The time I got high on bleach (1324 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.29 on 21 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by D7 (View user info) at 2004-06-17 10:10:31 EDT
Before me luxurious job as a mechanical engineer, I worked as a butchers assistant at a meat market. My duties included cleaning the saws and tables and, on occasion, cutting meat. It was a smelly, dirty job, but the guys who worked there made it fun. We joked around, ogled the hot women who came in, and because we were in a larger grocery store, we grossed out the other people who worked their by walking around with bloody aprons and meat hanging off of our clothing.
Getting back to the meat of my story (Oh snap, I'm so fucking funny!), I was still a very lowly peon in the world of meat cutting, so it was my duty to clean the bone barrels. The bone barrels are very descriptive, in the fact that all the bones not sold to customers were placed in these barrels to be taken by a company that took these bones and made them into whatever. (Cow feed, jello, I don't really know.)
Typically these bone barrels sat outside for days on end when they got full and were waiting to be picked up by the bone-man. One particular sunny day, I was told to go and get the empty barrel and clean it. This was my second time cleaning the bone barrel. The first was during a Wisconsin winter that would freeze the balls of a brass monkey (ten points if you can tell me where that expression comes from). I brought the barrel inside. Did I mention it was covered?
I took the top off. To my horror, the bottom was literally crawling with maggots. There were also some fully formed flies trying to fly, but their wings were all caked with maggot slime. I damn near lost it right there, and had to fight my gag reflex. I went and asked one of the butchers how the fuck I was supposed to clean the maggot barrel. He told me to get some bleach and drown them in it.
So I go down the cleaning supply isle and grab 2 big ass bottles of bleach. I pour them into the maggot barrel... the fuckers were still alive! My brilliant 17-year-old mind says one thing, hot water will kill them!
I drag the barrel into a wash closet, mistake number 2. I begin to fill the barrel with steaming hot water. The chlorine bleach begins to vaporize under the heat of the scalding water. The small room fills quickly. I nearly pass out, but am able to stumble out, coughing and eyes burning. I finally throw up. One of the butchers comes by and tells me to go home. I'd never driven drunk, but I can imagine it was similar to how I felt and was driving.
I managed to get home without an accident. I lay in bed, the world spinning. I couldn't eat anything without puking. I fell asleep, almost hoping I wouldn't wake up I felt so bad. The next morning I woke up, not dead. No side effects of which I could tell. I can't recommend bleach though; it has a rough high even though you don't have a hangover.
User Reviews
Submitted by DetroitCity (user info) at 2004-07-08 19:50:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by JMcBride (user info) at 2004-07-08 17:47:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Robot9698 is gay
Submitted by Robot9698 (user info) at 2004-07-08 15:02:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by dakingisdead (user info) at 2004-06-17 19:21:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That is funny because before I became a drafty I worked for a butcher as well. Yep it can be pretty disgusting alright.
The bit that was the worst though was cleaning up. We had this big boiler of water. WE would put caustic soda flakes all over the floor and pour this boiler out. It was the only thing that would attack the fat deposits that would build up.
All this would then flow into the big grease trap and every so often the disposal guy would come and suck that out. Now that is a job I DON"T want!
Submitted by floridastate311 (user info) at 2004-06-17 15:49:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by TripinDayZ420 (user info) at 2004-06-17 12:46:52 (#)
Ranking: 1
there wasn't a beach mentioned ONCE in this story.. i want a refund
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Submitted by Pittdude (user info) at 2004-06-17 15:35:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I used to lifeguard at a pool where I was one of the only guys who could lift the 60 lbs barrels of cholorine they used in the pool. Therefore, I was always assigned the task of filling the Chlorine tanks. I had several experiences of gassing myself with it and I felt the same things you felt.
+2 because I felt your pain
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2004-06-17 15:31:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by lawryde (user info) at 2004-06-17 10:38:27 (#)
Ranking: 0
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Submitted by blingshizzle (user info) at 2004-06-17 10:34:29 (#)
Ranking: -2
Wow a mechanical engineer that cannot grasp the correct usage of their/there/they're. Sweet
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Wow, a pompus liberal arts major who's upset I make more money than him.
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HAHA! Yeah boieeee!
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-06-17 15:16:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
This story just made me hungry for white rice
Submitted by WillZone (user info) at 2004-06-17 13:57:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Solid +1.
Submitted by TripinDayZ420 (user info) at 2004-06-17 12:46:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
there wasn't a beach mentioned ONCE in this story.. i want a refund.
Submitted by Yes (user info) at 2004-06-17 12:32:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahaha, funnee shite...
your mistake:
"we grossed out the other people who worked their by"
bling, stop being a bitch.
Submitted by lawryde (user info) at 2004-06-17 10:44:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This is the only sentence were I use there, their, or they're:
There were also some fully formed flies trying to fly, but their wings were all caked with maggot slime.
How is this wrong? their wings is correct because they are the wings of the maggot... I must be really dumb
Submitted by CleverName (user info) at 2004-06-17 10:42:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Kaelic (user info) at 2004-06-17 10:42:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You know, I think KM does a similar thing. Wow, that job must suck. I was eating a bowl of pasta when you went into the maggot description. Thanks.
Submitted by lawryde (user info) at 2004-06-17 10:38:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
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Submitted by blingshizzle (user info) at 2004-06-17 10:34:29 (#)
Ranking: -2
Wow a mechanical engineer that cannot grasp the correct usage of their/there/they're. Sweet
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Wow, a pompus liberal arts major who's upset I make more money than him.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-06-17 10:36:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like this story
Submitted by blingshizzle (user info) at 2004-06-17 10:34:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Wow a mechanical engineer that cannot grasp the correct usage of their/there/they're. Sweet
Submitted by lurker at 2004-06-17 10:32:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
or what magicaddict said works too
Submitted by lurker at 2004-06-17 10:30:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Good story,
For my 10 points, the "freezing the balls of a brass monkey" phrase
was a saying for old ships that had cannons on them. The cannon
balls were stacked up in a pyramid and sat in a hollow square. When
it got cold, the metal balls expanded and fell off the brass monkey.
Yay, 10 points for me.
Submitted by Magicaddict (user info) at 2004-06-17 10:29:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Freezing the balls off a brass monkey"
Brass monkeys were brass triangles used to hold cannonballs in place on ships decks. As brass reacts to heat changes to a greater extent than iron, when it got cold, the monkey would contract further than the iron cannonball, eventually becoming too small to hold it with any stability. The ball would then fall off, hence freezing the balls off a brass monkey.
Sodium Hypochlorite - not a nice thing to get high on.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2004-06-17 10:23:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sort of like the ammonia high that you get from a poorly ventilated blueprint machine?