“Why is it so important that he be attracted to me?” – an anonymous account with anonymous camwhoring (3222 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.66 on 100 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by ohlookasquirrel (View user info) at 2004-06-15 06:49:06 EDT
[names have been omitted and pictures edited to hide the identities of characters you can clearly recognize if you aren't moronic]
She had just gotten back from a literal roll in the grass at the neighborhood park with him, given him his birthday present, and sent him on his way. The day had been perfect, beautiful, unmarred for the sake of literature. So it was only reasonable that something impose upon it.
He didn't call for several hours. Unusual, she thought. They talked a bit later; he was distant. Finally, it came out, "I've been thinking about us".
She rolled her eyes.
He had an odd way of waiting until things were just perfect and then putting something forward as if it were so small..."I know I said it didn't bother me, but I think you should dress less...exposed".
She was mildly offended at first. She spouted off quickly - she respected herself and expected others to respect her, she worked hard to NOT dress provocatively. And then, as she was building momentum and reaching anger, she mentioned "It's very important that you be attracted to me".
With three words, he brought her down from anger to fear, and then to an unmistakably queasy feeling.
"I am".
An infinitely long pause.
"Kinda".
Now, why is it that this one addition of "kinda" becomes so important to her? Why is it that the "kinda" he utters can undo everything?
If she loves him, and he loves her (ignoring all the implications and ideas about the possibilities of such love), why does this small issue matter? Why must he find her attractive?
He has to though, she does not know why, but he MUST.
She doesn't care what the rest of the entire world thinks, the one person whom she needs to believe in her beauty doesn't - or worse, finds her mediocre. It is slowly eating away at her.
It especially eats at her because of the general public attitude towards their relationship. Many of her friends have simply deserted her, with the cryptic address of "We told you if this ever happened things would change". Nearly complete strangers have come up to her and remarked that "Your relationship with M--- is disturbing, why are you with him?"
Such is the gossiping, backstabbing, and petty nature of the young adult world.
With three words, he has changed the entire dynamic. It was awkward enough when everyone assumed she was too good for him. Yet now, he is too good for her, as she always suspected, and he has her scrambling to regain her footing. They are with each other for other reasons, she assumes, but this simple matter of his sexual and physical attraction to her is consuming her being.
And worse, in the background, looms the possibility of the control that he is infamous for, that she has been so forewarned about. Things would be different with her; he can't tell her who to hang out with, he has so many mutual friends with her. He can't tell her not to smoke or drink, she doesn't already. He can't tell her how to dress, because she gives him no reason to do so (or so she thought).
But...how did this happen? Is he beginning to ease in to what will become an entire system of control, or is she too eager to be paranoid? And why is she so scared now that maybe other people have been right all along...
They can't be. Today she is going to see him in the morning. She will kiss him and apologize, she will try to change herself despite his adamant declarations that she shouldn't change for him.
She may be giving in.
She may be doing the right thing.
But in the end, all she can think about is that he is attracted to her...kinda. It shouldn't be so important.
Why?
User Reviews
Submitted by ohlookasquirrel (user info) at 2004-06-21 13:47:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Thank you for that.
I'm glad that there are actually people out there who follow me.
I'm also glad I was able to stop in and read that.
To those of you charting me (aj??), I'm in MA now, woo!
Also.
100
Submitted by Random Jane at 2004-06-18 20:12:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Those were all me. I apologize for the backasswardsness of the pasting.
+2 for squirrel.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-06-18 20:11:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
And finally, so what if he was just "pissed off and spouting"? How dare he get pissed off and decide to spout about how YOU need to dress like a bag lady? And how he likes you ... kinda? At the very, very, very least - you deserve a sincere apology.
Not much credibility for a Random Jane, I know, but I hope some of what I said or others below me said will hit home for you. And most importantly, I hope you feel better and know that the problem lies not with you.
You are great.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-06-18 20:11:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It's very hard to comprehend "there are other fish in the sea" until you've been through a bunch of them.
I would not stand for this from a boyfriend. But there's so much about your relationship that we on Ubersite, reading the bits and scraps you choose to share, don't comprehend. If you feel you would rather salvage the "us" than the "me" ... at the very least, please, please, sit down with him and have a long talk about it. He needs to know that you are happy with the way you are and it is not his position to change you. A relationship will never - I repeat NEVER - work out if either person has it in the back of their mind that they could be happy with their partner "if only" ....
You have impressed me repeatedly with your confidence, maturity, and even keel. Judging solely from this post, this relationship is below you. HE may not be - but the way he acted right then, was. He needs to understand that if you are going to continue to be happy together.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-06-18 20:10:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
However intelligent, analytical, and driven to success you may be, your emotions are just like everyone else's. You're young. You couldn't have had that many intense relationships before this one. Nearly every girl has some insecurity about her appearance, and it only takes a little to drive us wild with worry. Your boyfriend should be the first person to be aware of and sensitive to this. Even if you WERE dressing like a slut - which from your pics, you do NOT - that is your choice and only yours. The first few times you get into a situation like this, you want to change. You NEED to change. To keep their affections. The feeling of being with them.
But you get older. You break up. It happens again. And again. And at some point you're going to realize that what you are is what you want to be, and nobody - least of all the ones you care about - should change you to suit their needs. He doesn't want you to dress less exposed for your benefit ... it's for HIS. You need to put yourself first here.
Submitted by Random Jane at 2004-06-18 20:10:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Squirrel ... I've read your posts and have been lurking here for a while. This made me so angry and sad. You are obviously an intelligent, positive and beautiful girl with the ability to reach beyond what she knows and succeed. "I'm not allowed to talk to his brother, and I feel guilty when I hug other guys." That's awful. The fact that he can tell you who you are and are not "allowed" to talk to is ridiculous, unless his brother is some sort of serial rapist. He isn't just being "protective". He's being possessive and controlling. No healthy relationship can bear that.
"Kinda." That's just straight up fucking manipulative, and you should have seen past it in a second. For once, I'm with Kaelic. We'll go kick his ass.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-06-18 13:01:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
The problem is simple. You are a butter face (everything looks good but her face). Problem solved . . . kinda. Go on Extreme Makeover and let them fix your grill. Bitch.
Submitted by Tenyuki (user info) at 2004-06-18 07:28:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by big_n_veiny (user info) at 2004-06-18 00:55:59 (#)
Ranking: -2
Stop being such a bitch. Maybe you are just ugly so you should hold onto this guy cause no one else wants your ugly whiny ass. Seriously, he says "kinda" and you can't function normally, retard.
-----
Did it ever fucking occur to you that she cares so much about this guy that perhaps what he says to her would affect her? Fucking dumbass. It's called having feelings and shit.
Submitted by big_n_veiny (user info) at 2004-06-18 00:55:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Stop being such a bitch. Maybe you are just ugly so you should hold onto this guy cause no one else wants your ugly whiny ass. Seriously, he says "kinda" and you can't function normally, retard.
Submitted by CleverName (user info) at 2004-06-17 14:56:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No offense, but that dude's face just screams out to me: "Second theater on the left."
You, Squirrel, are too easy. You're allowing this child to manipulate you despite the fact that he has no evident talent for manipulation. As for your style of dress, when it comes to the pic you furnished, I've seen 9 year-olds dressed sluttier for church.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2004-06-17 12:35:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I meant to say he looks like a self absorbed chaud, the kind that thinks it's cool to be depressed and angry and therefore tries to play it up.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2004-06-17 12:33:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
He looks like a selfand play it up.
If he won't let you talk to his brother, that's just wierd. Next thing you know, he won't let you talk to any other guys. He's already bitching about how you dress. You look non-slutty to me. Besides, isn't that how you dressed when you started dating him? Fuck him. Don't be an idiot. What the fuck. Why do women put up with this shit? My ex tried to control me and I dumped his sorry ass. He tried to grab my arm once and jerk me around to keep me from leaving and I nailed him one right in his jaw, right before I dumped him. He was a psycho who stalked me the entire time we dated and for months after we stopped dating. It started with him not wanting me to talk to his brother, who was a very good friend of mine. Then it was just every other guy. Then he'd get pissed off about what I wore. This guy even knew exactly what the track marks of my shoes looked like on the ground. He saw them next to his brother's one day in the driveway (from when I came over looking for HIM) and accused me of "hanging out" with his brother. For Christ's sake he got mad when I wore a halter top to the BEACH. All this shit when I was 17 and should have been having the time of my life. That guy looks like every picture of my ex that I had. Not smiling, to cool to care, trying to look depressed and broody. Fuck that bastard. I'm not saying it won't be hard, love makes you want to look past that stuff, but you can't look past it, ok. If you do it will get worse.
I'm probably projecting here a little, but he sounds like an asshole and he's fugly.
Submitted by Fleadh (user info) at 2004-06-17 08:04:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ah the stupidity of youth, If you listen to nothing else thats been said listen to this: Violence solves everything and its great fun as well!
Jebus, kids these days know nuttin'.
C
Submitted by ohlookasquirrel (user info) at 2004-06-17 00:22:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
There are some rather violent suggestions here, y'all know I'm not a violent girl.
Submitted by ispilledmysnapple at 2004-06-16 19:10:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You should get feminist on his controlling ass and set him on fire, starting with his hair.
Submitted by DarthFaded (user info) at 2004-06-16 18:52:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Squirrel this guy is a douche bag. Come sit on Daddy's lap.... JK
Don't change for him, especially when he has THAT haircut.
Submitted by Scott_James (user info) at 2004-06-16 15:49:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Zoidberg (user info) at 2004-06-16 07:22:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
he looks like a tool
drop him
Submitted by tshia (user info) at 2004-06-16 05:07:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You should take my advice because I'm a genius, I have spelled out the plan of action you should take in a few simple steps
1) Buy sledge hammer and some mace
2) Walk to his house
3) Knock on door, when he answers...
4) Smash his foot with sledge hammer
5) As he crumples to the ground in agony (having every bone in your foot broken at once is suprisingly painful) kick him in the throat
6) Tell him "I kinda think I should start going out with someone who isn't a jackass"
7) Punctuate the above statement by spraying his eyes with the mace
Oh yeah, and if he calls the cops or anything just say he tried to rape you, you won't even need to prove it in a court, everyone will hear the accusation and assume he is guilty. Then his life will be ruined. Kinda.
Submitted by Innocent (user info) at 2004-06-16 01:41:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
You have a really big smile
Kinda
Submitted by bargled (user info) at 2004-06-16 01:39:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
high school relationships NEVER last. always remember that. if you're not having fun, get out.
Submitted by dakingisdead (user info) at 2004-06-16 01:22:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh Jebus Squirrel,
I almost missed this post!
Right Now Listen To An Old Fart for a bit ok.
Get the fuck away!!! from this moron.
"I like you ......KINDA!"
PLEASE!!!!that is NOT the way a guy should be attracted to you. Listen I have seen enough relationships end over the years because of the control freaks the men are or become. It is WAY way way easier to end it now than later I assure you!
Don't you even think that it will be alright and that he will change. This sort of power play is insidious!
OK enough of the Dutch uncle bit ok. Just look out for yourself. You have the world at your feet (to quote an old cliche) don't fuck it up for some deadhead!
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2004-06-15 22:50:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Absolutely do NOT, I repeat, DO NOT, change anything about yourself for any guy. Not the way you dress, the way you speak, the way you act. Trust me.
Submitted by Tenyuki (user info) at 2004-06-15 22:36:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I agree with korthrun. He -does- look like a sick freak. He -does- have his fly open. He -does- look like he reeks of redneck.
Viv, like I said earlier, if you feel strongly about this guy, then we, as your friends, have to support you. But that doesn't mean we still can't have our doubts. And hey, doubt is my middle name. Well... not really, but it should be.
I'm hard on him because I love, I love, I love.
...and come on, kid, he looks like the dude from Nickelback. Only... he's real and not an animated robot from the Planet Z.
Submitted by korthrun (user info) at 2004-06-15 21:29:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't even know the guy and regardless of your post, just going off the pic I say get the fuck away asap.
His fly _IS_ open. He looks like a grump, his stare I do not trust, and he fucking radiates sicko. When I say sicko I mean lures small childeren into cars with candy. He may not now, but wait till hes 33.
Seriously, get the fuck out. His arm isn't even around you, it's behind you. I can tell by your pose you are smiling for this pic. He isn't even trying. How long was his right arm there before the pic? It looks hastily placed, and frankly like he doesn't want to be touching you.
Hmm my crystal ball just went static on me.
Korth
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-06-15 20:52:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hate to say I told you so, so I'll keep my mouth shut.
Submitted by ruthless (user info) at 2004-06-15 20:34:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Get rid of that guy. He is most definitely not worth your time.
Submitted by ruthless (user info) at 2004-06-15 20:32:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Wow, this hit close to home.
Submitted by Yes (user info) at 2004-06-15 19:07:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
tell him to take a hike, if he can't handle you, then he can suck your dick.
Submitted by Snuggles_The_Assassin (user info) at 2004-06-15 18:49:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That guy looks like a fucktwat. How about I "kinda" stick a 14" dildo in his ass and then "kinda" stick it his mouth and then "kinda" shoot him in the face. Dump the zero and find a hero, yeah I'm that gay.
Submitted by ohlookasquirrel (user info) at 2004-06-15 18:46:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
phase.
PHASE
Jesus christ, I spelled phase faze.
HOW THE FUCK did I not fail the SAT's.
Last time.
Submitted by ohlookasquirrel (user info) at 2004-06-15 18:39:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
One more thing.
Ack, the reality of this just hit me.
I posted about a tiff with my boyfriend.
I am a really fucking dramatic tard.
And for samson, with remarks as to whether my face was "fekked up", I posted real camwhore pictures in these two posts: http://www.ubersite.com/m/33633 and http://www.ubersite.com/m/26152
I don't have a "fekked up face", I don't think I'm the shit, but I know I'm not ugly, and this just hit me smack in the forehead.
Submitted by ohlookasquirrel (user info) at 2004-06-15 18:10:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
And a huge huge sorry to kaelic.
I was in a honeymoony faze when I said all that, but I still mean it.
Submitted by ohlookasquirrel (user info) at 2004-06-15 18:09:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
BAH, how did I come back and most heatedify this?
Sorry sorry sorry.
Thank you again everyone, but I think I may be okay, he may have just been pissed off and spouting off... I hope.
In any case, unheat this please.
Thank you though, seriously, it's amazing that you all have such faith in me.
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2004-06-15 17:53:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Is his fly undone in that pic?
Submitted by DavyJones (user info) at 2004-06-15 16:24:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I liked this post...
Kinda.
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2004-06-15 15:54:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Squirrel, you're a gorgeous, kind, intelligent and all-round lovely person. You know you're worth more than that, and you've only got to read what's been said below here to know that the guys on here (and I use that term to incorporate everybody) think you're worth more than that. Give yourself a big hug from all the users on uber who think you rock the planet - me included.
Submitted by samson (user info) at 2004-06-15 15:42:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Unless your face is all fekked up that guy is a complete moron and you should toss him to the curb.
Submitted by ugaly (user info) at 2004-06-15 15:34:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I "kinda" think you are attractive means the same thing as "i 'kinda' want to be with you, only because you are 'kinda' attractive and i think i can manipulate you into being what i want." i dont remember who it was before but someone else posted about this. The guy manipulated her and turned her into everything she never wanted to be, then after a year she dropped him.
This could be both good and bad. He may be saying 'kinda' because he thinks you are a good looking girl, but that isn't why he is with you. Maybe he is dating you because you have the type of personality that he likes, but doesnt think you are the most beautiful girl he has ever seen.
My honest opinion - at your age you probably shouldn't be worrying about what people think about you. You are seventeen years old. You are a young woman, if you are popular you most likely want attention (which is why you are with him). And if that is the case then he isn't going to give you the type of attention that you want.
Submitted by engine13 (user info) at 2004-06-15 15:28:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Kinda. That's shitty.
You do need to be attracted the to the person you are with. Its a reasonable request. That attraction can grow as you get to know someone better, but you should start out being physically attracted to the other person. This guy is a dick. And, he's probably only 17 or 18 and apparently thinks he's hot shit, but from the picture and the story he's not.
Submitted by Jimmy (user info) at 2004-06-15 14:48:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
the only reason you're so upset is because your insecure about your looks.
can he get me tickets for Foo Fighters next gig?
actually fuck that, Foo Fighters are quire.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2004-06-15 14:22:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Go out with older men. It always worked for me when I was your age. :-)"
You get a +2 because of Loren.
Submitted by Donitsu2002 (user info) at 2004-06-15 13:55:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey look at me, albeit i look like a jackass i'd go out with ya in a heartbeat. (not that that's much consolation)
Your boyfriend is a Turd Burglar, let me demonstrate the proper method for a Pile Driver and show you that there are plenty more guys worthy to have you as a girlfriend.
But let me console, all these other, the morosely intelligent of Uber have given you advice, most of us seem more experienced in the whole dating thing, take some of our wisdom and give your boyfriend the boot, or stay with him and be a tool... your choice.
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-06-15 13:19:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by ohlookasquirrel (user info) at 2004-06-15 09:43:56 (#)
Ranking: -2
I_have_a_kristen_fetish, this isn't a "stunt". I was really fucking
upset, but when I am, I always choose to write things in "anonymous"
fashion ( I think I have three or four posts like this, as "fiction").
I was sorta torn up, pissed off, and it was cathartic, not a stunt.
---
Sorry... When I read the post and then seen a picture of you, sans head, sitting beside some angry looking douche, I thought it was supposed to be making fun of all the recent camwhoring here and failed to find it funny.
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2004-06-15 13:04:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Why would you ever consider taking anything even vaguely resembling shit off someone with that haircut? I wouldn't even touch him with his own cock. Give him a smack and tell him to sort his fucking wig out.
Submitted by euripidestrousers (user info) at 2004-06-15 12:57:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2004-06-15 12:41:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-06-15 12:14:02 (#)
Ranking: 2
Go out with older men. It always worked for me when I was your age. :-)
-------------
So, now that you are the age you are, would you ever consider dating younger men?
You know... just for kicks? :p
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-06-15 12:34:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Why are all your pictures taken while you sit on that couch?
I picture all of your family and friends lining up down the hallway... all waiting for their turn in front of your Uncle (who is positioned in front of that couch, with his fancy camera).
"Oh oh, I want the next picture with OLAS!"
"No meeee!"
"No, I need another one, the dog got in the last one... I need one without the dog."
etc etc etc
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-06-15 12:14:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"She will kiss him and apologize"
If you apologize, I wish I could say I'd find you and smack you silly. But I'll just say that if you apologize, you might as well kiss the entire relationship good-bye.
Nobody respects weakness. Respect is necessary in love.
This guys sounds like a selfish little prick anyway. Look at the puss on his face and his hand all limp on the couch. This is not good relationship material...
Go out with older men. It always worked for me when I was your age. :-)
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2004-06-15 12:02:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Every story has two sides.
I wonder what we would think of him if he told his story?
OLAS, you are very cute and could probably get any guy you want. Why not find someone who will be nice to you?
His right hand isn't even on your butt for Chrissakes. If that were me, and I loved you, my hand would be right on your butt. :)
Submitted by indigogecko (user info) at 2004-06-15 11:27:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
sounds like an idiot. Kinda... yeesh.
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2004-06-15 11:14:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2004-06-15 08:29:42 (#)
Ranking: 1
Look at that picture. He sure looks awfully happy to be with her. What a dick.
Girls don't want nice guys. They just want guys who are hot and who'll give them what they want when they want, and to keep that, they'll change who they are inside. That's just nuts.
_____________________
THANK YOU. I WIN.
bob > squirrel.
seriously, if i think trying to change how you dress is just as bad, if not worse than telling you "kinda".
but shit woman. dump his ass like i said 2 months ago.
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2004-06-15 11:10:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i told her. whoever her may be.
her, err...she...cant change him and there is no reason why she should have to change herself to meet "his" standards.
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2004-06-15 11:04:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
If you feel guilty for doing something that should be okay, its not your issue that needs to be worked out, but his.
Squirrel, everybody here is on your side. Talk to his brother and find out what happens. Ask him about ex girlfriends, for sure.
Can't talk to the brother. That tells me he doesn't plan on keeping you around, if he's keeping you separate from his own family.
We love OLAS. I hope your dance school-thing is soon, so you can get out of the situation and have time to think about it rationally.
Submitted by Kaelic (user info) at 2004-06-15 10:54:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'd knock this ugly fucker the fuck out. God, this shit pissed me off.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-06-15 10:48:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Okay. This is the girl who announced that "I'm part of the generation that's going to be making the decisions for you people" or something similar. You ARE that girl, right? That tough little cookie?
Then what the fuck are you thinking here? He's a controlling moron (and not in a good way), you're young, you're attractive, and there are a lot of guys in the world.
Staying with him would, I'm afraid, be rather foolish and very weak. He said 'kinda' to make you needy. It seems to have worked.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-06-15 10:46:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
oooh honey.. what is that shit? KINDA???? Hell fucking NO! That is the WORST answer ever.
Now your entire relationship you will have that in the back of your head. You
are way too young to be dealing with someone who is going to make you question
your self esteem. There are other men out there more than willing to have
the chance to treat you like a queen.
That and what Lojo-pay said.
Submitted by Kaelic (user info) at 2004-06-15 10:44:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
So this is the "great" relationship you just got into while I was getting out of mine. That's just great. Just fucking great. Reading this made me sick.
Why are you so stupid?
This guy is some grimy, twerpy little fuck who needs his ass kicked. I'm so tired of people having something great and not caring. Man, when I had something great I -cared- about it. That's probably why it left me.
I was in the gym last night, and I saw this gorgeous girl ... just gorgeous. Big, soft doe eyes, brown hair. Beautiful, petite body. Delicate features, just a gorgeous girl, and she was with Mr. Abercrombie, this toolbag that manages a Tropical Smoothie. Sure, he's a pretty big, generically good looking guy, but he's the biggest fuckface asshole I've ever seen.
Not that I'm not one, but I'm generally not one to someone I love. Of which there have only been two. All I ever see him doing is being a jackass to this adoreable, sweet girl. "Hey, I said put a 45 on there. Why did you put a 25?!" "Sorry." "Damnit."
I wanted to big up a ten pound weight and clock this guy right in the face. But then -I'd- be the bad guy. I'd be the one going to jail, while she picked up her boyfriend's shattered teeth, and was all like, "Oh, honeybunny, are you OK? It's going to be OK!"
I just hate women sometimes. Just looking at this guy I can tell he's an insecure, controlling asshole on the fact track to nowhere. The minute someone starts asking you to change, you better recognize they didn't "fall in love" with who you are, but with the thought of who they might be able to change you to be.
Submitted by godking (user info) at 2004-06-15 10:34:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
+2 For the Story. -1 for the results.
First, too many reviews here pass judgement on someone they don't know and have never met. None of us know this guy but you. Therefore, we can neither say what his intent is nor can we speak with knowledge of his thoughts. We can only assume. You, however have the unique ability to speak to him. So I say you should offer to converse in a greater detail. Ask him what he means about your wardrobe. Unless you do so, you will only drive your ownself insane over conspiracy theories and the like. In the end, it will help you learn more about who he is. It doesn't mean you have to do as he says, and by all means, you should make it explicitly clear, that while you value his opinion, how you dress is still your decision. My wife often asks my opinion on clothing (though its a near 100% bet that she will buy it if I hate it and put it back if I like it). Sometimes she dresses in ways I don't like, and if she asks, I say so. Doesn't mean it'll change her mind, and its not my intent to do anything but give my honest opinion.
Second, you should ask the obvious: "What does "kinda" mean?" Perhaps he is having doubts. This doesn't mean he's a bad person. Ask! The longer the relationship goes, the harder it will be when it ends, so its far better to get these things out now. Some things are just hard to say. He may want out but might be genuinely concerned about hurting you. It happens. Nothing that anyone says here will help you more than simply asking.
GK
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-06-15 10:30:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Viv,
If the cost of your being one half of this couple means that you can't be 100 percent of who you are as an individual, the cost is too high.
You're mistaking his insecurity and jealousy for love. And to be honest, if he can't find you attractive unless you're wearing baggy pants and a turtleneck, he has some issues.
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2004-06-15 10:23:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You are entirely too young to be dealing with this type of drama.
Thats what Junior year of college is for.
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2004-06-15 10:17:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Men like him, say things like "kinda", to girls they know will take it. They date girls they know will take it. They don't want to deal with a real relationship, so they pick someone who is insecure enough to accept what they say as something other than bullshit. It starts so small, you don't even realize what it happening. The thing that floors me, is that you are fully aware of his history, and you aren't running the other direction. I can only surmise that you want this kind of crap in your life. Maybe you like the drama of it. I don't know. If you don't leave, you will change for him, and you will take it. Hopefully, if you are lucky and he isn't violent, you will look back on it in your late 20's and know beyond a shadow of a doubt how foolish it was to waste precious time on someone who does not now and will not ever love you.
A relationship is a compromise, but it isn't a tightrope act. Feeling like there is a knot in your stomach 75%(or more) of the time isn't a relationship. You are settling, and for no good reason. It may be romantic to think you will succeed where others have failed with this guy, but his history speaks for itself. He will settle down with someone with no self esteem and live happily ever after controlling the situation. Don't let that someone be you.
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2004-06-15 10:10:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You are giving this guy too much credit.
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2004-06-15 10:07:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That'll teach you to be a woman.
Submitted by AlwaysAnEagle (user info) at 2004-06-15 09:53:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"I'm not allowed to talk to his brother, and I feel guilty when I hug other guys."
NO. NO NO NO NO NO HATE HATE HATEY HATE HATE. Dump his SORRY LOSER ASS NOW. THIS IS NOT A WAY TO LIVE. Rage. Hate.
YOU ARE WORTH A MILLION OF HIM.
Submitted by shark25 (user info) at 2004-06-15 09:52:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Wow he's a dick.
Submitted by runninginplace (user info) at 2004-06-15 09:49:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Everybody already said it. I had a roomate like him once, complete asshole to his girlfriend. I watched as he went from kind to controlling, bit by bit. I couldn't believe how an independent and confident woman could be manipulated and changed, but it happens.
Dump him, it will get harder to later when he starts controlling you more, especially if you do love him.
Submitted by AlwaysAnEagle (user info) at 2004-06-15 09:49:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Anyone in an unhealthy has a word at some point. Yours is "kinda." Mine was "now."
When I was in high school, close to your age, I started dating a guy whose opinion of me I cared deeply about. It started with things like this - "just change this one thing."
Let me tell you this - it's never one fucking thing. It's always a game to see how much you will bend, to see how twisted and contorted you can get before you break.
By the time we had been dating 6 months, I was giving him overwhelming say in my FUTURE, dressing as he thought was necessary, going the places he wanted to go, doing the things he wanted to do. And the thanks for all that? For redirecting my life into exactly what he thought it should be? A three fucking week hospital stay and - what a shock - his being nowhere to be found.
Does every controlling man wind up hitting women? No, of course not. But physical abuse is not the only kind. But you have the great endless expanse of your life ahead of you and now is NOT the time to start fitting someone ELSE's definition.
Read these: http://www.ubersite.com/m/22243 , http://www.ubersite.com/m/27766
The emotions and pain that those posts spring from are NOT what you need. You are a beautiful, smart, elegant woman, and you deserve better. Do better, Squirrel-girl. I know it's hard as hell, but so is waking up in the morning.
And on a less deep note, I don't see where he has a leg to stand on with your clothing. I think you look gorgeous. He, on the other hand, needs the FabFive and some tweezers.
Submitted by buxton (user info) at 2004-06-15 09:48:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Fleadh (user info) at 2004-06-15 09:11:41 (#)
Ranking: 0
What the fuck did that toss-artist mean when he said kinda? Anybody who knows anything about women knows that the does my ass look big in this/do you find me attractive/is she better looking then me questions always have to be answered with a firm affirmation that they are the greatest. Only a fucktard who has his own agenda says kinda in that situation. This story is screaming of a guy projecting his own insecurities and trying to break down his girls confidence to build emotional dependence on him.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
Damn right.
Submitted by ohlookasquirrel (user info) at 2004-06-15 09:44:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Thanks cauly.
I should go to class or something along those lines, find him.
Submitted by ohlookasquirrel (user info) at 2004-06-15 09:43:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I_have_a_kristen_fetish, this isn't a "stunt". I was really fucking
upset, but when I am, I always choose to write things in "anonymous"
fashion ( I think I have three or four posts like this, as "fiction").
I was sorta torn up, pissed off, and it was cathartic, not a stunt.
Godchicken, I'm sorry. He can be possesive, that's what he's known for.
I'm not allowed to talk to his brother, and I feel guilty when I hug other guys.
He's just being protective though, I think. I'll talk to you later on AIM when
I can.
Reallybored, I'll try not to be "that girl". It's rather hard though.
Thanks again everyone.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-06-15 09:43:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
P.S. I find you attractive. So do others here. Proof that you could replace that punk within a second.
Submitted by ohlookasquirrel (user info) at 2004-06-15 09:38:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Thanks everyone.
I'm sorry again for the overall shittiness, I swear I'll make it up
as soon as I get a post to knock this off.
I can't write or make sense or create anything worth reading when
I'm this upset.
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2004-06-15 09:31:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ok, Squirrel, I have read this post four times. I have been staring that the picture for a very long time. The picture is very telling. Body language communicates so much. Let's look at you first.
Look at how you are sitting. Leaning towards him, your arm partially accross his body, arms and legs pulled in to him, like you are curled up against him. Because of the white blob I cannot tell this for sure, but I could almost guarrentee that you have that big adorable smile on your face.
You look like a girl in love. Your body lean towards him shows that you think he is the most important thing in the picture. You are trying to be as close to him as possible. If he'd let you, you'd probably be right on his lap. You are dressed in a very sweet way. Not slutty, but not nasty baggy hide your body clothes either. It's a very classy yet slightly seductive outfit. You look like a regular girl who is with her boyfriend.
Now on to him.
First off he looks pissed off. This isn't how a boy in love looks in a picture with his girlfriend. This is how an angsty teenager being forced to appear in a family photo looks. Second, he is facing the camera dead on, body open. This shows that he, too, thinks he is the most important thing in the picture. His one arm is around you, but look at his hand. Resting on the couch, not holding on to you in an embrace. His arm is there as a formality. His other arm is slightly accross his body, but not reaching towards you. If that hand was resting on your arm gently it would show a tender affection, but it's not. It's sitting on his lap. That means he's feeling slightly insecure, but not enough to care. Crossing an arm over himself closes his form up slightly, but only just enough to not feel completely exposed.
If I had to guess, I'd say before this picture was taken the exchange went something like this,
you: Hey let's take a picture
him: no
you: Come on! It'll be fun! Just one picture! Come on, honey!
him: *huff* fine.
That's just a guess, but I could just see that happening.
I want to let you infer what you want from what I see, because I know very well that in situations like these, "you can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink." This is the water as I see it, OLAS. You have to see for yourself what it is.
I will say this. I once had a boy friend who told me I needed to wear lipstick more often. I obliged him. Then he said I needed to wear my hair different. I gave in there as well. Then he wanted to help pick out my clothes. Ok. Then he wanted to know where I was all the time. I started calling to check in every few hours. Then he wouldn't let me go anywhere without him. Ok. Then we didn't go anywhere and just holed up in his bedroom all day long everyday... I did whatever he wanted. After all, I LOVED him, right? Things got very bad for awhile. And it started with something as silly as lipstick because I wanted him to think I was attractive, and he said lipstick would help.
Please be safe, Squirrel.
Submitted by hairycoo (user info) at 2004-06-15 09:30:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Sounds like a bit of a tosser.... actually is that his nob in his hand ?
you only look about 15 so fuck it why bother? friends are more important at this stage.
plenty of time for cock luv
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-06-15 09:29:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Fact of life: not everybody can possibly find you a 100% attractive.
He obvioulsy doesn't.
Some guy out there might though. So dump that dude and get another
one. It's bound to fail anyway.
Submitted by Fleadh (user info) at 2004-06-15 09:11:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This story has annoyed me and pissed me off during lunch. The coleslaw made me puke in work which has never happened before and thats an omen of sorts.
What the fuck did that toss-artist mean when he said kinda? Anybody who knows anything about women knows that the does my ass look big in this/do you find me attractive/is she better looking then me questions always have to be answered with a firm affirmation that they are the greatest. Only a fucktard who has his own agenda says kinda in that situation. This story is screaming of a guy projecting his own insecurities and trying to break down his girls confidence to build emotional dependence on him.
Anyway, every guy knows that to answer a question with a "kinda" is well enough ammunition a girl needs for dumping his ass. Run with it, give him a massive girlie, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU MEAN BY KINDA??????" freak out and tell him to fuck himself.
C
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2004-06-15 09:09:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
HOLY FUCKING SHIT. STOP BEING A FUCKING PUSSY.
Jesus Christ SquirrelMaster, i fucking expect better from you. Why in the fucking hell would you let a guy dictate to you the way your suppose to dress? If some chick tried to pull that shit on mean, i would promptly feed her a nice warm glass of shut the fuck up.
Your not some pathetic 40 year old overweight chick with 9 cats and a box of bon bons, who needs to hold on to any attempt at a relationship. Your young, smart, and good looking and im sure you can find another guy.
Your 17 years old and your already willing to change WHO YOU ARE, just to please some guy?! (And an ugly fucker at that)
Dont be that girl.
You are being that girl.....
Submitted by hcp28 (user info) at 2004-06-15 08:42:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HEY MAN XYZ!!!!
I say dump his non-fly zipping ass.
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2004-06-15 08:29:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Look at that picture. He sure looks awfully happy to be with her. What a dick.
Girls don't want nice guys. They just want guys who are hot and who'll give them what they want when they want, and to keep that, they'll change who they are inside. That's just nuts.
Submitted by gain (user info) at 2004-06-15 08:22:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you guys are pussies.
To put it directly, without all of this five paragraph long bullshit beneath me, dump his sorry ass.
Apologies to everyone beneath me.
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (user info) at 2004-06-15 08:09:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
OLAS, you should never have to change for anyone unless for self-improvement. You can do better and I know, that right now you probably don't want to. You say that you love this guy and I can only presume that he loves you. However, his method of belittling you and breaking your self-esteem is no worse than that of woman beaters and rapists.
GET OUT OF THIS RELATIONSHIP!! It will only get worse. Next, he won't like you spending too much time with your parents. After that, it'll be your siblings. Sooner or later, you're all used up and you're no longer you anymore. You just become an extension of him.
I know, I had a girlfriend like that. Ultimately, you are going to do what you see fit. I hope that it all works out. You can email me if you like. I certainly empathize. Good luck.
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2004-06-15 08:06:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Why'd you bother cutting out your face, if we can tell by the hair alone? That would've been a nice picture of you, squirrel girl.
FUCK him. That pathetic, wishy washy "kinda" bullshit is what I would expect to hear from an 8th grader. Men always lag behind in emotional development, but this is fucking bullshit. You either know, or you don't. Maybe tomorrow you can slip him a note that says "Do you want to be my boyfriend? Check yes or no!"
Dresses too provocatively? That sounds like a cop out excuse to fuck you and dump you because you don't meet his "standards" Either that or a possesive streak is about to come out, and suddenly you'll find he doesn't like you talking to anyone at all.
Gah. God. GodChicken, too. Find a new guy, leave the trash where it belongs. What the hell are you with him for? Oh, the attention, especially physical, huh? Don't get attached. You're obviously light years ahead of him mentally, and it will end shitty.
You get no positive points. This certainly didn't make me smile, and its not an ass kicker, unless you'd like your boytoy's kicked.
and that was poor form, posting and running off.
You never do the right thing, when all you do is give in. A healthy relationship is a compromise.
Somebody out there remind Squirrel that guys do this stupid shit, and the older ones admit it.
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2004-06-15 07:51:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I "kinda" think that this jerk doesn't know what he has in you. We all have qualities that are truly special and unique. And someday, to one person, those qualities are going to shine through. And when they do, he'll never ask you to change who you are. Don't settle for someone who "kinda" sees it. Wait for someone who knows it.
Submitted by Magicaddict (user info) at 2004-06-15 07:48:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If he's "kinda" attracted to you, is he putting that entirely down to the way you dress? Is he that shallow?
Is the way you look the only thing he cares about?
Sounds like a fuckwit to me, and I apologise if I offend.
Submitted by Amusingly_shaped_semen_stain (user info) at 2004-06-15 07:38:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I dont get it but the chick in the picture with the white paper bag on her head has a fine rack.
+1 for each of those
Submitted by Fleadh (user info) at 2004-06-15 07:28:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Something that a friend of mine told me a while back which is universally true but often, oh so often, overlooked due to the blindness of love.
If more then one unassociated person tells you something then no matter what you think yourself they are probably right and you are probably wrong.
The guys a dick, walk away.
C
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-06-15 07:25:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Not good at all. What kind of stunt was this...
Submitted by heyzues (user info) at 2004-06-15 07:25:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
This guy sounds like an ass. KINDA, what kind of shit is that. One rule I've learned is that the woman is always right, those couples are always the happiest. The couples were the man calls all the shots usually end up on cops. Next thing you know your going to be on cops with a black eye screamin "Nooo, don't take him away, he didn't mean it."
Submitted by MickGinny (user info) at 2004-06-15 07:22:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"Such is the gossiping, backstabbing, and petty nature of the young adult world."
Submitted by ohlookasquirrel (user info) at 2004-06-15 07:17:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
And I know the uber regulars are going to grill me for this so I am going to disappear now...
Happy Tuesday everyone.
Submitted by conrad (user info) at 2004-06-15 07:14:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Meh
Submitted by Nobb (user info) at 2004-06-15 07:07:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If that's him, he's being a hypocrite. It looks like his fly is open, who is he to talk when he walks around with his wang hanging out of his pants for any on looker to see?
Submitted by ohlookasquirrel (user info) at 2004-06-15 07:02:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Eh, I know.
I'm already changing the way I dress.
That doesn't matter to me too much...but I can't get over that "kinda"...
Submitted by only_slightly_bitter (user info) at 2004-06-15 07:02:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Well, now that i've finally figured out what the fuck my password was...
I'm pretty damn sure this isn't gonna be what you're wanting to hear. But for christ's sake, what an arsehole! Give him the bitchslapping he deserves, verbal or otherwise, then dump him. Or better still, kill him, and bury his body, thus ridding the world of the emotionally retarded chimp forever.
"Kinda". Maybe I'm reading this wrong... but WTF is wrong with this guy?
But then again, I'm kinda bitter too right now so it's probably better to just ignore me.
Submitted by Kracka (user info) at 2004-06-15 06:59:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
why let some guy dictate what you wear unless of course you are looking like a hooker. but with what pics i have seen you put up here there is nothing wrong with the way you dress. i can see if you plan on marrying him then OK do what you think is right. Or hey do what you think is right anyway. it is your life but i think you should be happy living it how you want to withing certain guidelines.
-Black Ninja
Submitted by ohlookasquirrel (user info) at 2004-06-15 06:55:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Actually I am very bitter right now.
Submitted by only_slightly_bitter <edwardmoore001.at.hotmail.com> at 2004-06-15 06:54:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by edward <tobias> at 2004-06-15 06:54:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by ohlookasquirrel (user info) at 2004-06-15 06:52:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Wow, I am so slick.
asl;dkj
Sorry uber, I'm rather upset right now and so I will tend towards incoherency.
Any advice and or slapping me into shape will be appreciated.
aksasdk