Gasp (940 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.33 on 25 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by digsy (View user info) at 2004-06-07 19:30:02 EDT
Gasp.
Her breath slipped away once more. The weight on her chest was becoming unbearable. She felt as though she was being crushed in between the two plains of a vice, and there was no way to stop them from moving closer together.
She somehow managed to unbutton her blouse, hoping to release the immense pressure on her buckling thorax. She felt as though at any moment her spine could crack, sending her body into a shock, and causing the bone to splinter into her flesh. It was no use.
She tried to let out a gasp, fumbling for a breath which would allow her a few more seconds. Maybe the pressure would ease, and the invisible force which was crushing her between it's fingers would show sympathy, see the pain that she was in and show pity. Maybe let her live. Let her try again.
Gasp.
Now the stars were starting to appear. She tried to blink to get rid of them, hoping to wipe them away from her view, like the chalk marks on a blackboard. To her dismay, they remained. 27 years, 27 years. The number repeated over in her head. It added to the pain, amplified it. She bit her lip as she attempted to mouth the words, in the hope that they would slip away as the letters left her lips.
A veil of black covered her eyes. Yes, yes. It was releasing her. She was free. The vice had been opened. The force which was holding her between it's fingers had shown pity, and let her go. The dark blanket crept over her eyes and the tiles on the ceiling started to fade; the yellowstone pattern distorting as her eyelids closed for the final time.
"Shit! We're losing her!"
Dr Moran's words echoed around the ward, accompanied by the constant, piercing tone of the heart monitoring machine.
User Reviews
Submitted by atz (user info) at 2004-06-09 18:08:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Spam = Worse than smoking
Submitted by digsy (user info) at 2004-06-08 17:05:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I really do despair. I'm not trying to stop anyone from smoking. The idea of this post was to make you think that the woman was really in danger and she had been in a terrible accident, when in reality it was something as everyday as smoking which has caused these events to happen. If I didn't put the picture at the end, no-one would know that the woman was suffering a heart attack, and the post would not have been as powerful.
I wasn't attackin smokers. I'm really not out to lecture to anyone about the dangers of this, that and the other. For one, I'm not old enough to do so, and I'm sure you all know by now what is good and bad for you.
I've never known people react to a peice of creative writing like this. Maybe you should step back and realise that that is all it is. It's not an advert from an anti smoking campaign.
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-06-08 16:45:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Oh Christ. What the fuck is this site turning into?
Like we smokers DON'T know it's bad for us? Like we DON'T get it SHOVED down our throats EVERY FUCKING DAY? I resent the shit out of this. It's hard enough trying to fucking quit w/o having to hear it FUCKING EVERYWHERE. What a pile of bullshit.
Go to hell. I'm going home.
Submitted by digsy (user info) at 2004-06-08 16:22:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahah quote of the century
"In this day & age it's just not poingnat anymore."
What the hell is poingnat? Jesus at least tear my hard work to peices with correct diction.
Submitted by Oleannder (user info) at 2004-06-08 15:38:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
It's well written if you are a 15 year old trying to win an essay contest. In this day & age it's just not poingnat anymore.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-06-08 11:50:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I smoke and I hate it. I also hate when people tell me how bad it is.
BUT - good post. I couldn't give 2 shits if you are link whoring or not.
Thank you and have a great day!!
Submitted by xfilthxinfusedxwithxfilth (user info) at 2004-06-08 11:45:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well done. Still gonna smoke though.
Submitted by indigogecko (user info) at 2004-06-08 11:34:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
well written, good message. I agree wholeheartedly.
Submitted by digsy (user info) at 2004-06-08 11:13:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Also, I've had a couple of -2s for supposedly 'link whoring'. What difference does it make if i post the link on a few other posts? I'm just looking for feedback, the more the better.
Submitted by digsy (user info) at 2004-06-08 11:10:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'd like one of you to tell me where I said the words "Don't smoke". It's fiction, take from it what you will.
Submitted by WRECKER (user info) at 2004-06-08 11:02:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Personally I think it was horseshit. I have to listen to the little girl on THE ZONE, talk about how she is ten years old and yadda yadda. Yes, everyone in the whole world knows that smoking kills... but if I don't smoke, I will probably kill you. DEAL WITH IT. We all die sooner or later. Personally, I would be happy to know that I helped kill myself than to have some drunk 17 year old plow into my car on a Friday night. Stick that in your pipe and smoke it.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-06-08 10:45:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Stop linkwhoring.
Submitted by Dragon (user info) at 2004-06-08 06:36:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Sooooo...she was crushed to death...I can't relate enough how important it is to warn people about heavy objects.
Submitted by Scotsman (user info) at 2004-06-08 05:49:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Stop linking this fecking thing!!
Submitted by digsy (user info) at 2004-06-08 03:27:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Good point moneyshot, although I never mentioned if I smoked or not. AlwaysAnEagle, it can get very frustrating when you put quite a bit of effort into a post and 1 or 2 people review it. I post on here so the things I write get exposed. A handful of reviews is nice but defeats the point of a community really. Sorry if I sound like a moaning bitch but it can be annoying. Thank you all for the positive comments
Submitted by moneyshot (user info) at 2004-06-08 03:22:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Even though I am a smoker and I hate self righteous nonsmokers like yourself and the fucking Truth kids but you get a +2 for being well written. I just wish people like you would stop wasting your time telling people how bad it is. You think that its not common knowledge by now? Do you think I'll read your post and go "Thanks I had no idea I could die from these things!" How's this? How about I smoke, I get the cancer and I die. Is that ok with you? Do I have to ask for permission? I don't smoke around other people unless they are smoking and I am very respectful of the earth. I pick up every cigarette butt and dispose of it. Why don't you write a post on the dangers of masturbating and shooting semen in your eye. Now there's something that merits a good warning.
Submitted by AlwaysAnEagle (user info) at 2004-06-08 03:16:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Plus four because this is a good post with a good message. Minus fucking two for whining about your post not getting read. Shit happens, deal with it.
Submitted by Theory_Eyed (user info) at 2004-06-08 02:58:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Scott_James (user info) at 2004-06-07 21:06:07 (#)
Ranking: 2
I quit almost four months ago. I punched a mirror last night in a drunken rage. I'm wondering if the two decisions are connected.
-------------------------------------------
My boyf just recently exclaimed that he was giving up, but the punch-hole in the plaster wall tipped me off earlier.
Submitted by digsy (user info) at 2004-06-08 02:52:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No fuck you. I'm fed up of nothing ever get read. Worthless drivel gets posted on the site every day and gets shitload of reviews, I think I can post the link a few times and get feedback for my writing.
Asshole.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2004-06-08 02:48:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
stop linking this fucking post everywhere, stupid.
Submitted by lilbill87 (user info) at 2004-06-07 23:25:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice...I lost a family member to smoking....nice post
Submitted by spazmoid at 2004-06-07 21:07:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Scott_James (user info) at 2004-06-07 21:06:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I quit almost four months ago. I punched a mirror last night in a drunken rage. I'm wondering if the two decisions are connected.
Submitted by StonedSilly (user info) at 2004-06-07 20:36:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Absolutely fucking stunning.
Submitted by Magicaddict (user info) at 2004-06-07 20:27:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
One day, people may pay attention.