Short Poem (724 hits)
Category: Quotes & Stories -> PoetryRating: -0.57 on 14 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Burn (View user info) at 2004-06-14 18:09:06 EDT
Ok, this is about my feelings after breaking up with someone, they decided to spread malicious things around my school about me. I'm not that literate as u have probably guessed and i do not have a poetic mind, but I have a little.
The pain inside,
It doesn't cease,
You took me there,
It's my release,
From all the shit,
You put me through,
I'd like to say,
Fuck you too.
User Reviews
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2004-06-15 15:00:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Honestly, it would have to be phenomenal to garner a positive rating given the length, and the fact is it sucks. Try harder next time. Anybody can rhyme 8 lines.
Submitted by Lynne (user info) at 2004-06-15 14:57:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Ahh, puberty.
At least the ending was good.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-06-15 14:48:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i've seen better but it was a good effort.
sorry about your chick, man.
Submitted by indigogecko (user info) at 2004-06-15 03:13:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
not the day for poetry, and.. yeah, I've seen better. Not a -2 because we've all been there...
Submitted by Stressedexonian (user info) at 2004-06-14 22:42:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
um.............i cant think of anything good to say about this. Some advice: If you write poetry about stuff that just happened, it generally won't be very good.
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2004-06-14 20:28:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
i should say "keep trying, you'll get it eventually... this isn't an easy thing to do."
and then you say "thanks for the encouragement"
and then i say "i was talking about your suicide attempts."
Submitted by geofroley (user info) at 2004-06-14 20:26:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Maybe you could make an R&B song to go with it with all that weird shit in the background. Fucker.
Submitted by RideJohnnyRide (user info) at 2004-06-14 20:16:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
OMG LOL DO U LIEK LINKIN PARK AND BLINK 182 THEIR MUSIC IS SO DEEP IT TOUCHES ME LIKE MICHAEL JCAKSON OMG LOLZ WTF ?!11!~
Submitted by gassygirl73 (user info) at 2004-06-14 20:06:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Keep writing - whats worse case scenario?
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2004-06-14 20:02:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
This sounds like a Creed song. Try working on imagery if you want to continue doing poetry. It's something every poet needs to know.
Submitted by Chris_Atler (user info) at 2004-06-14 19:28:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I like it because it reminds me of Ben Folds Five
Submitted by conrad (user info) at 2004-06-14 19:28:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Typical teenage angst, though the last line made me smile for a nanosecond. "Not a -2" is really the best I can say of this.
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2004-06-14 18:30:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
-1 (I've seen better)