How I Helped Ruin My Marriage by Being a Harpy (2737 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 1.95 on 53 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by A. Miller <a_bone_to_pick.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2004-06-24 06:29:06 EDT
This is a public service announcement. Having observed so many miserable women pretending that they don't want or need a man, because all the guys they date/meet are such insensitive assholes, I feel the need to purge myself for their benefit. If you are a gal who genuinely does not give a shit about being alone, please disregard. I also don't want to hear any cruel shit from you guys who don't care about locking down either. This is not for you. I know you exist, so shut the hell up. Also, I am not addressing the exceptions out there, I am addressing the rules.
As a dedicated people watcher with male and female, single and married friends, I have noticed an alarming trend: men still want to fuck women, but they don't like women. I mean they just don't like them as a whole; some even go so far as to say that the only time they like a woman is when she's got his bitch-stick in her mouth.
Also, women think that they are superior to the men they date, or else they enjoy feeling like a victim- making him accountable for thousands of years worth of male oppression. I would say that this is the fault of the media, but that's just too damn easy.
A modern woman who can't get a decent man and keep him would rather have a red hot poker shoved up her ass than admit she needs one. Sadly, even some wives would just as soon eat a shit-cake than admit she needs her husband. This message is for her, from a 31 year old woman who helped ruin her first marriage by being first a stuck-up princess, then devolving into a dictatorial, screeching harpy. Don't let it happen to you.
I was, like so many young women, a princess with an attitude. Back in the day, however, we did not advertise it with shirts that came right out and said so. (Point: Stop wearing any shirt with any combination of the words bitch, princess, queen, diva, or, worst of all, the slightly pedophilian-sounding "Daddy's Little Girl". Men hate those and they make you look like trailer trash. You look fuckable, but not tolerable.)
We were of a generation that saw the end of stay at home moms. Some girls had bitchy, manipulative mothers who infected them with a hatred of men. We were determined not to be the doormats that we saw in our mothers, yet still yearning for traditional romantic love. (Men, this is why women are so nit-picky about weddings: the wedding is the very last vestige of old fashioned romance, and what an expensive, empty thing it is.)
While dating my first husband, who was in the Navy, I was haughty and bossy; however, I was his first real piece of ass, and I looked so damn hot back then that he overlooked my "little" faults. Picking out his clothes. Choosing his friends. Criticizing many of his ideas when they clashed with mine. Worst of all, I demanded all of his attention, and when I didn't get it, I'd whine or outright cry. When all else failed, I'd fall into victim mode, which worked every time. We mostly had a good time, though, and these negative things happened rarely.
After being married and having a child together, it got worse. I won't go into it all. Just multiply the things I said above by ten and you get the picture. Add to this the fact that, having put on weight having our child (not my fault, I had gestational diabetes and other complications that left me bedridden for days at a time.) and this left me looking not quite as hot. My face was still pretty, but it wore a perpetual expression of annoyance and weariness. I was in mourning over my once foxy bod and always stressed out by the new baby. Here is the worst thing I did, and you know you've done it too, you wench: Whenever he would start rebelling, I'd let him know just how lucky he was to be with me, that I didn't really need him, plenty of men out there happy to have me, yadayada.
Fast forward, and he and I had been married nearly eight years. I still loved him, but I didn't like him as much. Why should I? I had spent the whole time trying to change, mold, and manipulate him into what I wanted him to be, instead of cherishing the young man I fell in love with. (Point: You can change a person, oh yes. But they will never be up to your standards, because your standards are false and based on childhood perceptions of romantic love.) Somehow I had managed to love him and still consider him just a fraction below my standards. As if I were lowering myself or something.
Still, we got along, as we both had a great sense of humor and had plenty of hobbies together. I didn't realize that our relationship had deteriorated into a friendship only, with the occasional sex. True intimacy was long gone.
Now there we were, he out of the military and us both in college; struggling to work, raise a child, pay bills, etc. But, I was finally learning to relax and have some fun with life, having gotten over most of my immaturity. It was all good. For me, anyway. I had lost most of the weight and was beginning to feel like myself again.
Then he dumped me. Outright, with virtually no preamble, wanted a divorce and nothing I could say or do would change his mind. I thought I was literally going to die. Eight years, constant companions, suddenly over, with a small child who deserved better than this. For weeks I was devastated, going to work and school like a zombie.
I got over it pretty damn quick. I think I had been unhappy for a long time, and in a sense felt a guilty relief. Soon the only devastation I felt was due to the strain that would be on our child. We had a no fault divorce, but he managed to swindle me and my parents out of a few thousand bucks later on. I won't go into that. What he did to me was wrong, and how he did it was wrong, but I believe in being truthful.
Let me say here that the ruination of this marriage was not all my fault, I know that, and I never thought it was. He had plenty of major faults of his own, as we all do. I was always a faithful wife. I stayed by him even when he could not keep a job, and I was literally wearing rags, and eating mac and cheese every day. I worked my ass off. I will not accept all responsibility for this divorce, but I will admit my culpability in the matter. It took me a long, long time to come to terms with my part in it.
When you fall in love with someone, there's a reason you did. Stop trying to tweak him here and there, or you'll end up with a man you don't really like and who does not like you. You are not better than anyone else, regardless of when society tells you how empowered and important you are just by virtue of your having a twat. Remember that every other woman also has a twat, and she thinks hers is more golden than yours. Men don't care. To them a twat is a twat, and they'll fuck it if they can. It is the attitude attached to the twat that determines whether he will stay or go. Yes, some men are just dicks to the core, but we aren't speaking of those guys. We are talking decent men here.
There is some sort of unstated idea, fueled by social pressures and your own ego, that being a woman entitles you to be brutally assertive and egotistical, while the man must completely destroy any part of himself containing those qualities. By expecting him to do this, you are cutting off his dick, gluing it to yourself, and giving him a grudge-fuck up the old tan track. A man's ego is what makes him a man, and trying to kill it will get you nothing but pain. Would I have listened, if someone had long ago told me what I'm telling you now? I don't know. But it's worth it to try.
Here's the truth, like it or not: you are entitled only to what he is entitled to, which is simple human respect and dignity. While you are out in the workforce, going to school, or anything else regarding your life, you should demand equal pay and equal rights in all matters. But if you want to get a decent man who wants more than sex from you, you have to earn his respect. You are not entitled to it. Don't you make them earn your respect? And don't you give it grudgingly? As if you were a queen tossing out alms to some beggar?
You can stand out in a crowd of women, simply by being the only one there with a little humility, the only one not looking down on a guy while simultaneously trying to trap him with her pussy. Be the only woman in the crowd not wearing a crown while flipping her hair around and showing off her expensive manicure and toe rings. Bottom line is, spending all that money might make you look like a model, but men will see you as a high-maintenance stuck up snob that will eventually demand that he pay for all your little frou-frou bullshit. Once again, you are fuckable, but not tolerable.
No, I am not advocating turning into a doormat. I'm just saying that, if you will examine your motives and control your smart-ass mouth, you might save yourself a lot of trouble. What would you do, if he bitched about your friends or tried to control you in any way? You'd kick him to the curb, that's what. Yet we do this to men, this and worse, and they doggedly follow us around while we drag their egos through the mud. We make them walk on glass for our love. They do this because they really want to be with you, because they are hoping for a gentle hand for once. Give it, and mean it. If you don't mean it, it's just like a man pretending to love you just to screw you.
If you don't see a problem, you need to visit this website: http://www.nomarriage.com
If you read all that guy's rants about why no man should marry, unless it's one of those foreign mail-order brides, you will see an extreme version of what the majority of single men are thinking but are too polite to say (except anonymously). This dude flat out hates American and British women. Unfortunately, he has many valid points.
Depending upon how this post is received, I will post another article about how I learned to really deserve the pedestal my new husband (of four years) puts me on. I still catch myself behaving like Princess Bitch sometimes, but I have found ways to control it. You may read something worth knowing. Till then, quit being a biatch. Guys, as soon as you see that crown come out, run like hell. No matter what you see or hear, you are a human being who deserves respect and plentiful blowjobs.
Please be gentle dear, it's only my second post.
Regards,
Ferretnose
User Reviews
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2004-10-22 18:17:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-09-24 10:57:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So true, especially link to nomarriage.com That guy is spot on
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-09-20 15:05:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I love you
Submitted by jzuska (user info) at 2004-09-20 14:49:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey, nice job thanks for realizing the truth
Submitted by causeican (user info) at 2004-09-20 14:36:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Men will do almost anything
for the constant pussy
I should this to my wife
and got a blow job
THANKS!!!!!!
Submitted by Akegata (user info) at 2004-07-28 07:05:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is good, and full of insight.
Submitted by chgable (user info) at 2004-07-28 06:59:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm gonna forward this to my ex-girlfriend.
Submitted by NetProphet (user info) at 2004-07-08 15:30:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
go forth and spread the word to the masses
Submitted by nuffsaid (user info) at 2004-07-08 15:18:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Thank you, for the truth.
Submitted by Wes <djwesallen.at.hotmail.com> at 2004-07-08 15:16:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Thank You.
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2004-06-29 17:29:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is a fantastic post. Hats off.
Submitted by itchy (user info) at 2004-06-29 17:02:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I still love this post.
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2004-06-29 16:38:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by GloriaIronBox (user info) at 2004-06-29 16:16:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
There is no better way to say it. Bravo
Submitted by UberWeiss (user info) at 2004-06-29 06:23:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for a good write-up and interesting POV
+50 for "you are cutting off his dick, gluing it to yourself, and giving him a grudge-fuck up the old tan track"
UW
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2004-06-26 10:07:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Can I... move in with you?
...just for a little while?
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2004-06-25 23:11:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I love grown up women.
*Sigh*
Submitted by Alfa_Veloce (user info) at 2004-06-25 22:59:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good points. i am a dude who agrees.
Submitted by jcricket (user info) at 2004-06-24 18:49:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
one of the best things that i've read on uber.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-06-24 15:23:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
dudette... you must know from working with your guy for so long... it's gonna take more than a page long schpiel to change bitchy girls into nice women. i gave up long ago... and i'm only 20... i just go for the poon. Women turned me into an asshole; while i still feel bad about it, i see no other alternative.
Submitted by volklcess (user info) at 2004-06-24 15:14:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Love it.
:-)
Phoenix
Submitted by wijormiclat (user info) at 2004-06-24 15:00:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn good.
Submitted by Mr-Boo (user info) at 2004-06-24 14:50:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think I might print this out and give it to my wife!
Submitted by Ferretnose (user info) at 2004-06-24 14:03:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'd like to thank you all for your kind comments and constructive criticism. I have lots to say on the subject of modern relationships, and I hope that in the future you will all do me the honor of reading future posts. Yall rock.
Smurfs: Yes, this is a hindsight thing. I realize that this was written in a very negative light, and that there was superfluous cursing; I guess I am a bit cynical, but when I want people to pay attention, I try to jar them with words. I don't always write so mean-spiritedly. However, I do want people to read my words as if they were coming from a well-meaning but painfully honest cousin or something. That may have gotten through to me when I was less open.
I think that "feminazi" is really too narrow a word for these problems I am adressing, yet it has become a blanket term that even I use occasionally. My post is meant to include women who use their negative (not positive) feminine wiles to get their way, as well as those who are agressive man-haters.
Itchyfake: You do not ever destroy your credibility by admitting you read any book. Dr. Laura can be a cold-blooded, cruel woman, but she often makes a good point. Even Martha Stewart showed us beauty before her fall from grace.
Regards,
Ferretnose
Submitted by Smurfs (user info) at 2004-06-24 12:15:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
It was quite good, but almost utterly negative. I know I've been labeled as an optimist, but this seems so angry.
I couldn't tell if you knew that you were changing your ex-husband while it was occurring, or if it's only in hindsight you could fully appreciate what you were doing.
I also think alot of 'nice guys' who've been screwed over are going to appreciate this.
I think itchysfakepersonna's comment hits the nail on the head. We WANT to treat you like princesses if you are beautiful, and intelligent. However, it's a two way street. Women have to understand that guys can appreciate things besides sex.
Also, perhaps in future posts you may want to refrain on the superfluous cursing.
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2004-06-24 12:14:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I just came to check on this post, and yes it still kicks much ass.
Submitted by Fartman <Fartman.at.hotmail.com> at 2004-06-24 12:02:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This should be required reading for all women everywhere when they reach the age of 18.
Your new husband is a lucky man.
Submitted by Spiral_Abraxis (user info) at 2004-06-24 11:44:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
A+
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-06-24 11:43:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sigh. I admit I need a man. I hate this independent shit. I need that other
person to balance me out. To keep me in check.
And for all you guys out there I totally believe in letting a man
have his boys night out and sunday football games. And having his lunch made for him
for work.
Good post!
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2004-06-24 11:37:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Just a note to engine13 there: my comment wasn't meant to imply that this was anti-feminist; rather, that it was anti-feminazi. You see, Feminazis are a breed of feminists that claim to be after equality when in fact they promote female superiority - kind of the attitude this post described. Unfortunately, real feminists seem few and far between.
Submitted by Sindiedoll (user info) at 2004-06-24 11:28:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Everything you have said is so true of women in general. I can't understand why we demand equality everywhere except a relationship, where we believe it is our right to rule!
Good post.
Submitted by engine13 (user info) at 2004-06-24 11:20:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was really well written and well thought out. And a damn good point. You can slip into that mode of taking someone for granted so easily after a couple years.
But, some of the comments below address feminism and how this is anti-feminist. It doesn't seem like you are. Feminism is about equality. Equality is about treating everyone with respect and decency regardless of sex.
Submitted by hairycoo (user info) at 2004-06-24 11:17:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/31025
just so packofqtips knows theres a post about him
Submitted by jme7551 (user info) at 2004-06-24 11:14:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
this post made me feel like a selfish bitch
Submitted by packofqtips (user info) at 2004-06-24 11:12:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
no comment
Submitted by yannn (user info) at 2004-06-24 10:56:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
All too true, sadly
I found myself in a similar situation, I was finding myself being constantly berated for everything i did, criticized and put down at every turn.... I even did hear the "you think your not lucky to be with me, loads of guys would do anything to be with me, blah blah blah"
eventually i had enough and walked away, the girl in question did eventually apologise for the way she treated me and confessed that it was just her insecurities being transferred onto me, etc
shame she didnt fucking realise it sooner, cos i really loved her and have been single ever since and probably will be forever more... oh well
excellently written as well, wish i could manage about 10% of your coherence
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2004-06-24 10:27:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow.
Submitted by TheMidnight12AM (user info) at 2004-06-24 10:26:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn. Best ever? B@W?
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-06-24 10:24:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Malificent (user info) at 2004-06-24 10:15:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It's an absolute relief to learn that other women in the world think the same way that I do. Feminism is bullshit, bullshit, bullshit.
Submitted by itchysfakepersonna (user info) at 2004-06-24 09:44:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
First - this was an awesome, awesome post. I'm just sorry you had to go through hell to get to the place where you could write it. I truly admire your honest and painful introspection.
Second - (this is where this reply will lose ALL credibility) I don't know if you ever listen to Dr. Laura. Odds are, being an Uberer, you don't and you hate her with a passion reserved only for Hitler and Blink 182 fans. Anyhow, her latest book ("The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands) sounds like it hits on many of the themes you explore here. The basic gist is this: Men truly want only one thing from you . . . your honest respect. If you give them that, they will swim through shark infested water just to get you a glass of lemonade.
We WANT to treat you like a princess, but we need you to be worthy of it. The little snipes and pokes, the little ways you let us know that we aren't up to your standards, those are the things that kill our love. I'm not saying you have to lavishly fawn over us and flatter us with empty words, but as you said, you fell in love with us for SOME reason, try to remember what it was.
The entire world can go to hell for all we care. Everyone in the world can hate our guts - so long as we can come home to YOU and know that YOU still think we are kings.
Generally, when things aren't this way, we suffer silently until we can take no more. Until there is no feeling or obligation left. Then we leave.
I could go on and on, but it sounds like you already have a pretty good grasp of the way things are.
Submitted by gassygirl73 (user info) at 2004-06-24 09:27:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
A lot of insight in this post. Its a sad state of affairs, but this is the exact reason 1 in 4 marriages ends in divorce.
Submitted by funk_boy (user info) at 2004-06-24 08:33:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hats off too you mi lady Ferretnose.
A*
Submitted by Ainkara (user info) at 2004-06-24 08:17:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by hairycoo (user info) at 2004-06-24 08:05:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Jeez I wish they had an "All woman in the Western world" mailing list. I would forward this right away.
I always found the confidence that a woman has in their cunt quite amusing. As you say, they seem to not be able to distigiush between a man that will fuck them and a man who would love them. I think the issue is that western women dont really try to understand men, and as we dont communicate the same, women just assume that our minds are as simple as the rumours that they've heard. The fact is that we are much more complicated than women would like to believe, we just dont want to tell them about it.
Submitted by lowsodiummonkey (user info) at 2004-06-24 07:59:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by cat_head (user info) at 2004-06-24 07:42:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Crikey.
Here's hoping there are more gals like you out there.
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2004-06-24 07:36:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What? A woman who's not a Feminazi!? I feel like I'm living a fairytale!
Good writing, by the way.
Submitted by Scotsman (user info) at 2004-06-24 07:35:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Thank you!
I was with a woman for a few years who slowly started to change me. I eventually rebelled against this and she binned me! Reading your post gave me an insight into what the hell went on then.
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2004-06-24 07:13:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like your honesty as much as I like your writing.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-06-24 07:06:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Exactly right.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-06-24 06:58:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
WTF??!! I'M NOT READING THAT
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2004-06-24 06:54:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like your outlook. Especially having been there before myself.