Poem (282 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -1.44 on 11 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Carolyn Posner <cposner.at.exeter.edu> (View user info) at 2004-06-14 22:43:03 EDT
This is just something I wrote and decided to post:
Night Prowl
Deep down in the swampy bayous of Florida
The sun melts from the sky
Like a yellow pat of butter
In an inky frying pan.
Under the great tree-canopy
Protective mother of wood,
Murky puddles of water glimmer
As a few stray beams of fire
Break through the green shield.
As the sun slips below the horizon
Cold water drowns light -
Night climbs over the black mountain ridges,
Eye glowing white.
And I wait, restless, creature of the night,
For the moment to begin my prowl.
User Reviews
Submitted by euripidestrousers (user info) at 2004-06-15 11:52:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2004-06-15 11:30:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I am not giving this a -1 because I hate poetry. I love good poetry. This is not poetry. The imagery IS good. If I were you, I would use this imagery and create a short vingette. The poetry angle really isn't working for this. I know opinions are like assholes, but I think this could be a really good premise if it was fleshed out.
Submitted by potatomanjack (user info) at 2004-06-15 10:34:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Deep down in my heart
I hate you
Submitted by FartSmeller (user info) at 2004-06-15 08:12:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Deep down in the deep part of the swamp
There was a swampy bit of water
And there lurked the most terrible
Alligator with its very terrible teeth.
Also there lived there a shitty
Poet who didn't know it that they
Were shitty. The eye turned red
The mother tree cradled her womb
The diabolical evil discombobulated.
I am a burning hole in the scorched sky.
Don't ever post a poem again please.
Submitted by indigogecko (user info) at 2004-06-15 03:05:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I'm doing a few things here:
1: I'm giving it a -1 because I think this does have some value to it, and doesn't deserve a straight -2 just because it's poetry, a zero wouldn't change your -2 average and it's not really good enough for a 1. Sorry.
2: Giving you a hint here: poetry doesn't go down well. Wait for one of the regs to post some and get a decent review, it's a good sign the general mood is accepting of poetry that day. I got lucky with one poem, but I know a lot of decent work that got slapped down, much like this one.
It's not great, but it's not as bad as it's being made out to be.
Submitted by bargled (user info) at 2004-06-15 02:02:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
you should try to die soon.
Submitted by conrad (user info) at 2004-06-14 23:09:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Not at all good, in my opinion - entirely lacking in poetic virtue.
Submitted by squattail (user info) at 2004-06-14 22:56:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Pffffffft mickginny.
Bad Decision: Naming your website domain after your favorite past time: fucking donuts.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-06-14 22:56:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Hint - just because
the words are in
tiny little lines, like
this, doesn't mean
that it's any
kind of poetry.
Submitted by MickGinny (user info) at 2004-06-14 22:51:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
"This is just something I wrote and decided to post:"
Bad Decision.
im not going to -2 you and not tell you why it was a bad decision.
wait, yes i am.
Submitted by squattail (user info) at 2004-06-14 22:48:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
BAYOU BILLY