The Japanese are not like us, but I get a kick out of them (2829 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.95 on 48 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Nicole <nakita963.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2004-06-09 11:00:16 EDT
This past April I went on a business trip by myself to Japan. This was my first trip to anywhere in the Orient. I have always loved to travel and have a goal of visiting one new country ever year. This year it will probably be two.
Though it was for work, this trip was one of the most fun trips I have ever been on. It started out fairly well. Though it took me over 24 hours to get to Nagoya, at least I flew business class the entire way which meant I could actually stretch out, sleep and eat decent food. I think I may have slept a little too much because when I finally got there at 9 pm local time, I couldn't go to sleep in my hotel room. The jet lag was rough for a few days but tapered off quickly, though I never slept very well as their beds were way too firm for my American tastes.
I spent most of the week working, eating, drinking and more eating. The food was phenomenal. I will try just about anything once and did so on this trip. The only thing I didn't particularly care for was herring roe - a rigid chunk of material with lots of bumps on it that would break up into hundreds of little hard, gummy bumps when you chewed. I even tried nato, fermented soybeans which are sticky and have a very strong odor and flavor.
The Saturday through Monday consisted of sightseeing in Kyoto, which was absolutely wonderful, and Ise, a town along the eastern coast where Mikimoto pearls was started. I saw more Buddhist temples and Shinto shrines and learned more about oysters and pearls than I could ever imagine. There are thousands of temples of shrines in Kyoto, one every block or so, I swear.
Here is a list of things that I learned about the Japanese during my adventure. In order for #15 to make any sense you have to know that 100Yen = 1 US $.
1. I understand more Japanese while drunk, or at least I think I do, which is just as good.
2. Japanese gambling, Pachinko, kicks ass. It is a combination of Anime, Plinko and Slots and I won $70 in five minutes.
3. No one in Japan wears seatbelts. Obviously there are so many people in the country that the government doesn't care if a few more die in car accidents.
4. All cab seats are covered in lace. If you are going to die, we want the crash scene to be aesthetically pleasing, though I would think blood on white lace would be a little traumatizing.
5. Japanese keyboards are fucking insane. The space bar is all of one inch wide. The enter and backspace keys are also very small. The keyboards allow you to type in both Japanese and English, but type at your own peril. By pushing some random combination of keys that I tended to do every 15 seconds, you put the keyboard into Japanese mode and all hell breaks loose.
6. Pop-ups in Japanese are somehow more tolerable than those in English, maybe because I have no clue what they are for.
7. Most Japanese don't have offices. Hell they don't even have cubes. They work at rows of tiny desks with absolutely no privacy so you can forget surfing Über.
8. It is also standard practice for workers not in customer service, marketing, sales, HR, etc. to wear the company uniform, which includes a spiffy baseball cap.
9. No one in Japan understands how to properly shape a baseball cap. They are either straight as a board or creased in the middle to make a V. Come on, people. Gentle.
10. Japanese absolutely hate cold butts. The only toilets I found in the country had heated seats or were the kind that requires you to squat over a hole, thereby preventing a cold bum.
11. None of the men on Japanese money look Japanese and I didn't know Teddy Roosevelt had Japanese relatives.
12. It is standard practice for people to back into parking spots, not go front forward.
13. 1.5 weeks is not long enough to get used to driving on the left side of the road as I would still brace myself for impact on some left-hand turns. That and the car sickness.
14. Engrish (Japanese misspelling or misusing English) is much funnier in person. I'll forgive a "Stake House" but I'm not sure I would want to refill a prescription at a "Phamacy". If you are going to make a 20 foot tall advertisement in English for no apparent reason, use a dictionary first.
15. They have 100 Yen Stores.
16. They also have white trash in Japan, though I wonder if it is called yellow trash. Either way, no matter the culture, white trash is recognizable by the purple stilettos, stirrup pants and poofy bangs.
17. Japanese trains are freaking fast, as in I can't look at anything closer than a mile or I will get sick fast. They reach speed in excess of 190 mph and are incredibly accurate. There are actually fences along the track with small areas open where the train doors will line up when it stops
18. Almost every single crosswalk I encountered was the kind set up for the blind where they beep annoyingly. You think they would want to weed out the weak members of society, but oh well.
19. School kids walk to school wearing brightly colored helmets, probably because of those crazy, seatbelt flaunting, lace covered cabbies, wrong side of the road driving, cabbies.
20. It is possible to fill up on sushi.
Finally, yes, my title is a reference to Yidele's bukkake series, but thankfully I will not be subjecting you to any of that today.
User Reviews
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-06-21 02:32:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 because I have a picture of me standing in the EXACT same spot with the same pose as you in front of Kinkakuji (the golden temple).
Literally, the same square metre.
It's a small world.
Submitted by Jungle_Jimanee (user info) at 2005-05-17 08:50:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-05-06 00:07:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
have i told....you lately....
Submitted by Ingsoc (user info) at 2004-11-12 02:12:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh, those crazy Chinamen.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2004-11-11 15:23:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by strider (user info) at 2004-11-11 13:25:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for green tea and sushi.
I had both for the first time last friday night. Believe me, it IS possible to get full on sushi.
$60 in sushi to make 4, 24 year-old guys full, priceless.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2004-11-11 13:07:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was great, and very informative.
I would love to travel overseas someday.
Submitted by whiskey_jack (user info) at 2004-09-07 00:22:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
all the Japs I know are some of the funniest guys there are
Submitted by Nicole3 (user info) at 2004-06-23 13:03:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The "retention pond" is actually a rice field. They are all over the place. It was still early in the season so you can't see anything sprouting yet.
Submitted by CleverName (user info) at 2004-06-18 11:03:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Japan looks beautiful! I wanna go, but do they have hotdogs?
Easy Cheese? I'm not sure I could handle all that horrible-sounding food.
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2004-06-15 03:23:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Just got around to reading this... it's great. Sounds like it would be a fun place to visit.
#20: "Hey, I know that dude!"
The last few pictures are all beautiful. What is that where you are sitting right by the water? It looks like a retention pond of sorts, but I can't tell for sure.
I agree with Loren, except that I think you look good in all the pictures.
Submitted by jcricket (user info) at 2004-06-10 15:37:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
good stuff.
+2 for the recounting of the story, the stupid hats, and the toilets.
Submitted by Nicole3 (user info) at 2004-06-10 10:41:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
no, that wasn't what I was saying. I said they were very accurate, as in they stop exactly where they are supposed to within a couple feet, which most subways and trains in most other countries don't.
Submitted by NotApologizing (user info) at 2004-06-10 09:32:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
#17
Sounds like you're saying that they stop on a dime. The slowdown on the shinkansen is actually about 5 miles long.
Glad you had fun. What did you think of Japanese men?
Submitted by Nicole3 (user info) at 2004-06-10 09:17:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I think I like the sesame ice cream better than the green tea kind.
Though I tried my hardest to check out a Japanese condom on a hot Japanese guy, it didn't work out and wasn't able to inspect them.
Submitted by antluvdog (user info) at 2004-06-09 23:06:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
When are we gonna all hang out again?
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2004-06-09 19:33:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
did you see the condoms over there? i'd be screwed, they don't have Magnums. regular sizes are hard to come by, too. they are mostly small sized.
Submitted by Spiral_Abraxis (user info) at 2004-06-09 19:17:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This made for good reading.
I wanna go to Japan now too..... :(
Submitted by skatastrophy (user info) at 2004-06-09 19:11:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i was hoping for a pic of the kids with helmets but you cant have everything
Submitted by Fluffhead (user info) at 2004-06-09 19:06:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like it a lot.
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2004-06-09 18:57:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 because green tea ice cream is simply awsome.
i have it atleast 3 times a week.
yummy.
Submitted by Lucifer_Industries (user info) at 2004-06-09 16:58:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Great story! Write more!
Malone
Submitted by Disektor (user info) at 2004-06-09 15:03:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Now I want to go to Japan, looks like they have fun over there
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-06-09 14:46:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't like the looks of that toilet.
Submitted by tuesdaydelay (user info) at 2004-06-09 13:14:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
http://www.ubersite.com/m/35366
Submitted by conrad (user info) at 2004-06-09 13:06:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I love Japan - everyone's so polite, and the food is just exquisite. Friday nights can be very entertaining too, as it seems to be law that all salarymen have to get ridiculously, gutter-sleeping, pukingly drunk prior to the weekend. A fantastic place, in which I'd happily live.
Submitted by Fabish (user info) at 2004-06-09 13:06:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by wazzawazzayo (user info) at 2004-06-09 12:50:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I find it quite comfortable and natural to squat and poop.
Thanks for the great post.
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2004-06-09 12:46:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Insanethemind (user info) at 2004-06-09 12:04:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-06-09 11:56:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
They don't even have handles by the toilet to help you stay squatting! It just doesn't make sense.
If you're pooping... say a loooooong poop... wouldn't your legs just get TIRED of squatting? I wonder how often people fall in.
Submitted by yidele (user info) at 2004-06-09 11:54:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
groooovy. Congrats on a cool trip. Would that I could go to japan on business, but they're our main competitors. I'm a-goin to italy this summer/fall.
Submitted by dohnuts (user info) at 2004-06-09 11:50:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was awesome.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-06-09 11:39:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Looks beautiful...the country
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2004-06-09 11:36:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i'm still laughing at #11.
i can't believe you got to go to Japan, you lucky son of a bitch.
Submitted by Yes (user info) at 2004-06-09 11:36:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
cool
Submitted by Dufflady (user info) at 2004-06-09 11:36:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice.
Submitted by fluff (user info) at 2004-06-09 11:28:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Strange country. But I guess you get used to it in no time.
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2004-06-09 11:27:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm glad you put this up. It's hysterical.
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-06-09 11:24:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2004-06-09 11:23:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I see. for number 2 you've got to squat. For number 1 just aim and fire away.
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-06-09 11:17:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
YAYE! You finally did it! Great job.
You look very pretty in the last pic. xo
L
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2004-06-09 11:15:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice.
How well do you know japanese?
Submitted by Nicole3 (user info) at 2004-06-09 11:13:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
what happend to my challenge. There is a big difference between drunken peeing standing up where you don't have your clothes in the way and squating. Peeing standing up is actually easier, in my opinion.
Submitted by funk_boy (user info) at 2004-06-09 11:13:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Interesting
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2004-06-09 11:09:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
As far as number 10 goes, what happened to your challenge?
http://www.ubersite.com/m/11782
Submitted by runninginplace (user info) at 2004-06-09 11:08:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That was great. I liked the pictures - they helped out a lot.
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2004-06-09 11:06:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Pretty pictures!
Scary toilet.