Obituary: Kaelic 1980-2004 (1656 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.46 on 58 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Uberfuck (View user info) at 2004-06-16 13:47:39 EDT
Died suddenly in his parents' basement. Beloved son and brother. Will be sadly missed by his imaginary girlfriend. Friend and Family were surprised to learn that depression caused by a lifetime of teasing and bullying had caused this young man to take his own life. They could not understand how anyone could find fault with his charm, wit and positive outlook on life.
Kaelic attended a number of different high schools, 38 to be exact, before finally finishing up at Miss Havisham's Finishing School for Girls, which he found a safe and tolerant atmosphere that was condusive to finishing his studies and not getting beat up for lunch money. It was at Miss Havisham's were Kaelic discovered the Internet, a perfect forum where he could lash out at the world without getting his ass handed to him. After high school he though about college, but could not bear another four years of pulling his underwear out of his ass. Kaelic's colleagues at the local arcade will miss him and the free quarters that he often and reluctantly provided to them.
While Kaleic's love for women was well documented, neither of the two girls he had actually kissed were available for comment (his sister was out of the country and the other one mumbled something about a restaining order and hung up the phone).
In lieu of flowers, please send donations to the American Society for Idiots who Make Fun of Alcoholics, which was the deceased's favorite charity.
User Reviews
Submitted by Kaelic (user info) at 2004-06-19 02:33:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It's all in good fun.
Submitted by Acarnis (user info) at 2004-06-18 13:57:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Amusing, indeed.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-06-18 13:43:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
amusing
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2004-06-18 13:40:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Uberfuck (user info) at 2004-06-18 13:35:05 (#)
Ranking: 0
He, I found the anonymous jackass' website that has some prety revealing pictures of her:
http://www.fatchicksinpartyhats.com
Click on the really dumb looking fat chick. That's her.
Ok now THAT was funny.
Submitted by Uberfuck (user info) at 2004-06-18 13:35:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
He, I found the anonymous jackass' website that has some prety revealing pictures of her:
http://www.fatchicksinpartyhats.com
Click on the really dumb looking fat chick. That's her.
Submitted by Queen of Poop at 2004-06-18 13:29:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ohhhhhh, now that I give the link to your site all of the sudden you don't want people to go there. Well guess what everyone, http://www.scatlover.com is Ashlee's site. She is on the main page and has blonde hair.
Busted.
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2004-06-18 13:26:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.scatlover.com
Oh please. Like anyone here DOESN'T know what that page is. It's like the tubgirl, we've all seen it.
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2004-06-18 13:24:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good times, indeed.
Say, since it looks like we're about to turn this post into a chatroom, my AIM screenname is missravie if you want to... not turn this post into a chatroom.
Submitted by QueenCUNT at 2004-06-18 13:24:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You asked for it bitch:
Here is the mainpage, then click on the link with Ashlee (she has blonde hair).
http://www.scatlover.com/
Submitted by Uberfuck (user info) at 2004-06-18 13:22:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
QueenAshlee:
--
Did you fuck my fiance?
Not to my knowledge, and if I did, I was better than you.
--
OK, that's fucking hilarious. Since you just made my day, I am offically apologizing to you for any offense I may have casued. A chick cool enough to come up with that line is OK in my books and I owe you a few plus 2's.
Your bitch for the day,
Uberfuck
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2004-06-18 13:20:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Here, have a +2 for the -2s i left just to annoy the litle coward.
Submitted by Uberfuck (user info) at 2004-06-18 13:18:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Good job QueenAshlee. It the jackass had the goods, they would have put them up the first time.
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2004-06-18 13:17:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Did you appear naked in a certain play?
No.
Did you fuck my fiance?
Not to my knowledge, and if I did, I was better than you.
Did you pose for a website?
No
Did you have a "reputation" in high school?
I was home schooled, you fucking dipshit.
Submitted by QueenSLUT at 2004-06-18 13:15:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Everything I've said has been absolutely true. Did you appear naked in a certain play? Did you fuck my fiance? Did you pose for a website? Did you have a "reputation" in high school?
How do you answer Queen Slut?
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2004-06-18 13:13:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
(on the upside, you're getting lots of hits off this)
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2004-06-18 13:12:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Ok, now I'm doing it just to call randommoron's bluff...
"If you don't stop -2ing this excellent post I'm going to tell everyone where to find naked pics of you with toys and bottles (hardcore is promised as "coming soon" on her pic link)."
Submitted by Uberfuck (user info) at 2004-06-18 13:11:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah I was going to say "very near to my heart", but fell asleep posting because you're right, this is geting old.
As for the anonymous guy, Loren1 has a point. If you have something to say, log on and say it.
Submitted by QueenWHORE at 2004-06-18 13:06:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This post is brilliant, but you probably couldn't read it because you were too busy getting bukkakeed by the gang bang crew at your house right now. You cum covered slut. If you don't stop -2ing this excellent post I'm going to tell everyone where to find naked pics of you with toys and bottles (hardcore is promised as "coming soon" on her pic link).
I know all about you, you dirty fucking whore. I know about the play you did where you went onstage naked and I know about the website you're on right now that you only told a few people about. I can ruin you. You used to be my friend until you fucked my fiance.
You know who I am now don't you bitch. I'm not logging on because I don't want to be embarrassed. You know me and I will tell everyone about your highschool reputation and the website you're working for right now. Go ahead and fuck with me bitch. You made my life a living hell and I can do the same to you.
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-06-18 13:04:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It's really brave to log in under a fake random joe name and bitch someone out. Way to go asshole.
This was a pretty funny post, and if Kaelic can give it a +2, then the rest of you bleeding heart freaks should take a fucking valium about it.
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2004-06-18 13:00:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Did someone forget to tell you that the opinions of those too cowardly to reveal their true identities are absolutely worthless? Well, I'm telling you now. Log in or fuck off, you little fucking pussy.
"3. I'm not jumping on any bandwagon. I just made fun of the jackass because he saw it fit to poke fun at alcoholism, a subject ver near"
I'm assuming you were going to finish this sentence, so I'll give you the benefit of the doubt there. Regardless, Kaelic-bashing is getting old. And personally, I thought the post itself was stupid.
Submitted by FuckYouQueenie at 2004-06-18 12:50:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck you Queen Ashlee. You are a fucking slut so your opinion - "If I was unattached and saw Kaelic in a club I would definitely let him fuck my ass in the alley behind the club. There is this great place back there that they call the Queen's Castle (it's actually a dumpster where I fuck random guys and blow the homeless)."
Nobody cares about your opinions bitch. You are a loudmouth pig and let's not forget that just a couple of months ago you were going to be a fuck slut porno bitch. If anyone doesn't believe me then check out her post entitled "I'm gonna be a porn star!"
http://www.ubersite.com/m/27501
Submitted by Uberfuck (user info) at 2004-06-18 12:48:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
QueenAshlee, three things:
1. "almost definitely" is contradictory. Not a good phrase to use in a post questioning someone's intelligence.
2. Please do go sleep with Kaelic. He's a broken man and I think it would improve his temperament dramatically. I'll even pay you to do it. $20. Do you accept Paypal?
3. I'm not jumping on any bandwagon. I just made fun of the jackass because he saw it fit to poke fun at alcoholism, a subject ver near
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2004-06-18 12:38:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You know, I think this is beginning to get REALLY fucking stupid. I don't thing any of the newer users really dislike Kaelic on his own merit, but rather because they see the older, popular users arguing with him and they want to be cool too. Find a new fucking bandwagon, for God's sake.
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2004-06-18 12:34:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Uberfuck (user info) at 2004-06-16 17:53:46 (#)
Ranking: 0
Sorry sunshine, but I would be willing to bet that I have more sex than a whiney little bitch who gets all upset about being dumped by a girlfriend and has to cry about it on the Internet. What, was she the first girl you ever slept with or something? Quit being so fucking insecure and grow a pair.
I think most women I know would agree with the following: If I was not attatched, and by chance happened to meet Kaelic in a club or at a party or something, I would almost definitely sleep with him. He's fucking hot. And also WAY more intelligent than you.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-06-18 12:27:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny as hell. Fuck Kaelic.
Submitted by Lisa (user info) at 2004-06-18 12:26:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Goddammit, Andrew, why couldn't you just be patient.
Submitted by Uberfuck (user info) at 2004-06-18 12:16:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Quartermain: I can't believe you don't like my hair in that picture. I thought my mom did a great job cutting it.
Submitted by Quartermain (user info) at 2004-06-17 22:33:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Thats a terrible picture. That haircut is going to give me nightmares.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-06-17 22:32:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2004-06-17 22:21:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Kenny isn't a pussy, you guys. he's just a big softie.
soft as Charmin... http://www28.brinkster.com/andrewrules/kenny.jpg
Submitted by Quartermain (user info) at 2004-06-17 21:33:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
**Why? Because we(girls)are better at everything.**
Really? Try writing your name in the snow then. If you manage that, call me.
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-06-17 21:23:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have nothing against the guy, but this cracked me up.
Submitted by PatheticCapitalistFuck (user info) at 2004-06-17 21:18:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny as hell, and I don't even know any of the people involved. Ignorance IS bliss
Submitted by Can_Always_Trust_A_Liar (user info) at 2004-06-17 21:02:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I have no idea what you're talking about, but this still sucks.
Submitted by Uberfuck (user info) at 2004-06-17 19:23:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
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Submitted by Can_Always_Trust_A_Liar (user info) at 2004-06-17 01:16:08 (#)
Ranking: -2
I avoided this post for a while because I knew what it was gonna be like. I finally succumbed to temptation and read it. This isn't funny. You are not funny. Nobody cares. I don't care. Shut up.
I bet you've been planning this for a while. Know why? Because you said about all this shit on other posts in replies. Way to go.
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Thanks man, I appreciate the feedback, but the fact that you "succumbed to temptation and read it" is all the reinforcement I need.
----
Submitted by Insanethemind (user info) at 2004-06-16 19:11:03 (#)
Ranking: -2
awww poor uberFUCK, seems the irony is lost on you.
how pathetic
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What seems lost on me is why you would post the same response twice. Do you repeat yourself a lot? Are you phychologically wounded because no one ever listens to you?
Submitted by Can_Always_Trust_A_Liar (user info) at 2004-06-17 01:16:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I avoided this post for a while because I knew what it was gonna be like. I finally succumbed to temptation and read it. This isn't funny. You are not funny. Nobody cares. I don't care. Shut up.
I bet you've been planning this for a while. Know why? Because you said about all this shit on other posts in replies. Way to go.
Submitted by Insanethemind (user info) at 2004-06-16 19:11:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
awww poor uberFUCK, seems the irony is lost on you.
how pathetic
Submitted by Uberfuck (user info) at 2004-06-16 17:53:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Sorry sunshine, but I would be willing to bet that I have more sex than a whiney little bitch who gets all upset about being dumped by a girlfriend and has to cry about it on the Internet. What, was she the first girl you ever slept with or something? Quit being so fucking insecure and grow a pair.
Submitted by Insanethemind (user info) at 2004-06-16 17:25:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Oh, the iroooooooooooooooooony.
Submitted by shark25 (user info) at 2004-06-16 17:22:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That dude is a dick.
Submitted by Kaelic (user info) at 2004-06-16 17:05:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow ... this almost brought a tear to my eye. A hate post about me. All about me.
Even though you were too stupid to calculate my correct birth year, which was 1982, you really gave this an effort, sport. Good job. I feel honored.
I'll sleep well tonight knowing that I get laid a lot more than you do, and that I hurt your feelings enough for you to write a post about it. Keep trying.
Submitted by jme7551 (user info) at 2004-06-16 16:33:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hehehe funny stuff
Submitted by Oleannder (user info) at 2004-06-16 15:32:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It was good until the girls school thing. Everyone knows that girls are better bullies then boys. Why? Because we are better at everything.
Submitted by ohlookasquirrel (user info) at 2004-06-16 15:21:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
What reallybored said.
Submitted by poisonyourkids (user info) at 2004-06-16 14:47:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ive got no problem with kaelic but this was a riot...
Submitted by potatomanjack (user info) at 2004-06-16 14:30:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Come on, no matter who this was about, it would be funny.
I don't know Kaelic, but this is funny.
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2004-06-16 14:22:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahahaha
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2004-06-16 14:19:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm confused....
+2 if he's really dead, you're obviously really good friends to come up with such heartfelt sentiment.
-2 for wasting my life.
=0
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2004-06-16 14:13:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Will be sadly missed by his imaginary girlfriend
Wonderful!
Submitted by Spooner (user info) at 2004-06-16 14:12:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
peer pressure.
Submitted by WillZone (user info) at 2004-06-16 14:02:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
kaelic is an ass. rip away.
Submitted by domenad (user info) at 2004-06-16 13:57:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Uberfuck, why do you play to my fantasies?
Submitted by Uberfuck (user info) at 2004-06-16 13:56:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
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Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2004-06-16 13:50:28 (#)
Ranking: 0
Funny, but ripping on Kaelic is getting old.
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Old, but justified:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/35908#595905
Submitted by ChristPuncher (user info) at 2004-06-16 13:55:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Can I have his X-Box?
GO BEARS WOO!!!
Submitted by Spooner (user info) at 2004-06-16 13:51:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I HATE YOU SO VERY VERY MUCH.
Submitted by xfilthxinfusedxwithxfilth (user info) at 2004-06-16 13:50:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-06-16 13:50:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
+2 for the pic
-2 for being mean
big meany!
(please don't hurt me)
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2004-06-16 13:50:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Funny, but ripping on Kaelic is getting old.