If I repeat 'Cable is Good' over & over, will I believe it? (805 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.71 on 19 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <oleannder.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2004-06-08 10:06:30 EDT
My Hulking Mass of Love & I moved into to a much needed bigger apartment after we realized that my old basement apartment just was not going to contain two adults & their stuff. In fact the old apartment barely contained me if my stuff was already inside. Sometimes the piles & I would draw straws to see who would sleep in the rain. I often lost.
To make things easy, HML & I moved into an much larger apartment in the same building I was already in. I called around to get all of the services changed over.. I started with Telus (Our old phone service fuckers, but that's another story) and moved on to Shaw, our cable provider. Shaw now holds the Moron Championship Cup.
Me: Hi There, I'm moving & I'd like to change my service over.
Shaw: Your service was cut off in January for non payment.
Me: What?? Then why have I been paying you people for the last 11 months? I have service.
Shaw: We've gotten your payments but sent you refund cheques because you don't have service.
Me (agitated): Look lady, I have never gotten any 'refund' cheques from you people. In fact I never even get any bills, I never got any bills, that's been part of the reason that I call you people every two months to find out what I owe. Then I pay what I am told. If I had ever gotten a refund cheque I would have called & asked what the hell it was for.
Shaw: So you've been getting service since January?
Me: YES! How many times do I have to say this. All I want to do is get the cable hooked up in the new apartment.
*pause*
Shaw: We can't do that until you pay us for what you owe form January - $450.
Me: WHAT THE HELL???? I am not going to pay that! I have been paying the whole amount every two months and -
Shaw: We sent you refund cheques for every payment you made -
Me: Are you retarded? Seriously... are you challenged in some way? I have never gotten any refund cheques. If you check your own damned records you will see that I have never cashed any cheque from you. As far as I am concerned the bill is paid. I will NOT pay this. I'd rather have a sit down tea & discuss world politics with a deaf-mute.
*pause*
Shaw: Ma'am can I call you back on this? We are having some problems with your account right now.
Me: Gee... Ya think? Fine call me back... but if I have to I will just forget the whole thing & spend the extra on a dish or something.
- conversation end -
- Hour later -
Shaw: Ma'am, we have decided to write off your account & start you over fresh.
Me: That's better..... wait a second, what do you mean 'write off' there is no write off... the bill was paid.
Shaw: We understand you feel that way but you were getting service you had not paid for.
Me: This is insane. I paid the bills damn you! You are the idiots who supposedly sent refund checks - apparently to outer space - because you claim you turned off my service for no reason in the first place.
Shaw: Well we will start from scratch now & begin you with a fresh account.
Me: Good. Finally. And the first problem I have with this account I will have it turned off ASAP & switch to a dish.
So that ended that fine conversation there, we moved in & have been enjoying our cable. In fact we even upgraded to the movie package & had a digital cable box put in. Ever since we got the new digital box put in with all the extra channels I can't stop watching TV..... So I was surfing last night & came across this piece of distended rectum.
Granted I only caught the last half & I should have stopped watching it, but I was really hoping that it would somehow magically get better. It didn't. It was called Wild Orchid 2.
What I got out f the second half of it was this: Basically some schoolgirl back in the 50s becomes a whore in an actual whore house but falls in love with some boy who lives in another town. After she manages to narrowly escape a senators gang-rape-on-film party, she & the whore-house body guard decide to play happy family (staring him in the role of 'daddy') while she goes back to school & meet with the young dude she (not so) secretly pines for. Of course he doesn't know that she is a whore even though he used her services one... because TA DA!!! She was in disguise as a Japanese girl. The disguise was... TA DA a short black wig & a kimono. This chick couldn't be more white if she had Whitey McWhite tattooed on her ass.
Needless to say that the madam who lost her whore & body guard gets pissed off & tries to force them back by telling the boyfriend who they are. Surprise surprise... he doesn't care (why would he? now he knows that she will put out in very kinky ways) & they live happily ever after.
I am so happy to be paying the extra amount for quality films like this. I already can feel it broadening my horizons
User Reviews
Submitted by Oleannder (user info) at 2004-11-25 02:16:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Phate (user info) at 2004-11-20 04:32:37 (#)
Ranking: -2
Stains
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Be nice or I'll tell everyone about how you used to let me put makeup on you as practice.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2004-11-20 05:46:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Method:
HAHHHAHAHAHAHHA
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2004-11-20 05:11:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
be nice to your sister, phate
Submitted by Phate (user info) at 2004-11-20 04:32:37 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Stains
Submitted by moneyshot (user info) at 2004-06-09 00:31:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Every time I talk to the cable company on the telephone I can feel my anger rising. Last time I got put on hold for 20 minutes while they located my account. WTF?
Submitted by gbusman (user info) at 2004-06-08 21:33:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
A) you are on drugs
B) you are entertaining
C) you are entertaining because you are on drugs
D) All of the above
I'm going to go ahead and go with D on this one.
-Bus
Submitted by ThatOneGirl (user info) at 2004-06-08 21:10:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Being an idiot is a job requirement at cable companies.
Submitted by bargled (user info) at 2004-06-08 18:16:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Nothing beats Charter cable in terms of EXCELLENT customer service...give them a try if you like being sexually assaulted via telephone.
Submitted by shakenbabysyndrome (user info) at 2004-06-08 16:24:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
-2 for your 'matching shoes' being velcro...
ps. don't forget your helmut, you special person you!
Submitted by Oleannder (user info) at 2004-06-08 14:14:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by shakenbabysyndrome (user info) at 2004-06-08 13:45:58 (#)
Ranking: -2
your writing makes it seem that you are the retarded one...get off your ass and stop watching tv!!
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Mommy.... is that you? I suppose that you never watch televison, I can tell because you are so unique & clever.
+2 for me just because I remembered to wear matching shoes today.
Submitted by shakenbabysyndrome (user info) at 2004-06-08 13:45:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
your writing makes it seem that you are the retarded one...get off your ass and stop watching tv!!
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2004-06-08 12:51:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
i haven't come accross a competent cable company anywhere in this country.
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-06-08 12:06:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Adelphia is just as bad...
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2004-06-08 12:03:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Yes (user info) at 2004-06-08 11:56:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
yeah, we got digital cable, mostly for sapranos, and of my 300+ channels, about 3 ever have anything not painful to watch on... eh, beats the ol' rabbit ears...
Submitted by tsu (user info) at 2004-06-08 10:31:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by euripidestrousers (user info) at 2004-06-08 10:18:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by jme7551 (user info) at 2004-06-08 10:16:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
whitey mcwhite hehe
Submitted by xfilthxinfusedxwithxfilth (user info) at 2004-06-08 10:12:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment