more poetry (512 hits)
Category: Quotes & Stories -> PoetryRating: 0.66 on 9 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by aliasjxc (View user info) at 2004-06-23 08:29:31 EDT
Ok so I'm not trying to be melodramatic. This is not my blog and all. I saw someone else post poetry, though, and I decided to put up one of my sonnets.
The ending is kind of overly-done, I think, but most of my friends thought it was ace.
This was inspired by a boyfriend I had who put me on this fucking pedastal and it was annoying because no matter what I did, it was like I could do no wrong. Fortunately, that unhealthy relationship is over and I'm now with someone who accepts that I have faults and thinks that they're "cute."
How can I convince you of my awe--
That you would want me, above all others?
You see me as perfect, but I am flawed,
And you desire me as a lover.
To what do I owe this fortune and luck
That I've found? How can I, knowing I must,
Make myself worthy of this "gold" I've struck?
How can I satisfy the burning lust?
Should I return the view of perfection,
And ignore those parts of you that I loathe,
Or should I try to ignore your affection
And keep my thoughts and feelings to me alone?
You've damaged the walls that cloister my heart,
Should I trust you, and let them fall apart?
User Reviews
Submitted by Robot9598 (user info) at 2004-06-23 11:12:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
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Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-06-23 10:45:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
good effort
Submitted by ApolIo88 (user info) at 2004-06-23 10:38:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I got a new hat today, its a lovely hat.
I think your poem is just as nice as my new hat.
Submitted by jme7551 (user info) at 2004-06-23 10:09:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i liked it
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2004-06-23 10:07:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-06-23 09:01:14 (#)
Ranking: -1
Just because you make it rhyme
And hold a rhythm half the time
And use short lines, as poets should
Doesn't mean it's any good.
~*~*~*~*~*~
+2 only because it inspired this reply
Submitted by mikethescottish (user info) at 2004-06-23 09:48:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Pretty tame. Give me Blake any day.
Submitted by Kis (user info) at 2004-06-23 09:11:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Its not that its a bad item. Infact i am poor at poetry, but i am more concerned with the boyfriend idea.
I used to have a girlfriend who i adored, i would of done anything for her. Heres my conlusion
a)You wanted him to know you had floor, so you can elabrate them for attention?
b)Your not happy unless you can moan about your imperfections.
c)You might not have known, but i bet he did see your imperfections, but didnt want to upset you?
d)He Cared more for you, than you did for him.
In the case, they might not be true, but for me it was, and i was accused of so many things, that i had never done, and done. Just try to Empathise people.
Good luck.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-06-23 09:01:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Just because you make it rhyme
And hold a rhythm half the time
And use short lines, as poets should
Doesn't mean it's any good.
Submitted by FartSmeller (user info) at 2004-06-23 08:44:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I'm giving this a positive rating only - ONLY... because you rhymed. I fucking swear to God if you put this on here without the rhymes it would be a negatory for you. Other than that, the timing was all off, and the content was kind of lame.