Help For the Ladies... One Guy's Advice (1289 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 1.25 on 20 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by calbearspolo (View user info) at 2004-06-14 16:36:43 EDT
Recently I have been noticing some of the women I know complaining that they can't attract the type of man they want. This always bothers me because, to me, the answer is so simple. To help the ladies out, I have devised my own 4 step plan to achieving you male pursuing goals. Mind you, this is not to say that MEN couldn't improve themselves, and don't need multiple lists of their own, but such a discussion should be, I would think, written by a female instead.
So, feel free to chime in on, or disagree with, any point in your comments/rankings, but please make your critique more intelligent than "fuck you, male pig" or the like, especially if you haven't read the whole thing.
The Four Things Women Can Do To Get Guys:
1. Exercise.
Run, bike, swim, go to the gym, something. Far too many women today try radical diets, some involving "all protein" eating habits, that are, realistically, not working. The first law of thermodynamics states (paraphrased): energy in must equal energy out. This means that if you eat 1800 calories a day, you MUST burn off 1800 calories a day as well; otherwise you WILL store the excess. And jogging on a treadmill until you are a bit uncomfortable is NOT exercising. Exercising should be uncomfortable and sweaty—possibly nauseating at times. If you are wearing makeup, you aren't working hard enough.
Furthermore, by exercising, you: raise your metabolism and propensity for burning calories faster; get in better cardiovascular shape which is healthier for your body and leads to better stamina; improve your self-image--causing you to feel good about yourself, your accomplishment of working out consistently, and give you more self confidence. This last piece is probably the most important aspect. EVERYONE feels better about themselves when they look good and feel good, and this will cause your overall attitude to improve, know it or not. This is a very attractive trait for any male.
The persona of a person who exercises is also more attractive because it speaks to a certain level of dedication, energy, and aggressiveness. Being a hippopotamus isn't attractive, granted, but worse is she who is completely lazy.
2. Don't smoke.
We get it. You were 15, pissed at the world, and a cooler than the average bear in grammar school. While there are likely some guys that still see smoking as rebellious and kinky, there is a HUGE portion who finds it tacky and gross. You don't have to agree with me, but if you decide to smoke, you are automatically excluded all of those men from your potential pool who do. The rub of it is, the men who dislike smoking are going to be, generally, in better shape, healthier, and more active and athletic people—three things women claim to want in a man, typically.
The smell of smoke also attaches to your clothing, so if you want to use the "I'll just chew gum so my breath won't stink" defense, think again. It won't work. Smoke attaches to your hair and apartment furnishings too, two things you can't mask with gum either. Think I am wrong? Poll 10 male friends who don't smoke and ask them if they would rather date a woman who smells like burning diapers, or chocolate chip cookies. No contest.
Nobody even needs to mention the health implications of smoking and the person who willfully is killing themselves for the pursuit of looking "cool."
3. Eat.
Men are creatures driven by very simple urges. Sex is the number two most powerful urge; hunger is the first. To properly prime for number two, you must first resolve the primary urge. That being said, men like a woman who appreciates food as much as they do. If you are out to dinner and you are ordering nothing but a pair of saltine crackers, there is something wrong, in the man's eyes, because how could you not want to satisfy such a basic need? Woman who don't eat, or who are exceedingly picky about food are not only troubling, they are annoying and are never looked at favorable for it. This does not mean that you have to gorge yourself, but you should have an appreciation for a dinner if it is ordered or cooked for you as the man you have your eye on undoubtedly does.
This also goes hand in hand with the exercising point earlier. A woman who exercises NEEDS food; You are supplying a working body with the fuel it requires. And again, a woman who is not eating is likely doing it for a lack of confidence about her own self image, a characteristic which is fatal in the eyes of a male.
Eating is a social activity, too. It's one of the ways guys can show affection for each other without is being "unmanly." Why the hell do you think bar-b-ques are so great for a group of guys? Men can bond over the smoldering remains of meat and fire. If a woman is not eating, she is not being social--to a guy's way of thinking, and that is no fun.
4. Laugh.
More accurately it should say: have a sense of humor. You might be the hottest girl this side of the Mississippi, but if you are no fun to talk to or hang out with, you aren't going to get the man you want. This doesn't mean that you have to laugh falsely at everything a guy says, or even take an interest, but being overly sensitive to political correctness, never acknowledging a risqué comment in jest, or never having a witty remark of your own is social death. It's no fun to be around someone like that.
You know the reason that your shorter, less attractive, hugely sarcastic friend has no trouble talking to and getting the interest of men? It's the sarcasm part. A funny, sarcastic, average girl is vastly more attractive than a hot, boring, snooty one. Period. Why? Humor shows intellect, and believe it or not, men don't mind a woman is bright enough to entertain him. Humor shows edge, character, and gets boring far less quickly.
So there. Not very complicated, but extremely results oriented. I hope I have helped some eager woman, because after all, by helping the women, I am helping the men too.
User Reviews
Submitted by amy_duffin (user info) at 2004-06-19 08:30:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by GreenBean <marinajane79.at.yahoo.com> at 2004-06-14 23:10:56 (#)
Ranking: 0
You're a moron..... I LOVE smoking! i dont care if it kills me .. at least i wont end up 100 years old shitting my own pants!
too right - maybe you'll end up at 40 years old shitting your own pants
back-of-the-net. fucking yes mate
Submitted by Martyn_Steiner (user info) at 2004-06-17 04:40:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Well, Im sorry, but;
Submitted by Martyn Steiner (View user info) at 2004-06-11 09:59:31
Three days before you, surely? You read an old message yesterday and forgot to check the date...
Forgive me if I'm wrong, but at the moment, I dont think I am.
Submitted by Armadilo (user info) at 2004-06-15 08:41:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Who cares what they do as long as they suck and fuck
Submitted by Brian <bfuller.at.hotamil.com> at 2004-06-15 00:30:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't mind girls who smoke, but if they didn't it would be cool too. The other stuff was right on man.
Submitted by They_call_me_the_Fireman (user info) at 2004-06-15 00:09:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have to agree. Well stated and right on the mark.
Submitted by GreenBean <marinajane79.at.yahoo.com> at 2004-06-14 23:10:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You're a moron..... I LOVE smoking! i dont care if it kills me .. at least i wont end up 100 years old shitting my own pants!
Submitted by Slapshot99 (user info) at 2004-06-14 20:41:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Where was the "be able to place both ankles behind your head while in bed" advice?.The other advice was balls on.
Submitted by chipolatte (user info) at 2004-06-14 20:34:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
A girl who smokes a couple cigs a day doesn't bother me, a chain-smoker is not attractive. But a girl who will drink, smoke at a party, smoke some weed...yeah, she's my type.
Submitted by conrad (user info) at 2004-06-14 19:55:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I personally like women who smoke, drink copiously and do hard drugs - such abandon tends to rear its head in the bedroom too, and great perversions are better introduced into the proceedings when she's at least partially out of it. I deeply mistrust the fit.
Submitted by gassygirl73 (user info) at 2004-06-14 18:06:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Talk about don't get defensive Fuck Stick - didn't remember reading it when I wrote that. Damn.
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2004-06-14 18:05:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-06-14 17:02:10 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2004-06-14 16:51:11 (#)
Ranking: 2
This was absolutely right. Great job. Especially here:
2. Don't smoke.
Submitted by WiKi (user info) at 2004-06-14 17:40:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought this was wonderfully written.
Good job and AMEN BROTHA!
Yes. I said "brotha". So?
Submitted by calbearspolo (user info) at 2004-06-14 17:36:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by gassygirl73 (user info) at 2004-06-14 17:13:18 (#)
Ranking: 1
Well, the only thing is...this advice goes both ways. For the men just as much as the ladies.
________________________________________________
Did you even read the first paragraph? I think it's the second sentence of the entire thing.
Submitted by Jimmy (user info) at 2004-06-14 17:29:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i dont think women really need tips on how to attract men, and if they're moaning about something its that men arent up to scratch
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2004-06-14 17:20:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
the smoking doesn't really bother me unless she's a chain smoker.
Submitted by gassygirl73 (user info) at 2004-06-14 17:13:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Well, the only thing is...this advice goes both ways. For the men just as much as the ladies.
Submitted by cheruboo (user info) at 2004-06-14 17:04:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
ok but not great
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-06-14 17:02:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2004-06-14 16:51:11 (#)
Ranking: 2
This was absolutely right. Great job. Especially here:
2. Don't smoke.
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2004-06-14 17:00:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
very good.
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2004-06-14 16:51:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was absolutely right. Great job. Especially here:
2. Don't smoke.