Legalized Slavery (886 hits)
Category: GeneralLabels: ETS_Comedy_Writing
Rating: 0.33 on 21 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Brad <electrictoothsyndrome.at.msn.com> (View user info) at 2004-06-17 22:33:11 EDT
When I was younger, maybe about 10 or so, my step brother Travis and I would employ ourselves in the construction and maintenance of our very own custom-built clubhouses. These were actually very cool clubhouses. There were three of them in all.They were located in the woods beside our house, and were connected to each other with a series of paths that were carefully lines in tree bark and rocks. One of the paths even traversed a creek with the aide of a bridge.
Often the bridge would get washed out in heavy rain, so we constructed a small dam upstream to help slow the rushing water. (This did not work well, but was a noble idea for two ten-year-olds, and it kept us occupied.)
Now, you may be asking yourselves how could two small boys complete such an impressive compound of fortress-like club houses using only hand saws,hammers, and muscle power....with the cunning use of slaves of course!!!
You see, my sisters, who were around 5 and 7 at the time were usually desperate to be a part of the exciting construction process, so Travis and I graciously bestowed upon them the honorable title of "slave" and put their little candy asses to work, which pretty much left Travis and I free to employ our minds in the far more daunting tasks of fung-shuing the layout and loafing about giving orders.
Every now and then if we were pleased with their performance, our slaves could be promoted to "idiot". "Idiot", although holding no tangible advantages over the "slave" title, tended to give the slaves the illusion that they were moving up in ranks. Likewise, if an "idiot" pleased us with her day's performance, which usually consisted of moving rocks and tree limbs around in accordance with our whims, they could in turn be promoted - obtaining the presigious title of "dumbass". Once again, the title advancement usually carried little preferential treatment, except maybe a short break, or we might make them carry tree bark or move brush instead of the more laborious rocks. Every now and then, if a "dumbass" was real lucky, and had done everything Travis and I had asked in a timely manner, and had always answered "yes, master" to all of our requests, and had displayed an inhuman-like subservience equalled only by the WWII-era German citizens, then they could be promoted to the holy title of "SUPER SLAVE".
It was rare that promotions beyond "idiot" ever occurred, what with the frequent demotions and all, and the fact that each new day reset the title structure of the makeshift community. I think once my oldest sister (the seven-year-old) reached the holy title of "SUPER SLAVE" only to be quickly demoted all the way back to slave for celebrating the promotion. Happiness was not allowed either unless we said so!!!
By the way, I am thinking of starting my own country. Anyone want to join??? I think i could find you a title. :)
User Reviews
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-02-11 01:50:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by eIectrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2004-10-23 17:51:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You grow on people, but so does cancer.
Submitted by equaIizer (user info) at 2004-10-21 20:43:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I like you. People say I've got no taste, but I like you.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2004-10-18 15:17:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Those poor girls.
Submitted by Fake_BargIed (user info) at 2004-10-17 13:41:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by equalizer (user info) at 2004-09-14 03:31:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Equalized.
Submitted by fake_bargled (user info) at 2004-09-07 19:21:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I'm fucking glad I did, your responses to my posts are fucking hilarious, thanks for the entertainment when I'm at work.
Submitted by vengeance (user info) at 2004-08-13 22:39:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by FetishII (user info) at 2004-08-12 19:55:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2004-08-12 19:38:34 (#)
Ranking: -2
Hope this is what you wanted!
---
Mr. Spam man, bring some spam. My nane is electrictoothsyndrome, and I'm like the 20th to spam Fetish this month, ain't I cool?
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-08-12 19:46:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2004-08-12 19:38:34 (#)
Ranking: -2
Hope this is what you wanted!
---
Better make sure you spam them all, I'm not missing a one, bitch!
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-08-12 15:29:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2004-08-12 14:48:08 (#)
Ranking: -2
Last I checked, you have a lot more posts than I do, so I think it might hurt you a little more. Also, do your ratings even count?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2004-08-12 14:45:04 (#)
Ranking: -2
BTW, this can go on as long as you want it to.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2004-08-12 14:44:09 (#)
Ranking: -2
You should be boiled alive. This snake should be ashamed of you.
---
Bring it bitch!
Submitted by whataefag (user info) at 2004-06-18 16:15:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought it was funny. I used to do shit like that when I was a kid. And now I'm stuck in the sick twisted world of bondage, cage sex and prostitution. Oh well, what's a guy to do?
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2004-06-18 16:06:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Jesus, you fuckers are critical. Funny how this site is linked to something called "Bored At Work" and yet everyone seems to be so fucking serious all the time...Lighten up bitches!!!
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-06-18 14:14:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
-1 for talking about your little sister and her candy ass in the same sentence
+1 for childhood shenanigans
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2004-06-18 09:35:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
This is like a joke without a punchline.
Submitted by atz (user info) at 2004-06-18 03:06:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by misanthrope (user info) at 2004-06-18 02:09:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Messing with younger siblings is one of the better parts of childhood. That and the total lack of responsibility.
This reminds me of when I tricked my little brother into a wooden crate and then nailed it shut.
He probably still hates me.
Submitted by Rainer (user info) at 2004-06-18 00:05:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Poorly written..
Submitted by convicted_child_rapist (user info) at 2004-06-18 00:00:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Fuck you and fuck your fucking cunt brother too
Submitted by Alfa_Veloce (user info) at 2004-06-17 22:49:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Just wait till they realize what happen.
Submitted by Quartermain (user info) at 2004-06-17 22:38:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
**displayed an inhuman-like subservience equalled only by the WWII-era German citizens**
Or, of course, the French. And no, making fun of the French never gets old. It's like having monkeys dressed as people(which, oddly enough, also reminds me of the French)in that it's always funny.
Good story. Reminds me of the time I scammed my litte brother into running outside bare-ass naked and then locked the door on him.