Hakim Al'Kabar's Fitness Training Program (1436 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 2 on 16 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by lowsodiummonkey (View user info) at 2004-06-22 10:49:48 EDT
For a limited time only we're offering all decadent American pigs the best weight loss program ever. Here's the deal. Go to one of our regional offices and place your down payment and we'll personally fly you to Hakim's fitness camp located in southern Baghdad. Your one way flight will have all meals included and we promise they'll be no extra stops on the way. What do get when you arrive?
An armed escort to Hakim's fitness center (pickup truck with mounted machine included).
A workout headband (we are not responsible if band causes visual impairment)
And a form fitting orange jumpsuit for your workout.
After you arrive your fitness program will began immediately. Hakim has developed this program over his forty years as a trainer and his techniques use traditional methods over a thousand years old. The beginning techniques of the training program will include:
A morning workout across the monkey bars.
An afternoon in a gas filled "sweatbox"
Followed by an intense dance routine workout. Music will include "Dance American Scum" by Hakim's brother. (we are not responsible for toes lost due to guns firing at the ground)
Hakim's fitness camp has proven results and has provided thousands with the weightloss they always wanted but never had the time or discipline to do it. Just ask our clients -
"Hakim's program has done wonders for my image and self-esteem. Praise Allah!!!" - Bob, Denver CO.
"I lost thirty pounds in the first week alone. The extra bonus was that by the end of the third week I also gained three wives." - Mike, Dover DE
"After the program .... I feel so good about myself. I couldn't image life being any better. I continue to lose weight ..... even after the program ..... because I'm so busy tending to the new trainees." Kelly, NewYork NY
JOIN NOW!!!
We guarantee you'll twenty pounds in the first week or we'll sever your head.
Repeat Chant Now - "Hakim is Great. He will make you lose the weight. Hakim is Great. He will make you lose the weight...."
User Reviews
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2004-06-25 18:10:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny. Made me laugh. Then I got mad and picked up the phone and called CAIR.
Submitted by lowsodiummonkey (user info) at 2004-06-23 07:38:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2004-06-23 01:38:00 (#)
Ranking: 2
did ANYBODY watch the video i linked??? come on, it's pure gold.
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Yes. It was funny.
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2004-06-23 01:38:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
did ANYBODY watch the video i linked??? come on, it's pure gold.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2004-06-23 01:27:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked this, I thought it was going to go another direction and the weight loss would be from decapitation, I am glad you took it another way.
Submitted by Quartermain (user info) at 2004-06-22 13:34:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
**The extra bonus was that by the end of the third week I also gained three wives."**
I'm not exactly sure I'd characterise that as a bonus.
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2004-06-22 11:21:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
A wonderful parody.
And for the record: FUCK ALL ARAB SAND NIGGERS, YOU MAKE ME SICK FUCKING EXTINCT YOURSELVES ASAP!
Submitted by comicbookguy (user info) at 2004-06-22 11:14:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"I lost thirty pounds in the first week alone. The extra bonus was that by the end of the third week I also gained three wives." - Mike, Dover DE
HAHAHAHAHAHA. BAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
Submitted by lowsodiummonkey (user info) at 2004-06-22 11:10:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
pickup truck with mounted machine "gun" included
damn it got left out.
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2004-06-22 11:08:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
FAT JIHAD!
Submitted by itchysfakepersonna (user info) at 2004-06-22 11:02:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought that first testimonial was from Bob Denver, instead of Bob FROM Denver.
Take me home, country roads, to a place, I belooooong, West Virginia, Mountain Momma, take me home, country roads. . . . or wait, was that the singing Bob Denver, or the guy who played Gilligan?
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2004-06-22 11:02:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Akkbar's website has exceeded it's bandwidth limit, but his good friend Mujibar has allowed him to use some of his bandwith to serve up the video of Akkbar's revolutionary drifting techniques! watch it here!
http://www.bongmonster.com/images/tf/arabierenn.wmv
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2004-06-22 10:58:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
PRAISE ALLAH!
Hakim's brother Akkbar also owns his own auto racing school! check out the video of the drifting class- http://www.thugracing.com/stuff/arabierenn.wmv
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2004-06-22 10:56:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
yes, I can spell.
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2004-06-22 10:56:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hmmm, It IS baithing suit season....
Submitted by Fabish (user info) at 2004-06-22 10:55:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hakim's workout routine was the most rigorous I've ever experienced, and I was in the Navy SEALs. Never once in SEAL training were we bullwhipped and I don't remember ever being able to stick my head in the sand and do push ups with my neck. Now I can do 50! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!!
I started to read this entire thing in broken English completely skipping over prepositions, just to get the full effect.
Submitted by RideJohnnyRide (user info) at 2004-06-22 10:53:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
GO ALLAH WOO!