Never study martial arts: Education through Injury (683 hits)
Category: SportsRating: 1.16 on 7 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by CleverName<davidcasebolt.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2004-06-16 15:21:02 EDT
During the summer following my freshman year of high school, I took up martial arts. Why, you might ask, would one choose to start down a path of sure pain and injury, a path which if you are successful in following could lead you to jail? Boredom and the pursuit of teen love. My agenda during the summer of 1994 was daytime TV-intensive. I had penciled in a full schedule of Love Connection and People's Court, with a smattering of Mama's Family. The remainder of my summer would be spent working at Big 10 Video, a great movie rental place which had porn. If only. The owner of Big 10 Video was Jeff. His brother was Greg. Greg was one bad dude. One of the kindest, gentlest men I've ever met. He was also the coach of the US Nat'l Muay Thai (Thai Boxing) team, 5'7", 170lbs of polite thunderous fury. The quickest and best-conditioned man I will ever know. (So well-conditioned, in fact, that he's recently overcome a usually-fatal form of cancer, but I digress.)
During my freshman year of high school, I was continuously noticing young ladies coming into their own, so-to-speak, blossoming by the minute. I was intrigued and wanted to be a part of this. But how? My thought process was as follows:
1: I need a lady.
2: Ladies love the tough guy.
3: RALPH MACCHIO got to make out with Elisabeth Shue in The Karate Kid!
4: I'm going to learn Muay Thai!
Not until much later would I recognize the flaws in my logic.
In mid-June, 1994, I took up Muay Thai and a mix of wrasslin' styles.
Fast forward six months. I'm flying through the air toward a wall.
Having been introduced by my boss, I was welcomed into the fold at Greg's school and paired with the only other left-handed individual at the school, Charles. Charles was a jovial brother about 30 years of age with about 7 years of training under his belt. He treated me with kid-gloves and I learned a lot in a short time working with him. As long as we weren't going full-power, I could hold my own- I had an advantage in quickness and in fear, and so was sustained by shiftiness and adrenaline. Until the day I decided to go full-on. Let me be clear: I was no match for Charles. Him: 5'10", 205lbs. Experienced.
Me: 5'9", 130lbs (at the time; now I'm 5'10" and a mean 150). Inexperienced.
But I was feeling lucky. And I was a punk. Time for some after-class sparring.
Even though I'd told Charles not to let up on me, I could tell he was, so I decided to test him. Genius. I figured that since I had the upper hand in speed, and since he was dogging it despite being asked not to, perhaps I could surprise ol' Charles. I've mentioned that Charles had a distinct size advantage. He also had something much more important. Centeredness and body control.
I did not have either of these tools integral to whupping ass.
I made my move, feigning a left side kick and instead snapping a right side kick to his ribcage. Charles was off-balance. Now was my chance to act. I would choke him out.
No, no I would not. I pivoted and shifted, and in two steps (I'm leggy), I was behind him, applying a rear naked choke. Remember Brutus 'The Barber' Beefcake? The sleeper hold? I was Brutus for a split second. I was gonna cut off a hunk of Charles' hair as a trophy. Then, in rapid succession, my left foot exploded in pain as Charles stomped it with his heel, I felt the sensation of being uprooted, followed by the sensation of flying. I still recall the look of surprise and alarm in Charles' eyes as I hurtled away from him. I was still accelerating when I hit the wall, 8-10ft away, my right shoulder leading the way. Greg, working out in another room of the studio, heard either the sound of my body thump the lightly-padded wall, or that of my right shoulder losing structural integrity, and appeared immediately. When he and Charles exchanged grimaces and nods, I knew what was coming next: my shoulder was dislocated, and would thus have to be relocated before swelling made it very difficult.
A visit to the doctor was out of the question: it was Saturday, after-hours, so I would have to goto urgent care, and besides, I never exactly told my parents I was doing any fighting, and I wasn't about to now. So, Greg, master martial artist, amateur orthopedist, rammed my shoulder back together, achieving success after two tries.
Dave's Top Five Instances of Pain:
#5- Bicycle crossbar to nutsac.
#4- Solid oak door to head, running down my elementary school hallway.
#3- Baseball line drive to unshielded nutsac while pitching.
#2- Stomp kick to shin, broken tibia and fibula.
#1- Charles lays waste to my right shoulder, Greg picks up the pieces.
I told my parents the reason I couldn't move my right arm for two weeks was a sledding mishap.
Fast forward ten years, which brings us up to present-day. I now study Wing Chun Kung Fu and a splash of Taiji for flexibility, and I love it. I still work out with people who are more advanced than me, and I still get knocked around from time to time. I still can't raise my right hand above my head without my shoulder popping out of its socket. It's a great party trick- I can reach and tug on my right ear after wrapping my arm once around and behind my head. Remember in Lethal Weapon 2 where Mel Gibson gets locked in the straightjacket underwater and escapes by dislocating his shoulder? I bet I could do that. The ladies love it.
Ah, the ladies. So, you ask, does knowing how to fight get you the babes? No. Some women like the idea of someone who can protect them. I've taught a good number of women anything from very basic self-defense to the first set of Wing Chun. Some women couldn't care less about martial arts in general. None seem impressed by posturing, jealous confrontations, or actual fights 'defending their honor'. What women do dig that you can gain from martial arts is a certain poise and calm stemming from the knowledge that you have a say in your destiny. This may sound abstract or even silly to some, but it's a unique feeling to embrace and fear something at the same time. The last thing you want to do is touch someone with full force, since it can really get you in trouble, and at the same time, you're walking around, and every person you encounter, you're looking at a set of targets and calculating distances between those targets and your fists, knuckles, palms, fingers, et cetera.
Study of a serious fighting art isn't for everyone. I started for inauthentic reasons, but have continued on a more pure, honest basis having learned many a lesson at the hands of many a superior fighter. If you don't have the time and energy for it, don't do it. If you have trouble with self-control, take up Taiji rather than Tae Kwon Do or Thai Boxing. Don't study under a teacher you don't trust or don't like. Guys: don't study martial arts to get babes. Study babes to get babes. Ladies: if you're interested, check out Wing Chun or other forms of Kung Fu- your bodies are better-suited than that of a man for many forms.
My final humble advice:
Never, ever, ever fight over your head (see above).
Fin
User Reviews
Submitted by Judoka (user info) at 2004-06-16 19:01:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well said.
Submitted by CleverName <davidcasebolt.at.hotmail.com> at 2004-06-16 16:14:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Bob: I throw what I like to call a sonic whisper.
It's pretty badass.
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2004-06-16 16:02:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice.
But you should fight over your head, it is what makes you better and defines your limits. You can always tailor your tactics around your physical short comings, whether they are natural or induced through injury. You should never be afraid of getting hurt. Your mistake was going for a hold that triggers a fight response from a conditioned fighter, learn from it, and don't do it again unless you're willing to follow through all the way... but I guess you know that by now, hey? :)
The website www.24fightingchickens.com was one of the best websites out there that helped me question why I got into martial arts, and why I stayed.. too bad its gone. You probably would've liked it..
Submitted by BoogieFevuh (user info) at 2004-06-16 15:54:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Man...as a fellow practitioner of Wing Chun, I feel the need to comment...its easy to learn, but one of the hardest things to be good at. Haha and yeah, I've had my moment of dumb-assity where I've challenged someone 80x my skill, just to see how I'd fare.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2004-06-16 15:46:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Can you throw a sonic boom like that guy in that video game?
Submitted by dohnuts (user info) at 2004-06-16 15:38:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I feel your pain...literally. As of this writing, I've separated my right shoulder at least, oh, a half a dozen times I would say. I've had to relocate it myself every time. The first time I dislocated it I was told my shoulder would never be the same again. Damn if they weren't right.
Submitted by Tom (user info) at 2004-06-16 15:29:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
MM PIE PIE PIE PIE