A tribute to shoddy work software (519 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 2 on 8 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Rick (View user info) at 2004-06-25 02:32:17 EDT
So there I was, just entering work, looking forward to serving lots of people in my trapezoidal (because the company I work for won't spring for cubicles), and wearing a big smile on my face. I sat down at my rhomboid station, log onto the computer and began to bring up the 74,756,489,346,884,899,501,666,868,049,898,041,960,840,648,910,941 systems I require to perform my job properly. I work at a call center that handles wireless migrations and sales. Well, I had brought up 74,756,489,346,884,899,501,666,868,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,001 programs, but on the 74,756,489,346,884,899,501,666,868,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,002nd program, my password didn't work. Thinking I had typed it in wrong, I retried it, only to find out that I am locked out of that system.
Well, the 74,756,489,346,884,899,501,666,868,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,002nd program is pretty clutch, and without it I can't perform my job at all. So I told my supervisor, "Hey, Kristie, I'm locked out of that one really crucial program. You know, the one without which all the other programs mean nothing? What should I do?" To which she replied, "Well, I have a lot of copying you could do, or you could clean the office." To anyone who works at a call center, look around your home and realize that the kind of person who works at a call center very rarely cleans their own home let alone some place to which they have no personal attachment. I responded to Kristie's very generous offer with, "No thanks, I don't clean my own home very often, I'm sure as hell not gonna clean this office. I mean, the majority of this mess isn't even mine. And besides, don't we have a janitor that does stuff like that?"
Well, seeing how I had the obvious upper hand in logic, Kristie demurred on the subject of cleaning. Her reply to that was to offer to let me "Resource." "Resource" is a term used as a verb in my office which means walk around the floor of the call center (which is huge) and make sure people are working and not playing games online, and not eating up valuable call center time. In addition to being a productivity Nazi, "Resources" are supposed to answer any questions the other agents might have. This seemed like an infinitely better alternative to going home and missing out on nine and a half hours worth of pay, so I did it.
Boy was that a mistake!
I'm fairly computer literate, I can tell the difference between SQL and HTML, which fact made the ignorance of the floor agents all the more unbearable. They were double clicking hyperlinks and wondering why they were getting two of the same window, they were giving contradictory commands when the first command hadn't had sufficient time to execute, they were maximizing and minimizing all over the place and as a result were clicking in windows they weren't supposed to be clicking in...And then they were yelling at me, as if it were MY fault, that their systems weren't working. Add to that the fact that our genious IT boys decided it was time to add an upgrade to that all-important 74,756,489,346,884,899,501,666,868,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,002nd program and it was a hellish day.
Needless to say, it was a long day and it was made all the longer by the fact that I couldn't even check my personal e-mail because the server (altern.org) was apparently down all day. I'm moving to Japan in two and a half months and I'm looking for some very important information there. But I couldn't access the server. That makes me nervous.
Now to the point. I told you that story so that I could tell you this one.
Cleavage is the Great Panacea of this sad circus we call a world, and Ladies, you should show it off more often.
User Reviews
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-06-25 04:30:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
At the risk of post camping, Rick - Of course I know. I know a lot of things. I know more than you know I know.
Unfortunately, I don't know what I mean by that.
(Note to self - Circe, 'mysterious' does not work for you. Never has, never will.)
Submitted by Naery (user info) at 2004-06-25 04:03:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Fabish, something I think you'll like:
It's a group called Body Massage.
I go to Gonzaga University, well, actually I just graduated from GU, and at a talent show we had there, these three guys, buddies of mine, did a choreographed song and dance. They called themselves Body Massage. I just saw one thing that you've written, and I'm sure you'll appreciate the irony.
BODY MASSAGE IS ON THE NET!!!!!!!!!! Go to: http://www.locohost.org/
click on downloads, then movies, then body massage! YES!
Submitted by Fabish (user info) at 2004-06-25 03:50:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Great post Rick. Hopefully you have some more delightfully interesting stories in the future.
Submitted by Naery (user info) at 2004-06-25 03:48:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Quiet hum? Middle of the night! Surveillance EQUIPMENT? R E L I E F ?
*shit, she knows*
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-06-25 03:33:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Does it mean that when I start wondering if that quiet hum in the middle of the night is surveillance equipment, I'm not being paranoid?
Because that would be a relief.
Submitted by Naery (user info) at 2004-06-25 03:14:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Circe, I've read a lot of your posts, and I'm sure that if you were to remove your top I w o u l d in fact somehow see it.
Now spend some time trying to figure out what that means.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-06-25 03:01:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
I'd take my top off, but you wouldn't see it.
Have a +2 instead.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-06-25 02:42:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The weak and nerdy are admired for their computer-programming abilities.
-- Homer Simpson
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