The Sea Chimps get out of hand: Tales of the Monoculous kind. (716 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.54 on 16 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Dr. Monoculous (View user info) at 2004-06-21 01:13:37 EDT
"Mmmmm, George. Have you seen the Sea Chimps lately?"
"No Doctor. Can't say I have. Why, are they missing?" He hopped up onto the desk and looked into the tank.
"Well it would sure appear that way." I stroked my chin for a moment. Suddenly, I saw something out of the corner of my eye. The golfball sized chimp was swinging from a wire on the ceiling. "Well hello there little guyAAAAHHHHHHHH!" I yelled in mid-sentence as this small aquatic monkey latched itself onto my face and began clawing.
"Wow, look at that." George said.
"Ok George, stop looking and start GETTING IT OFF MY FACE!" I yelled. I ripped it off my face and threw it against the wall, smashing it and splattering monkey guts everywhere. "This is not good." I took a baseball bat and crept around the basement. "George, be a dear and go upstairs and put the kettle on." The monkey thing walked up the stairs and began clattering up in the kitchen. I crept around slowly, searching for more primates.
Meanwhile, upstairs, George was putting the kettle on. He took a sip of water, listening to the commotion in the floor below him. "DIE YOU DEVIL CHIMP!" He could hear me screaming and then hear a small chimp screaming and glass breaking.
Meanwhile, downstairs, I had my hands busy. Chimps were flying at me from all directions, biting, scratching, and chewing. "EEEEH OOH OOH AH!" They would scream as they bit down.
"AAH! AAH! AAH! AAH!" I managed to stutter as they started crawling up my pants. I took out my special monkey ray gun and began shooting in all directions, hitting the tens, if not hundreds of monkeys scurrying around my basement. "What in the bloody..."
I kept punching and kicking. The basement was becoming quite a mess. "EEH EEEH EEEEEH!" The apes all screamed as they scratched my pink flesh. "DR. MONOCULOUS DOES NOT APPROVE OF APES! DR. MONOCULOUS DOES NOT APPROVE!"
After nearly a half hour of battling, the fighting ended. A knock came to my door. I slowly walked up my stairs and into the living room. I brushed off my shirt and pants and opened the door. "Ah, hello Ms. Smith. How are you?"
"Well, I heard quite a sound coming from inside your home. Just making sure everything is ok."
"Uhhh, John, you missed one." I turned around at the voice of George just in time for an ape to latch onto my arm.
"Oh my dear Ms. Smith, you have to excuse me for a moment. AHHH!" I began screaming. I watched as she stood there with a horrified look on her face as I beat the monkey lump on my arm against the wall, against the door, and against the doorknob. After it was dead, I reassured her that everything was fine.
"Sea Monkeys. I tell you, they raise hell."
User Reviews
Submitted by AwesomeJohnson (user info) at 2004-10-22 13:31:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't think chimps are apes. AwesomeJohnson does not approve of misclassification of primates. Kidding...funny shit, dude.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-10-22 13:19:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I had sea monkeys last year but it was too hard to clean out their water.
I miss them.
Submitted by Can_Always_Trust_A_Liar (user info) at 2004-06-21 21:54:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well I liked it, and don't give a shit about "double posts."
Submitted by Tom (user info) at 2004-06-21 10:01:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I just don't really see why the order of posting matters. If the post is good, give it a +2, Nancy boy.
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2004-06-21 05:37:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That was funny goddammit.
And what's with that silly rule of "one post per day" anyway? If people have some good stuff to submit, why not let them do it in one day? And if people just want to submit shit, would they really care if everyone -2d them for breaking the "one post a day" rule? Makes no fucking sense to me.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-06-21 04:20:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
""Submitted by SoxSexSax (user info) at 2004-06-21 03:21:08 (#)
Ranking: 0
"Submitted by DoctorMonoculous (user info) at 2004-06-21 01:54:44 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by SoxSexSax (user info) at 2004-06-21 01:50:11 (#)
Ranking: 0
+2 for the post
-2 for having a post with your other username just three places below this on the front page
Did you write the bloody post rules? Christ I'm starting to get sick of people like you."
Did you write the rules that state how other people should decide the rating they give your posts? Christ, I'm sick of you. """
Christ did you twon write the rules on how I can steal other peoples gags?
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2004-06-21 04:20:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
look out for sea monkeys, theyre just litle balls of energy.
Submitted by SoxSexSax (user info) at 2004-06-21 03:21:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"Submitted by DoctorMonoculous (user info) at 2004-06-21 01:54:44 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by SoxSexSax (user info) at 2004-06-21 01:50:11 (#)
Ranking: 0
+2 for the post
-2 for having a post with your other username just three places below this on the front page
Did you write the bloody post rules? Christ I'm starting to get sick of people like you."
Did you write the rules that state how other people should decide the rating they give your posts? Christ, I'm sick of you.
Submitted by Scott_James (user info) at 2004-06-21 02:36:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by bargled (user info) at 2004-06-21 01:58:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ahhh the good doctor is here!
Submitted by DoctorMonoculous (user info) at 2004-06-21 01:54:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by SoxSexSax (user info) at 2004-06-21 01:50:11 (#)
Ranking: 0
+2 for the post
-2 for having a post with your other username just three places below this on the front page
Did you write the bloody post rules? Christ I'm starting to get sick of people like you.
Submitted by SoxSexSax (user info) at 2004-06-21 01:50:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
+2 for the post
-2 for having a post with your other username just three places below this on the front page
Submitted by Spuds002 (user info) at 2004-06-21 01:42:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It has been said before (on other posts), and I shall stand tall and say it again with pride!!!
What The Fuck?
Why the hell did i laugh at that?
Submitted by Death_Metal_Dude (user info) at 2004-06-21 01:38:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hehehehehe
Submitted by DoctorMonoculous (user info) at 2004-06-21 01:17:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Dr. Monoculous sure as hell doesn't approve of apes.
Submitted by Falco (user info) at 2004-06-21 01:17:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
DR Mono!