Advice for Girls (1560 hits)
Category: HumorRating: -0.67 on 30 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Martyn Steiner (View user info) at 2004-06-11 09:59:31 EDT
I know nothing about girls. Except that girls seem to think they have a greater knowledge of how to treat the opposite sex than guys do, and they flaunt the 'fact'. This page aims to prove that, no, you don't; we're just less obnoxious about it.
One of the main things that girls insist on is the distinction between a skirt and a dress. Now, I am fully aware of the difference between these two, I just don't care about it. I really cannot be bothered to draw up the definition of a dress or skirt whenever I'm talking about them, I'll just call it a dress. So sod off.
Oh man, you know, girls - do not ever fake laugh. Ever. It's so incredibly annoying and obvious and makes you look like a common slut. That really isn't an exaggeration, when I hear a fake, air shattering, laugh I think 'Oh, a commoner. And also a slut". I personally do not consider either a positive point, though I'm sure that's prejudiced and will come back to haunt me.
Heavy make-up may cover up your zits, but it also makes you look like you're dead, or covered in baking foil. So, not good. I personally would go for very minimal make up, others may disagree, but all agree the beauty therapist 'so-much-make-up-your-face-is-7-inches-wider' look is not liked.
There are few things more annoying to a guy than being described by a girl as 'sweet', 'cute', 'nice' or... and this is the worst imaginable... A good friend. OK, it may seem true, but the fact of the matter is either he wants sex, or is only pretending to be your friend to be polite. If the latter is the case, then male X isn't a good friend, so you're wrong. If the former is the case, then you have essentially just taken a steaming dump of his sense of self worth. Way to go, bitch.
One of these few more annoying things is a girl who is brash, bitchy, in-your-face, loud, a dumbass, over-confident, fat and has an inflated ego. Peroxide blonde is a must for this kind of woma... no, huma... no, entity. Yes, they are mere entities.
Noone likes a feminist. Literally, there is nobody who likes feminists. Worse than a feminist is a feminist who's rude about guys. Tell you what, fuck you, you bearded dike.
Im not you're brother, father, uncle, grandad or nephew - dont treat me like it, or compare me to him. Would you like it if I compared you to my grandma? Damn right, you wouldn't.
Right, why is it that you say pretty much anything to a girl and its a deadly insult. Then, you have the damn cheek to be so fucking rude about guys and laugh about it. I often observe that if a girl asks you for an opinion, whatever you say is wrong.
Making yourself look an annoying wimp is not attractive, don't do it. This girl who sits on my left in my psychology class really pisses me off. One of the major reasons is her melodramatic response to this picture of a spider. I mean, people having phobias pisses me off anyway, but you can sod right off if you think I'm gonna believe you're scared of a picture. Fucking dumbass. Shes totally doing it for attention and when a girl does that she's effectively shouting "Martyn, I need an can of whoop-ass opening on me, could you please offer assistance?" Damn right, I could.
What is it with girls pretending they just want a nice man? I'll be brief with this one - find me a woman who GENIUNELY wants a nice man, and I'll shave my scrotum with a rusty razor and drink my liquidised faeces.
Don't bother telling me I'm sexist. Firstly I don't care what you think, and secondly, I hate most men as well.
User Reviews
Submitted by Martyn_Steiner (user info) at 2006-11-08 10:32:34 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Haha! I was young, I was lonely, I was angsty. I was a tit; what more can I say?
Submitted by FuckTheArmy (user info) at 2004-11-10 08:51:45 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Loren, awesome, wish I could have said it first.... cept I'm a guy, so I guess I couldn't truthfully have said quite all of it.
Submitted by JBW at 2004-06-30 13:41:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Except for a few things, you hit the nail on its head.
To Loren: You dumb bitch, your probably the kind of person who would rather take a guy whos loaded and has no sense of pride, than you would take a poor guy with some decent qualitys.
It's people like you who keep telling guys "We want to find a nice guy." apparently your so full of shit you can't even see your trying to hook up with some rich old bastard. So shut up you uppity bitch.
Submitted by kaablamm-o at 2004-06-30 13:08:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
you didn't quite make me laugh so i can't give it a 2 but made me smile! thank you, also, very much true, all of it!
Submitted by calbearspolo (user info) at 2004-06-17 17:52:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yes, you were correct. My sincerest apologies. Your post was earlier date, although still not terribly articulate.
Submitted by Martyn_Steiner (user info) at 2004-06-17 04:42:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah, sorry about the +2, this was my first post on here and I didn't know that was frowned upon. This is a few days old, so the 'i already wrote this' comment is odd, since he wrote his after me.
Submitted by calbearspolo (user info) at 2004-06-16 16:17:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Without seeming like a hit-whore, didn't I already write something like this? Was this what you were trying to do: http://www.ubersite.com/m/35769
Submitted by CanucksFan (user info) at 2004-06-16 15:55:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
'Tell you what, fuck you, you bearded dike. '
I enjoyed that.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2004-06-16 15:53:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Typical jealous rant.
ATTENTION GHEY MENZ.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-06-16 15:47:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Martyn_Steiner (user info) at 2004-06-11 17:18:04 (#)
Ranking: 2
Haha, I enjoyed being told to shut up and die.
In response to the "wasn't really that funny" comments, fair enough.
In response to the comments that I'm useless with women and a loser, fair enough.
Even so, there's no need to me mean, thats just unkind and wouldn't make your mummy proud.
But I still love you all, especially the person who said "this was very, very funny". That made his/her mummy proud.
Kisses, Marty
_________________
DID YOU REALLY JUST +2 YOUR OWN POST?????
Submitted by portia at 2004-06-16 15:32:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
a girl is a girl
tits, clit and small wrists really
a laugh and a half martyn
some things are funnier about girls though, being a girl i know girls
girl = girl
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2004-06-12 06:14:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Although I think that a lot of waht you said was complete cobblers, parts of it made me smile for how wrong they were.
Get your rusty razorblade out now, accept that there ARE some women out there who want to be treated nicely, and part of that is you bothering to make to distinction between a skirt and a dress. Part of that is accepting that a woman can be a feminist without it detrimentally affecting your life. As Loren said, not all women who want a fair crack at the whip are the new breed of femi-nazis.
I've found gay men to be the type I like most - they have no hidden agenda, they give me decent advice, and most of all, they treat me like a person, not just something they'd like to sleep with after it's cooked their dinner and brought them beer. Maybe that's the way forward for you...
Submitted by Wynny <chrissywynny.at.hotmail.com> at 2004-06-11 18:03:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Martyn, you truely are a genius.
I kiss your feet.
All hail macho men.
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-06-11 17:22:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-06-11 11:41:30 (#)
Ranking: -2
munkey just took a steamy poop and flung it at you
---
I didn't know you were that nasty...
Submitted by Martyn_Steiner (user info) at 2004-06-11 17:18:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Haha, I enjoyed being told to shut up and die.
In response to the "wasn't really that funny" comments, fair enough.
In response to the comments that I'm useless with women and a loser, fair enough.
Even so, there's no need to me mean, thats just unkind and wouldn't make your mummy proud.
But I still love you all, especially the person who said "this was very, very funny". That made his/her mummy proud.
Kisses, Marty
Submitted by conrad (user info) at 2004-06-11 16:27:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Snuggles_The_Assassin (user info) at 2004-06-11 15:21:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I was thinking what I should say to this piece of shit post but then I came across this gem of a reply:
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2004-06-11 15:08:49 (#)
Ranking: -2
Advice for you:
Shut up and die. Douchebag.
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Well put.
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2004-06-11 15:08:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Advice for you:
Shut up and die. Douchebag.
Submitted by crackergirl (user info) at 2004-06-11 15:07:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Fishtits at 2004-06-11 14:56:06 (#)
Ranking: -1
Asshat?! I love this asshat that you people speak of. Anyway, if you don't like anyone get yourself
a reliable firearm and bite down on the barrel. Close your eyes, inhale, exhale and pull the trigger. People like yourself are the plague of society. Don't cry for him Argentina.
---------------------------------------------
Wow, someone's overdramatic and insecure.
Submitted by Fishtits at 2004-06-11 14:56:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Asshat?! I love this asshat that you people speak of. Anyway, if you don't like anyone get yourself
a reliable firearm and bite down on the barrel. Close your eyes, inhale, exhale and pull the trigger. People like yourself are the plague of society. Don't cry for him Argentina.
Submitted by engine13 (user info) at 2004-06-11 14:32:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Asshat.
Submitted by Thanatos (user info) at 2004-06-11 12:32:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
There are few things more annoying to a guy than being described by a girl as 'sweet', 'cute', 'nice' or... and this is the worst imaginable... A good friend. OK, it may seem true, but the fact of the matter is either he wants sex, or is only pretending to be your friend to be polite. If the latter is the case, then male X isn't a good friend, so you're wrong. If the former is the case, then you have essentially just taken a steaming dump of his sense of self worth. Way to go, bitch.
I have female friends I son't want to sleep with. Not very many, and pretty much every other attractive female I see I want to sleep with, but I do have female friends I would never sleep with.
Submitted by mikethescottish (user info) at 2004-06-11 11:52:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Not particularly good, not particularly bad.
Looks like i'm perched atop the fence again.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-06-11 11:41:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
munkey just took a steamy poop and flung it at you
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2004-06-11 11:34:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
It's usually customary to have a working knowledge of a topic before you offer your "advice".
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-06-11 11:16:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No thanks, Beavis.
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2004-06-11 10:46:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Started off like it was gonna be funny... but then it wasn't. Sorry.
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-06-11 10:41:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You obviously don't have much luck with the opposite sex.
"you have essentially just taken a steaming dump of his sense of self worth"
By saying he was "nice?" or "sweet?" ??? Better than calling he/you a physically disgusting, gag-inducing sloth, isn't it?
-- I guess you have no self-worth unless it's given to you by a woman. Great, another responsibility for women in your opinion. Women are now responsible for making YOU feel like you're worth something.
What a loser! (No woman wants to be with a loser who has no pride.)
Awww, poor baby, the girl didn't tell you that you were a manly beast that took her breath away and made her want to fall to the ground with legs spread wide open for you?
Poor, poor little man. "SELF WORTH" is something you find for yourSELF, you weakling.
Oh, and you should look up the meaning of feminist. It's far from the vision of radical "femi-nazi" I'm sure is in your head.
Love,
A feminine feminist who can't stand stupidity like this post.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-06-11 10:37:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was funny, very funny.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-06-11 10:25:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Women brag about normal basic stuff.
ex:
"I do my own laundry, I'm so indepedent !"
"I went to a chic restaurant with this guy and he paid for my 300$ bills. My intuition tells me that his nice."
"I go to University. I was bornt to be a leader"
"Sometimes (read 3 times a year) I go down on my man, I'm such a good fuck !"
Truth is, they don't know shit. If they did, they would, like you said, shut the fuck up about it.
Submitted by freebie (user info) at 2004-06-11 10:24:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Let me sum up:
Girls don't like me,
I don't know how to talk to girls,
Girls scare me so I don't like them
Submitted by Fiore at 2004-06-11 10:15:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Woooooooo!!! Testify!
Submitted by Magicaddict (user info) at 2004-06-11 10:07:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Dipshit. I hate you too.
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2004-06-11 10:06:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Meh. When you started off I thought this was going to go somewhere....and then it didn't.
Submitted by Philst82 (user info) at 2004-06-11 10:04:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I agree. If only women weren't so damned good to look at....
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-06-11 10:04:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Bite me.