the Grinch to life, incorporating enough goofiness for the kids and enough intelligent humor for the adults. I wouldn't even say anything about who his Grinch voice sounded like. I could give you examples of how director Ron Howard was impressively able to re-create a live-action version of fictional Who-ville (although the Dr. Moreau-like snouts on the Whos will likely give me nightmares for weeks). I could go on about how Taylor Momsen was almost too adorable to play the cartoon confection Cindy-Lou Who; or how critics were being too hard on this fable that was intended to be nothing more than a fun holiday kids movie; or how in flashbacks, the hideous doll used as the baby Grinch was stolen right from the Men In Black set. I could do all those things. But instead, I'm going to address something that the American public has sadly overlooked: the fact that Dr. Seuss, perhaps the most beloved storyteller of all time, is a racist degenerate. That's right, he's a racist. His characters, the Whos, are racists. And Ron Howard, the man who brings the story of the Grinch to the big screen, is a racist. The most obvious thing to spot is the lack of diversity in the film. Every single Who, with the exception of one black and one Asian, is white. Then when you start looking at the fabric of the story, it's clear that it's nothing more than a tale of intolerance and injustice. The Grinch has been banished from Who-ville because of one reason: his skin. He looks different than the Whos. He's green. He's hairy. If that weren't bad enough, the Whos discriminate against him further because of his beliefs. He doesn't celebrate Christmas. He's not a religious man. So they make life so difficult for him that he his forced to become a recluse atop a mountain. Of course, the story masks its bigotry by showing what a "mean one" Mr. Grinch has become. He hates the Whos. He despises their Christmas festivities and their holiday cheer and their roast beast. Of course he does. Who can blame him for his rage after a lifetime of such cruel behavior? Wouldn't your heart become two sizes too small if you had been excommunicated from society because of how you looked? If it was me, fuck stealing Christmas. You would have seen "How Donovan Stole a Glock and Put the Whos Six Feet Under." All the while, the film version is oblivious. All the characters in the Arian Race of Whos are portrayed as cute and innocent. They're the good guys. Cuddly Cindy-Lou Who and Adolph-Lou Who are simply victims. Infuriating. And then there's the line in the movie where the Grinch is trying to catch a taxi, and the driver passes him by. He jokingly yells, "It's because I'm green, isn't it?" The irony did nothing but elicit angry groans from the audience. But Ron Howard has the gall to suggest that racism is comical. And it's no mistake that the joyous Who-ville song "Dahoo Fores" is German for "We burn crosses." The most insulting thing is how Dr. Seuss has spun his yard as propaganda to children. Kids learn the lesson that minorities should conform to society, no matter what their reasons are for being different. Minorities should pardon years of prejudice and wrongdoings just so they can fit in. And they should be HAPPY because of it. In the end, the Grinch becomes a clone and is gleefully converted to Christianity. He even goes so far as to increase the size of his heart, just so the Whos will accept him as one of their own. Next time you read your kids a Dr. Seuss story, why don't you sing them this song, too? It truly captures the spirit of the cat behind the Cat in the Hat, and the film that Opie made. Feel free to sing along, to the tune of "You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch." YOU'RE A RACIST, DR. SEUSS You're a racist, Dr. Seuss You really are an ass You think that all Mexicans Should be outside cutting your grass, Dr. Seuss You believe that everyone who's not white is IN A LOWER CLASS You're a Klansman, Dr. Seuss You're hood's as white as your smile You want to line up all non-Caucasians And kill them execution-style, Dr. Seuss Given the choice between a black man and a seasick crocodile, you'd take the SEASICK CROCODILE You're a supremacist, Dr. Seuss Hatred is your goal You want to rid the world of all Latinos Because you have no soul, Dr. Seuss You wouldn't touch a Puerto Rican with a THRITY-NINE-AND-A-HALF-FOOT POLE You're a Nazi, Dr. Seuss Hitler would be proud of you The Whos should be judged at Nuremberg Because they treated others like poo, Dr. Seuss You regard people who aren't like you like a toilet FULL OF NUMBER TWO You're a bastard, Dr. Seuss You truly are a hate-monger You avoid an Asian cashier in the store Even when the white line's longer, Dr. Seuss You have less integrity and scruples than that slutty MONEY-GRUBBER DARVA CONGER You're a gay-basher, Dr. Seuss Your intolerance clouds your eyes But your latent homosexuality Is impossible to disguise, Dr. Seuss If you entered a liar's contest and said that the Cat In The Hat was not queer, you'd WIN THE TOP PRIZE You're a bigot, Dr. Seuss You and Ron Howard should hate yourselves You banished all Indians and Asians And put them on the shelves, Dr. Seuss I hope the both of you get sodomized by a band of HERPES-TRANSMITTING ELVES
User Reviews
Submitted by rcchristi (user info) at 2006-10-05 19:11:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
an 'e' for effit
Submitted by MickGinny (user info) at 2004-06-06 16:09:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
holy hell you are a jack ass!
Submitted by Quasiplasmohedron (user info) at 2004-06-06 15:55:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Creepy_guy (user info) at 2004-06-06 15:44:51 (#)
Ranking: -1
That happens to be the biggest paragraph I've ever seen in my entire life. For that reason, I can't give this a -2. It just wouldn't be right.
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You've obviously never read Kafka....
Submitted by Creepy_guy (user info) at 2004-06-06 15:44:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
That happens to be the biggest paragraph I've ever seen in my entire life. For that reason, I can't give this a -2. It just wouldn't be right.
Submitted by Christ (user info) at 2004-06-06 15:38:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The funny part is that they think it's original.
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-06-06 08:55:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-06-06 08:44:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by simplychilled (user info) at 2004-06-06 03:42:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I can't read this shit. Try some paragraphs, structure, and so on.
Submitted by KoolMang (user info) at 2004-06-05 17:29:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have big'n'blue monster cack'n'peas.
Submitted by Fabish (user info) at 2004-06-05 17:28:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
...What?
Submitted by Falconer (user info) at 2004-06-05 17:22:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by A-Rob (user info) at 2004-06-05 17:13:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Sorry- I really couldn't read this at all.
Please reformat and repost-
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2004-06-05 17:03:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by fluff (user info) at 2004-06-05 17:01:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
ouch. my eyes....im blind.....arghhhh....
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2004-06-05 17:01:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Spiral_Abraxis (user info) at 2004-06-05 16:59:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I laughed really hard at this for some reason.
Submitted by Dufflady (user info) at 2004-06-05 16:45:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Oh christ.
Submitted by DJMattB241 (user info) at 2004-06-05 16:36:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
DONOVANS UR A RACIST DR!11! WTF LOL SEUS I USUALY RES3RVA THIS SPAEC FOR DA STANDARD MOVEI REVEIW!!11! LOL AND FOR DR111! WTF SEUS HOW TEH GRINCH S2LE CHRISTMAS IMM SURA I CUD DO TAHT11!11! OMG I CUD TEL U HOW DA FILM CAPTURAD TEH SPIRIT OF TEH BOK (AND CAR2N)!!1!!1 OMG WTF LOL I CUD SP3W ABOUT HOW JIM CAR3Y WAS NEARLY PERFECT AT BRNGNG DA GRINCH 2 LIEF INCORPORATNG ENOUGH GOFIENS FOR TEH KIDS AND 3NOUGH INT3LIEGNT HUMOR FOR TEH ADULTS!!11!!! LOL I WUDNT EV3N SAY ANYTHNG ABOUT WHO HIS GRINCH VOIEC SOUNDAD LIEK1!!1! WTF I CUD GIEV U EXMPLES OF HOW DIERC2R RON HOWARD WAS IMPRASIEVLY ABLE 2 RE-CR3AET A LIEV-ACTION VERSION OF FICTIONAL WHO-VIL3 (ALTHOUGH TEH DR1!1111! WTF MOR3AU-LIEK SNOUTS ON DA WHOS WIL LIEKLY GIEV MA NIGHTMAERS FOR WEKS)!11!!!11 OMG WTF LOL I CUD GO ON ABOUT HOW TAYLOR MOMSEN WAS ALMOST 2 ADORABLA 2 PLAY DA CAR2N CONFACTION CINDY-LOU WHO OR HOW CRITICS W3RE BNG 2 HARD ON THIS FABL3 TAHT WAS INTENDAD 2 B NOTHNG MORE THAN A FUN HOLIDAY KIDS MOVEI OR HOW IN FLASHBAKS DA HIEDOUS DOL USED AS DA BABY GRINCH WAS S2L3N RIGHT FROM DA M3N IN BLAK SAT11!!1!1 OMG LOL I CUD DO AL THOSA THNGS!1111!1! WTF BUT INSTEAD IMA ADRAS SOMETHNG TAHT TEH MARICAN PUBLIC HAS SADLY OV3RLOKAD DA FACT TAHT DR1!!!1!11 WTF LOL SAUS PERHAPS TEH MOST BLOVED S2RYTELAR OF AL TIEM IS A RACIST D3G3NARAET11!111 OMG TAHTS RIGHT H3S A RACIST1!!!1 HIS CHARACTERS DA WHOS R RACISTS111111 AND RON HOWARD DA MAN WHO BRNGS TEH S2RY OF DA GRINCH 2 TEH BIG SCREN IS A RACIST1!!!1 TEH MOST OBVIOUS THNG 2 SPOT IS DA LAK OF DIEVRSITY IN TEH FILM1111! OMG EVERY SNGLA WHO WIT TEH EXCEPTION OF ONA BLAK AND ON3 ASIAN IS WHIET1!!!1!! OMG LOL THEN WH3N U START LOKNG AT TEH FABRIC OF TEH S2RY ITS CL3AR TAHT ITS NOTHNG MORE THAN A TAEL OF IN2LARANCE AND INJUSTIEC!!1!1! TEH GRINCH HAS B3N BANISHED FROM WHO-VILA B/C OF ONE R3ASON HIS SKIN!111!! HE LOKS DIFARENT THAN TEH WHOS!!!!!111 LOL H3S GREN!11!!!!1 OMG WTF LOL HES HAREY11!! WTF IF TAHT WERENT BAD ANOUGH DA WHOS DISCRIMINAET AGANEST HIM FURTHAR B/C OF HIS BLEIFS111111! OMG WTF HA DOESNT CELEBRAET CHRISTMAS1!1!1 OMG LOL HES NOT A RALIGIOUS MAN!!!1! OMG WTF LOL SO THEY MAEK LIEF SO DIFICULT FOR HIM TAHT H3 HIS FORCED 2 BCOME A R3CLUSA A2P A MOUNTANE1111! OMG WTF OF COURS3 DA S2RY MASKS ITS BIGOTRY BY SHOWNG WUT A M3AN ONE MR1!111 OMG GRINCH HAS BCOME!11!1!1 OMG WTF HE HAETS TEH WHOS11!1 OMG LOL H3 DASPIESS THERE CHRISTMAS FESTIVITEIS AND THERE HOLIDAY CHER AND THEYRE ROAST BAST!!111!1 WTF LOL OF COURS3 H3 DO3S11!!111! OMG LOL WHO CAN BLM3 HIM FOR HIS RAEG AFTER A LIEFTIEM OF SUCH CRUEL BHAVIOR?!?!??! OMG WUDNT UR H3ART BCOM3 TWO SIEZS 2 SMAL IF U HAD BAN EXCOMUNICAETD FROM SOCEITY B/C OF HOW U LOKED?!?!??? OMG WTF LOL IF IT WAS ME FUK STEALNG CHRISTMAS!11111!! LOL U WUD HAEV SEN HOW DONOVAN S2LE A GLOK AND PUT TEH WHOS SIX FET UND3R1111111 WTF AL DA WHIEL TEH FILM VERSION IS OBLIVIOUS1!!!! LOL AL DA CHARACT3RS IN DA ARIAN RAEC OF WHOS R PORTRAEYD AS CUTA AND INOC3NT11!1 OMG WTF LOL THEIR DA GOD GUYS!!1!111! OMG LOL CUDLY CINDY-LOU WHO AND ADOLPH-LOU WHO R SIMPLY VICTIMS!!111!!1 WTF LOL INFURIATNG!!111 OMG WTF AND THEN THEIR TEH LIEN IN DA MOVEI WH3R3 DA GRINCH IS TRYNG 2 CATCH A TAXI AND DA DRIEVR PASES HIM BY!!!!1 OMG HA JOKNGLY YELS ITS B/C IMM GREN ISNT IT?!!!?!? OMG WTF LOL TEH IRONY DID NOTHNG BUT ALICIT ANGRY GROANS FROM DA AUDEINCE1!!!1 OMG BUT RON HOWARD HAS DA GAL 2 SUGEST TAHT RACISM IS COMICAL!1111!1 LOL AND ITS NO MISTAEK TAHT TEH U WHO-VILE SONG DAHO FOR3S IS G3RMAN FOR W3 BURN CROS3S!11111! OMG WTF LOL TEH MOST INSULTNG THNG IS HOW DR11!1 OMG SAUS HAS SPUN HIS YARD AS PROPAGANDA 2 CHILDRAN1!1!111 OMG KIDS LAARN DA LESON TAHT MINORITEIS SHUD CONFORM 2 SOCEITY NO MAT3R WT R3ASONS R FOR BNG DIFERENT!111 LOL MINORITEIS SHUD PARDON YAARS OF PRAJUDIEC AND WRONGDONGS JUST SO THEY CAN FIT IN11!11 OMG WTF AND THEY SHUD B HAPY B/C OF IT1!1!!1 IN DA 3ND TEH GRINCH BCOMAS A CLON3 AND IS GLEFULY CONVARTAD 2 CHRISTIANITY!111!1 OMG HE EVAN GO3S SO FAR AS 2 INCRAAES TEH SIEZ OF HIS HEART JUST SO TEH WHOS WIL ACAPT HIM AS ONA OF THERE OWN1!1! WTF LOL NAXT TIEM U READ UR KIDS A DR!!!1 OMG WTF LOL SAUS S2RY Y DONT U SNG THEM THIS SONG 2??!!?!!?! IT TRULY CAPTUR3S TEH SPIRIT OF TEH CAT BHIND TEH CAT IN DA HAT AND TEH FILM TAHT OPEI MAED!!!1!1 FEL FRE 2 SNG ALONG 2 TEH TUNE OF UR A M3AN ON3 MR!11111! OMG WTF LOL GRINCH!111 OMG WTF LOL UR A RACIST DR1!1!!!1 OMG S3US UR A RACIST DR1!11 OMG WTF LOL S3US U RILLY R AN AS U THINK TAHT AL MEXICANS SHUD B OUTSIED CUTNG UR GRAS DR1111 OMG LOL SEUS U BLEIV3 TAHT 3VARYONA WHOS NOT WHIET IS IN A LOWAR CLAS UR A KLANSMAN DR111!1! OMG LOL S3US UR HODS AS WHIET AS UR SMIEL U WANT 2 LIEN UP AL NON-CAUCASIANS AND KIL THEM EXECUTION-STYLE DR1!!11!1! OMG S3US GIEVN DA CHOIEC BTWEN A BLAK MAN AND A SEASIK CROCODIEL U TAEK TEH SEASIK CROCODIEL UR A SUPREMACIST DR!111 OMG LOL SEUS HATRED IS UR GOAL U WANT 2 RID TEH WORLD OF AL LATINOS B/C U HAEV NO SU DR1!!111!1 OMG LOL S3US U WUDNT 2UCH A PUER2 RICAN WIT A THRITY-NIEN-AND-A-HALF-FOT POLE UR A NAZI DR11!!!!1 OMG WTF SEUS HITLER WUD B PROUD OF U TEH WHOS SHUD B JUDGAD AT NURAMBRG B/C THEY TRAAETD OTHERS LIEK PO DR!!1111 OMG LOL S3US U R3GARD PEOPL3 WHO AERNT LIEK U LIEK A 2IELT FUL OF NUMBR TWO UR A BASTARD DR!!1! OMG WTF S3US U TRULY R A HAET-MONGER U AVOID AN ASIAN CASHEIR IN TEH S2R3 3VEN WHEN TEH WHIET LIENS LONGER DR!11!11 OMG WTF LOL SEUS U HAEV LAS INTEGRITY AND SCRUPL3S THAN TAHT SLUTY MONAY-GRUBAR DARVA CONGER UR A GAY-BASHER DR11!!1!!! WTF LOL SEUS UR IN2LARANC3 CLOUDS UR AYAS BUT UR LAETNT HOMOSEXUALITY IS IMPOSIBLA 2 DISGUIES DR!!11!!! WTF LOL SEUS IF U ENTAR3D A LIARS CONT3ST AND SADE TAHT TEH CAT IN DA HAT WAS NOT QUER U WIN TEH 2P PRIEZ UR A BIGOT DR!!111!!1 OMG LOL SAUS U AND RON HOWARD SHUD HAET UR U BANISH3D AL INDIANS AND ASIANS AND PUT TH3M ON TEH SHALVES DR!11!1! WTF LOL SAUS I HOPA DA BOTH OF U GAT SODOMIEZD BY A BAND OF HERP3S-TRANSMITNG ELV3S