Faint Heart Never Won Fair Maiden (AKA: Chatroom Chivalry) (1590 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.83 on 13 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by SoxSexSax (View user info) at 2004-06-17 22:04:52 EDT
Faint Heart Never Won Fair Maiden (AKA: Chatroom Chivalry)
We sit in our gladiatorial thrones, ready for the combat to begin. We've never met before and have never had cause to quarrel until now.
I crack my knuckles.
He cracks his knuckles.
The chatroom grows silent, or as silent as a chatroom can get given that a chatroom is merely a series of bytes being sent in streams from one computer to another.
I shift in my chair and stretch the muscles in my already aching back.
He shifts in his chair and stretches his back. I don't know if he's aching or not.
The fair maiden, a Lil_Miss_Sexy_4_U, drops the white tissue and the battle begins.
I type "You sir are a meaningless lump of knob-cheese on the bell-end of humanity."
He responds with "May I suggest you remove your bloated, spotty head from your fat pimply backside, knave."
Touché'.
I launch a fresh attack. "I would hazard a guess at the size of your gentialia, you slimy excuse for a slimy slug, but one millimeter and two millimeters look identical to my fair eye."
He's not fazed and counters swiftly. "I think that in all probability my sword of passion is far more powerful and manly than your feebly flaccid twig of disappointment, you cowardly dog."
Lil_Miss_Sexy_4_U throws out an "LOL" after this comment. Things aren't looking good.
Desperate to gain an advantage, I bring out the heavy guns. "I believe it is a crying shame that it is not possible to isolate a single sperm with the view to shooting it dead. If it were, I hold out high hopes that your parents would have had the good sense to remove your particular sperm from the great lottery of life before it could ever threaten to pollute our noble race's gene pool."
There's barely a pause before his reply hits my screen. "I would take your insults about my parentage more seriously if I had not spent the last fourteen moons in the chamber of your mother. The acts that lady will perform with a simple baguette simply defy belief."
I'm reeling and he knows it. This is my last chance. "I put it to you sir that you are a pathetically sad individual with nothing better to do with your miserable little life than frequent Internet chat-rooms due to your total inability to converse with people face to face. I assume this is something to do with you being anally abused by your father when you were a mere lad. Your purpose in these chatrooms is to harass poor unsuspecting females with your weak attempts at wit and humour in the vain hope that one of them may eventually succumb to your constant whining and allow you to view them on their web cam. You're the kind of scurvy knave who gets all aggressive if anyone so much as says 'hello' to a cyber chick your miserably failing to hit upon and the kind of pathetic specimen who attempts to make his insults sound 'pseudo-intellectual' to attempt to impress any interested onlookers. In short, sir, you are the cyber equivalent of the ginger boy with freckles and spots who always gets picked last for gym and doesn't kiss a girl until 26...and then it's a filthy whore from the dirtiest brothel in downtown Dirtsville."
He replied "Look who's talking, cunt!"
Gotta admit, he had me there. I left quietly at that point. I know when I'm beaten.
User Reviews
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-06-18 13:58:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Let's give a yay for the below mentioned:
"There's barely a pause before his reply hits my screen. "I would take your insults about my parentage more seriously if I had not spent the last fourteen moons in the chamber of your mother. The acts that lady will perform with a simple baguette simply defy belief."
YAAAAAAAAAAY
Submitted by JChristian1965 (user info) at 2004-06-18 11:17:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome!
Me likey...
Submitted by shark25 (user info) at 2004-06-18 10:38:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fantastic
Submitted by Magicaddict (user info) at 2004-06-18 10:37:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Chatroom insult trading - always good for a laugh.
Submitted by MrPrickle (user info) at 2004-06-18 05:14:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
he had you there
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2004-06-18 01:47:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by hairsphincter2 (user info) at 2004-06-18 01:40:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm a Sax maniac.
Submitted by Alfa_Veloce (user info) at 2004-06-17 22:58:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good for u.
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2004-06-17 22:57:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Plus one.
Submitted by PatheticCapitalistFuck (user info) at 2004-06-17 22:36:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahahaha...
Submitted by dakingisdead (user info) at 2004-06-17 22:34:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahahahaahha
Submitted by Can_Always_Trust_A_Liar (user info) at 2004-06-17 22:32:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Anticlimactic
Submitted by Tom (user info) at 2004-06-17 22:27:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment