What "I Do" Really Means (33365 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 1.7 on 113 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Ryan Donovan <ryan.at.chiliwhack.com> (View user info) at 2004-06-23 22:35:49 EDT
WHAT "I DO" REALLY MEANS
Shall we watch "Legally Blonde" or "Bridget Jones's Diary"? No, you choose.
I didn't like blow jobs that much anyway.
I'm looking for more opportunities to hold purses.
No, skanky girls are ugly.
I would say no to you, but I am afraid.
I was looking for a reason to rid the word "fuck" from my vocabulary. And "fun", for that matter.
No, dessert's not a good idea. Ice cream makes me fat. And by "me", I mean "you".
Taking my once-a-year vacation with your family? Roses!
Leaving the bathroom door open will help us become closer. Your excrement could never offend me.
Vegas sucks. So does Mardi Gras.
Of course you still look sexy. Just not to me.
Sunday afternoons in the fall are time for us to spend together, without the distractions of television or season tickets.
My insanely large box of porn was taking up space anyway. I'll empty it, so we can use it to store the aerobic equipment you never use.
Of course not. Jennifer Lopez has a big ass too, and she looks great. Never mind the fact that the rest of her is petite. I think you look well-proportioned.
Why would I gamble? That would be mean less money to buy you jewelry that you'll lose at the beach.
Xtina Aguilera disgusts me. No, I don't fantasize about how her vagina smells.
Please come to my office parties and ruin any chance I have of flirting with the slutty Customer Service girl. Hopefully she'll tell you about the time she caught me trying to look up her skirt under the conference table.
No, relax. I'll paint your toenails. I'll even make you giggle by blowing them dry.
Her? No, she's fat. And even though you clearly outweigh her by 30 pounds, I think you are thinner.
I already TiVo Gilmore Girls every week.
But I think YOU should carry my wallet.
You're right - my friends are obnoxious. Who needs them? I prefer your gal pals. I never find it astonishing that none of them are even remotely attractive.
No more lingerie... So THAT'S Victoria's secret.
Floral bedding patterns have been my passion since childhood.
I am so glad I came home. The guys tried to drag me to a stripper. I told them, "I have no desire to see a naked woman pull a 12-foot chain of beads out of her vagina or pee into a cup 8 feet away or let all the guys practice proctology on her. None of those things sound interesting at all."
Seriously, stretch marks are sexy. I think you should wear a bikini to the pool to show them off.
I promise to love and honor you, and not to sleep with any other women, except when I am absolutely certain you won't find out about it.
Crate And Barrel? Great! What time do they open on Sundays?
I agree, you should throw away all of your thongs.
Here are my testicles. Will you please keep them lovingly in a jar on your nightstand, and rattle them whenever you want me to do something?
Your breasts are the perfect size, regardless of what you see in those magazines that display the hottest women on the planet, against which all other women should be compared.
My boss doesn't yell at me enough, so I'd to get scolded at home, too. Please use my full first name when you do it.
Sure, you can look at the Pottery Barn catalogue... when I'm done with it.
Gold means "I love you", but platinum means "I love you even more and I don't care that you're superficial and shallow and materialistic when it comes to symbols of our everlasting devotion."
Have your spider veins always been visible through your pantyhose?
Mandy Moore is like a kid sister. Sex with her would be unthinkable. Ditto Lindsay Lohan.
Now we can share your "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" DVD. Remember how much you said I liked that movie?
Of course I bought the t-shirt so I could see you in it... Why would I want to get on the Victoria's Secret mailing list, and get a catalogue parading mostly-naked supermodels on a weekly basis? What do you mean the t-shirt is the cheapest thing they sell? Let's keep the catalogues in the bathroom. No reason.
You should get a drastically short haircut that feels comfortable. Don't dwell on silly things - like staying attractive for me. Wouldn't you feel better if you gained a few pounds? Why stop at 10?
I'm so glad we merged our CD collections. The Beastie Boys and Michelle Branch go so well together on the shelf!
I was just staring because I think it's disgusting and embarrassing how that girl dancing on the bar has her thong coming up out of her pants. What? I don't have a boner.
Sure, I think we should get the ring appraised. No, don't worry your pretty little head. I'll do it. No, you don't have to come with. Seriously.
Missionary again? Damn, you's a freak, girl.
Aaaaauuuuggghhh! I mean, I never noticed how lovely you look in the morning light.
I will tell you everything, including all of my friends' dirty secrets. But I won't tell you about my trips to the strip club... because I'm sure my buddy's loud-mouthed wife will tell you about them before I have a chance.
You're right, "Trading Spaces" IS better than "Monster Garage". That Paige Davis is so sassy. I bet that family is going to start crying when they see their gorgeous new solarium!
That's strange, I've never heard of a Tiffany's IRA. Okay, let's invest all our savings there.
No, that plastic surgeon's business card did not just conveniently fall out of my wallet. Neither did that coupon. Hey, look at that - they're having BOGOs on breast augmentation - Buy One, Get One!
Yeah, that "Lockhorns" comic strip IS just like us! Let's clip it and put it on the fridge. I'll scratch out Loretta and Leroy's names, and write in ours.
I have no problem with the number of guys you fellated, not even the ones that you double-teamed while the MTV camera crew was following you around Cancun.
User Reviews
Submitted by DarthFaded (user info) at 2008-02-12 22:34:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
They should change the vows from "I do"... to "I did and never will again".
Submitted by netimportant (user info) at 2008-02-12 21:49:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This pissed ME off, so I can't imagine how it made your wife feel!
I'd divorce you over it.
Cheers, Ryan!
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2008-02-12 17:56:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny enough.
Submitted by dexpaxas (user info) at 2006-12-27 17:08:16 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Stop talking to my wife!!!
Submitted by DavyJones (user info) at 2006-06-10 22:27:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I miss Loren, whatever happened to that bitter hag?
Submitted by Ingsoc (user info) at 2006-06-10 21:59:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-04-11 13:15:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Kale (user info) at 2006-01-27 23:47:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by paulblakeford (user info) at 2006-01-04 15:23:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
It's a little too long, but worth reading.
Submitted by canadia (user info) at 2005-05-04 13:04:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
well, I'm glad my marriage isn't like that.
I prefer my husband's friends to mine. They're more fun to drink and hang out with. And I hate chick flicks. And Michelle Branch. And I still like sex. Swearing is fun...
Wait, does that make me a bad wife? Maybe I should change...
Submitted by Faithless_Whisper (user info) at 2005-02-22 11:46:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Personally, bitter men get me hot.
Submitted by standardeviant (user info) at 2005-02-22 11:46:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I wear purposely tinted eyeglasses at night even though my vision is perfect. HMMM wonder why.
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2005-02-22 11:37:19 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
gotten way to many emails with this in it.
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2005-02-22 11:36:26 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
by SullyThePirate (user info) at 2004-12-26 02:01:49 (#)
Ranking: 2
Everyone obviously agrees with you, Loren.
------------
I missed this one from way back.
All I have to say (besides "ask me if I give a crap) is: "Plagiarist!"
Submitted by cuberat (user info) at 2005-02-22 11:28:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
So true, so true...in fact, if you fuck up and live with them before marrying them, it starts then!
Submitted by SullyThePirate (user info) at 2004-12-26 02:01:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Everyone obviously agrees with you, Loren.
Submitted by Freight_Train (user info) at 2004-10-13 00:44:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Missionary again? Damn, you's a freak, girl.
ehehe
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-10-07 16:23:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Christ. Enough already. How many times can you re-word a sentence to get a stupid point out before it becomes a fucking yawn fest?
Not much here that's new, but what was semi-original was either disgusting, nasty, depressing, overly bitter, or just downright disturbing.
-2
Submitted by JohnGalt (user info) at 2004-10-07 16:15:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ToastEatingBastard (user info) at 2004-10-07 16:08:47 (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm not married, but this article has done a good job in explaining why I should stay single. Not because of the things that 'I do' mean, but because of the lame-assed jokes married people think of.
----------
This made me squirt Mt. Dew out my nose.
Submitted by ToastEatingBastard (user info) at 2004-10-07 16:08:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm not married, but this article has done a good job in explaining why I should stay single. Not because of the things that 'I do' mean, but because of the lame-assed jokes married people think of.
Submitted by Davok (user info) at 2004-10-07 15:49:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
funny yet disturbing
Submitted by The_Wizard (user info) at 2004-10-03 22:39:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No more lingerie... So THAT'S Victoria's secret.
---------------------------
Actually, the secret is that it was a guy named Victor that created them.
The secret is that Victoria's a dude.
Sweet post.
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2004-10-03 22:20:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHAHAHAHAH OH MAN HAHAHAHA *WHEEZE*
*GASP*
BAAAAAAAAAAHAHAH
Submitted by queenoftheramen (user info) at 2004-09-17 06:18:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by YourMom <your.at.mom.com> at 2004-09-13 19:32:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No idea how this made B@W. This sucked balls.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2004-09-04 15:33:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
yeah we're all like it
Submitted by nctrnl <dholmes76.at.msn.com> at 2004-08-16 13:40:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Funny! But not very original. Easy material to come up with.
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2004-08-15 07:37:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by stu_the_goon (user info) at 2004-08-12 20:54:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm so glad we merged our CD collections. The Beastie Boys and Michelle Branch go so well together on the shelf!
Laughed so loud I nearly woke up the missus!
Submitted by K at 2004-08-11 04:37:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I thought it was funny, but a little off, being female myself. then again my boyfriend thinks i'm crazy... and a succubus. some women like video games, giving head, and lingerie right? or is it just me?
Submitted by Faggot at 2004-08-10 17:29:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This was so dumb, i didnt even read half of it. What a waste of time,
Submitted by monkeyrape (user info) at 2004-08-08 18:47:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Uber smile? is that like a hot carl? Perhaps a cleveland steamer?
Submitted by Screwyouall (user info) at 2004-08-08 18:30:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
well, fuck that, no marriage for me
Submitted by RamJetMax (user info) at 2004-08-04 17:52:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So true.
Submitted by i hole of america <fedderboy.at.yahoo.com> at 2004-08-03 12:34:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
or maybe never
Submitted by i hole of america <fedderboy.at.yahoo.com> at 2004-08-03 12:33:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i was gonna wait till i was 35 to get married but now i think 50 is a good time
Submitted by T at 2004-07-29 16:05:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by danieldandy (user info) at 2004-07-25 15:17:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"I was just staring because I think it's disgusting and embarrassing how that girl dancing on the bar has her thong coming up out of her pants. What? I don't have a boner."
too fucking hilarious. what boner?
Submitted by Olas (user info) at 2004-07-25 15:08:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Beautiful.
Submitted by stacenbass (user info) at 2004-07-23 23:38:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Thankyou sir, may I have another?
Submitted by stacenbass (user info) at 2004-07-23 23:38:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
forgot the +2.
Submitted by stacenbass (user info) at 2004-07-23 23:37:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"Missionary again? Damn, you's a freak, girl"
I bet your shit DOES smell like roses.
Submitted by MyNameIsGary (user info) at 2004-07-23 23:14:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If my wife finds out that I gave this one +2 I'm fucked. I send trading spaces hate-mail every day.
The only one you forgot is "You're right honey, I think internet porn is for sex-crazed perverts and 13 year old boys, I was just up until 3 in the morning looking up the Riemann Hypothysis"
My mtoher-in-law is staying with us now and it's not as bad as I thought it would be. She just spends all of her time in the garden.....because that's where I buried her. Heyoooohhh ha ha
You shouldn't say such things though. You say those kinds of things until your wife gets hurt. Like the time me and my wife were in Florida and I saw her get hit by a jet ski. It was really wierd for me because I had never driven a jet ski before.
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2004-07-21 11:19:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You sir are a giant among men.
Submitted by Jesus H Christ <I_save.at.jewsrock.com> at 2004-07-17 02:38:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Dude, I was at a frat party last night, I printed this aticle out and showed it to Satan, and he was like "HOLY SHIT JESUS! THAT'S FUCKING HILLARIOUS! I haven't seen anything that funny since Soddom and Gamora!" I was like "Yeah man, this shit is the best." Then we got really fucking wasted and I woke up naked on top of the Eiffel Tower. Thank myself I didn't lose my PDA, cuz if it weren't for that thing, we'd all be in hell right now.
Submitted by optide <wagner788.at.msn.com> at 2004-07-16 17:54:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Brilliant
Submitted by Dragorn <Dragorn.at.Hotmail.com> at 2004-07-16 04:27:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Xtina Aguilera disgusts me. No, I don't fantasize about how her vagina smells"
+2 just for that.
Submitted by nottingham <red300000.at.aol.com> at 2004-07-13 15:10:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
The worst, not remotely funny. Male stereotypes...won't find 'em here....sarcasm you bet.
Submitted by xtr8forward (user info) at 2004-07-11 17:24:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Gent (user info) at 2004-07-11 16:40:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Nicole3 (user info) at 2004-07-09 11:23:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
that's funny.
I'm seriously thinking about making my marriage a renewable and renegotiable 1 year contract. If I have to keep my ass firm and belly flat, he had better too.
Submitted by Hairsphincter (user info) at 2004-07-08 01:26:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I only read the first half wich was worth +2.
I will +2 the rest later.
Submitted by JohnGalt (user info) at 2004-07-08 01:06:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Val (user info) at 2004-07-06 19:56:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow.
I didn't know such profound truths could be so... hilarious...
Submitted by Fluffhead (user info) at 2004-07-06 19:41:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hilarity
Submitted by Cari <little_army10.at.yahoo.com> at 2004-07-06 16:41:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Note to self-Do not let my fiance see this post.
Anyone care to help me make a retaliation?
"No, you really are the best that I have ever had in bed. I mean it"
Submitted by Jolt at 2004-07-04 02:53:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That kicks so much ass its unfathomable.
Submitted by TheEmuQuack (user info) at 2004-07-03 23:27:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Seems like your just complaing, but I guess the cheese stands alone seeing as I'm the only one giving a negative rating...
Submitted by Fromaster at 2004-07-03 23:15:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow. Funny shit. Now I'm afraid to get married. I really hope you were being sarcastic.
Submitted by Lost_Gator_Fan (user info) at 2004-07-02 12:00:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome
LGF
Submitted by AlwaysAnEagle (user info) at 2004-07-02 11:48:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome.
Submitted by Jesus at 2004-06-30 11:05:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
"Here are my testicles. Will you please keep them lovingly in a jar on your nightstand, and rattle them whenever you want me to do something? "
Bwahaha hilarious.
I'm lucky, my wife likes Bruce Willis movies. Ditto Tom Cruise.
...actually I think she just likes Bruces Willis. Ditto Tom Cruise.
Submitted by Mummbles (user info) at 2004-06-29 21:24:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
best shit I've read in a LONG time!
you've brought back my ubersmile
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2004-06-29 17:49:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is some truly funny stuff
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2004-06-29 14:46:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for the beastie boys.
that is all.
oh yeah, congrats on making BAW.
Submitted by euripidestrousers (user info) at 2004-06-29 10:17:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
And to even it out.
Submitted by euripidestrousers (user info) at 2004-06-29 10:17:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Very VERY sorry to -2 you. It was an accident. Here's what I meant to do.
Submitted by euripidestrousers (user info) at 2004-06-29 10:15:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by fatty <bri_074.at.yahoo.com> at 2004-06-28 20:15:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Try not to suck any dick on the way to the parking lot!
Submitted by NetProphet (user info) at 2004-06-28 20:12:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You. Have my babies. Now.
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2004-06-28 19:56:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Now this is the definition of a BAW post.
Submitted by ruthless (user info) at 2004-06-28 18:02:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Very nice... but where is the ladies side of the story? Hmmm... Anyone want to collaborate on that with me?
Submitted by master-beta (user info) at 2004-06-28 17:48:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Missionary again? Damn, you's a freak, girl.
Submitted by lowsodiummonkey (user info) at 2004-06-28 11:21:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by TaK (user info) at 2004-06-28 10:07:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hell yes.
Submitted by Malificent (user info) at 2004-06-28 04:50:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Quartermain (user info) at 2004-06-25 01:03:05 (#)
Ranking: 1
**I have no problem with the number of guys you fellated**
37!?!
----------
Try not to suck any dick on the way through the parking lot!
Submitted by anSiarach (user info) at 2004-06-28 03:42:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-06-27 20:36:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hey, don't be giving chicks a bad name. you just pick the wrong chicks.
very very funny
B@W
B@W!!
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-06-27 01:13:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Thanks a lot. There goes the mystery.
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2004-06-27 01:06:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-06-26 22:13:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for Jason's Clerks reference.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-06-25 14:32:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good to see you back, Donovan.
Submitted by Quartermain (user info) at 2004-06-25 01:03:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
**I have no problem with the number of guys you fellated**
37!?!
Submitted by Spiral_Abraxis (user info) at 2004-06-24 19:47:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Brilliant. Good to see you posting.
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2004-06-24 19:43:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Mandy Moore is like a kid sister. Sex with her would be unthinkable. Ditto Lindsay Lohan
...your reading my mind....
Submitted by Smurfs (user info) at 2004-06-24 19:42:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
stellar
Submitted by jonukah (user info) at 2004-06-24 19:22:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2004-06-24 01:44:50 (#)
Ranking: 2
"Missionary again? Damn, you's a freak, girl."
hahahahahahahahahahaha
^
|What he said
Submitted by transcendent (user info) at 2004-06-24 18:52:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think the "Kicker of all ass (+2)" basically sums it up.
Submitted by calbearspolo (user info) at 2004-06-24 18:32:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is really funny. It feels familiar, but I am always willing to giv ethe poster the benefit of the doubt. Cheers.
Submitted by BillsSBChamps (user info) at 2004-06-24 18:31:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Another spectacular display from No.9, well done.
Submitted by . at 2004-06-24 18:28:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
this should be on BAW
Submitted by engine13 (user info) at 2004-06-24 18:13:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm speechless. +2.
Submitted by Disektor (user info) at 2004-06-24 16:24:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Man you get all that? I might have to try this marriage thing out.
Submitted by wazzawazzayo (user info) at 2004-06-24 16:05:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Zzzing!
Submitted by jcricket (user info) at 2004-06-24 11:55:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
truer words have never, ever been said by anyone.
Submitted by TheMidnight12AM (user info) at 2004-06-24 10:28:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Why I'm not getting married.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2004-06-24 10:18:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by gassygirl73 (user info) at 2004-06-24 10:07:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
good stuff.
Submitted by Mr-Boo (user info) at 2004-06-24 09:55:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Superb! I vote B@W!
Submitted by tartpumper (user info) at 2004-06-24 09:22:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
'Xtina Aguilera disgusts me. No, I don't fantasize about how her vagina smells.'
Haha. I already know....
Buy a tin of tuna. Cum in it everyday for a week. Put a lid over and leave for a further week. Now remove lid and sniff hard. Masterbate.
Submitted by funk_boy (user info) at 2004-06-24 09:21:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This needs no comments. Just 2's
Submitted by CaptainStach (user info) at 2004-06-24 09:02:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My friend, despite my advice and warnings, married a woman who were already showing several of these signs. I.E. short hair, gaining weight when they were together, etc. I light a candle for him, for he is lost...
Submitted by itchysfakepersonna (user info) at 2004-06-24 08:41:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Its like you are looking into my very soul.
Submitted by Adereterial (user info) at 2004-06-24 06:31:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Note to self - don't show boyfriend.
Submitted by Dashel (user info) at 2004-06-24 02:37:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Get a divorce then.
Submitted by XII (user info) at 2004-06-24 02:21:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
wicked!
Submitted by Hadooken (user info) at 2004-06-24 02:06:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
that is absolutely money!
Submitted by bargled (user info) at 2004-06-24 02:03:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"I already TiVo Gilmore Girls every week."
ME TOO! and i'm single!
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2004-06-24 01:44:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Missionary again? Damn, you's a freak, girl."
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Submitted by atz (user info) at 2004-06-24 01:42:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah.
Submitted by Vermin (user info) at 2004-06-24 01:37:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sounds like your wife needs some beatings. http://www.ubersite.com/m/36473. Your welcome.
Submitted by someone (user info) at 2004-06-24 01:25:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
great shit
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2004-06-24 01:13:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well thanks, I think you have pushed marriage out of my mind for at least five more years.
Submitted by ParlorTrick (user info) at 2004-06-24 00:50:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Stepford husband - start the prototype.
Submitted by DarthAwesome (user info) at 2004-06-24 00:40:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You should get a drastically short haircut that feels comfortable. Don't dwell on silly things - like staying attractive for me. Wouldn't you feel better if you gained a few pounds? Why stop at 10?
Scary.
Submitted by smokymtcsw (user info) at 2004-06-24 00:34:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Single is good huh?
Submitted by Fabish (user info) at 2004-06-24 00:29:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome. Instant classic.
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2004-06-24 00:04:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny.
Submitted by lamer (user info) at 2004-06-23 23:46:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
um wow
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-06-23 23:39:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
perfect
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2004-06-23 23:31:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is awesome, but wow, you're a dead man.
Yes, this is original. No one else on earth could have come up with this.
Submitted by antluvdog (user info) at 2004-06-23 23:28:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Is this original?
Submitted by BongZilla (user info) at 2004-06-23 22:56:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahaha good list
"I was just staring because I think it's disgusting and embarrassing how that girl dancing on the bar has her thong coming up out of her pants. What? I don't have a boner. " +2 for that alone.
-BongZilla
Submitted by Doom3 (user info) at 2004-06-23 22:54:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahaha that was great. These one's really got me:
Of course I bought the t-shirt so I could see you in it... Why would I want to get on the Victoria's Secret mailing list, and get a catalogue parading mostly-naked supermodels on a weekly basis? What do you mean the t-shirt is the cheapest thing they sell? Let's keep the catalogues in the bathroom. No reason.
I was just staring because I think it's disgusting and embarrassing how that girl dancing on the bar has her thong coming up out of her pants. What? I don't have a boner.
Aaaaauuuuggghhh! I mean, I never noticed how lovely you look in the morning light.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2004-06-23 22:53:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The story of my life....
*holds up left hand to display the bling-bling wedding ring*
Submitted by Quasiplasmohedron (user info) at 2004-06-23 22:49:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"No more lingerie... So THAT'S Victoria's secret."
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-06-23 22:45:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny. A little depressing for someone who's planning her wedding, but funny.
Submitted by B2D (user info) at 2004-06-23 22:43:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is why I made up my mind a long long time ago to avoid marriage at all costs.
Submitted by Degreeless_Capibara (user info) at 2004-06-23 22:43:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
None of them were particularly funny, but the sheer quantity of them makes up for it.
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2004-06-23 22:41:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2004-06-23 22:39:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd do Paige Davis...
...in the pooper.