Why I Hate Nazi Zombies and Midget Penguins (1047 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.7 on 16 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Avals (View user info) at 2004-06-13 03:49:56 EDT
After reading the title of this post, you're probably asking yourself "But Avals, how can you possibly hate Nazi zombies?" And I must confess; the only thing that would be cooler than putting the hurt down on a zombie with a shotgun, would be putting the hurt down on a Nazi Zombie with a shotgun.
After all, killing zombies and killing Nazis are the two favorite American pastimes, so combining them would surely make for the ultimate experience, right?
(And midget penguins, well that's just weird. I mean, aren't penguins kind of short already?)
Alas, this post isn't about Nazi zombies, nor is it about midget penguins. Indeed, it's not even about plain-old zombies or your old run-of-the-mill penguins.
No, this post is about ÜberSite...
That's right Über, I'm looking at you. What the fuck is wrong with you? Why is the only way to get hits here is to have buzzwords in the title?
Seriously, how's a guy supposed to write anything worthwhile when the only way people will read it is if it's about:
a) Sex
b) Zombies
c) Midgets
d) Penguins
e) Nazis
or f) Any combination of the above?
Now I could go and invest another couple of perfectly good hours out of my life into writing something serious and thought provoking. But really, why bother? It'll just get another five hits and sink to the bottom of the abyss where all forgotten posts go anyway. If I'm lucky, maybe it'll get one or two reviews by some of the more intellectually gifted users on Über before being allowed to sink into obscurity.
Five bucks says this post gets more hits than all of my others combined, just because of the snazzy title. Any takers? No? Didn't think so.
Now really, I like zombies and midgets as much as the next guy, but they start to lose their appeal when they become the only thing you read about.
So, dear Über users, I have a suggestion that will improve the quality of life for all of you:
Try reading something with a boring title for a change. If nothing else, it will make the next post about a cult of Nazi zombies and sexy midget penguins you read that much more entertaining.
User Reviews
Submitted by okokididitbutiwasdrunk (user info) at 2004-12-31 15:32:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I hate nazi penguins and midget zombies.
Wow I am funny.
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2004-10-23 12:29:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Point taken, jack11058. I was young and ignorant; please forgive my foolish ways.
I'll look into continuing my 'Rewriting History' series just for you.
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2004-10-23 10:02:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It's a shame you never continued that rewrite of history. that was guaranteed +2's for life from this user. if you feel you are a serious writer with something to say, just say it. who cares how many hits you get. i'd rather have 20 hits and have people like something i really put effort into than get 500 hits for a piece of time-wasting drivel about midgets.
Submitted by Big Al at 2004-07-20 00:59:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I agree. Some of these posts really suck balls, yet they make it into the most heated list. (Sigh...)
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2004-06-14 05:31:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
By the way, here are a few headlines taken from today's The New York Times Online:
- New Bombing in Baghdad Kills at Least 12
- Recruiters Try New Tactics to Sell Wartime Army
- Clinton Planning to Use Book Tour to Assist Kerry
- Journals of 2 Former Slaves Draw Vivid Portraits
Yeah, real snazzy titles there. Why the hell didn't I think of that?
Face it, serious newspapers use factual headlines. Only women's tabloids, which are undoubtedly the only thing you read, use these "super snazzy" headlines to draw the attention of ADD-afflicted people such as yourself.
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2004-06-14 05:21:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
dakingisdead, if you consider newspapers the pinnacle of literature, then you're a moron and have no business breathing, much less writing anything. 'Catcher in The Rye', 'Lord of The Rings', 'Huckleberry Finn'... Notice a trend here? None of these books have "zombie" or "midget" in the title, and they're some of the most respected literature of our time.
I'm fine with giving humorous posts snazzy titles, but serious writings should be above that.
I've written posts concerning a hypothetical WWII scenario (i.e.: what would happen if the war progressed differently), and I refuse to name them "Zombie Hitler Strikes Back" just to get people to read them. To me, that would be disrespectful to all the soldiers who fought in the real war; not to mention downright dumb.
I don't see how 'Rewriting History' is a bad title. Do you have a problem extrapolating what the post is about from that title? Sure, a couple of hours of brainstorming would've probably yielded a better title, but I assure you that it still wouldn't contain "zombie", and thus, would still plummet down that bottomless pit of despair I mentioned in my post.
In conclusion: You appear to be an illiterate moron who consideres his local tabloids the pinnacle of literary achievment. Now please fuck off.
Submitted by dakingisdead (user info) at 2004-06-13 23:11:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Bullshit!
Have a look at your newspaper!
Get anything? Oh yeah they use super snazy titles and headlines!
Now think to yourself:
"WOW that must be something new! Why did't I think of that before? THATS how they get people to read their stuff!"
Then you will see why the title is important in getting people to read what you write.
If you can't be bothered spending the time developing a good title then stop bitching!
Submitted by Martyn_Steiner (user info) at 2004-06-13 16:48:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
In some ways I agree, in others I don't.
If the post itself is interesting, it should be possible to make the title interesting and surely part of the skill of writing is being able to think of a good, attractive summary for the title?
But, it is true that the title sometimes kinda misleads. For example, I wrote a page called "Advice for girls" which got shockingly poor ranking, because it was mostly girls who read it. Had more guys been intrigued, I think it would have done better. Im rambling.
The article girls hate; http://www.ubersite.com/m/35521
I'm sorry, world.
Submitted by bargled (user info) at 2004-06-13 16:39:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
You have a good point.
But I didn't come here for a good point, bitch.
Submitted by Spiral_Abraxis (user info) at 2004-06-13 16:39:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Very true dude.
Submitted by tsu (user info) at 2004-06-13 16:28:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Love the title anyway
Submitted by squattail (user info) at 2004-06-13 05:08:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You should have called it: "Naked pictures of my Nazi Zombies and Midget Penguins (NSFW)"
Submitted by shadowdragon (user info) at 2004-06-13 04:35:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Midget zombies having sex with Nazi penguins.
OH that's orgasmic.
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2004-06-13 04:25:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
McMuffin, I didn't say I hated all stories about zombies/penguins/whatever. I just said it annoys me that it's impossible to get hits any other way.
In fact, your zombie story was the first zombie story I read on Uber, and it totally rocked!
Which reminds me, I forgot to rate it... Mind another +2?
Submitted by Vermin (user info) at 2004-06-13 04:18:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The title of your post is the most important thing. Take a look at the titles of my posts. No matter the rating, anyone would want to read anyone of them just because of the titles.
Make good titles.
Submitted by McMuffin (user info) at 2004-06-13 04:08:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
An interesting point, Which I would have given a +2 to if I hadn't written my "Zombie story" (+2's all around)
http://www.ubersite.com/m/32607