Big Trouble In Little Urethra (2611 hits)
Category: PoliticsRating: 1.67 on 21 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Ingsoc (View user info) at 2004-06-25 23:39:09 EDT
Recently I was banned from the Ubersite. I am posting this from a friend and fellow user's house. This is your doing, Bart. Show yourself! Don't be such a jerk! I've decided to try and win you back with my mad skills.
_______________________________________________
A few years ago I was taking a shower, and was particularly filthy. You know, what with all the masculine sweat and pheromones emanating from my sexy bod-eh. I decided to get myself EXTRA clean, soap in every nook. The cranny was relatively intact until Ingsoc got an idea.
An awful idea.
A seemingly hyper-intelligent idea (at the time).
I would clean my I-Unit thoroughly- with a bar of handsoap.
Usually I just take the bar and rub it in my asscrack and grundle to get my veritable jungle as clean as a whistle that was not full of spit as whistles usually are. But this time I thought it'd be good to clean my massive schlong, as opposed to all the other times when I thought the accumulated cake of filth was downright sexy. And so it began- I spent about ten minutes cleaning my muscular appendage, and by then I was up to the tip. I almost unconsciously soaped up my pee-pee hole.
It was then that I learned that the urethra is like herpes; best off if you leave it alone.
Of course, I didn't realise this until I took a piss after the shower (normally I would piss in the shower, however the time was not right). It stung like a motherfucker. I was actually yelling out in pain and was audible throughout my house. Surprisingly, no one came to investigate. Frankly, I am thankful for that. I always thought it'd be kinda hard to tell people you got soap in your urethra and it stings like a fuckin' bitch.
I still soap my wang, 'cept I use that Dial shower gel shit, and I don't aim so close to that specific area. I try not to relive the pain... the horrible, horrible pain. Oh, the fuckin' humanity.
The moral of the story is, don't try to douche your penis. That shit hurt!_______________________________________________
As you can see Bart, I can contribute. Maybe not Christ, he's a hopeless case, but don't tell me you've never chuckled at his wacky antics! I am perhaps (definitely) not to the standards of others, but hey, I live in the Chicago of the north, you and me be true negroes! We be representin' foo!
If you showed this post to a caveman, he'd have a heart attack!
User Reviews
Submitted by Timmah (user info) at 2004-07-23 19:31:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Man reminds me of the time i farted in the shower. Stupid me sprays it with deoderant (dont ask, stoned). Deoderant on your arse is not a good fucking thing. Ouch
Submitted by dildo baggins at 2004-07-23 19:13:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
awesome
Submitted by Homsar (user info) at 2004-06-30 21:43:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good post, I laughed..but the +2 is purely for the title..woot!
Submitted by Ingsoc at 2004-06-30 21:29:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks italicised Bart, I appreciate it, but sadly I am still banned.
Submitted by Socialist_Joe (user info) at 2004-06-27 21:25:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for the pic alone
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-06-27 21:18:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
What's with all the fake Bart's?
Submitted by bart <bartcilfone.at.iloveingsoc.com> at 2004-06-27 20:56:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
wow, your mad skills have one me over. welcome back the ubersite. to be honest i was starting to miss your crazy antics.
Submitted by frankatthebank at 2004-06-27 20:46:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ho hum.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-06-27 20:38:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by bort (user info) at 2004-06-26 21:13:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This post gets my all-time highest rating ever. +2!
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-06-26 13:30:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is almost B@W material. repost without the header and footer and it's good to go
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-06-26 07:58:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Come on... How hard is it to wash your wang?
Submitted by digsy (user info) at 2004-06-26 05:50:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Funny post, but please, next time, don't share with us how you wash your balls.
Submitted by simplychilled (user info) at 2004-06-26 05:05:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Quality post - I feel your pain.
Submitted by Alfa_Veloce (user info) at 2004-06-26 01:18:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Come on Bart hasn't he suffered enough? The man burned his inner manhood and shared it the experience with uber. Ok on second thought...do as you please.
Submitted by squattail (user info) at 2004-06-26 00:52:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Why were you banished?
Submitted by bargled (user info) at 2004-06-26 00:17:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by StonedSilly (user info) at 2004-06-26 00:00:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
First time I ever masturbated, I used Suave Vanilla shampoo as lube.
The skin was peeling off for a week, and it was painful.
However, the worst part was the burning pain I felt every time I pissed.
Never again, man.
Submitted by downerSTAIN (user info) at 2004-06-25 23:58:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well, if it's any kind of relief, your pain has brought me a great deal of laughter, and a very valuable lesson.
Submitted by BobototheMax (user info) at 2004-06-25 23:52:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy shit i know what you speak of.....the agony.
Submitted by superdude <superdude.at.fakeemailaddress.com> at 2004-06-25 23:48:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
YeeHaw!