Whatever (674 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.6 on 5 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by cat_head (View user info) at 2004-06-07 10:25:32 EDT
I'm too impulsive. A little while ago I saw about a minute of "The Jazz Singer" and the next thing I know I'm going to the barber's with a photo of Neil Diamond that I'd ripped out of a TV guide, buying some skin-tight faded denim and sitting in bars smoking little cigars and singing "but it can't sing and dance and it can't walk..." And I didn't even like the film. It was worth it though, just to have so much hair mass on the sides of my head. I didn't think it was possible.
A bit later I saw a really cute cat in the street and the next thing I know I've bought a cat. I don't have the space, time or responsibility to be looking after a cat but I just got it anyway. Which reminds me - you know how people argue about whether or not animals have feelings? Sometimes I look at my cat just sitting in a patch of sun, chin up, eyes squinting handsomely, and I just know he's thinking "I am awesome". He's called Grant.
I was trying to be less reckless but then I watched "Predator" and the next thing I know I've styled myself on Carl Weathers' character "Dillon". This was hard as I am not black, but I did my best. Packed on a load of mass using protein shakes, got myself some white shirts and tried to be sweaty a lot. Whenever I bumped into an old friend I would shake hands, then go from this position into a quasi-arm wrestle test of strength, saying something like "What's the matter Dave, Tesco got you pushing too many pencils". There was one (particularly embarrassing in hindsight) situation when I was at work and someone dropped me the feedline I'd been waiting for. "Why do they want me to do this?" my colleague Brian asked. Leaning back in my chair I boomed "Cos some damn fool accused you of being the best."
I took a bit of a beating when I went up to a young thug who I'd just seen spit on the street and said "That's a real nasty habit you got there." His friends kicked my head in good!
This will probably be my last thing on Ubersite. So long suckas!
Peace out.
User Reviews
Submitted by sublime (user info) at 2004-09-09 04:16:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by KingHFB (user info) at 2004-09-09 04:06:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for the predator quotes
because he would so beat alien's ass down
Submitted by BonesForBucks (user info) at 2004-09-09 03:56:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm just going through your posts tonite when I should be sleeping before my Astronomy test.
Submitted by Fabish (user info) at 2004-06-07 11:05:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahahaha. Pretty funny.
Submitted by freebie (user info) at 2004-06-07 11:01:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You really do look like Neil Diamond.