Israelis vs. Palestinians...A Solution Exists (983 hits)
Category: Business & FinancialRating: -0.69 on 22 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Tony Montana <deenw.at.aol.com> (View user info) at 2004-06-18 19:28:59 EDT
Israelis vs Palestinians....a Solution Exists
Presidents, diplomats, and free thinkers have all tried to come up with ways to end the incessant feud between Palestinians and Israelis and they have all achieved the same result: abject failure. No matter how many times the leaders of those two nation-states are brought together, regardless of the display of peace and diplomacy, inevitably a few weeks later someone always ends up getting his ass capped. And it's never a simple ass capping. Even when going after a single person, both sides for some reason refuse to settle for a simple and clean snipe...no, it has to be some fucking Ridley Scott style production with either human shrapnel or an F-16 fighter jet sent straight up someone's ass. And thus the cycle of violence continues.
The violence usually manifests in a tit-for-tat form...with a strike by the Palestinians being responded to by Israelis. Outfunded and outstrengthed, it can seem confusing why the Palestinians persistently turn to force rather than other alternatives to achieve their agenda. However the reason is simple: they have nothing to lose. Living in a mudshack refugee camp and eating daily rations of leaves and dirt for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, it must actually be a nice break from reality to start some shit up in Jerusalem.
This is precisely where I feel a solution exists. How do you stop a man who has nothing to lose? You give him something to lose. In this current conflict, I think that something should be capitalism.
Of course one can't just give cash to the Palestinians...Israelis would view that as an egregious violation of their own security because that money could potentially be spent on arms and munitions. However, upon discussion with one of my roommates, I believe we have found a suitable way to implement capitalism in Palestine.
I present to you the three-pronged plan for peace.
Step 1: Create A Palestinian Boy Band
If you want to change policy the most effective way is to reach the minds and hearts of the people...and what better way to do that than with a boy band. Palestinians have access to television where they can see the wealth and happiness of every other nation in the world except theirs. Well a stylish, wealthy, young Palestinian Boy Band creates the impression that happiness and wealth exist at home too. It's not just white people livin large...lead singer Kalid Akbar is pimping it too...and he lives just down the street! This endeavor would certainly help convince preteens and young adults that some of their own people have it good...and with hard work they can too.
Step 2: Give every working family one big ass honkin' Cadillac Escalade Truck
Something tangible must be given to supplement the mere image of wealth and happiness, and I believe the best thing for this situation would be the Cadillac Escalade Truck. As I had mentioned before, cash is not an option, but this is nearly as good. Not only does it provide a practical use for jobs and commercial activities, it also cannot be easily exchanged for arms or other illegal items. I don't imagine many arms dealers that would want to use Cadillac Trucks as currency. And most importantly, this Truck looks hellafied good. Tell me, would you want to blow yourself up in some coffee shop in Tel Aviv after someone handed you the keys to a big ass honkin' Cadillac Escalade Truck? I don't think so.
Step 3: Give every family with children an X-Box with NBA Ballers preinstalled.
The final and most important step of this approach involves reaching out to the children, for they are the true future. "NBA Ballers, A Rags To Riches Story" is a game where you start off a lowly basketball street hustler and through hard work and persistence, you acquire bigger and better things until you are a true "baller." This game represents capitalism at its finest. It shows these youngsters that despite starting with nothing, all you need is a wicked crossover and a bitching fade-away jumper and you too can be flossing on the court wearing a khaki suit and a pair of Burberry Nike Air Force One's. With hopes of a future like that in store, I can't imagine any child wanting to throw that away.
User Reviews
Submitted by Steven_Jenkins (user info) at 2004-09-18 02:57:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Serving up another round...
Submitted by Thejudge (user info) at 2004-09-18 01:50:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Keep it up.
Submitted by anti-tony_IV (user info) at 2004-09-18 00:41:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I can do this forever, Tony. You are a punk ass. Go ahead and send 15 people my way. I think it's funny. You are not creative, you suck. Your website sucks. Your friends suck.
So for every -2 I get from someone I will assume is one of your mindless lackeys, I will -2 you 5 times.
Submitted by Anti-TonyIII (user info) at 2004-09-17 23:54:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Fucking -2 Die, dick!
Submitted by Tony_Montana_Sux_Dick (user info) at 2004-09-17 22:57:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
For every -2 you give, I will give you 5. You like this game? So do I.
Submitted by Anti--Tony (user info) at 2004-09-17 22:29:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You suck dick.
Submitted by AntiTony (user info) at 2004-09-17 22:20:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Shit
Submitted by jimbo (user info) at 2004-09-16 07:52:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm shocked...damn funny.
But "outstrengthed"? What the fuck?
Submitted by Anti-Tony (user info) at 2004-09-15 08:53:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by MickGinny (user info) at 2004-09-15 08:38:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Israelis vs Palestinians....a Solution Exists
Yes. and the solution is for the carpetbagging palestinian squatters to get the fuck out of the israelis land.
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2004-09-15 08:27:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Nobb (user info) at 2004-07-11 02:55:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Have to +2 because of Saclum retard being well, retarded.
Submitted by Socialist_Joe (user info) at 2004-07-11 02:30:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
not very good at all
Submitted by Tom (user info) at 2004-07-11 02:17:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2004-06-22 10:42:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Fr057m0urn3 (user info) at 2004-06-18 22:46:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 'cos I feel the same.
Dump the Korans and start making money
Submitted by TonyMontana (user info) at 2004-06-18 21:58:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
then how come there are so many muslim people who live peacefully in the US? if there was a problem with the religion, you'd think you'd have a lot more widespread acts of suicide bombings in the us by american muslims. hmm...that's strangely absent. kind of like your logic.
Submitted by SAECULUM.AUREUM (user info) at 2004-06-18 21:06:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Allot of Palestinians actually are not incredibly bad off, the problem is within their religion. I can't really laugh at this idea of introducing decadence. Sorry
Submitted by Fag <ifuckchickens.at.hotmail.com> at 2004-06-18 20:08:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If that's how they managed to persuade aryans that negroes are human, I guess it will work on 2 religious fanatic groups who are willing to die in order to kill one another.
Submitted by TonyMontana (user info) at 2004-06-18 20:02:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow tom...your desperate faggot ass just lives on ubersite, don't you? You responded to this in like under a minute. Well enjoy your friday night spent on here you impotent dweeb. You will never get laid by anyone under 400 pounds and despite how much respect you get on this website, you won't amount to shit in real life.
Submitted by freebie (user info) at 2004-06-18 19:36:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I promised myself a week ago to not reply anymore as the shit here lately is so fucking lame. This
however has restored my faith in uber.
NBA Ballers, is that for real? I thought of Koby right off.
Submitted by Tom (user info) at 2004-06-18 19:32:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Is not the kicker of ass
Did not make me smile
Is not worth reading
I guess I've seen better.