"I don't like the way you..." or Controlling Asshole Boyfriend (1447 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: 1 on 7 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by ugaly <UG_A_LY.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2004-06-28 13:24:34 EDT
I wrote this when there were something like three posts on the most heated list about people having problems with asshole boyfriends. I haven't looked at it for two or three weeks so hopefully it has all the editing done.
"Hey Luke! Seems like I haven't talked to you in forever. How are you doing?" Anna questioned excitedly at the door, waiting to be invited in.
"Hey. I'm doing all right. What about you?" Luke replied tediously, motioning for her to enter. He hated greeting people and hated starting off conversation more. He knew that most of the time people didn't care about how he was doing anyway so he lied to her. Things weren't going to well with him. He was having really bad relationship troubles, and he felt like a lot of his friends were dropping him for other people or boyfriends.
"You liar. I can always tell when you are lying. What's wrong?"
He had completely forgotten about her knowing everything; she was a living polygraph machine. "You always knew it. I'll be okay."
"Come on let's talk about it," she answered back, trying to use her beautiful blue eyes for emphasis, she failed miserably.
"Alright. Are you sure you have the time?"
"Yeah."
He started telling her about the relationship problems. He had been living with his girlfriend Lacey for eight months now. Ever since they moved in she seemed to grow farther away from him. She always had places to be or friends that she needed to go out with instead of doing stuff with him. After about two minutes of his talking Anna jumped, and screamed.
"Whoa! Sorry, my cell phone was set on vibrate and it scared me." She glanced at the caller ID screen and hurriedly answered the phone; Luke knew who it was before she said anything. "Hey Wayne!"
He was right. Anna never used to get calls on her cell phone; she still doesn't but when she does it's always Wayne.
Anna used to spend a lot of time at his apartment talking to him about anything and everything. He was the one that introduced her to Wayne a year ago when him and Luke were still roommates. Wayne held off for a couple months because he thought Luke was trying to get Anna to date him. But, after a long indirect conversation Wayne finally got the point that Luke never had and never would have any interest in Anna, and asked his permission to date her. A week later Wayne made a pass at Anna and they had been dating ever since.
"Yeah. I'm at Luke's place now. I haven't talked to him in a while so I decided to stop by here, and..." Luke stopped paying attention to the conversation. He knew that nothing entertaining would come out of that conversation. Those two had to be the most boring, yet most happy couple he had ever seen. They also had the least interesting conversations.
Luke stood up, walked into the kitchen and started making himself some lemonade. No more than ten seconds later Anna walked in with her phone held against her shoulder.
"Luke would you mind if I dropped by later? Wayne wants to go out and do something."
"Whatever," he sighed, turned back around to his lemonade, and tried to laugh quietly, but she noticed his shoulders bouncing.
"What's so funny Luke?" she said, closing the phone.
"Oh nothing."
"You always do this to me. Now I'm not leaving till you tell me what is so funny?"
"Promise?" He paused, waiting for a reaction but didn't get it. "You don't want to know why I'm laughing."
"And why not?"
"For one reason you wouldn't accept it. For another reason you wouldn't think it was funny, and for a final reason---"
"Just tell me!" she yelled.
"Okay, have it your way. I was laughing because you said you were going to come over here later. You think you are really going to be able to tear yourself away from Wayne?" He stopped for a moment to wait for her to let out a fake laugh and begin talking.
"I think that I—"
He cut her off and started raising his voice, almost to the point of yelling. "This is the first time you have even made an effort to come see or talk to me in the last three months Anna. The first time in three months! Every time we talked before now was because I thought it would be nice talking to you. But no, every time we talk now we get interrupted within five minutes because you two can't stand to be away from each other for a few hours. You are always out doing stuff with him now. Never, never ever do you come by and stay for a while."
"Why can't you be happy for me Luke?"
"You've got to be kidding me!" He forced out a laugh then began yelling at the top of his lungs, "Be happy for you!" Anna took a step back and screamed as he yelled. "Oh I was happy for you. I figured you two would fit perfectly together. Two people that are really fun to be around when you are alone with them, but at the same time are the most boring people to be around in a group setting. I was happy for you for that. I was even happy to see you smiling all the time. When I started to get pissed off was when he seemed to become your whole life and you ignored everything around you. Do you not see what he did to you? First it started with your hair, it was too long. Then it started with the way you wore your make-up. Then it was your clothes, you didn't dress skanky enough. Finally it was your friends. I don't see how one person could completely take..."
He stopped yelling when he saw that she had disappeared but could still hear her. She was crying loudly. When he found her she was on her knees in the living room with her head in her hands. "I'm sorry Luke. But I---"
Luke cut her off, speaking calmly.. "I don't want to hear an excuse Anna. Come here." He motioned for her to come forward and she sat up and kind of fell into his arms. He hugged her for a little while until she was regaining her composure.
There was a harsh knock at the door followed by the entrance of Wayne and his traditional "Hey! Hey!" he stopped dead in his tracks after he walked in and kind of stared at Anna and Luke.
"Oh. This is new. What's this?" he questioned. His voice sounded like it was demanding answers.
Luke stood up and turned towards the doorway. "It's little thing we call friendship Wayne."
Wayne didn't like the mocking tone in Luke's voice and started to step forward. Anna quickly ran between the two of them. "Don't do this Wayne. Please." Her voice was still a little shaky from the verbal beating she had taken a little earlier.
He looked at her and gave a half smile. He came closer to her with outstretched arms. As he moved forward she shifted her weight to her left leg, then reared up and kicked him in the crotch.
Wayne's body gave a quick jump into the air and he doubled over in pain. She let out a half smile and walked towards him.
"You know? I don't like your hair!" She bent over and grabbed his hair and made a fist. She violently yanked a few times before everything she had clenched in her hand separated from his head. Blood started flowing freely from his exposed scalp. His thoughts moved from his aching groin to his bleeding head, and he put his right hand on the wound and quickly took back his action
"I don't like the way you wear your make-up." She kicked him in the right shoulder, then took her fingernails and scratched the bloody mess on his head. While he let out a painful shriek she dragged her hand across his face, smearing it with blood.
Luke stood behind her quietly laughing the whole time. "It's about time," he inaudibly mumbled
"I don't like the way you wear your clothes. You should wear them so they show your body more." She put her right foot on his waistline and her left foot on his throat. She tried to balance herself and grabbed his shirt. With a few fierce tugs on the shirt it ripped from the back and around. She didn't have the strength to rip it off, but she didn't care. She looked back towards Luke.
"Please get him out of here."
Luke walked forward and grabbed Wayne's feet and dragged him out of the doorway.
"Thank you for pointing out that he's and asshole." She walked towards Luke and embraced him. After a few minutes she stood on her tippy toes and kissed his cheek.
Luke smiled while thinking, "I could get used to this."
User Reviews
Submitted by ugaly (user info) at 2004-07-03 00:53:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Wow. Constructive criticism. I now have a new found love for Smurfs.
It's not every day you get a nice good smack in the face telling you what you did wrong in a post.
Thank you smurfs...feel free to review my other stuff as well.
Submitted by Smurfs (user info) at 2004-07-02 18:46:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Nooooo, you are SO much better than this. I ignored the fact that Luke was screaming... and it was very well written... until 'He looked at her and gave a half smile. He came closer to her with outstretched arms. As he moved forward she shifted her weight to her left leg, then reared up and kicked him in the crotch.'
Then it just went downhill.
You knew the point you were trying to get across, I think you maybe just lost direction, but the abrupt change in tone not once, but twice (again at the end) made me care nothing for the characters.
-Wayne comes off less than one dimensional
-Luke as callous, instead of the multitude of personal problems you referred too
-Anna as a bipolar manic depressive, which I'm sure you weren't going for. No one has mood swings like that without serious psychological issues
I'd love to see this again though. Perhaps longer and split into two parts?
Let us know what Luke's problems are, how Anna felt about how Wayne was treating her, did Wayne have any motivation... etc
Submitted by Donitsu2002 (user info) at 2004-07-02 18:29:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
wiggity woah. Kill him
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-06-28 14:04:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-06-28 13:55:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
meant -1...sorry.
Here, zero.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-06-28 13:54:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Luke screaming desperatly just to get a point across. Anna falling to her knees and holding her hands to her ear as if her baby died. Wayne getting nearly murdered just because he's an asshole. Both friends hugging after dragging the big bad mean half-unconscious boyfriend outside.
I'm sorry, the whole thing just felt too cheesy and over the top for me. In fact, if I was Luke, I would have called the cops to take away that psycho Anna. I really don't see why a girl should assault a guy (or vice-versa) just because she's just realized she has been stupid enough to give in to his controlling demands.
Well written though.
Submitted by DJMattB241 (user info) at 2004-06-28 13:50:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahahahahahahahaha
kill the fucker!