Dissecting The Beauty of the Male Form (3710 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 1.54 on 74 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by reallybored (View user info) at 2004-06-14 11:48:03 EDT
In response to this wonderful post by Razor, http://www.ubersite.com/m/35730
It seems like everyday I hear guys complaining that women are always calling them sweet.
I try to tell them that being sweet is ok. They are sweet, and that's why they get called that all the time.
Really what is happening here is that there is a lot of difference types of looks out there for guys, all of which can be lumped together in there separate categories....sweet, handsome, gay. This is actually a rarely seen fourth category, weird, which I use for any guy that I can't put in the first three.
Now guys it's important to remember that sweet isn't exactly worse then any other category, its just different. If a girl is calling you sweet it means that even thought she will probably never touch you in any sexual manner she finds you OK enough to hang out with, and occasionally let you buy things for her in some pathetic attempt to exert some sort of feeling from her.
Remember, ONE TYPE OF GUY IS NOT BETTER THAN ANY OTHER. Except for handsome guys, they are usually much better looking then the rest.
I am going to go into details of what makes up each of the categories, and talk about how the categories overlap, and then I will finish it up with a pictorial representation of various movie stars and where they fall.
Sweet:
Sweet guys are guys that have some sort of natural features that women find attractive, but through personality traits are considered too nice for there own good. Most of the time they are in shape without being huge, and have simple features like brown hair and brown eyes. They generally have an aura of pleasegivemeachance around them, which means they are the most desperate for attention. Sweet guys make it easier for the rest of us to get laid.
Cute girls are natural beauties. They generally have more rounded features, and tend to be rather short... you don't find many cute girls taller than 5'4" They generally have an aura of innocence around them, which means that they are usually the kinkiest in bed. Cute girls are my personal favorite.
Handsome:
Handsome guys are the ones who 95% of women would moisture over. Handsome really is a broad category that can go from the noble good looks of Sean Connery to the I would fuck him until his dick fell off sexyness of Brad Pitt*. Generally, this group of males is in great physical shape, has a excellent looking face with solid strong features, and some sort of special something that really pulls in the girl. This special something could be really pretty eyes, nice lips, or a huge wang.
* As told to me by a female after she saw Troy.
Gay:
Gay guys are the most "different" of all the style types. While they don't have many similar physical features (besides being really skinny, and having weak wrists) they do dress a like. Common dressing traits would be long ugly euro-trash shoes, tight ass dark colored shorts, and some non-denim pants. A lot of times gay guys are the product of overbearing mother's and a faulty genes.
Weird:
These guys don't seem to fall into any particular category. Often they have some strange ass hair going on, or they dress in the dark. Weird guys don't necessary have to be bad looking, they just have to have the power to make people say, "WTF was that guy thinking?". Jonukah is a great example of a weird guy. His mammoth hair growth is borderline epidemic, and could cause global warming. However man girls would likely find him attractive, albeit after a NAIR bath.
Now, with that said, it's important to understand that you rarely find a guy who is the PERFECT example of any category. Most guy have some degree of everything, but they lean one way or another in the final analysis. A good example of this is my me because while I may personaify everything that is handsome, occasionally I act a little strange and could be put in the weird category.
Before I get to my pictorial example, I am curious to know if other people feel the same way about categorizing men's beauty... I guess that these words can be interpreted a lot of different ways, but that's what the words have always meant to me.
For reference, I believe that every man I either pictured or listed is a very attractive man. If I was not happily heterosexual, I'd have sex with them in a very uncomfortable place... like the back of a Volkswagen.
User Reviews
Submitted by podium (user info) at 2005-03-22 17:00:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Ex_Lux_Astrum (user info) at 2004-07-24 23:34:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Curly (Handsome): "nyuck nyuck nyuck...look at da grouse look at da grouse!!!"
Larry (Sweet): "hey moe....................."
Moe (Weird): "quiet porcupine, before I moyda youse............."
Submitted by K at 2004-07-24 23:12:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2004-06-14 13:41:00 (#)
Ranking: 2
If I was gay RB, I'd make sweet sweet gay love to you.
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What he said...only I'm female! So woo hoo! No sacrifices!
Submitted by Zoidberg (user info) at 2004-06-23 19:12:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2004-06-17 15:52:34 (#)
Ranking: 2
While Murphy may actually BE gay, he is by far one of the top 5 handsomest guys on Ubersite.
Not to say Murph isn't cute, but going by the pics I've seen on uber, that means about as much as winning Gold in the special olympics
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2004-06-17 15:52:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
While Murphy may actually BE gay, he is by far one of the top 5 handsomest guys on Ubersite.
Submitted by Tom (user info) at 2004-06-17 14:07:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I just realized how fucking weird that picture of me actually is.
Submitted by whataefag (user info) at 2004-06-16 12:21:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2004-06-15 20:17:56 (#)
Ranking: 1
Where's the "Big and Ugly" category, dammit.
I want in.
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AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!
Come to think of it, I don't think I've seen a picture of Bigmike. Hm, well ... I'm guessing handsome.
We need (yet another) follow-up post: Dissecting the Beauty of the Human Mind.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2004-06-15 20:17:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Where's the "Big and Ugly" category, dammit.
I want in.
Submitted by drstrangedhruv (user info) at 2004-06-15 16:40:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Overly sexy:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/22580
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2004-06-15 16:07:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by whataefag (user info) at 2004-06-15 15:10:10 (#)
Ranking: 1
One other thing: you forgot the term that most men and women who find men attractive use to describe anyone they genuinely would fuck: h-o-t.
sweet guys just lay there, handsome guys are gay, and weird guys end up with drug/alcohol problems and get fat. Which one are you called most often again?
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Yeah i was going to use hot, but i didnt want to because Razor already used it on his.
I cant remember the last comment i was given by a girl in respect to my physical qualities, however i would imagine it would be in the realm of handsome. Which would make me gay i presume. Funny, this is not the first time iv been called gay on this site, and surely not the last.
Submitted by whataefag (user info) at 2004-06-15 15:10:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
One other thing: you forgot the term that most men and women who find men attractive use to describe anyone they genuinely would fuck: h-o-t.
sweet guys just lay there, handsome guys are gay, and weird guys end up with drug/alcohol problems and get fat. Which one are you called most often again?
Submitted by whataefag (user info) at 2004-06-15 15:06:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
nah, in that case I think "faulty" works perfectly. Hooray for dual single-incomes, no kids and good taste!
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2004-06-15 12:53:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It's OK, RB, I know you haven't been in a gay club in a while. Well, since last Sunday at least. Your description is -- so last week.
But you hit the nail on the head about overbearing mothers and faulty genes. I'm assuming at least that by "genes" you meant "jeans" and that by "faulty" you mean "ill-fitting."
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No i meant faulty genes. Faulty meaning : Containing a fault or defect; imperfect or defective.
I believe that a person doesn't choose who they want to fuck, its already encoded by their genetics. Now if being gay is because of your genes, and gay people cant reproduce, and reproduction is necessary to survival, that would mean that those person's genes are imperfect or defective.
However, one could argue that the genes are fine because they are working as some sort of population cap.
So maybe instead of faulty i could have used the word, different. That probably would have fit better.
Submitted by indigogecko (user info) at 2004-06-15 11:36:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Could have done with being a little less copy-pasted.. you forgot to take out the bit about cute girls...
And I object to having Elija Wood compared to my signature critter.
Submitted by whataefag (user info) at 2004-06-15 11:30:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Gay:
Gay guys are the most "different" of all the style types. While they don't have many similar physical features (besides being really skinny, and having weak wrists) they do dress a like. Common dressing traits would be long ugly euro-trash shoes, tight ass dark colored shorts, and some non-denim pants. A lot of times gay guys are the product of overbearing mother's and a faulty genes.
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It's OK, RB, I know you haven't been in a gay club in a while. Well, since last Sunday at least. Your description is -- so last week.
But you hit the nail on the head about overbearing mothers and faulty genes. I'm assuming at least that by "genes" you meant "jeans" and that by "faulty" you mean "ill-fitting."
Submitted by enraged_baboon (user info) at 2004-06-15 11:26:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i enjoyed this rad picture and would like to see you develop many more sweet pictures for me to look at because pictures are nice and they make me say hahahha da picture is good
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-06-15 11:13:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-06-14 16:35:30 (#)
Ranking: 0
Jake Gyllanhall is cute.
Elijah Wood is a gecko.
Johnny Depp is old and greasy.
_____________
JG - hell ya!
EW - HAHAHAHAHA
JD - I'd have to disagree with you there. I would give my left tit just to
suck him off
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2004-06-15 10:59:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2004-06-15 09:11:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by chicagogirl (user info) at 2004-06-15 08:49:13 (#)
Ranking: 2
I think that reallybored and murph are the best looking pieces of meat up there. ok carrot top too.
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WHOO HOO!
Submitted by chicagogirl (user info) at 2004-06-15 08:49:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think that reallybored and murph are the best looking pieces of meat up there. ok carrot top too.
Submitted by Fabish (user info) at 2004-06-15 08:38:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You actually made a funny. I'm impressed.
Submitted by Falco (user info) at 2004-06-14 23:21:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Haha tom classic
Submitted by Tom (user info) at 2004-06-14 21:24:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2004-06-14 12:31:43 (#)
Ranking: 2
what about the "cute" guy?
Yeah, forget that. I'm not weird. I should be in a cute category. Im just so wuvable : )
Submitted by Slapshot99 (user info) at 2004-06-14 20:31:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
With regards to Carrot Top...you'd be really surprised to find out that he's actually a great looking guy. My wife and I caught a show of his in Jacksonville, Fla. and we got to meet him backstage after the show due to a bouncer buddy of mine working the show......My wife was floored by his actual good looks......She commented on it to him and he said it was make-up and lighting and such...One thing that struck me about him was he was fucking CUT out of marble........he had the 6-pack abs and the ripped arms of a guy who had spent a few years in a gym....As the saying goes in Hollywood....."Don't believe everything you see"
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2004-06-14 19:13:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i, for one, would not sleep with carrot top unless a massive ammount of money (over 5 million dollars) was at stake, and even then i might vomit during the actual sex act. kramer, though... i dont know, that messed up hair and bugged out eyes are HOT. im totally joking there..
Submitted by Nator (user info) at 2004-06-14 19:07:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
What THE FUCK is Carrot Top?!
Submitted by K.M (user info) at 2004-06-14 19:06:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Holy shit, mickginny. That was the funniest fucking jew picture I have ever seen.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-06-14 18:25:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd be 70% handsome,
20% sweet,
and 10% ghey.
(I'm straight.)
-Random Joe
Submitted by JohnGalt (user info) at 2004-06-14 17:43:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Tom is the best fit for any of those categories. He almost makes Christopher Walken and Kramer look normal.
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2004-06-14 17:40:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by MickGinny (user info) at 2004-06-14 12:15:09 (#)
Ranking: 2
you forgot yidele too.
http://www.jrbooksonline.com/jew-bwa-ha-ha.gif
==============================================================
aaaaaaaaahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2004-06-14 17:37:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nerds, RB, nerds! (You forgot them!)
And I'm sorry to have to admit it but Tom's hair just does it for me.
Caulaincourt,
I'm sorry for implying that you were gay, it was actually a backhanded compliment really :o)
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2004-06-14 17:28:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Since when is disgusting, greasy hair handsome?
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-06-14 16:47:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Keiffer is a queefer!
Really, I've hated him since "Stand By Me".
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2004-06-14 16:38:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
And Keiffer?
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-06-14 16:35:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Jake Gyllanhall is cute.
Elijah Wood is a gecko.
Johnny Depp is old and greasy.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-06-14 16:25:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2004-06-14 14:09:28 (#)
Ranking: 2
Ok, so I want to know where others would place the following:
Johnny Depp
Keiffer Sutherland
Elijah Wood
The kid from Donnie Darko (wha is his name anyway?)
___________
donnie darko = jake gyllenall (sp?) he was also in Good girl and he is in the recent movie
day after tomorrow
Johnny Depp makes me lactate
Elijah Wood is gay
Jake Gyhllenhall (sp?) is ummm cute
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-06-14 16:20:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
RB
tell me i'm at least cute and you can have the other +1
http://www.ubersite.com/m/35492
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-06-14 15:59:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Lojope, this was more a "wondering in suspense if the computer is gonna fuck up again" look.
Anyway, I prefer angry to gay -- which a couple not-so-subtely told me.
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2004-06-14 15:41:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Caul, I would place you halfway between Handsome and Weird, with a side of angry by the looks of it.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-06-14 15:12:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Brad "I make girls lactate" Pitt bahahahahaahahahhahahahahahh
And in which category would I fall ? (see last post)
Submitted by Kaelic (user info) at 2004-06-14 14:58:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I just might call her a lesbian. Bi, at the least. Notice that the post about the attractiveness of women was done by Razor, pressumably a guy. Not a girl.
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2004-06-14 14:09:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ok, so I want to know where others would place the following:
Johnny Depp
Keiffer Sutherland
Elijah Wood
The kid from Donnie Darko (wha is his name anyway?)
Submitted by lucid (user info) at 2004-06-14 14:05:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Whenever I replace the word "Moist" with "Humid" it makes me giggle.
"Christopher Walken makes me humid."
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2004-06-14 14:00:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I think you're closet gay, btw. You put a lot of effort into a post about the attractiveness of men.
----------------------------------------------------
If a girl did the same thing, would you call her a lesbian?
Submitted by Raimee (user info) at 2004-06-14 13:56:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Yah where are: Colin Farrell, Heath Legder, Orlando Bloom and freaking Joey Lawrence!
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-06-14 13:52:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
where's Colin Farrel?
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2004-06-14 13:41:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If I was gay RB, I'd make sweet sweet gay love to you.
Submitted by Kaelic (user info) at 2004-06-14 13:32:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
You used yourself as the handsome picture. Hahahaha.
That was the best picture you could find to exemplify a handsome guy on Ubersite?
I think you're closet gay, btw. You put a lot of effort into a post about the attractiveness of men.
Submitted by lowsodiummonkey (user info) at 2004-06-14 13:31:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-06-14 12:28:11 (#)
Ranking: 1
Christopher Walken makes me moist.
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There should be a post done on that.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2004-06-14 13:01:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Heh heh.
I don't think Brad Pitt is all that great. He's got some acne scarring or someting on his face and he looks like he waxed his legs and chest.
Submitted by Lisa (user info) at 2004-06-14 13:01:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I always crack up at the sight of Justin Timberlake's face.
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2004-06-14 12:58:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I go for guys in the "sweet" category. Also some that I guess I'd put in the weird category, but not the ones you put here.
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2004-06-14 12:46:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for mentioning Michael Richards...even if it wasn't by name.
Submitted by potatomanjack (user info) at 2004-06-14 12:37:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was very extra-good awesome.
Damn it! Its goodness is making me not be able to type good.
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2004-06-14 12:31:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
what about the "cute" guy?
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-06-14 12:28:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Christopher Walken makes me moist.
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2004-06-14 12:23:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I repeat,
Something I can really sink my teeth into!
Submitted by the_lone_stranger (user info) at 2004-06-14 12:23:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
WOOP WOOP WOOP WOOP!!
Man, there goes my gaydar...
Submitted by ohlookasquirrel (user info) at 2004-06-14 12:21:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Classic rb.
Mmmmmm sean connery...everyone makes fun of me for that.
I have to say my boyfriend is a weird guy.
I'm not sure what I am, possibly a cute girl, though I am 5 4.5. Hmmm
Submitted by Quartermain (user info) at 2004-06-14 12:19:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by MickGinny (user info) at 2004-06-14 12:15:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you forgot yidele too.
http://www.jrbooksonline.com/jew-bwa-ha-ha.gif
Submitted by Jimmy (user info) at 2004-06-14 12:07:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
'reallybored' looks like that man from Bloodhound Gang
Submitted by woplover <woplover.at.hotmail.com> at 2004-06-14 12:07:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
What about the guy that is not gay but looks like it? Would you put that in the weird category?
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-06-14 12:07:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I like the fact that you used the wrong kind of your/you're in the picture.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-06-14 12:07:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I like the fact that you used the wrong kind of your/you're in in picture.
Submitted by Anjie (user info) at 2004-06-14 12:03:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Perfect...
I would also add a manly category (Big and strong - just looking at them makes you feel safe).
This would include musicians (ok, some musicians, drummers especially) and athletes (Especially the big football players - I love teddy bears)
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-06-14 12:03:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i made my review on your other one.
oh, and you get a +2 on this one because i don't wanna be the asshole
to ruin your perfect 2 rating!!
Submitted by jme7551 (user info) at 2004-06-14 12:00:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ok apparently i like gay guys. hmmm odd anyway i think
justin timberlake is hot and whoever that murph guy is he's hot too.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-06-14 11:59:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck you RB!!
Fuck you to hell!
This is ghey anyway.
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2004-06-14 11:53:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
A plethora of typos, spelling errors, and grammar problems. I really rushed this cause i have a ton of work to do today.
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-06-14 11:52:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I only think one from each category is hot, except the "weird" one...
...Those are allllll hot. Mmmmm. Carrot Top.
Seriously, Adam Sandler is the hottest.
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2004-06-14 11:51:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-06-14 11:49:26 (#)
Ranking: 2
Shouldn't AJ be in the Gay column?
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With the broken search, i couldnt find a picture. But he was planned for it.
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-06-14 11:49:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Shouldn't AJ be in the Gay column?
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2004-06-14 11:48:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Fucked up the title on the first one.