Don't Drink The Zydot (5631 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 1.82 on 50 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by TripinDayZ (View user info) at 2004-06-10 09:39:32 EDT
I purchased this little devil's elixir at the local head shop. Supposedly, if you drink this stuff, an hour later you can pee clean. Simple enough right? I brought it to the office today in hopes of taking the test at lunch.
I opened the bottle and the smell immediately made me cringe. Little did I know what I was in for with the taste. The best way to describe it is melted plastic flavored with cherry car scent. Pleasant huh? I turned the bottle over to find out there were 21oz. Only 21oz? Shit, No problem.
Problem #1
After choking down the first two gulps of what were many to come, I noticed the level had only moved to just below the neck of the bottle. No way was I going to be able to just sling this shit back as I am sure it was the equivalent of Luden's Cherry Slug Cum. "I know, I'll get a Dixie cup and just shoot it! If I can shoot Jaeger, I can shoot this!" Oh no, dear child, you cannot shoot this - warned my stomach. It coated my teeth and tongue as I forced myself to swallow it. I now know the answer to the guy's question to his wife: "Just swallow it honey, what's the big deal?" Each and every drop was choked down with utter disgust.
Problem #2
According to the directions I can only drink one 16oz glass of water post snot guzzle so now I have what I can only assume would be the taste of an aborigine's dick after a whore with a mouthful of cherry Nyquil sucked him off for four hours. Mental pictures are neat huh? Wait, it gets better.
Problem #3
After the test (where I peed some kind of ultra violate chartreuse) I get back to the office and have a bite to eat. I wasn't very hungry but I knew I needed something in my stomach other than Satan's jizz. I don't know if I should have eaten or not but I am suffering the pain of a night with no dinner and a fifth of Jose Cuervo. My stomach is grinding and wheezing and pain has been shooting through my abdomen for at least three hours now.
Problem #4
When your tummy is doing this tango of terror with itself it is pretty much a given that you are about to see apocalyptic horror in the toilette when you stand to flush (or when you look between your legs for those of you with the kind of curiosity that can't wait for a wipe, sicko's). My fellow Uberers, what I saw when I stood and turned was the most, well, unusual thing I have ever shat in my life. There, on the surface of the toilette water, sat a bright pink mass of what looked like bloated-to-explosion earthworms. If the words "frothy" and "gelatinous" can be used to perfectly describe your shit? You might be a redneck. No, no.. wrong tagline. Something is not right, yeah that's the ticket. Anyway, I had shat a melted cherry Slurpee, and would continue to do so every 20 minutes or so until, well, I'll let you know when it's over. Until then, for fuck's sake, don't drink the Zydot.
The look on this kid's face pretty much sums up my experience.
User Reviews
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2004-06-11 14:46:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
They tested me within 24 hours of letting me know I was hired. Of course, I live 1/2 an hour away from my office, so it was a little different situation.
Sounds like you are going to have sparklie clean piss by July!
Submitted by TripinDayZ420 (user info) at 2004-06-11 14:40:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"I've got my fingers crossed for you. It makes it Hell to type, but it is the least I can do..."
hahahahahaa!!!! the internal promotion thing is what im counting on. that sounds fucking class A. i am doing some reasearch right now on some piss additives (no offense chris) and think i may order a couple of those as well as a home test so i can check it out myself. in the meantime i have been taking kidney cleanser and GNC cleansing formula and am drinking about a gallon of water a day (started on this yesterday). my actualy start date is not until july 6th. did they test you prior to beginning? if so how long? or did they wait until you had already started and then schedule you for one (which would not be the smartest action most likey since they would have wasted time training and what not just to fire the smoker/coker/whatever-er)
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2004-06-11 14:11:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
BC is excellent about promoting from within. I started as a claims processor grade level 7 (this is how they rate salary in IL) and within 10 months had moved into a position with Learning and Development (grade level 15). I got about a 20,000.00 a year raise. No shit. Now I get to travel throughout IL, TX and NM (all owned by the IL plan) training one of our software systems. Not bad for a degreeless girl.
I've got my fingers crossed for you. It makes it Hell to type, but it is the least I can do...
Submitted by TripinDayZ420 (user info) at 2004-06-11 13:56:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
this was a preliminary test C., took it as a precautionary measure to see if it worked so i have yet to even be informed on when or where the actual employer is going to test me. not screwed yet!!!
ash- entry level customer service rep, bottom of the barrel, but i have been in this position (office manager for a chiro clinic) for 3 years and have had to deal with some pretty dumb people when i call them so i don't figure it will take too long for someone with a small degree of intelligence to move up. providing i get in first. if worst comes to worst imma get my son to pee in something for me and ill take that to the test. done that before (not with my son but with a friends, years ago).
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2004-06-11 13:52:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That sux dude. I told you that stuff ain't worth shit. (albeit too late) Are they going to let you retest?
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2004-06-11 13:48:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Keep drinking yourself silly. BC should have an agreement in place with a local clinic or hospital that handles all their testing, so you should have some advance notice beyond come.pee.now!
Good luck! We have excellent employee insurance!! What position did you get?
Submitted by TripinDayZ420 (user info) at 2004-06-11 12:01:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
thanks ash. i hope that works for me because i just called the goddamn doctor and i came back positive for marywanna. yes, i went through all that fucking horror for nothing. fuck fuck fuck.
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2004-06-11 11:27:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny as hell.
Related tale. My dad died in 2000, and to pass some time with my cousin we took up some recreational MJ usage. My mom has worked for Blue Cross for 17 years. Anyhoo a position I wanted came open and I applied. Now, mind you I was MJ free from age 18 to 24 and NOW I have to piss?! Ugh! I drank much, much, much, (glug glug glug float) water and did fine. In my 3 years here, I have never seen them do any surprise tests, but I work for the IL division. All Blue Cross plans are independantly owned, so I am not sure how it goes down in OK.
Submitted by the_lone_stranger (user info) at 2004-06-10 18:44:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
2 words: Reddi Clean
That and lots of water. Saved my ass once, and is available at your local headshop. The orange one tasted like watered down sunkist - not half bad.
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-06-10 18:41:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2004-06-10 18:35:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i don't know exactly how they plan on doing it tho seeing as how i am a few hundred miles from them. do i test here and send it to them?
____________________________________________________________________________________________
HA! Wouldn't that be convenient?
Actually, I'm sure they've contracted with some local testing facility and they'll send you there and the lab will send off the results. This means you should have at least a couple hours notice if not days.
Submitted by smoke anothern for me at 2004-06-10 18:29:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
fuckin tool, shield*******
Submitted by smoke one for me at 2004-06-10 18:28:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
its blue cross blue sheild of oklahoma so essentially its blue cross blue sheild which is one of the bigger insurance companies out there i believe. thousands of employees would be my guess as i know they have departments in at least 6 states. and i have quit <see reviews below> for the most part with a couple of very small slips (4 hits or so) and its been a week. the lady that i talked to said they may want to do it two weeks prior to me starting which is July 6th <-- my start date. i don't know exactly how they plan on doing it tho seeing as how i am a few hundred miles from them. do i test here and send it to them? do i have to go there to test at their facility? these are questions that i plan to have answered in the next day or so.
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2004-06-10 18:20:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i dunno man, it's just this is one of the better opportunities ive had to get my life headed in a positive direction and i don't wanna fuck this one up like i usually do
___________________________________________________________________________________________________
Well if that's the case then what you really need to do is (dare I say it?) quit smoking. You should find out their policy though, they have to disclose it to you. That's essentially what the shit that you buy is going to do, make it come up inconclusive. Most of those things they'll actually tell you to take with that much water, and the water's actually what's allowing you to pass the tast, not the suppliment or what have you. No FDA regulations I don't think. It could be crushed up aspirin, whatever. As far as being on the company's watch list, how big is the company and how many employees are bveing tested? Most company's allow inconclusive's to slip by because it is too expensive to retest. (Unless they count it as a fail and force you to pay for a retest, but again, they have to disclose all this to you. THere should be som lit on it or something)
Submitted by jcricket (user info) at 2004-06-10 18:13:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
that sucks.
i'm sure that there are a bunch of chinese med's that you can use if you go see a herbalist.
but you'd probably be drinking tiger penis mixed with monkey feces. and that's only if you're lucky.
Submitted by trip at 2004-06-10 18:02:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
the thing is, i don't know this companies policy on "inconclusive results". i have done the water thing and while it dilutes it well enough to come back IR, i'd rather have something that will come back as negative as to not be on their watch list or some shit like that. i dunno man, it's just this is one of the better opportunities ive had to get my life headed in a positive direction and i don't wanna fuck this one up like i usually do. thanks tho chris, your a good man.
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2004-06-10 17:35:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm telling you bud, you're wasting your money. If you chug about 64 ounces of water you'll be pissing clear in less than 30 mins.
Submitted by trip at 2004-06-10 17:25:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
well i went to GNC and they didn't have anything behind the counter persay, but they did have a big ass blue bottle of GNC Cleansing Formula so i am assuming this is the same shit. thing is, the directions only call for 2 capsules a day. i was looking for something more along the lines of 6-8 a day which would be closer to the <gasp> 18! suggested. hoping i got the right stuff.
Submitted by Dufflady (user info) at 2004-06-10 16:14:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No advice for ya, sorry. +2 for a good laugh.
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2004-06-10 16:05:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nah man, do they consider inconclusive results to be a "pass?" If so, just drink water until you piss clear. That's what I do and I pass. Don't waste your money on that shit.
Submitted by TripinDayZ420 (user info) at 2004-06-10 15:12:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
well, i've been to the doc and they have no results yet. the nurse told me yesterday that if it was negative they should have it back by today so GNC? here i come.
Submitted by Speed2oo1 (user info) at 2004-06-10 14:02:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahaha, since last saturday i have had one bowl (saturday) sunday night i had three pinch hits (shitty ones at that) and tuesday night i had half a bowl (4-5 hits) so i have definitely downgraded my usage. plus i have lost 6 pounds due to munchieless evenings!!! fuck you dr atkins!
The pills will work wonders for you then. If you're burning fat, dropping weight, exercising, drinking water, and cleansing, then you'll be good in a week or two. Especially with that low amount of smoking. Yeah, definitely make sure you go up to the person at the counter and ask for GNC detox pills, they'll give you a blue bottle that says "GNC Cleansing Formula" on it. I think there's also one on the shelves, I don't believe thats the same bottle, I've always gone up and asked and they pull one out of behind the counter. Hell, the first time I went in there the dude was a pothead he gave me a free GNC goldcard for a year because I was detoxin :)
Submitted by conrad (user info) at 2004-06-10 13:27:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Don't smoke for a fortnight prior to beginning the job, and then don't smoke 'til you have been tested - one doesn't actually NEED MJ, and a temporary abstinence really is the only way to be certain. THC has adhesive properties where cells are concerned not shared by other drugs, and these purging drinks are a very hit and miss affair. Such tests usually take place during the first two weeks of employment, or just prior to.
Submitted by conrad (user info) at 2004-06-10 12:52:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
The GNC things are apparently quite good, though a recent study found that drinking gallons of water and exercising are very effective in and of themselves - these companies really are making an outrageous profit through exploiting the fears of those such as yourself. Problem with THC is that it really does stay in the system for a long time, regardless of one's best efforts to purge it - the funny thing is that hard drugs are much easier to flush through one's system in a short space of time, making it easier to fool the tests. I once passed a drug screen 36 hours after having done 320mg Oxycodone and 2gs of coke: I had played a long tennis match in between then and the test, and had consumed vast quantities of Gatorade and water - this alone seemed to suffice.
Submitted by TripinDayZ420 (user info) at 2004-06-10 12:18:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
still waiting with much anticipation. i will post the results here via review. if praying is your thing? please do it. chanting? envoking? whatever you do, pleaaaaase do it! thanks. :c)
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-06-10 12:11:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahahaha, Just swallow it, what's the big deal? Hahahaha.
Hey, I want to know if the test came back clean or not.
Submitted by TripinDayZ420 (user info) at 2004-06-10 11:07:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"If you smoke like most potheads, which I'm assuming this guy is since he's trippin daisy's 420, he smokes a bit more than average, and needs a bit more protection"
hahaha, since last saturday i have had one bowl (saturday) sunday night i had three pinch hits (shitty ones at that) and tuesday night i had half a bowl (4-5 hits) so i have definitely downgraded my usage. plus i have lost 6 pounds due to munchieless evenings!!! fuck you dr atkins!
Submitted by TripinDayZ420 (user info) at 2004-06-10 11:04:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
im 6'2", 185 lbs, medium build.
speedo, imma check GNC today at lunch to see if they have some of those pills. is that what it's called? Cleansing Formula? this bottle of doom was $30 so price is no option. the deal is i am getting a job with Blue Cross and i start July 6th. However, the position is in Oklahoma City and I am in Fort Smith, Arkansas so the lady wasn't sure how they would go about testing. would it be when i got there? two weeks prior to employment? will i have to take it here and have it sent there? go there and take it? these are variables that i do not know yet. i am supposed to be receiving some documentation in the mail anytime now but have yet to see it.
Submitted by Speed2oo1 (user info) at 2004-06-10 11:03:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Quit telling him to drink water...you people are tryin' to kill this guy. Bastards.
http://www.hypocrites.com/article7065.html
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
She drank three gallons of water in 2-4 hours, we're saying a gallon a day. There's a huge difference there.
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2004-06-10 10:50:04 (#)
Ranking: 2
Ew.
My brother drank a gallon of water everyday, and he never had trouble passing those tests.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Definitely, on a low smoke profile. If he smoked anything more than a bowl or two a day, if that, a gallon of water will definitely not work, especially since the metabolytes from the THC stick to your fatty cells which are not completely flushed with water. If you smoke like most potheads, which I'm assuming this guy is since he's trippin daisy's 420, he smokes a bit more than average, and needs a bit more protection.
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2004-06-10 10:58:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I for one am glad you didn't post a picture of the contents of the toilet!
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-06-10 10:55:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Quit telling him to drink water...you people are tryin' to kill this guy. Bastards.
http://www.hypocrites.com/article7065.html
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2004-06-10 10:50:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ew.
My brother drank a gallon of water everyday, and he never had trouble passing those tests.
Submitted by shark25 (user info) at 2004-06-10 10:47:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good Times
Submitted by Totally_useless (user info) at 2004-06-10 10:46:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Tell me one thing...
What are your physical characteristics (height, weight, build)?
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2004-06-10 10:37:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That drink should make you shit out solid b-vitamin capsules.
Submitted by Speed2oo1 (user info) at 2004-06-10 10:30:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I've been there buddy, many times. Those fucking drunks are horrible, its impossible to chug like I thought I'd be able to. Depending on how much cash you have to throw around, you can get away with smoking every day and still taking a test. There's these little bottles of GNC Cleansing Formula that they keep behind the counter at GNC. I have this on a proven track record with three of my navy buddies that have been smoking since day one and have done fifty tests in the past couple years, they haven't failed one.
You need to take (drumroll please)... three, six times a day. That's eighteen pills a day. Drink at least a gallon of water a day (thats only twice as much as the suggested 64oz, and very easy to pull off if you keep a bottle of water with you at all times). If you have a GNC gold card, the bottles are about seven bucks a piece. If you stay on a steady regiment of these, you will not fail a piss test. These guys smoke a good bit, an eighth a day per person of some decent middies is about average if we all have nothing better to do. I've taken the pills for two weeks and slowed my smoking down to a few bingers a day and I passed a test last year.
Other than that, to pass a test, they have ready clean in capsule form instead of drink, but the drinks nor the pills are 100% proven, there's too many time constraints. Depending on if the tests are random or if you have a scheduled one, or whatever, the best thing to do is always to just stop for a few weeks prior (depending on how much you regularly smoke). I have a difficult time accomplishing this, though, so I just load up on the cleansing pills.
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-06-10 10:28:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The worst thing about Colyte is that it's *just* thicker than water, so even when you mix it with something, you know it's there...aside from the asscrack concentrate flavor.
Strangely, this post made me miss Slurpees.
Submitted by TripinDayZ420 (user info) at 2004-06-10 10:25:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
As the label reads:
Water, Carbohydrates, Fructose and/or Dextrose, Creatine (500mg)
Contains less than 1% of the following:
Potassium Benzoate & Potassium Sorbate (preserves freshness), Maltodextrin, Modified Cornstarch, Corn Syrup Solids (solids??? what??), Natural Flavoring (nothing in nature tastes like this), Tricalcium Phosphate,
now, check out these RDA's:
B1-25mg (1,'666'% RDA) - told you it was satans jizz.... 1666%????? shit.
B2-25mg (1470% RDA)
Niacin-25mg (125% RDA)
B6-25mg (1250% RDA)
Pantothenic Acid-25mg (250% RDA)
Inositol-25mg
PABA-25mg - I am convinced this stands for Pure Ass-Biting Assness
and last but not least, our good ol pal Red #3.
Submitted by Tom (user info) at 2004-06-10 10:24:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2004-06-10 10:16:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Colyte is nasty!
Probably the closest thing that I can compare Colyte to is drinking the saline solution for contact lenses.
Submitted by TripinDayZ420 (user info) at 2004-06-10 10:00:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Action And Clinical Pharmacology: Colyte cleanses the bowel by induction of diarrhea. The osmotic activity of polyethylene glycol 3350, in combination with the electrolyte concentration, results in virtually no net absorption or secretion of ions or water. Accordingly, large volumes may be administered without significant changes in fluid and electrolyte balance.
no i have not drank this and i hope i never have to miss kristen. yikes!!!!
i actually did pass one long ago doing the water thing. i drank 20oz of water mixed with plain jello gelatin then 80oz more before i went to pee so i was basically peeing water. the test came back low in creatine which they said meant possible tampering.
as i said dohnuts, i get the results back today i think so check back, i will post as a review what the results were sometime this afternoon (if they come in).
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2004-06-10 09:59:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What was in that stuff?
Charcoal to absorb toxins?
Diuretic/laxative to purge out the bad stuff?
Pure evil? ...And now you're going to have that mini-Freddy Krueger guy from Total Recall sticking out of your stomach?
Submitted by dohnuts (user info) at 2004-06-10 09:56:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"cleaning"
Have another +2.
Submitted by dohnuts (user info) at 2004-06-10 09:55:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't know what's creeping me out more, that baby or the pic just posted by whataefag.
Regardless, I could use some good "cleaing" advice myself...I'm trying to get a job with Uncle Sam. Actually it's state gov't, so that's like, uh, Cousin Sam. Or something.
Submitted by Fleadh (user info) at 2004-06-10 09:54:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Contunually drinking water for 24 hrs before the test is nearly always enough in my experience.
C
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-06-10 09:53:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ok. Gross.
Have you ever drank Colyte?
Submitted by jme7551 (user info) at 2004-06-10 09:52:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
awwwwwwwwwwwwww poor baby.
hehehe
i drank this stuff one time and it had the
consistency of motor oil the taste wasn't that bad
though. unfortunately i forgot what it was called.
i'm such a big help hehe.
Submitted by TripinDayZ420 (user info) at 2004-06-10 09:49:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
heheh yeah man i know, and im not smoking now, but im not sure that i have enough time between now and when im supposed to test to actually clean out. this was kinda brought on rather quickly and they could ask for a sample any day. its been almost a week without so i continue to drink water and cran but i wanted to test this out on my own in case i wasn't able to clean out in time. i only get one chance with this future employer and i do not want to blow it.
Submitted by itchy (user info) at 2004-06-10 09:46:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sure fire technique to beat the test: don't smoke the weed?
I know, I know, too crazy.
Submitted by TripinDayZ420 (user info) at 2004-06-10 09:42:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
i wrote this yesterday. feel fine today. if anyone has any proven methods to beat a weed piss test i will gladly take any and all suggestions.