The little drunkard that could (938 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.77 on 25 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by itchy <Mritchytoyou.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2004-06-07 14:34:06 EDT
Two weeks ago, I think I had a small heart attack. I had the whole "pain in my left shoulder, radiating up my neck and down my arm" thing going on. Couldn't breathe. Felt like I was going to puke.
I spent about an hour just trying to belch, thinking, "maybe its just gas pain. If I can just get that bubble up, then I'll feel alright."
But as the symptoms became progressively worse, the protective layer of disbelief I had built around myself began to crumble. Could this really be it? I can't go out . . . like . . . this. Can I? Sitting here, still dressed for work, with my shirt un-tucked. Is this how my wife will find me? I was starting to really believe it could happen.
And as my breathing became more difficult, my anxiety grew, until IT happened. I don't know exactly what IT was, but my racing heartbeat definitely did something. Something that hurt.
There it was. Certainty. This WAS it. I WAS having a heart attack.
Holy Shit.
Oh my God, I know I am not worthy to receive thee, but only say the word and I shall be healed . . .
Decision time: I'm not going down without a fight.
CRACK! Adrenaline hits me and my heart is jump-started again, beating fitfully. I grabbed the phone and headed outside. I figure I can call 9-1-1 and at least make the EMTs job easier by passing out in the driveway.
So I get outside and sit on the stoop in my stocking feet, getting ready to dial those numbers. The numbers that will make this really real.
But it passes. My heart-rate slows down and my breathing becomes easier. I try to look nonchalant as I watch the neighborhood kids play on their bikes, wishing my hands would stop shaking.
Finally, I decide that I won't be passing out in the next few minutes and head back inside. Trembling and shaky.
My dogs are freaked out as they wonder what the hell made me run out of the house like that. I don't know what to tell them so I say nothing as I flop down on the couch.
It is about this time I feel the burning/tingling sensation on my deltoid. I remember that nicotine patch I had put on this morning. That can't be helping. So I reach into my shirt and rip the patch off my skin.
In about 10 minutes I feel right-as-rain.
I add 2 and 2 in my head, and run to my closet to check out the box of patches I just bought. Sure enough they are 10mg stronger than the ones I thought I was buying. Guess that little chew I snuck in before I got off work was a REALLY bad idea in light of the increased dosage in my patch, huh?
Too right, gov'.
So I had poisoned myself. Overdosed on nicotine. Whoops. I really wouldn't recommend it.
Except for one thing.
Since this thing happened, I've been feeling more in tune with being alive. I've embraced my mortality a bit more. For so much of my life, I have functioned as more of an observer of my life than a participant in it.
But honestly believing you are going to die lets you see some things very clearly.
I only have so much time here. If there are things I don't like about my life, I need to change them.
To that end, this is my mission statement; this is my manifesto; this is my list:
I will tell my son that I love him every single day, even if he can't understand what I'm saying yet. I will continue to do so even when he gets old enough to make it embarrassing for both of us.
I will let my wife know how much she means to me. Every day.
I will stay in touch with my friends. I will call them regularly and listen to them when they talk.
I will read the Bible regularly. Not as an academic study, but with an eye to how I need to reform my daily actions.
I will begin training for the eventual goal of running a marathon.
I will make sure that my tub-of-lard dog is right there with me.
I will eat more fruits and vegetables and fewer donuts.
I WILL ride my skateboard to and from my parking spot to the office. Fuck whoever looks at me weird.
I will not let the little snipes my wife takes at me get to me. She doesn't mean them negatively, I only hear them that way.
I will purchase the tools necessary to begin teaching myself how to work in stained glass.
I will pick up where I left off on writing my fantasy novel masterpiece.
I will actively cultivate the flora in my back yard.
I will iron my slacks regularly and stop relying on Downy Wrinkle Releaser (but damn that stuff is awesome).
I will switch from coffee to tea.
I will NEVER again try to sneak a chew while wearing a nicotine patch.
I will schedule regular doctor's and dentist's visits.
I will stop second-guessing myself into ineffectiveness at work. I know as much or more than the people around me and I will start acting like it.
I will stop waiting for my life to happen and start making it happen, so that when my time comes I will not be faced with a life flashing before me that does not make me proud.
User Reviews
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-02-02 10:30:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Dude this is cliche city.
Docking at over reaction harbour.
P.S
I had forgotten that you chewed tobacco. Gross!
Submitted by SoxSexSax (user info) at 2004-06-08 12:34:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Great post, but
"I will switch from coffee to tea."
Why? Tea tastes like piss, coffee is delicious.
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2004-06-08 12:24:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I highly reccomend the glassworking. It is therapy all on its own. If you get a chance, give lampworking a try. It is where my stained glass work eventually led me. I liked the freedom of the hot glass better than the structure of the stained glass.
Good luck!!
Submitted by AlwaysAnEagle (user info) at 2004-06-08 04:01:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good.
www.aidsmarathon.com or email me for some sample training stuff...I'm swimming in it.
Submitted by yidele (user info) at 2004-06-08 00:36:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
good post, though the title was a bit of misdirection. It made me think of UU.Bush.
Submitted by SpikeGoddess (user info) at 2004-06-08 00:01:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Follow your bliss, itchy. Follow your bliss.
I'm glad you're healthy and that it was just a scare.
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-06-07 20:08:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2004-06-07 17:29:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Muy bien. Cute pic.
Submitted by LucidCognition (user info) at 2004-06-07 17:19:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yea, I smoked a whole lotta tobacco once(by accident), and felt like I was going to die for about an hour, just curled up on the couch and didn't move.
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2004-06-07 16:39:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah i dediced to stop fucking slores.
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2004-06-07 16:36:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Go for it!
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-06-07 16:25:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for realizing how precious life is
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2004-06-07 15:46:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It is wrong that this made me laugh?
Say you didn't also take the stimulant based ADD medication on top of all that other stuff did you? Cause if so, add that to the list.
I had a bit of a medical scare a couple of years ago. It turned out to be a kidney infection all cleared up with the help of a few tiny little pills, but for some reason it took them way way too long to diagnose it. I spent three days on malaria medication which by the way does exactly jack shit for a kidney infection. Some time during all of that happiness and fun, it hit me, OMG they don't know what it is, I feel like complete and total shit and the people who went to med school have no clue ergo I'm dying. What's worse is that I'm going to die a virgin. Ok, kidding about that last part but it is rather sobering.
Submitted by cwl989 (user info) at 2004-06-07 15:31:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Go for it!
I support you, itchy.
Submitted by Judoka (user info) at 2004-06-07 15:22:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hate to break it to you, but tea has the same amount of caffiene as coffee. In some cases more.
I quit smoking about a year ago.
Submitted by itchy (user info) at 2004-06-07 15:04:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
BOB - I've been eyeing that stuff. I really like my Vanilla Pepsi . . . hmmmmm.
Insane - thanks.
Kaelic - Hey, tea is just as . . . good . . . as . . . awwww fuck.
Freebie - I'm not seeing the down-side there.
legallady - Yeah, but somehow I always thought I'd end up in the suicide catagory rather than the heart attack one. Better to burn up than fade away and all that.
Loren - Well at least I never said I was giving up chewing or drinking. The rest of the stuff should be much easier. But you are probably right. I guess I will just have to schedule annual overdoses to keep me motivated.
Submitted by ThatOneGirl (user info) at 2004-06-07 15:00:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good for you itchy. Err... Mr. Itchy.
And cute kid!!!
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2004-06-07 14:52:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The new vanilla skoal is quite good.
Submitted by Insanethemind (user info) at 2004-06-07 14:52:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
too cute of a pic.
Luck in all of it, i know you can do all those things, some should be quite easy for a man such as yourself.
Submitted by Kaelic (user info) at 2004-06-07 14:49:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I drank a 64 ounce cup of coffee with sugar and cream about ten minutes ago. Man, I feel good.
Submitted by freebie (user info) at 2004-06-07 14:48:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I did all that after my bout of chest pain (it was nachos) and found that life is a lot more fun.
One drawback with the exercize and eating right, I feel so good I drink and smoke more now than before.
Submitted by Snuggles_The_Assassin (user info) at 2004-06-07 14:45:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I WILL ride my skateboard to and from my parking spot to the office. Fuck whoever looks at me weird.
-------------------------
Single greatest goal ever, that just fucking rocks. If nothing else please keep doing this.
Submitted by cutiepie <cutiepie.at.hotmail.com> at 2004-06-07 14:45:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I hear ya! Live it up! makes ya think huh? nicely put
Submitted by legallady (user info) at 2004-06-07 14:41:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't you hate those moments of indecision. Then you are like...damn I am glad I didn't
dial 911, I would sure feel like a dumbass when we all figured out it was the freakin
nicotine patch!!! But since you are a lawyer you are in a high heart attack class...so next
time dial. ONLY 8 minutes to save your ass.
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-06-07 14:39:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good post, but I'll tell you what, if you are still doing a QUARTER of the things on that list in one year's time, I'll send you a thousand bucks. :-)