War, pissing contests, and Orlando Bloom being a little bitch; my little review of Troy (897 hits)
Category: Movies & TVRating: 0.27 on 20 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by A-Daamage (View user info) at 2004-06-21 03:31:01 EDT
I went to see Troy last night with two coworkers, A and J, although unfortunately J can no longer be distinguished with the title of coworker. She was one of the few rays of light during my sentence at __________. She's definitely one of the more upbeat people I've ever met and would NOT rest until she made me smile. She will be missed.
Getting back to Troy, this movie was a pleasant surprise. It didn't turn out to be a gore-riddled, sensationalized, Brad Pitt vehicle. In fact, the best actor in the movie turned out to be the guy who plays Hector, and I don't even know what his name is. I'm not saying Pitt didn't live up to his top-billing, because he plays an excellent Achilles, but the actor who played Hector took the screen. I highly recommend this movie for anyone into epic, jaw-dropping battle scenes, well-written dialogue, and Orlando Bloom acting like the pussy we all know he is. I give Troy a well-earned 8.5 out of 10. Oh, and Peter O'Toole does a superb job as Priam, although saying O'Toole is a great actor is like saying nachos taste good. It's pretty much expected.
"He is not my king." - Achilles, Troy
User Reviews
Submitted by Val (user info) at 2004-06-22 04:24:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you're such a sweetie, here's another +2. don't listen to the nay sayers. they're just trying to break your spirit to get into your pants.
Or something like that.
feel free to IM you stud you
Submitted by Vermin (user info) at 2004-06-22 00:52:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
As per http://www.ubersite.com/m/36288, although I am sure that this post is wonderful and deserves this +2.
Submitted by Oleannder (user info) at 2004-06-21 17:05:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I take it that you have also never seen Black Hawk Down?
Chicago & Fast & The Furious both sucked serious ass. The Matrix was good up until that last one. I wanted to kill everyone involved with that train wreck.
Why was Orlando Boom such a bitch in this?
Submitted by A-Daamage (user info) at 2004-06-21 16:50:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
First, it does say "little review" in the title.
Second, I hate long-winded, pontificated reviews that reveal too much to people who haven't seen the movie yet. It said exactly what I wanted it to.
Also, this was the first movie I had seen Eric Bana in, and before I could see the credits, the females, being their usual antsy selves, were whining to go as soon as the credits were rolling, so I wasn't able to see who played Hector. Granted, this movie was no Matrix, but it still kicked ass. It wasn't a shitbomb like 2 Fast 2 Furious or Chicago.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-06-21 16:37:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
+1 for mentioning orlando bloom. i forgot that i was supposed to be stalking him today
instead of playing around on uber.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2004-06-21 16:29:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Did you run completely out of juice after you wrote the title?
Submitted by Oleannder (user info) at 2004-06-21 16:14:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I give this a -2 for not knowing who Eric Bana is. Did you never see Hulk last year?
Submitted by Fleadh (user info) at 2004-06-21 12:04:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
lackluster to say the least, title had potential but ye wrote nuttin'
C
Submitted by cigar (user info) at 2004-06-21 11:11:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Your a fucking idiot, Troy blew sypillic donkey balls, and so do you. Die, please.
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2004-06-21 10:58:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You should try getting a job as an understudy for Roger Ebert, this was the best review I have ever read.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-06-21 10:45:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Stating that Orlando Bloom is a pussy gets an automatic +2
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-06-21 10:32:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by lush (user info) at 2004-06-21 10:21:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-06-21 05:44:11 (#)
Ranking: 2
However, Troy was a crappy, crappy movie, not saved by some good performances, and Orlando Bloom was supposed to be a whiny bitch - Paris of Troy was the weakest little cocksucker to ever draw breath.
yeah
Submitted by Magicaddict (user info) at 2004-06-21 08:14:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Interesting, though I expected more from the title.
Submitted by XII (user info) at 2004-06-21 08:05:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
eric bana used to do some great comedy, but if you want to see a good movie with him in it see chopper, some of the story of mark brandon 'chopper' read. has some wicked scenes.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-06-21 05:44:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You get a two because Eric Bana is Australian, and I feel patriotic today.
However, Troy was a crappy, crappy movie, not saved by some good performances, and Orlando Bloom was supposed to be a whiny bitch - Paris of Troy was the weakest little cocksucker to ever draw breath.
Submitted by A-Daamage (user info) at 2004-06-21 05:30:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Malificent:
Thanks! I'll have to remember his name for future decisions on what movies to see.
Val:
We all knew it. It was just a matter of time before his true nature was displayed in a movie. In response to your manhand, all I can say is
MMMM, BEEFY
Submitted by Malificent (user info) at 2004-06-21 05:22:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Eric Bana.
Submitted by Val (user info) at 2004-06-21 05:04:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
(by the by, the guy that played Hector also played The Hulk)
Plus 2 for seeing too many movies
Submitted by Val (user info) at 2004-06-21 05:03:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I've said it once and I'll say it again:
Troy ruined Orlando Bloom for me.
What a fucking pussy.
by the way, my hand says "thanks!" in a really loud mannish voice