J-Date: Armageddon (36211 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 1.93 on 109 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by JMG114 (View user info) at 2004-06-21 10:56:07 EDT
Greetings, greetings, fair followers of the J-Date series. Today, I have a special treat for you. Three weeks ago, I posted a fake profile onto one jdate.com. You may view it at jdate.com under the username, "KnowTheScore." Use the search engine there to look for males aged 27 to 27 within one mile of the 10036 zip code. I'll be on one of the first few results pages.
Using a picture of myself, I constructed a fake personality---that of a 27-year-old entrepreneur who had successfully started up a moderate-sized telecommunications firm. I selected my income to be "Over $100,000," and made frequent references to a fictional boat I like to take out in New York Harbor.
Now, my first J-Date profile (you know, the honest one that I wrote in early January) has so far attracted two potentials by e-mail. Two. In six months. (The rest I met via AIM)
This morning, when I checked up the false profile, it had 22 e-mails. Naturally, I had to check 'em out and have a ball. Presented here, for your reading PLEASURE and DELIGHT, are the best ofs.
Aside from names being changed, all e-mails have been copied and pasted verbatim.
****************************
To: KnowTheScore
Sent: 06/02/2004 16:12:40 EST
hi i'm dina u sound kewlkewl. i have a little brother who likes tleecommunications. i think we have a lot in common. will u take me out on ur boat? LOL
i go to interboro to study business too. I want 2 be my own boss just like u! email me back and we'll meet up. maybe on ur boat? lololololol
s,
Dina
****************************
To: KnowTheScore
Sent: 06/12/2004 00:30:14 EST
Hello, KnowTheScore. I'd sure like to know your score. Ha! .........
...........But seriously, I'm Jenna. Wow. This is a big first step for me. Ive never emailed someone first.... (((breathes in))) (((breathes out))) There now. Better.
I was interested to see that you know lots of languages. Did that help you out with your business? What sorts of telecom work do you do?
I love the ocean and I'm a fan of fine dining, too. There's a pan asian restaurant on the west side that we'd have to try. I'm also looking forward to breaking out my new bikini for the summer...............
Hope to hear from you soon............
Jenna
****************************
To: KnowTheScore
Sent: 06/13/2004 04:01:28 EST
heeeeeeeeeeey! I think I know you! We went to school together, up in Westchester. Did you go to (SCHOOL NAME REMOVED)? Is your name Jared?
We were in the same grade, but I didn't know that you were this much older. Are you a prodigy?
You might be interested to know that I went to Columbia to study engineering. I'm glad to see that we're both doing quite well for ourselves. Well, at least ou are!!!
We should meet up sometime. I live in the city and would love to see you again!
-Ann
****************************
To: KnowTheScore
Sent: 06/13/2004 09:04:04 EST
Damn, you're hot. I haven't been on jdate for too long, but when I saw you profile I was like, damn, he's cute!
I'm Sami, and I work in the internal accounting division at a big investment firm. I love my job, and I'm head of my department. Wow...... you are really hot.
Where in south America have you been? I've wanted to take a boat trip down there for a long time. Wouldn't that be romantic, me and a studd like you?
Where do you live? I walk past some brownstones on my way to work each day. I might've walked past your house and not even known it!!!
*wink*
****************************
To: KnowTheScore
Sent: 06/06/2004 23:05:07 EST
Hey baby what's ur sign? lol I'm Margaret. Margaret.
****************************
To: KnowTheScore
Sent: 06/12/2004 13:01:59 EST
WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ALL MY LIFE?????????? I was about to give up on this whole stupid website when I findsomeone like you. I sqwear we must be soulmmates you look just like the guy I always who picutred to be the one I'd be with when I found a guy. You sound like you really know how to treat a lady and I'm really excited about meeting you. Pleasepleasepleasepleasepleaseplease email me back so we can talk!
Waiting for your reply,
Devon
****************************
To: KnowTheScore
Sent: 06/13/2004 15:56:45 EST
Hi. I'm going to be honest here, in hopes that you'll appreciate me for who I am. I'm Kelly, and I'm really a big fan of the good life. I'll treat you right, do anything you want me to do, and you'll just take care of me financially. Sound good? I'm a straight shooter, and I think that you'd really like what I can do for you. I await your response.
Kisses,
Kelly.
****************************
To: KnowTheScore
Sent: 06/10/2004 03:23:12 EST
I wrote a poem for you
I'm up late.
It would be great
If you came on now
We'd talk and how!
Hm.. I'm not really much of a poet, but I love poetry. You seem like a really nice guy, and I'd love to get to know you better. E-mail me and we'll chat.
poetically,
Alice
****************************
To: KnowTheScore
Sent: 06/09/2004 06:17:10 EST
Hi! I'm Janice. For our first date, you can take me out to Le Cirque or the Ocean Grill. Afterwards, it'll be a nice night, so we can take a moonlit stroll near the park. Then, we'll go to Coldstone Creamery for dessert, walk it off a bit more, and then your limo will drop me off at my place, where I'll kiss you good night..... and maybe more.......
Write me........
****************************
To: KnowTheScore
Sent: 06/11/2004 16:09:32 EST
Hey, what's up??? loOOOoL I'm in law school in brooklyn. I think it's safe to say that we have a lot in common, like our love of business, telecommunications, and active physical activity. For fun, I like going on boat rides in the city.
In law school, I'm studying entertainment law. It's hard so far, but I'm going to stick with it and become a lawyer!
It would be nice to meet you.
Savannah
****************************
My problem all along was that I was simply being too honest. Oh well. Step 2: Meet these girls and tap it. I already have two dates lined up this week from this.
On a related note, does anyone have a boat moored in New York Harbor that you wouldn't mind me borrowing for a night or two? Let me know. (Will - you live in NY and you're in comedy. You must be filthy rich. GIVE ME YOUR BOAT.)
More news as it breaks.
User Reviews
Submitted by konohasaiyajin (user info) at 2006-12-31 21:28:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"We were in the same grade, but I didn't know that you were this much older. Are you a prodigy? "
Wouldn't being older and in the same grade make you dumber? As in you were held back?
Some of these chicks are stupid, which should make your dates all the more fun.
Submitted by Mariposa (user info) at 2005-09-20 13:44:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
"I like going on boat rides in the city"
Am I the only one who finds that hysterical?! Decent post man, though it makes me a little ashamed to be a chick..........
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-17 03:18:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
We were in the same grade, but I didn't know that you were this much older. Are you a prodigy?
-=--
jesus
Submitted by Grin (user info) at 2005-02-04 02:59:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
What the hell? I love these stories, man. Makes me feel better about my own bad experiences. More! Give us more!
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2004-12-06 11:02:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2004-12-05 17:14:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Jared, you really are too much!
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2004-10-06 15:28:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by queenoftheramen (user info) at 2004-09-17 06:26:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Paolla <paolla_grecco.at.hotmail.com> at 2004-07-14 21:56:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is hillarious.....I am on JDATE... and I love you are doing this... once I did a wide search on the guys and found one that had 3 different profiles, same stuff but DIFFERENT AGES!!!!
Putting aside the gold diggers and the weird people I actually know two people that found their spouses on JDATE. Go figure.
P.
Submitted by grahamers (user info) at 2004-07-07 12:36:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Pretty damn funny.
Submitted by CoachMagirk27 (user info) at 2004-07-07 03:04:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
l33t h4x.
Love,
Peepoepoewitz
Submitted by modusjoe (user info) at 2004-07-06 21:57:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Random Joe is ghey. This rules.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-07-05 10:54:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I've read J-Date before, they were always fake as hell and this is no better, but this wasn't even funny. Stop writing.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2004-07-04 02:52:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You're a total bastard - and I find that strangely refreshing.
Submitted by BeccaV (user info) at 2004-06-30 18:49:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If I lived in New York I would be interested in a date......to the guy who told the truth of course.
The entrepreneur is too pretentious for my taste.
Submitted by WillZone (user info) at 2004-06-30 07:57:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
B@W!!!
I'll let you borrow my yacht for like a week...go easy on her. She's called "Krill Zone"...can't miss her. biggest boat in the harbor.
Submitted by whoa <whoa.at.hotmail.com> at 2004-06-29 16:49:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"poetically, alice" ???
intense. that gave it a straight 2.
ima chick and im mad embarassed to say that now
(but i love boats, write me:)kidding)
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-06-29 11:58:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by euripidestrousers (user info) at 2004-06-29 10:23:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by cmcgee <cmcgee2k4.at.yahoo.com> at 2004-06-29 02:17:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
See how this line works on em, "I could never marry a woman who won't take it in the ass." Say it right after you say, "I don't believe in prenupts. Where's everyones sense of adventure?!"
Submitted by PWNstar (user info) at 2004-06-28 23:41:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
When the time for the date comes around, just wear an orange robe and take her out to beg for food. Say that you had a spiritual revelation while on a business trip to China. Women love spirituality.
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2004-06-28 13:56:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by goodwork <proudofyou.at.yahoo.com> at 2004-06-25 00:52:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
haha thats freakin hilarious....+2 for you buddy
Submitted by BoogieFevuh (user info) at 2004-06-23 16:48:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh yeah, and I've got a small inflatable raft you could borrow ;)
It's named the S.S. We Kill Everything
...but you better make the bitches row!
Submitted by cuberat (user info) at 2004-06-23 14:51:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome.
I couldnt wait for a new edition of the J-Date posts and what a wish granted...
Man you should totally bang those biotches, then totally tell them you're broke.
Submitted by Donitsu2002 <lyricissuperhot> at 2004-06-23 14:10:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Lyric (user info) at 2004-06-23 03:27:32 (#)
Ranking: 2
I love you, Jared. These are so beyond fantastic.
And Apollo... Stella Artois rules!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lyric is back?
holycrap did i accidentally leave my password up?
Submitted by lowsodiummonkey (user info) at 2004-06-23 08:44:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/message_get.cgi?message=1065378545878925842
Submitted by ThatOneGirl at 2004-06-23 04:46:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Pure jared - I've missed these!!
Submitted by Lyric (user info) at 2004-06-23 03:27:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I love you, Jared. These are so beyond fantastic.
And Apollo... Stella Artois rules!
Submitted by Naery (user info) at 2004-06-23 03:15:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
One thing you need to remember to do: Use a fake accent. (German is easy, French is hot, British is too obviously fake, but Australian is the true winner.) Then, after you've waxed philosophic all over their respective asses, and their sheets, and their pillows and their hair face and eyes, you drop the accent and tell em it was all a sham.
Then you ask them to marry you.
Submitted by Durae (user info) at 2004-06-23 01:43:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You know... when you're advertising yourself on a website, it's difficult to be anything more than shallow in evaluating other people and describing yourself. This is really funny stuff and I want to know how it turns out.
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-06-22 16:14:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nicole3 (user info) at 2004-06-22 10:31:54 (#)
Ranking: 2
You know, I have interest in the ocean and communications and food too. We have so much in common. Please support me.
----------------
HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Awesome.
Jared - oh what a tangled web we weave... ;)
Submitted by UlfGabe (user info) at 2004-06-22 16:08:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i will paypal money if you get pics of you fucking them in the asshole.
or if you get pics of u and her having sex in a swan boat.
or or or ro ro. .............
MAKE THEM ALL compete in a sexual marathon event!
Say you only want the longest lasting pussy!
Bang them all. ahahhahaahahhahahaha
Submitted by Oleannder (user info) at 2004-06-22 15:25:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you should try Kelly... she sounds like a winner............. 'you can take care of me' LUCKY YOU!!!!!!!
Submitted by BoogieFevuh (user info) at 2004-06-22 15:17:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My prayers have been answered! Let's see...
+1 for more J-Date adventures for me to read,
+1 for Jared getting on the express lane to easy ass,
+1 for lying to gold digging bitches
-1 for them being happy, at least until they find out what happened
+5 when they find out what happened
Everybody wins!
Submitted by Kleant (user info) at 2004-06-22 15:06:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Your J-Dates are the kickers of all ass, I want a website dedicated to your tales that I can read that is updated everyday so I can check it regularly. Due to my love for your J-Date series, I want to be your J-Date.
Submitted by Mentor (user info) at 2004-06-22 13:36:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This just confirms my distrust of the American/Americanized public. Everyone is shallow. Hell, I'm shallow too. If a girl puts out for me, I'll jump her and do what sexually reproductive organs do best.
As for the rest of the shallow public, for shame.
Submitted by Uberfuck (user info) at 2004-06-22 12:59:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That's fucking awesome. It really exposes what motivates people. And I'm not hacking on women at all here. If an "average looking girl" put up a super model picture she would get more replies too.
Submitted by Christ at 2004-06-22 12:16:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought this was solid gold. You know what else would be solid gold? If fucking Bart Cilfone stepped down from the Ubersite and made me site leader! Let's get that corrupt bastard outta here!
Submitted by Nicole3 (user info) at 2004-06-22 10:31:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You know, I have interest in the ocean and communications and food too. We have so much in common. Please support me.
Submitted by JohnGalt (user info) at 2004-06-22 01:55:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by squattail (user info) at 2004-06-21 23:25:08 (#)
Ranking: 0
E-mail back those whores and ask them to send photos, naked ones, then post them on here.
----
I always knew it. Squattail is a fucking genius.
Submitted by Spiral_Abraxis (user info) at 2004-06-22 01:38:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This made me laugh out loud.
Submitted by cwl989 (user info) at 2004-06-22 00:52:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You're going to hell for doing this, and I'm going with you for loving every second of it.
Submitted by Manfre (user info) at 2004-06-22 00:00:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh and you dont specify how large your boat is, so you can always just get a row boat or something.
Submitted by Manfre (user info) at 2004-06-21 23:59:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Im going straight to hell and every jewish person is going to hate me forever...
But did you really expect this not to work on a Jewish dating site?
I like that girl thats a straight shooter. At least she aint trying to bullshit you. Shes essentially stating that shes a high price hooker willing to do anything as long as she doesnt have to work for a living, and can fuck the pool boy whenever youre away on business. At least shes honest.
That Ann chick sounds kinda bitchy, but I think its hilarious how she thinks youre a prodigy when you guys were in the same grade, and obviousely older than everyone else. Im curious as to how much older than everyone else you would be. Im not sure, but if someone is 4 years older then me and in the same highschool grade as me, Id be worried.
J-Date is fucking awesome!
Submitted by squattail (user info) at 2004-06-21 23:25:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
E-mail back those whores and ask them to send photos, naked ones, then post them on here.
Submitted by antluvdog (user info) at 2004-06-21 22:49:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Gotta love dem Jews.
Submitted by Quartermain (user info) at 2004-06-21 22:21:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
**Hi. I'm going to be honest here, in hopes that you'll appreciate me for who I am. I'm Kelly, and I'm really a big fan of the good life. I'll treat you right, do anything you want me to do, and you'll just take care of me financially.**
That's a rather roundabout way to say 'I'm a big whore.'
I've noticed this too: http://www.ubersite.com/m/22926
Submitted by Scott_James (user info) at 2004-06-21 22:20:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2004-06-21 22:09:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Mystia - I'm 24. I made myself older because gals seem to dig the older guys.
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-06-21 22:05:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow, are you really 27?
For some reason I thought you were only 19 or 20.
hmpfh, goes to show what I know.
Submitted by Pacifist248 (user info) at 2004-06-21 21:54:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by CleverName (user info) at 2004-06-21 20:56:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Checkmate.
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2004-06-21 20:40:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"We were in the same grade, but I didn't know that you were this much older. Are you a prodigy?"
Haha... this made me laugh out loud.
You can rock my boat any time.
Submitted by Disektor (user info) at 2004-06-21 19:57:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2004-06-21 19:53:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i love it how you put every single choice for every single question.
Submitted by comicbookguy (user info) at 2004-06-21 19:51:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
thats gold jared! gold!
Submitted by Nator (user info) at 2004-06-21 19:51:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ho-ly shit. And they say money can't buy everything.
Submitted by Shuman (user info) at 2004-06-21 19:48:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You are the anti-christ.
Submitted by Christ at 2004-06-21 19:27:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"i have a little brother who likes tleecommunications."
Hahahahahaha!
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-06-21 18:35:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Can I do Jdate?
What does the J stand for??
Jared???
wow you have a whole dating website for people called Jared? Cool!
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-06-21 18:32:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Jared seriously mate, we have met right?
We got on okay, you made me laugh, i made you laugh, you tried Stella Artois, we both winced when Ashlee talked etc?? Right??? Dude????
Can I 'go' on your boat??
Submitted by Slapshot99 (user info) at 2004-06-21 17:24:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by gbusman (user info) at 2004-06-21 17:15:55 (#)
Ranking: 2
sorry, have a 2
http://www.jdate.com/default.asp?p=7070&PageType=4&MemberID=46195379&rnd=1087853027630
how far down the profile do you suppose they got?
-Bus
====================================================================================================
That was the best question regarding this whole post.
Submitted by jwlmar10 (user info) at 2004-06-21 17:16:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That sounds about right.
Submitted by gbusman (user info) at 2004-06-21 17:15:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
sorry, have a 2
http://www.jdate.com/default.asp?p=7070&PageType=4&MemberID=46195379&rnd=1087853027630
how far down the profile do you suppose they got?
-Bus
Submitted by gbusman (user info) at 2004-06-21 17:12:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Simply amazing. See how long you can keep up that all your money is in the bank and you're just living below your means til you find the right girl to spend your fortune on. See how many times she'll take it in the ass before she gives up.
-Bus
Submitted by Slapshot99 (user info) at 2004-06-21 17:11:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yoursoghey..."That is about the smartest thing you've ever said"....really....wow....thanks for the gold star, teacher. I've had many a great retort to my replies. But, I'll take this as a mild compliment.
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2004-06-21 16:56:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Slapshot99 (user info) at 2004-06-21 15:56:26 (#)
Ranking: 1
Funny and sad at the same time...........so many lonely losers in the world looking for a quick way into a great situation.....Whatever happened to marrying your grade school sweetheart?
=============================================================
That is about the smartest thing you've ever said. However, I think that site, like other dating sites, have an extremely large amount of morons on it. For the most part, people who can't find dates on their own (Jared excluded) are pretty screwed up people. All they want from Jared is his made up money. At least the one girl came out and said it. It's hideously sad and I hope you exploit the living crap out of them, Jared.
Submitted by Slapshot99 (user info) at 2004-06-21 15:56:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Funny and sad at the same time...........so many lonely losers in the world looking for a quick way into a great situation.....Whatever happened to marrying your grade school sweetheart?
Submitted by Fabish (user info) at 2004-06-21 15:30:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I cannot believe someone plus one'd this. Like, OMG!
Simply put, Jared - give it to 'em and tell us all about it. Just the setup makes me all squiggly.
Submitted by Creepy_guy (user info) at 2004-06-21 14:16:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is fuckin' awsome...
+10 for one hell of a good post
+10 again for this:
________________________________
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2004-06-21 12:24:01 (#)
Ranking: 2
holeee shit. any chick on uber that even thinks about getting into an argument with me about the shitness of females can take a fucking dive into this post, and get a big, fat, money-grubbing dose of reality.
goddamn i hate women.
________________________________
Submitted by JChristian1965 (user info) at 2004-06-21 14:08:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Dancing Hobo - *LOL* Good one.... Taco Bell is good, too. Then tell 'em you want them to like you for who you are instead of your money.
Submitted by Judoka (user info) at 2004-06-21 13:41:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by fell-8-me (user info) at 2004-06-21 13:39:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2004-06-21 11:15:13 (#)
Ranking: 2
Hi. I'm going to be honest here, in hopes that you'll appreciate me for who I am. I'm Kelly, and I'm really a big fan of the good life. I'll treat you right, do anything you want me to do, and you'll just take care of me financially. Sound good? I'm a straight shooter, and I think that you'd really like what I can do for you. I await your response.
-----------------
Well, atleast this one was honest
Exactly what I was thinking.
Jared, this is the one for you.
Now you should reply to Kelly:
"Hi Kelly, I am going to be honest here as well, in hopes that you'll appreciate me for who I am.
I really am not very wealthy, but, to my credit, I am hung like a fucking mastadon."
Submitted by harmless <its_mostly_harmless.at.hotmail.co> at 2004-06-21 13:36:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Man, what a bunch of gold digging whores.
"For our first date... *insert expensive acivity here*"
Man, agree to the one who figured you had a limo and pick her up in a piece of shit and go to McDonalds.
Submitted by DancingHobo (user info) at 2004-06-21 13:32:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Take 'em on a date to Popeyes.
Submitted by ralphmacchio (user info) at 2004-06-21 13:25:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
haha. that's good stuff. never forget: bitches be shoppin'!
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2004-06-21 13:20:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by JohnGalt (user info) at 2004-06-21 12:00:44 (#)
Ranking: 2
You have to start replying to these Strong Bad style.
I'll help with the first one:
Dear Margaret. Margaret,
My sign is "Yield", because yellow is my favorite color and I like triangles. What is your favorite sign? Maybe we should meet up some day and discuss shapes and colors...and signs, of course.
===================
Classic.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-06-21 13:18:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ste-ven? Steeeeeeeeeven?
Is that you Steven??
STEVEN!!!
Submitted by Yes (user info) at 2004-06-21 13:12:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Rawk on!
Submitted by j00 (user info) at 2004-06-21 13:07:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2004-06-21 13:07:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
JMG, you should ride this out for all it's worth, dude. Show these bitches who's calling the shots.
P.I.M.P.
===============================================
ahahahahahahahaha
and i'm with LSM- SAMI!!!
Submitted by fryfrug (user info) at 2004-06-21 12:59:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is another funny ass story. Were you looking at porn when you were thinking up the names?
Devon, Jenna, Savannah. ha
Submitted by JChristian1965 (user info) at 2004-06-21 12:53:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
There is DEFINITELY a moral to this story.
The fellas know what it is.
The ladies probably won't admit it.
JMG, you should ride this out for all it's worth, dude. Show these bitches who's calling the shots.
P.I.M.P.
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2004-06-21 12:47:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by lamer (user info) at 2004-06-21 12:30:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I wrote a poem for you
I'm up late.
It would be great
If you came on now
We'd talk and how!
-----------------------
This girl needs to be on Uber she has talent!
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2004-06-21 12:28:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You pimp you.
Submitted by fluff (user info) at 2004-06-21 12:25:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Evil. They deserve it.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2004-06-21 12:24:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
holeee shit. any chick on uber that even thinks about getting into an argument with me about the shitness of females can take a fucking dive into this post, and get a big, fat, money-grubbing dose of reality.
goddamn i hate women.
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2004-06-21 12:03:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by JohnGalt (user info) at 2004-06-21 12:00:44 (#)
Ranking: 2
You have to start replying to these Strong Bad style.
I'll help with the first one:
Dear Margaret. Margaret,
My sign is "Yield", because yellow is my favorite color and I like triangles. What is your favorite sign? Maybe we should meet up some day and discuss shapes and colors...and signs, of course.
AHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Submitted by hairycoo (user info) at 2004-06-21 12:01:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
fuck man what a bunch of scabby bitches.
Submitted by JohnGalt (user info) at 2004-06-21 12:00:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You have to start replying to these Strong Bad style.
I'll help with the first one:
Dear Margaret. Margaret,
My sign is "Yield", because yellow is my favorite color and I like triangles. What is your favorite sign? Maybe we should meet up some day and discuss shapes and colors...and signs, of course.
Continue from there in some funny and witty manner.
Submitted by Smurfs (user info) at 2004-06-21 11:55:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm sorry... but this one was the best:
"Hi! I'm Janice. For our first date, you can take me out to Le Cirque or the Ocean Grill. Afterwards, it'll be a nice night, so we can take a moonlit stroll near the park. Then, we'll go to Coldstone Creamery for dessert, walk it off a bit more, and then your limo will drop me off at my place, where I'll kiss you good night..... and maybe more......."
Submitted by Ainkara (user info) at 2004-06-21 11:41:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
.....
Why do you continue to go on there? What's that? To entertain us? Well, who am I to complain...
I love you anyway sweety.
But you do have that mansion you told me about, right? Right?? I'll need security and warmth and love... and most importantly spending money when I come to visit you.
Submitted by Anjie (user info) at 2004-06-21 11:41:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
LOL this is great. Who knew Jewish women wanted to be taken care of?
If it doen't work out with your 2 dates, maybe you can sue them for half the cost of dinner?
Submitted by Blitzen (user info) at 2004-06-21 11:40:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i always thought Devon was a guy's name...
apparently he/she is in love with your picture though
congratulations? haha
pure gold.
Submitted by potatomanjack (user info) at 2004-06-21 11:39:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You're the devil
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2004-06-21 11:37:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome.
This
heeeeeeeeeeey! I think I know you! We went to school together, up in Westchester.
and this
Hey baby what's ur sign? lol I'm Margaret. Margaret.
made me laugh.
Nice work. Now where are the replies?
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2004-06-21 11:36:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by simplychilled (user info) at 2004-06-21 11:33:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
A nice mixed bag of hoes :-)
Submitted by lowsodiummonkey (user info) at 2004-06-21 11:33:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Damn, you're hot. I haven't been on jdate for too long, but when I saw you profile I was like, damn, he's cute!"
You have to email Sami. I'll even paypal cash to you so the both of you can go to a fancy restaurant and only if you promise to take pictures.
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2004-06-21 11:31:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
A boat! Hey! I've seen a boat! It passed by here not long ago... Umm... This way! It went this way! Follow me!!!!
-Dori
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-06-21 11:29:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good luck on your dates!! Remember to bring them flowers!
Submitted by runninginplace (user info) at 2004-06-21 11:28:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Make sure you get a snapshot of all the whores so you can post their pics with the story on how the dates go. This is great.
Submitted by shark25 (user info) at 2004-06-21 11:25:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good Times
Submitted by whataefag (user info) at 2004-06-21 11:23:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Perhaps more importantly than the boat is how you are planning on paying for dinner?
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2004-06-21 11:18:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Jeez.
That Jenna chick drove me nuts. I usually put a triple dot "..." at various points in my 'online dialouges' to signify a pause for thought, or a suggestive tone.
But really... why put so many dots!? ..................... ........................................ ................................................ ....................... ......................... before and after everything you write??? ......................... ........................................ ..................................... ..............................
This girl would be a pain in the ass to speak to, trust me.
When you take these girls out, you should have a paddleboat rented with the word "Minnow" or "Free Spirit" painted on the side (better yet, with cheap black stickers).
Submitted by TaK (user info) at 2004-06-21 11:18:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh hell yes. Get one for me, I don't have the heart to.
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2004-06-21 11:15:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hi. I'm going to be honest here, in hopes that you'll appreciate me for who I am. I'm Kelly, and I'm really a big fan of the good life. I'll treat you right, do anything you want me to do, and you'll just take care of me financially. Sound good? I'm a straight shooter, and I think that you'd really like what I can do for you. I await your response.
-----------------
Well, atleast this one was honest.
Submitted by funk_boy (user info) at 2004-06-21 11:09:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny.
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2004-06-21 11:09:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Please let us know how this turns out.
I second mickginny's proposal. You could video tape the date and create a television show.
you could get a rubber raft from toys r us for 10 bucks.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2004-06-21 11:07:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
evil
Submitted by TaK (user info) at 2004-06-21 11:07:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I've been refreshing the front page for the past 15 minutes,
I hit it this time, and I got gold! J-Date it said!
And below that, JMG114! Oh HAPPY DAY!
'Kay I'm going to read it now.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-06-21 11:07:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Another proof to support this very basic equation: women = money grabbing whores
Good work
Submitted by MickGinny (user info) at 2004-06-21 11:05:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you know what would be cool jared? and funny as hell...
make a date with one of these gold diggers and i will show up at their door as you to take them out
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-06-21 11:05:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Women are so shallow. It's disgusting really.
So, you say Will is rich? Really? You know, I've always admired him..
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2004-06-21 11:05:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Further proof that women are only after one thing: honesty.
HAHAHA
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2004-06-21 11:02:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hi!! What's up? LOLO OMG!!!!one11!!!! For r first date, I am going ot gve u a +2 and u can take me on u'r boat. *wink* like OMG!!!!!!!111!11!!! LOLOLOL
Girls this shallow deserve to be lied to.
Submitted by mad_monkey_mojo (user info) at 2004-06-21 11:01:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Golddigging whores.
That's fuckin awesome, dude. Try and bone one, then tell them it was all bullshit.
Submitted by Tom (user info) at 2004-06-21 11:00:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahaha, dumb bitches.