Laughed at by a Child and his Mother (845 hits)
Category: Sound & MusicRating: 1.9 on 12 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by CleverName<davidcasebolt.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2004-06-18 18:34:18 EDT
I got home from work twenty minutes ago. I was thoroughly owned by a small boy and his mother during my drive.
My commute couldn't have started any better- I was in a great mood- I'm going to the last of three Prince shows here in MPLS tonight, I'm off this weekend, and it's a beautiful afternoon. I hopped in my sexy-as-hell '95 Ford Contour, cranked down the window with the requisite pliers, and lit a cigarette. My next action was a bit more fateful (I had no intention of posting today despite being on the site all day at work, but now I'm inspired): I removed Sam Cooke from my CD player and replaced him with some phat Mozart beatz. Sidebar: I'm no music scholar, and when it comes to classical, I'm a novice, but Amadeus has been rocking me for the past year and a half- he was all about melody and harmony, as am I, and I'm steadily devouring his music. This may be the subject of a future post...but back to this one for now:
Five minutes of city driving later, I've merged onto Interstate 35W and am sitting in stopped traffic, happy as a pig in shit. I'm listening to the last movement of K#320 Posthorn Serenade in D major, my favorite bit of a fantastic piece of music. Allow me, dear reader, to give you some insight into me, Dave: I get into my music. Music is one of two things (sex being the other) that allow me to relax, be at ease, and enjoy myself.
When I listen to Mozart, I get lost in the music- it's very thick- there's a lot going on in almost all of his trax. Something weird happens to me and I often catch myself jerking my head side-to-side (seemingly in random patterns), waving my hands around, and whistling. I am an excellent whistler. Sometimes I forget things like the fact that I'm not Herbert von Fucking Karajan conducting the Berlin Philharmonic.
This was the case as I sat in stopped freeway traffic. All of my worries were buried beneath the glorious musical phrases. I was positively basking in the glory of the last part of the last movement of the serenade for winds and horn when I heard the echo of my feverish (but brilliant) whistling bounce off of a minivan. Whoa, I thought, better tone it down- don't wanna look dumb.
It was at this point that I looked to my left and saw that there was a 3-or-so year-old boy riding shotgun in that minivan pointing at me and roaring with laughter.
Shit.
I snapped out of musical delirium and again glanced into the stupid white minivan and saw who I assume was this child's mother. She, too was laughing her ass off, saying something to her son, undoubtedly a cruel remark about me.
Shit, that's cold. What happened to 'son, it's not polite to point?' I get 'you're right, Billy, that guy IS a real douchebag!' The kid made a good point, but still.
Still. Key on this. Every car on the roadway is still. I'm not going anywhere and neither is the fuckin' laughmobile on my left, so I'm forced to resign myself to being ridiculed by some dumb white chick and her ill-mannered kid. All I could do was flash a transparently sheepish grin and light another Marb Red. As Sweet Lady Nicotine settled me down, I began to think more objectively, and soon realized that people in other cars probably saw what had just transpired. Sure enough, the middle-aged guy behind me looked very amused in my rearview mirror. Who knows, perhaps he was listening to some fucked up Don Henley or something, but I don't think so. I KNOW the woman driving the pickup behind the chucklemobile saw, because when I looked at her, she gave me a clear pity smile. She looked at me the way a school nurse would look at a kid who pissed himself and needed to go home and change. And I'm sure I looked like that kid. I came to the conclusion that I had but one avenue of recourse:
Ice Cube.
I swapped out Wolfgang and replaced him with one O'shay Jackson, aka Cube. 'Not just knee deep- she was OG deep when she did the freak wit me'...'That's the kind o' bitch that'll cum at 2 in da mornin'..' The spell upon me was cast off like one of Cube's bitches as glorious misogynist raps made their way into the now-confused little boy. Now, instead of whistling, I was spittin' mad flows, and looking at mommy rather suggestively. She shot me a venomous glare, rolled up her son's window, and tapped her brake so as not to be quite even with my car.
This concluded the low-speed highway drama that was my afternoon commute today.
The episode served to remind me that A)- I'm a dipshit, and B)- one should never take themselves too seriously.
And that there ain't no fuckin' wit Cube.
User Reviews
Submitted by sparkle_pink (user info) at 2004-06-19 21:02:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Shostakovich's 5th!!! The Rite of Spring!!! I love Russian composers.
Submitted by mikethescottish (user info) at 2004-06-19 11:53:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hilarious. Your taste in music is quite good too.
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2004-06-19 11:17:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Come bang up to date, Glass and Cage are where it's at, or try Different Trains by Steve Reich. If you really want to piss off your fellow motorists, I recommend Stravinsky's Rite of Spring. Another good one to wave your hands about to is Shosatkovitch's 5th Symphony. That's some rocking classical music.
Submitted by Quasiplasmohedron (user info) at 2004-06-18 23:52:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by sparkle_pink (user info) at 2004-06-18 23:50:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Mozart is hot. But Beethoven is where it's at. Beethoven is super hot.
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2004-06-18 23:11:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You should've been like, "What bitch?! And you should tame your mom, too!!!" If you ever need a workout for the ring finger of your right hand, piano- Mozart's Sonata in A major.
Submitted by RideJohnnyRide (user info) at 2004-06-18 20:05:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
1 for mozart
another 1 for pachelbel :)
You shoulda kept on rockin the wolfgang amadeus
Submitted by sonic_13 (user info) at 2004-06-18 19:51:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"'you're right, Billy, that guy IS a real douchebag!'" hahahaha thats awesome!
Submitted by BillsSBChamps (user info) at 2004-06-18 19:17:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for saying O'Shea Jackson.
Submitted by Slapshot99 (user info) at 2004-06-18 19:16:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for the classics........Pachelbel's "Canon in D"
Submitted by drunkhomealone (user info) at 2004-06-18 19:08:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
It's friday, have a beer on me.
Submitted by conrad (user info) at 2004-06-18 18:47:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for liking Mozart: the Lacrimosa from 'Requiem' is my favourite. Decent post too.