Question without an answer (685 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -0.1 on 11 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by gamma <don't email me.> (View user info) at 2004-06-11 12:55:59 EDT
The absolute worse, most terrifying, deadliest question a woman could ever ask a man has several forms. We have all heard at least a few of them. "Do these pants make my butt look big?", "Do I look fat?" etc...
To us men, there is no safe answer to this question. Along the winding roads of life, I have figured out that there are 3 ways of dealing with this question...none of which holds good results.
The first type of answer is in brief, "yes". Being the type of person I am, my first impulse to the question "Do these pants make my butt look big?" would be a joking answer along the lines of "No, your butt makes those pants look small". However, knowing the dire consequences of even joking about this subject, I would never even dare to say it, let alone think of it in the presence of a girl. If you were to tell a girl she looked fat, she would tie you to a tree and give you a million papercuts while laughing hysterically, holding out her hand in the shape of a claw, and howling at the moon. This would be followed by impaling you in her front yard. Not good.
The next method if dealing with this subject is to change the subject. Quickly blurting out "Look out the window! There's a midget on a skateboard chasing a bear!" might save you from the question for a few minutes as she looks out the window, followed by giving you an evil look. You may even have a chance to escape the room before she remembers to ask you "The Question" again. However, fact remains that eventually, she will pin you down, hold your eyelids open with clothes pins, and force you to provide commentary on her. A woman would jump accross the grand canyon, tackle 10 football players, lift a sumo wrestler, and fight a bull just to ask you "The Question."
The last(and probably best) way to answer this question is "no". This usually gets a "you're so nice" or "good" type of answer. But beware...this is only the beginning. A very short while later, you will be asked "The Question" AGAIN...then again...and again...and again...throughout the day. You will be asked this until you would rather glue bread crumbs all over you and run into a pack of seagulls.
Women: PLEASE TELL US WHAT YOU WANT US TO SAY.
Men: If you find an answer that works, let me know.
User Reviews
Submitted by 01011010 (user info) at 2004-07-29 02:30:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I agree with WillZone.
Submitted by Ferretnose (user info) at 2004-07-29 02:09:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
How about, "Yeah, but that shirt makes your tits look hot." Then all hell will break loose as she begins tearing through her closet looking for another pair, and then a pair of underwear specifically for wearing under those particular pants, and then a taller pair of shoes because the ones she had on originally don't look good with the new pants. What fun! Better just to say, "Yes, Please wear those" no matter how big the ass is.
Personally, I'd rather have a ghetto booty than a tiny flat one.
The answer to your riddle is this: You cannot win, so do not try. Made me smile, though.
F.
Submitted by Gnome (user info) at 2004-07-29 01:45:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
answer with an emphatic 'YES'. then they stop asking.
Submitted by WillZone (user info) at 2004-06-11 15:16:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
come on, like you have a woman.
Submitted by Yes (user info) at 2004-06-11 14:00:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
pretend that you didn't hear them, wait until they yell at you and then yell back, "STOP SHOUTING AT ME WOMAN! I'M GOIN' TO FUCKING PUB!" that'll take care of 'The Question'.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-06-11 13:27:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yawn....
Submitted by lafnrhino (user info) at 2004-06-11 13:27:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
There is only one correct answer to this question and it must be used the very first time she asks, "Do I look fat?" Look her square in the eye, keep a straight face and blurt out, "Yes! You look huge! You are a gigantic, fat disgusting ogre and that dress (pants, shoes, hair scrunchie or whatever article of clothing instigated the obesity paranoia) really makes you look bigger." I'm not gonna lie to you.... there will be consequences that you will be forced to accept for using this response. If your relationship is strong enough to survive this viscous verbal assault, YOU WILL NEVER HAVE TO ANSWER THAT QUESTION AGAIN! If she leaves you then she is probably insane and would have screwed any of your friends who told her how thin she looks.
Submitted by Magicaddict (user info) at 2004-06-11 13:19:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
My experience, I was speaking to female friends rather than girlfriends (and before anyone asks, I'm not actually gay):
Example 1:
"Does my bum look big in this?" (It doesn't).
"No."
"Good etc."
Example 2:
"Does my bum look big in this?" (Hell yeah).
"Yes - the cut's wrong for the design. Not sure what they were thinking. Try these (holds up different style in a smaller size)."
*Raised eyebrow* "O...kaaay..."
*Two minutes later.*
"How about now?" (Not any more it doesn't).
"Nope."
"Where did you learn to do that?"
Yes. I can discuss clothing with women. The female friends I have come to me for "a man's advice" on what they wear.
Submitted by DamienX (user info) at 2004-06-11 13:03:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Perhaps a less painful approach:
"That reminds me, I met this girl I was dating before we met and well,
long story short, the kids need some new clothes and things..."
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2004-06-11 13:00:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Gamma: 1
Email Verification: 0
Submitted by potatomanjack (user info) at 2004-06-11 12:59:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
There's an easy solution, and I've posted it before:
Woman: Do I look fat in this?
Man: Do you think I'm funny?
Woman: What does that have to do with anything?
Man: Well, I've been thinking about getting into standup commedy.
Woman: What!? Really? How long have you been thinking about it?
Man: Etc. Etc....
Just avoid the question by deflecting the conversation.