The American Dream (586 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.6 on 7 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by tshia (View user info) at 2004-06-07 02:03:40 EDT
The definition of collage registration is, I'm convinced, waiting in abnormally long lines to accomplish effectively nothing. Yesterday, while I was waiting in an abnormally long line with the express purpose of accomplishing nothing I had a sudden realization about the American dream, wealth, happiness, and the meaning of life in general. Oh yeah, it was about Pepsi too.
While in this line I was lucky enough to steal a chair from someone who had gotten up to use the restroom. So, while I was splayed out in the chair, in a place where I no knew no one, I began to eavesdrop on the conversations of people next to me. I distinctly heard a nearby girl use the word "me" and so my brain logically followed this pattern of thought.
"Me" sounds like "knee" and "knees" is a plural of "knee". I'm sitting on a chair and if that girl were on her knees she could give me "oral sex" as the kids call it these days. I had nothing to do for quite a while so I entertained myself by imagining it for a while, and then I realized, I'm bored and that girl is probably just as bored, surely she wanted something to do, or suck on something.
Now I'm a little bit old fashioned, and in the interests of protecting the doctrine of chivalry I decided not to ask the girl to engage in, shall we say explicit activities, in a crowded hall with a complete stranger. She probably would have said "No" anyway.
I have an extremely vivid imagination, and I decided that, in the interests of preserving my dignity, it would be best if I stopped imaging the very cute girl sitting close by me giving me head. So I instead changed focus on the Pepsi bottle I had in my hand.
On the bottle there was an add for a contest in which the drinker of a Pepsi could potentially win one billion dollars. Needless to say I was half way curious about the prospect of earning a billion dollars so I took off the cap of the bottle, the cap doubled as a game piece, and looked inside. I was given some kind of lengthy strand of numbers and letters that I interpreted as "Sorry Play Again". At this point my imagination took off again.
"What if I had won a billion dollars," I asked myself, what was the first thing I would buy? I decided that if I had won the first thing I would do would be to tell that girl sitting across from me I'd give her ten million dollars to suck on my dick (by this point I have run out of euphemisms) in the middle of the line. But I realized that already, even without the money, wealth was corrupting me. Turning me from an innocent young boy beginning collage to a monstrous lecher, a divine inspiration hit me. 10 million dollars was by far too much to spend on oral sex from just one girl, even if I did have an entire billion to spend, and besides she would almost certainly do it for much, much less. And if she wouldn't then many other women would.
Now then earlier on I mentioned that I had found some deeper meaning to life and the American dream. This is simply untrue, really I learned nothing at all, but I wish I had a billion dollars
User Reviews
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-06-07 07:06:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
The definition of collage registration is, I'm convinced, waiting in abnormally long lines to accomplish effectively nothing.
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Wait until you start classes. I've managed to learn more fucking around on Ubersite making those statisticts posts than I have in the last year of college. So far I've wasted about 40K learning the same shit I was taught at a community college... 4 year college must be the biggest scam going these days.
Submitted by YouLookLikeINeedADrink (user info) at 2004-06-07 02:33:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Spiral_Abraxis (user info) at 2004-06-07 02:29:43 (#)
Ranking: 0
Waking up from The American Dream.
If anyone can tell me what that's from I will give them a blow job.
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Max Payne?
Submitted by tshia (user info) at 2004-06-07 02:33:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
first spiral, are you female?
Submitted by Spiral_Abraxis (user info) at 2004-06-07 02:29:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Waking up from The American Dream.
If anyone can tell me what that's from I will give them a blow job.
Submitted by tshia (user info) at 2004-06-07 02:23:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
yes sideburns I am an idiot
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-06-07 02:17:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
How dare you spell college wrong. Silly tshia.
On a side note..
http://www.gap.com/asp/Product.asp?wdid=533015&wpid=231641
Aren't those cuuuuuuuuuuuuuuute?
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2004-06-07 02:13:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
" collage registration " I didn't realize you had to register your construction paper artwork.
Money is addictive and corrupting, just like many other things. It is an enabler. People would do bottles of listerine if it gave you the same feeling as a good joint.