Spice Girls shrines and unforgettable families – my best friend (and temporary ubersite goodbye) (1532 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.53 on 43 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by ohlookasquirrel (View user info) at 2004-06-16 16:24:40 EDT
[scroll to the bottom for the temporary goodbye info]
Hunter and I have been through a lot.
There's nothing like being brought home to your best friend's house for the first time and having his 25 year old brother look you up and down and loudly question - "So how about it Hunter, are you porking her?"
Somehow this becomes even more surreal if the remark is followed by a graphic reminiscing, back to his high school years, when he "anally raped that fat kid in the football locker room". The entire family laughed along at all the right parts. I, however, never very good at picking up on satire or sarcasm, stared blankly and started to back away, terrified. It wasn't until Kev (as they affectionately call the oldest in their family) busted out with "but then he began to take me in rhythm - it was the most loving fuck I ever had", that I realized the ruse.
Now THAT'S a first impression.
The youngest of Hunter's family left an equally unforgettable imprint on me. I have yet to see the ten-year old boy wearing more than boxers. But no, he is not like normal ten year olds. The rolls of fat have their own rolls, and the folds can speak to you if you look closely. I wish I could also say I have yet to see his pasty white balls, but some events are too traumatizing to even be blocked out (interestingly enough, this story comes with sound effects, but I'll spare you).
I love Hunter despite his family, he's an amazing friend. In fact, his quirky family almost adds to his character.
However, I can't say the same about his Spice Girls obsession.
Having a few songs on your computer, and listening to them in the dead of the night when no one else can hear, okay, that's fine.
Owning all of their CD's and blasting them openly, also...fine. More power to you.
Owning all of the dolls, all of the autobiographies, all of the signed posters available, and organizing this merchandise into a shrine in your room, not so fine.
Especially if you happen to be a 17 year old, 200 some pound football and soccer player.
Then it starts to become slightly weird.
I have a confession to make; I am currently reading "If Only", the autobiography of Geri Halliwell, also known as "Ginger Spice". I blame it on Hunter. Frankly, when I ask to "borrow a book" from a teenager boy, I'm shooting for porn, not Spice Girl's memorabilia (I recognize that this could possibly overlap - shh).
I can't sit in his room, because the dolls are watching me. But that's okay, some day I'll win, and someday the shrine will be destroyed. In fire. And blood.
Man hunter, I love you.
Alright, for all you impatient readers out there (shh, I know my readership consists of dakingisdead and aj, but that's more than enough for me), I have some bad news.
For those of you who hate me (William_Q_Percy?), I have some excellent news.
As I will not be in Chicago for the next month, I will have very intermittent internet access. From June 18th to July 18th I will be studying ballet at a major dance school in North Carolina (god I make it easy to stalk me). So, though I may be able to reply infrequently, and may even be able to squeeze in some posts about what I predict will be a crazy roommate, I will be overwhelmingly absent from uber.
Sorry guys, you'll get on fine without me. I also solemnly swear to post lots of dance camwhore pictures when I return (mmm...teenage anorexics).
I tried to tell most of y'all whom I talk to outside of uber, but I'm sure I forgot 90% of you. If anyone needs to reach me, email me at ohlookasquirrel.at.yahoo.com, or you may be able to catch me on AIM once in a while.
On the way to North Carolina, I will be detouring all along the East Coast to visit colleges (Harvard, MIT, Williams, Amherst, Brown, and Yale), so if you want a personal visit, and live on the East Coast north of the Carolinas request it here, eh?
Bye, and I love you all,
Viv.
[in the picture below, Hunter is modeling the "I know something you don't know" nose tap - a tool every man should learn]
User Reviews
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2004-11-19 21:31:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
that oldest brother sounds kind of like me
except that the rest of my family -save one sister- is exceedingly dull and Christian
Submitted by Tom (user info) at 2004-07-07 21:29:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
bob: thanks for visiting me you bastard.
only a +1 for you!
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2004-06-21 21:17:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Are you going to be in any performances? Is so - UBER MEET
Submitted by ChristPuncher (user info) at 2004-06-17 17:05:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Have a nice trip, yuppy
Don't buy too many Gucci suits
GO BEARS WOOO!!!
Submitted by TaK (user info) at 2004-06-17 16:14:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
While you're here in NC you could stop by and sit on my face if you like.
Submitted by buxton (user info) at 2004-06-17 14:37:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
For your sake I hope you aren't going to The School of The Arts in NC. I grew up in that town (Winston-Salem) and there ain't shit to do. But as a tip, the Etna gas station on Straford Rd. hardly cards at all. :)
Submitted by Ainkara (user info) at 2004-06-17 10:38:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Woo! Congrats on the dancey thingy.
You had me scared, I thought you were just up and quitting uber. Don't do that to me. My heart is fragile.
Submitted by ohlookasquirrel (user info) at 2004-06-17 09:16:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Well matty, visiting prospects are looking down as we're gonna be real hurried now.
I really wanted to be able to fit in a visit with jmg and you and johngalt at least, but I ain't so sure now.
And thanks everyone.
And bob, in north carolina there are two major ballet schools that are quite good, as well as one company that is quite good.
Mmmm jean pierre bonnefoux, violette verdy, and patricia mcbride.
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (user info) at 2004-06-17 08:33:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Have a nice summer and hope to hear from you soon.
-Terry
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2004-06-17 07:51:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy Crap!
I thought that the only dancing that they did in the Carolinas invloved the phrase do-si-do.
Submitted by sparkle_pink (user info) at 2004-06-17 02:44:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Juilliard, good for modern dance, and music... I auditioned there for music... didn't get in though. But that's okay, who wants to pay that much money anyway? Have fun at your ballet school!
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2004-06-17 02:28:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You're visiting me, right? Right??
Submitted by JChristian1965 (user info) at 2004-06-17 01:21:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
squirrel- I just started reading your stuff tonight. I'm impressed with your style. Too bad you don't live in WA. Good luck with the ballet. :)
Submitted by Donitsu2002 (user info) at 2004-06-16 23:41:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey, whenever you Visit Harvard hit me up. I live a good... 45 minutes from there.
Submitted by Fag <ifuckchickens.at.hotmail.com> at 2004-06-16 21:55:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Try and persuade him to run away.
Submitted by dakingisdead (user info) at 2004-06-16 20:54:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Right it was "The Company".
Cool I missed it when it showed here recently due to being busy busy busy.
I will be getting it out when it hits video though as it sounded very interesting and got fantastic write ups.
Hell you are practically famous Squirrel.
Submitted by ohlookasquirrel (user info) at 2004-06-16 20:15:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Well daking, they made "Center Stage" about a made up school a few years back (American Ballet School, it was modeled after School of American Ballet, where many of my friends are going this summer), which by the way, all my friends were in as extras, WOO!
They also made "Save the Last Dance" shortly after, about Julliard (which, coincidentally, doesn't have that great of a ballet program, it's awesome for modern though), which all my friends were REALLY in since it was filmed in Chicago.
Hm...then there was "The company", the most recent dance movie, about Joffrey Ballet, so I may be seen in that a bit, as Joffrey ballet is four floors up from my ballet school (we've always shared a building), but I'm not sure as I haven't seen it yet.
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2004-06-16 20:14:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good luck, have fun, don't go to Yale, the city sucks.
Submitted by dakingisdead (user info) at 2004-06-16 20:05:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey Squireel is this the school they made a movie about recently?
Bugger I can't remember it's name.
Anyway GO Grrrl!
Have some major fun and don't break a leg.
Submitted by conrad (user info) at 2004-06-16 19:55:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by ohlookasquirrel (user info) at 2004-06-16 19:08:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Meow?
I mean...eh?
Submitted by Slapshot99 (user info) at 2004-06-16 17:49:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
"Whats Eating Gilbert Grape" ........what?
Submitted by JohnGalt (user info) at 2004-06-16 17:24:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If you happen to drive through Raleigh, an unfortunate experience for sure, sometime near a meal of some sort (other than breakfast, which I sleep right through on most days), you should give me a call. You can email me at christopher.johnson.at.netzero.net for my cell number (which I'm way to sober to post right now).
Note to the FBI: This is not, I repeat NOT, a solicitation for anything other than eating of food in a public restaurant. Preferably one with barbeque and iced tea...and fried okra, some mashed potatoes, corn on the cob and hushpuppies.
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-06-16 17:20:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by kimmy02721 (user info) at 2004-06-16 16:51:22 (#)
Ranking: 2
ahhh, I *believe* I'll be in the northeastern part (??), that is too bad, I was hoping for some crunchy beer battered catfish and having someone suck the piss out of me. damnitall!
---
Not so fast... I don't remember you being on that list. :-)
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2004-06-16 17:10:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good luck!
Submitted by ohlookasquirrel (user info) at 2004-06-16 17:03:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Well thanks Q, that's sort of a relief.
Cauly, I'm moving in with you when I'm legal, eh? eh? (February third)
And aaron, I KNOOOWOWW honey, but north carolina has a balanchine program whereas oregon ballet theatre doesn't.
Submitted by bargled (user info) at 2004-06-16 17:00:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
FUCK YOU! I'M OFFERING A DANCE CLASS IN OREGON BUT YOU REFUSE TO COME!
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-06-16 16:58:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2004-06-16 16:52:09 (#)
Ranking: 2
I broke my neck in a tap recital and then died.
---------------------------------------------
This man should be elected president of the planet. Oh the wisdom.
As for you OLAS, aren't you suppose to move here so we can have babies and shit ?
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2004-06-16 16:58:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I find you annoying from time to time, but I don't hate you.
Enjoy your ballet trip.
Submitted by ohlookasquirrel (user info) at 2004-06-16 16:55:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
More than most people, Q, or so I thought.
Submitted by Lucifer_Industries (user info) at 2004-06-16 16:55:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Come to Michigan Vivian!
Malone
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2004-06-16 16:52:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
what? I hate you?
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2004-06-16 16:52:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I broke my neck in a tap recital and then died.
Submitted by kimmy02721 (user info) at 2004-06-16 16:51:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-06-16 16:48:34 (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by kimmy02721 (user info) at 2004-06-16 16:44:58 (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey Fetish, where in VA? I'm moving there from Massachusetts in ONE WEEK!!! Holy shit am I nervous.
OLAS, are you excited about this? Should be a great experience, just to get away from the norm for a while.
If you're going to be anywhere Nags Head beach you MUST check it out. Good luck w/ school.
---
In the southwestern part.
--------------------------------------
ahhh, I *believe* I'll be in the northeastern part (??), that is too bad, I was hoping for some crunchy beer battered catfish and having someone suck the piss out of me. damnitall!
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-06-16 16:48:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by kimmy02721 (user info) at 2004-06-16 16:44:58 (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey Fetish, where in VA? I'm moving there from Massachusetts in ONE WEEK!!! Holy shit am I nervous.
OLAS, are you excited about this? Should be a great experience, just to get away from the norm for a while.
If you're going to be anywhere Nags Head beach you MUST check it out. Good luck w/ school.
---
In the southwestern part.
Submitted by WRECKER (user info) at 2004-06-16 16:47:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-06-16 16:33:29 (#)
Ranking: 1
so you-ah driving ya cah to hahvahd? chee-ahs!
----------------------------
Being from Chicago, also, I have to say that the company that owns my company is from Bahstan, and when ever they come in I have to listen about how they pahk the cah. Drives me fucking insane.
On a side note, have fun. And break a leg, er...umm...you know what I mean. HAHAHA. I am gonna go back to my hole now.
Submitted by Tenyuki (user info) at 2004-06-16 16:45:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'ma miss the Vivian. You know how stalker-ish I can be... so I won't be missing you much... And if you see me in Boston, that's only because I'm on uh... vacation. Wow, so many periods. ............
Submitted by kimmy02721 (user info) at 2004-06-16 16:44:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey Fetish, where in VA? I'm moving there from Massachusetts in ONE WEEK!!! Holy shit am I nervous.
OLAS, are you excited about this? Should be a great experience, just to get away from the norm for a while.
If you're going to be anywhere Nags Head beach you MUST check it out. Good luck w/ school.
Submitted by ohlookasquirrel (user info) at 2004-06-16 16:44:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Mmmmmmm getting away
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-06-16 16:33:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
so you-ah driving ya cah to hahvahd? chee-ahs!
Submitted by Scott_James (user info) at 2004-06-16 16:32:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-06-16 16:32:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
oooh i went to amherst!! well umass amherst.. same town though! it's beautiful..
squirrely, boston opens it arms to you!!
come visit us here at uber when you get a chance. we would love to hear your
travel tales!!!
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-06-16 16:28:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Uh... Come visit me in VA?