Ralph Nader: A (Not So) Independent Superhero (792 hits)
Category: PoliticsRating: 0 on 3 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by External Name (View user info) at 2004-06-28 06:39:08 EDT
"Breep! Breep! Breep!"
"Oh no, the bad guy alarm!" screamed 70-year-old Ralph Nader as he dashed to the computer.
"Click, click, tick, tack, tap, pollywop, tick," echoed throughout the secret hide-out as Ralph typed away, attempting to find the origin of the signal.
The computer screen printed out:
-North Wing of U.S. Capitol building, Washington, D.C.; Senate Chamber.-
"Up, up, and away!" shouted the Caped Consumer Advocate as he flew out of his cave, "To the Senate!"
Nader crashed through a window, landed, and pointed, "You! Edward, why have you called upon me?"
"It's Bill Gates," Ted Kennedy verbalized, "He's bought all the car companies and formed a monopoly! Even worse, his cars are unsafe! Wait, why does this building have no security?"
Dun, dun, dun!!!
Just then, Hillary Clinton barged in, boobs bouncing.
"Breast implants?" questioned the raging liberal, Teddy.
"Hey, gotta keep my husband's attention." answered Hil-hil.
"Enough about Hillary's bundles of joy," demanded Ralphy, "Off to stop the scoundrel."
"Up, up, and...,"
Ted interrupted, "Ralph, you don't have to do that every damned time."
"Fuc..douc..I'll say what I...drunken bit...thinks he's all tha...," mumbled Darth Nader as the three flew to Seattle.
-In Seattle-
Gates started, "Members of my soon-to-be World government, memorize these books. They are manuals to my...er...your success."
Paul Allen read the cover aloud, "'1984' by George Orwe..."
A sudden crash put an end to Allen's sentence.
"Oh no, Nader, Kennedy, and Clinton, my arch enemies! Surprisingly, I, one of the richest people on Earth, have no security at my lair!" Bill voiced as he stood up from his thrown.
"We've heard your plan, Mr. Gates, and we won't take it sitting down," Hillary announced.
"Oh really? Guards!"
Three guards came in with chairs, which they pushed the super heroes into. They locked the heroes' wrists and ankles to the chairs.
"Since you won't be leaving, I might as well give my entire plan away to you, my arch enemies.
But first, I will explain my current vulnerabilities to you. And unlike my companies programs, there aren't many. Ba-zing!
"My legs are weak; the wind of say, 3 super heroes blowing, could knock me down. When I fall like this, I flail my arms, throwing everything in my hands away. If this were to happen now, the key to your ankle and wrist locks would fly through the air, maybe even to you."
The three looked at each other, turned towards Billy, and blew.
"Hey Hillary," said Ted, "Bet you haven't blown in a long time, considering Willy has Monica."
Even Gates laughed at that one.
Meanwhile, Gates fell, tossing the key into Nader's mouth. He unlocked himself and then the others.
They picked up the knocked-out Gates and flew him to the police.
"I could have gotten away with it if it weren't for those meddling Democrats and their pesky Independent." Gates barked through the jail bars.
Scooby Dooby Nader!
User Reviews
Submitted by Pacifist248 (user info) at 2004-06-29 06:34:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Best. Review. Ever.
sigh.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-06-29 06:32:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Pacifist248 (user info) at 2004-06-28 16:33:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Dammit, left the front page w/o any reviews.
I could not review this, and it probably would never get any reviews. Ever.
So I will review it. So it don't get no none reviews.