Teenage Drama- Solution :-) (520 hits)
Category: HumorRating: -0.2 on 6 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Broz <www.the-avenue.us> (View user info) at 2004-06-15 10:28:00 EDT
Here's my plan. I want to take all the sources of high school "drama" across the country, load them onto airplanes, and isolate them on their very own deserted island. By "drama" I mean the petty little instances that all teenagers either endure or participate in. For example: "Like, oh my gosh, Suzy! I can't believe she told you that about that other girl. She is soooo last week! But I heard that the guy over there in the corner told Suzy that Betty told Johnny that I told you that I liked him. Like, can you believe it?"
Though enjoyable, isolating them won't be the fun part. The fun part will be watching them from a distance and observing this highly concentrated "drama" take its toll. The possibilities are endless. But first things first:
We need to "elect" the most gossip-happy, dramatic people in each high school. Yes, I mean the "queen bees" of the social world (or they could be "king bees"... I would hate to discriminate). These are the people that make up the rumors for the others to spread like wildfire. It truly doesn't matter how these people are chosen. In fact, you can be creative with it. Here's an idea. Post some gossip on the main bulletin board in the high school's hallway. A week later, question students and find out who spread the rumors furthest. Find this "drama queen (or king)," and inform them that they have won some contest or something of the sort. Offer them "American Idol" tickets (they all watch that, don't they?). Once they have been taken into custody, fly them to somewhere far, far away. There is an uninhabited island called Vestmannaeyjar off of the coast of Iceland. We'll just pick there to drop them off. Now picture this: tens of thousands of overly dramatic high school students concentrated on an island. This concentration actually scares me.
Now that we have successfully rid the secondary school systems of their biggest problems, we have to find a way to have this not classified as cruel and unusual. I know! Let's call FOX and tell them about this great new idea for a reality television show. Hey, if "The Bachelor" can be successful, can you only imagine the ratings for this show? We'll call it "Dramatic Isolation." And who better to host it than our very own Jerry Springer? There will be no scripts, no interviews, and no "voting off the island." We can limit this to discrete hidden camera throughout the island watching these people "vote themselves off." Sure, this may encourage you to learn how to use that V-chip in your television sets (no mother would want their children to see this), but watching these high school drama queens/kings battle over their petty differences to the death would cause the ratings to skyrocket. Can you honestly tell me that a show like this would not keep you glued to the TV? Hey, it beats American Idol.
Now, every reality show on cable shares a common ground with the next. We watch people (and where exactly do they get these people?) competing against each other for various prizes - be it a beautiful but dimwitted woman; a handsome but dimwitted man; instant stardom or various cash prizes - and conniving to win at any cost. So, what leverage do we have for these "contestants" to be the last person standing? Heck, we've solved the drama in high school, we've given TV addicts something decent to watch for a change, so why don't we just find a solution to another problem? We can send the last remaining student to Iraq. Yeah, that's good. Because once this kid hits the streets of Baghdad, the same people that are trying to kill us will realize, "How can God be on our side when he sends up a sign like this? He must be punishing us! What is this? Is this that crazy guy off of American cable that they call Jerry Springer? Oh no! There is no God!" They give up the war, everyone is happy. Bada Bing. Bada Boom.
User Reviews
Submitted by conrad (user info) at 2004-06-15 20:53:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Cunt
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-06-15 10:35:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
It's 'Battle Royale' meets 'Dawson's Creek'.
Joshua Jackson hacked into small unidentifiable pieces.
Oh, yeah.
Submitted by fluff (user info) at 2004-06-15 10:34:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
hahaharharhrrrggrrrrhhh.....*cough*.....
Submitted by Fishtits at 2004-06-15 10:31:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Can we also include all the women I work with? Although they all have Masters degrees they are all high school Queen-bees. Also, they all like a good reality show. Where can I sign them up?
Submitted by TheMidnight12AM (user info) at 2004-06-15 10:30:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
....................................
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2004-06-15 10:29:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Id like to do the same thing, only with fat people.
Madagascar is a good country for it.