"Here's yer sign" (866 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -1.48 on 29 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Dawn <norelcore.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2004-06-28 15:51:06 EDT
I hate stupid questions. Jeff Foxworthy does a bit, "Here's yer sign", where he offers up a sign with the word STUPID on it to people who pose stupid questions. Well, here are my nominations for questions that qualify for the sign.
"Do you know how long they're going to be on the phone?" - Well, I'm pretty sure it'll be until they hang up the phone.
"How long is the meeting going to last?" - Hmmm, until the person leading the meeting declares that the meeting is over?
"If I leave them a voice message, do you think they'll call me back?" - Actually, I don't think they will. They'll probably just listen to your message and erase it. Or, maybe, they'll just erase it without listening to it.
"Do you know when they'll call me back?" - Let's see, that will probably be when your phone rings, you answer it and they tell you that they are returning your call.
"How often do they check their voicemail?" - I dunno, once a day? Once a week? No, wait, I'm almost positive that it's once a month. Oh darn, (slaps forehead) they wait until their voicemail box is full, THEN they check their messages.
"I've left 6 messages today. Why haven't they called me back?" - Gosh, only 6 messages, huh? Maybe you should leave 6 more just to make sure that they know you would really like to talk to them. I'm sure that there is nothing more pleasant to these people than to have to hear your voice time after time after time.
"Gosh, do you think I should leave a message for them?" - It's usually recommended, especially if you expect them to call you back.
"Do you know what time they'll be in?" - Clairvoyance is not my strong suit.
"Where did they go?" - They didn't tell me, and frankly, sometimes I really don't want to know where they went. (Especially since I can hear the toilets flush when I'm at my desk - ewwwww.)
"What time will they be back?" - Let me see. It's 12:25, I just told you that they're at lunch, they left 5 minutes ago, and lunch is typically an hour, what time do you think they'll be back?
"He/She said to tell you to tell them that I'm on the phone." - (I know, this isn't a question, but it's usually all that these callers will tell me.) OK, I can do that, but, can you tell me your name? My ESP is on the fritz today.
"Someone called me from this number. Do you know who it was?" - Well, I can tell when people use their phone. See, there's a little light next to their extension that goes on, but, I don't know if they were calling you or for a delivery from Pizza Hut.
"How come they haven't called me back?" - Do you think it could be because they're spending their time listening to the 6 or more messages that you, and others, have left already?
"Do they have an assistant?" - Why, yes, yes they do. I offered to put you through to an assistant when I told you they were on the phone or away from their desk. Would you like to take that option at this time?
"He's in his office with the door closed? What's he doing in there? How long is he going to be?" - Yes, as I said before, the door is closed and if he wanted me to know what he was doing in there, I'm sure that he would have invited me to join him behind the closed door. I'm also certain that when he opens his door, he'll be done doing whatever it is that he's doing in there.
There a many more, but these are my personal favorites that deserve a "Here's yer Sign".
User Reviews
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-07-12 14:54:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
umm.. you fail... its not jeff foxworthy.. its Bill Engvall
Submitted by vodka7tall (user info) at 2004-06-29 08:48:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
+1 because I understand the annoyance you go through on a daily basis.
-1 because the way you wrote it wasn't very funny. You can't expect people who don't do your job to get it, and clearly from the rating, they didn't.
Submitted by Confucious (user info) at 2004-06-29 01:06:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Confucious say:
You Suck!
Submitted by BossHog388 (user info) at 2004-06-29 01:02:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2004-06-29 00:50:03 (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2004-06-28 16:01:42 (#)
Ranking: -2
1. It's not Jeff Foxworthy, it's Bill Engvall.
2. You suck.
3. -2, die.
Submitted by Donitsu2002 (user info) at 2004-06-29 00:59:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
i figure this was worth the real -2
I dont care if your name is Dawn, you probly have a penis.
Submitted by Donitsu2002 <tolazytologin.at.shutthefuckup.co> at 2004-06-29 00:58:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I hope Bill Engvall cuts your shwank off and runs in circles, rubbing his naked self with his own feces.
Submitted by conrad (user info) at 2004-06-29 00:56:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
If a million monkeys, at a million typewriters, all typed the word "shit" for a millions years, they would still not approach expressing just how shit this was.
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2004-06-29 00:50:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2004-06-28 16:01:42 (#)
Ranking: -2
1. It's not Jeff Foxworthy, it's Bill Engvall.
2. You suck.
3. -2, die.
Submitted by danieldandy (user info) at 2004-06-29 00:37:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
jeff foxworthy = you might be a redneck if...
bill engvall = here's your sign
i hate you so very much. please make the ignorance stop. I seriously don't know what target audience might enjoy that. it seems like office humor, but it's just too damn lame. throw me a bone...am i the only one who is too smart for this (even drowsy at 1am)?
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-06-28 19:44:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Better post: http://www.ubersite.com/m/36933
Submitted by gassygirl73 (user info) at 2004-06-28 19:20:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This is by far the most ignorant post I've read yet.
I feel like shitting in your lap right now.
Submitted by SHAKEnBAKE (user info) at 2004-06-28 18:57:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Those are all valid questions. Your answer is annoying and retarded. Go fuck a sheep and die.
Submitted by it'sme at 2004-06-28 17:54:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
You guys are being too rough on this post. You're probably the ones that call in with those moronic questions.
We here in the office all agree that all those phrases are used by dumb asses that think they are more important and how dare the other person be busy with someone else.
I think the majority of the raters here must not work if they're never gotten these frustrating conversational masterpieces thrown their way at one time or another.
Submitted by conrad (user info) at 2004-06-28 17:38:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2004-06-28 17:24:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
What the fuck??
Submitted by chipolatte (user info) at 2004-06-28 17:08:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
There are valid situations that I can think for for every single question that would make said question logical to ask.
Submitted by Yes (user info) at 2004-06-28 16:43:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by GloriaIronBox (user info) at 2004-06-28 16:30:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I deal with this all day at work. My biggest pet peave is "who called me from there?"
Well.. I suppose I can check with all 78 people in the office, but you might have to hold for a while... dick....
Submitted by FATMANTPK (user info) at 2004-06-28 16:29:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You suck
Submitted by SundanceKid (user info) at 2004-06-28 16:23:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by potatomanjack (user info) at 2004-06-28 16:13:39 (#)
Ranking: -2
Break a thermometer and pour the mercury into your left eye.
-----------------
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
+2 for you PMJ.
Submitted by potatomanjack (user info) at 2004-06-28 16:13:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Break a thermometer and pour the mercury into your left eye.
Submitted by StinkyPants (user info) at 2004-06-28 16:06:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
--- looking for my "stupid post" sign...
Submitted by bluegoddess (user info) at 2004-06-28 16:05:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Why, thank you, thank you. I only caught the part when Foxworthy was doing the sign bit. Sorry to have missed the entire show.
Submitted by BillsSBChamps (user info) at 2004-06-28 16:05:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Heres one you dumb cunt.
How long will I read that shitty post. UNTIL MY FUCKING EYES START BLEEDING.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2004-06-28 16:01:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
1. It's not Jeff Foxworthy, it's Bill Engvall.
2. You suck.
3. -2, die.
Submitted by AlahAckbar (user info) at 2004-06-28 15:59:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You know what I hate? Stupid people. All these questions are valid questions, and your a horrible person for implying that they are stupid for asking them.
Also, it's not jeff foxworthy. I don't know who it is, cause his bit is absolute shit except for the "here's your sign" part. It's also stupid QUESTIONS that he does that too.
I.e. He goes to the luggage claims department, and tells them that he lost his luggage. The person working the desk looks at him and says "has your plane landed yet?"
He locked his keys of his car. he is trying to unlock the door with a coathanger. Someone walks up to him and says "locked your keys in your car?"
See, it's stupid questions that either are retarded by their nature, or should be obivous. Your questions are not retarded, you are.
Submitted by GodHatesYou (user info) at 2004-06-28 15:57:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
......
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2004-06-28 15:56:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
9013.
I think my day in the poll was a little over shot.
Submitted by SundanceKid (user info) at 2004-06-28 15:55:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It's Bill Engvall, not Jeff Foxworthy.. C'mon, you should know your rednecks.