Jar Full 'O Jizz (1196 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: ETS_Comedy_Writing
Rating: 1.7 on 34 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Brad <electrictoothsyndrome.at.msn.com> (View user info) at 2004-06-08 23:37:18 EDT
I don't really remember much about high school. I don't remember anyone's fucking name. I don't remember my teachers for the most part. I don't even remember all the drugs I did, but I definitely remember this one slightly older kid by the name of Tom...you might say that Tom had problems. Either that or Tom was a first-rate comic genius.
To begin with, the guy wan't really the best looking thing God ever coughed up, so I rekon he must have woke up one day, looked at himself in the mirror and decided to just run with it. He was the type of guy that would proclaim he was gay and hit on you as if he were gay, but, again, you never really knew if he was serious or not....I guessed he missed the memo that said if you said were gay in high school, you'd probably get beaten up unless you did all the hair and nail coloring for the cheerleading squad, which he did not.
Now, to this day, I don't know why, but this guy insisted on keeping a mason jar full of what he described as his own jism in his locker. I don't think that a man's jism has ever been such a topic of conversation as Tom's jizz was then. EVERYONE knew about Tom and his jar full 'o jizz. The boy would beat off in the bathroom at school for Christ's sake...which is not uncommon in and of itself (don't ask me why I say that), but he would leave the stall open and do it in full view of whomever was to walk in at that particular moment. This made going to the restroom in high school an adventure as well as an excercise in timing.
If you were unlucky enough to have to shit at school, which was never recommended to begin with due in part to the Phantom Shitter problem - (for those unfamiliar with the term, a Phantom Shitter is the sick fucker who would use his own feces as fingerpaints and the bathroom walls as his canvas, I think this was to get back at the Janitor for some past-life screw up. Every high school has a phantom shitter, not every high school has Tom's jar 'o jizz)Anyway, if you were unlucky enough to have to shit at school, you had the compound problem of dealing with the possability of Tom walking in and whacking off in the next stall, or out by the urinals, making a spectacle out of the bathroom. It would then be impossible to hide the fact that that was indeed your stench creeping up the hallway and into the classrooms. Thanks Tom!
Once I heard someone actually tried to open the jar in the effort to dump it on Tom's head... Tom exclaimed, "don't do that....that's my JIZZ," in such a way so as to indicate that it was not getting the jizz on him that was upsetting, but the fact that his collection would be lost....
Looking back, I think Tom might have been the phantom shitter too.
User Reviews
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-02-11 01:48:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-10-23 11:45:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Where the fuck did you go to school? Alcatraz?
Submitted by HatMan (user info) at 2004-10-23 11:37:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny as all hell.
Submitted by eIectrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2004-10-23 11:26:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
High explosives and school don't mix.
Submitted by Tigre (user info) at 2004-10-20 23:23:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I bet cigar would beat koolmang up for it before mang had the chance to drink it. :(
Submitted by equaIizer (user info) at 2004-10-20 23:18:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
There is no vaccine against stupidity.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2004-10-18 15:15:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Tom was crazy
Submitted by equalizer (user info) at 2004-09-14 03:30:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Equalized.
Submitted by fake_bargled (user info) at 2004-09-07 19:09:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Fuck that guy who sweats Hermione's ballsack.
Submitted by vengeance (user info) at 2004-08-13 22:40:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by FetishII (user info) at 2004-08-12 19:53:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2004-08-12 19:38:34 (#)
Ranking: -2
Hope this is what you wanted!
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Mr. Spam man, bring some spam. My nane is electrictoothsyndrome, and I'm like the 20th to spam Fetish this month, ain't I cool?
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-08-12 19:46:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2004-08-12 19:38:34 (#)
Ranking: -2
Hope this is what you wanted!
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Better make sure you spam them all, I'm not missing a one, bitch!
Submitted by Malificent (user info) at 2004-08-10 06:55:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
WTF mate? ^^;
Submitted by woody (user info) at 2004-08-10 06:49:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I just jizzed myself laughing.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2004-06-10 17:57:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't know, I think Hitler is kinda sexy....
I bet he had some good luck with the ladies....
I heard he was a painter as well, I don't know if he ever used his own feces as a medium though.
Submitted by CDizzle (user info) at 2004-06-09 23:48:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hmm, never beat off in the bathroom. Should walk into the highschool and do that, would I get arrested?
Once in highschool some girl rubbed me off in world history while watching a movie on Hitler, that was kind of ackward too, with Hitler watching and all...
Submitted by lenlen (user info) at 2004-06-09 23:39:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by facts (user info) at 2004-06-09 15:00:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Sorry
Submitted by vex (user info) at 2004-06-09 12:03:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
There was a guy at my high school who would bop the baloney at the drop of a hat anywhere, anytime.
Submitted by Oleannder (user info) at 2004-06-09 09:24:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Some men are just weird about their juice. You gotta wonder what ever happened to him.
Submitted by Pittdude (user info) at 2004-06-09 09:14:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Lucky (user info) at 2004-06-09 08:53:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ick.
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2004-06-09 07:40:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Euew!
Submitted by mikethescottish (user info) at 2004-06-09 06:50:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Feckin' hilarious.
Submitted by indigogecko (user info) at 2004-06-09 06:16:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
grim, but it held my interest for some reason...
Submitted by atz (user info) at 2004-06-09 06:14:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Submitted by SHAKEnBAKE (user info) at 2004-06-09 00:03:12 (#)
Ranking: 2
Great in a disguisting way.
My friend is a serial shitter, he take a dump in the school every morning, before the 1st class."
There's someone just like that at my old school. The real problem is that the school is really small (less than 40 students and only 11 rooms), so you can't breathe in half of the building.
One of the really young kids (I think he's in first or second grade) once "missed" the toilet when trying to take a crap. I don't know if he just took a shit on the floor or what, and I don't know who had to clean it up.
Submitted by Magicaddict (user info) at 2004-06-09 06:02:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sick fuck. You disgust me.
Please, continue.
Submitted by funk_boy (user info) at 2004-06-09 05:51:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
mmm.. man mayo
Submitted by Quasiplasmohedron (user info) at 2004-06-09 00:21:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought this would be longer, but it was funny anyway.
Submitted by MrPrickle (user info) at 2004-06-09 00:11:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by SHAKEnBAKE (user info) at 2004-06-09 00:03:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Great in a disguisting way.
My friend is a serial shitter, he take a dump in the school every morning, before the 1st class.
Submitted by bargled (user info) at 2004-06-09 00:00:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
plus too.
Submitted by KoolMang (user info) at 2004-06-08 23:48:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HAR HAR HAR
Submitted by moneyshot (user info) at 2004-06-08 23:40:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Aww hell that made me laugh. Jar o' jizz. Classic.