Canadians are psychotic.. (530 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -0.25 on 13 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Tj <Malachewaii.at.aol.com> (View user info) at 2004-06-07 20:54:59 EDT
Although the title pretty much sums it up, I'm sure those of you who clicked on this uncreatively titled rant are seeking an explaination. It goes as follows:
I dated a Canadian chick for awhile, and me, being slightly naieve about the temperments of Canadians, I figured everything was all crimson and clovers, and we'd be happy dancing in the sunshine-basked fields were mentally instable people couldn't exist.. I'd never really have to fear for my personal saftey. Wow, was I wrong. These people can go nuts..
She had stayed in the states and visited me for a week, and things went fine.. the normal everyday stuff, having fun, hanging out, getting drunk, having evil, sinful premarital sex, eternally damning our souls to Mr. Scaly Red Guy with the pitchfork.. you know.. that bit. Well, she left, and things were ok, we were on good terms.. So far, so good..
Spring break comes up.. and she wants me to spend a week in Toronto. Cool, yeah, I can do that.. no problem, it'll be fun, and this time, I get to see Canada, and Niagra Falls, which I'd never had before. Sweet. Things are kick-ass at the moment.
Now this particular girl happened to be a stripper.. (No, people.. they are not DANCERS, they are STRIPPERS. They're taking their clothes off for money, not dancing in a fag-laden N*SYNC video..) and she didn't like the fact that I had told my parents that she stripped. Wow, she yelled, screamed, blah blah.. and I said "Wait.. you haven't even told YOUR parents about this.. if you weren't ashamed of what you're doing, then there's no need to be angry about it.." **NOTE - She wasn't "forced" into this line of work because she has no skills.. the girl has a regular nine to five, working for the V.P. of a fitness company.**
Naw, she CHOSE to do this work, which was fine by me, as long as she didn't expect me to hide it from the world. It's a choice.. she did it on weekends for extra cash. Anyhow, back to the story..
I'm laughin at her by this point, because she's rambled on for twenty minutes, contradicting herself on whether or not she's ashamed of what she does. I guess my laughing set of the "Maple Leaf Psycho Switch" in her brain, because she then proceeds to utter a scream I can't even begin to describe, somewhere along the lines of a mix between rage, pain, and that nasty wretching sound you make when you're barfing in the porcelain God of drunkeness.. accompanied with this scream is the action of her launching from her bed to mine, in an attempt to inflict physical pain on me. In between my now hysterical laughs, I manage to hold her down and tell her to calm down, and stop being violent.
When her squirming and cussing subsides, she just kinda looks at me with that look in her eyes, you know.. the look you see when a bear is about to ruin your shit for fucking with it's cubs.. so me, being the humorous antagonist I am, I smile, and release one of her arms for just a second, long enough to flip her off.. and of course, she starts flopping around like a catfish in a rowboat again.. Finally, she calms down, and then tries to act like nothing happened. Apparently her outburst flipped the "Maple Leaf Psycho Switch" back to OFF, and all was clear for the rest of the week.
Wow.. I never knew cold weather and constantly saying the word "Eh" could create such a personality trait. Steer clear of these psychos, my friends, and if you do come across one.. handle it as I did, it seems to be the only thing that works. Oh, and a picture of the psycho for you to enjoy.
User Reviews
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-09-28 13:43:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
yes
Submitted by Malachewaii (user info) at 2004-06-08 22:11:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
my spelling sucks. lol
Submitted by Oleannder (user info) at 2004-06-08 10:30:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
A funny thought was ruined by lumping all Canadians into her pile. That was just a lame attempt to get more hits on what could have been a funny post all on it's own.
Submitted by tsu (user info) at 2004-06-08 10:14:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2004-06-08 09:07:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Not bad, could have been more amusing, and the awful spelling did detract a little. But it could have been much worse too.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-06-08 09:05:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
explaination - explanation
naieve - naive
instable - unstable
saftey - safety
set of - set off
wretching - retching
it's - its
...just for future reference and to prove I'm not imagining it.
I am so pedantic I scare myself.
Submitted by funk_boy (user info) at 2004-06-08 08:49:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Didn't her horns give it away?
Submitted by Malachewaii (user info) at 2004-06-07 21:41:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
oh yeah, I see. I shortened up some words, leavin out "g's at the end and whatnot.. my apologies, readers.
Submitted by sublime (user info) at 2004-06-07 21:38:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
we canucks rule, but she was from ontario, so you got what you deserved.
Submitted by Malachewaii (user info) at 2004-06-07 21:38:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I dunno where my spelling was fucked up... I think I misspelled "explanation" but that's all I could see..
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-06-07 21:30:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
The atrocious spelling threw me off, but this was funny.
Submitted by SoxSexSax (user info) at 2004-06-07 21:13:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Meh. Probably would have got a +1 if the spelling wasn't so bad in places.
Submitted by spazmoid at 2004-06-07 21:05:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by squattail (user info) at 2004-06-07 21:00:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
WTF IM NOT READING ALL THAT