why i never go to the bottle club or... how many people did i show my boobs too? (1668 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 0.8 on 29 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Hi_Me (View user info) at 2004-06-29 14:59:07 EDT
ok so here is the condensed version of my saturday night. Portions of this
story have been edited because i just can't fucking remember them.
It was a normal saturday night i went to meet my mom at the bar close to her
house. It's a little dive, but the drinks are cheap it's on the river, so the
scenery is nice. And they have karoake (I am a karoake junkie, stifle your laughter please.)
About 10:30 my very good friend Amy joined us along with her boyfriend, his brother, and
some other people i never met before. I had already been drinking for quite awhile so i
had that nice warm fuzzy feeling inside. after another hour or two, and quite a few
more beers they asked me to sing a song. now normally when i drink this much i stop
singing. for many reasons one being that i don't want to scare people and another being
i don't like getting my ass kicked.
They somehow talked me into getting up there anyways and it sounded like a cat in a blender
but when i stumbled back to my seat no one kicked my ass they just gave me these looks like
people do when they pity the retarded. So since no one wants to hang out with a retard they
decided to take me to another bar where singing is forbidden. It was great i was annoying all of Amy's new friends with incoherent banter and going to the bathroom every 10 minutes because i drank so much. But one of these fun trips to the little drunk bitches room i decided to harass the other patrons.
me: whata fuck are yo looookinnn a whore?
alleged whore: excuse me?
me: oh i wil kickkkkuh yu asssssss (spit flying)
i'm not really sure what happened then i think everyone played "remove the tard" again because
i vaguely remeber going to the bottle club (which on a side note: why do they call it a bottle club
when you can't even get a bottle of beer there only cans?)
anyhow the next afternoon after i had spent three hours laying on my copuch feeling like
someone kicked me in the face, i called Amy.
I asked how she was feeling and we talked about the events of the previous evening. How i attacked
some poor chick with a lazy eye in the bathroom. how i kept flashing everyone in the car and almost made kyle wreck and kill us all.
wait a minute? i was flashing people?
Amy confirmed it again. well how many people did i show my boobs too?
anyways the point to this story however incoherent it may be is........
The reason why i don't go to the bottle club is because by the time the bottle club opens i am
entirely too intoxicated to be in public. And I shouldn't show people my boobs unless they aren't driving.
User Reviews
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-07-01 14:51:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
(((hugs))))
Submitted by jme7551 (user info) at 2004-07-01 10:10:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
of course you can honey
i think i might like that
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-06-30 16:34:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
*sniff* <rubbing my eyes> can i slap your ass and call you my little bitch?
Submitted by jme7551 (user info) at 2004-06-30 11:48:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
aww munkey baby no wait don't leave me you are ssssssssoooooooooo sexy
Here a dozen lillies. and a 12 pack let's do it
(o)(o)
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-06-30 11:38:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
but but jme.. you were gone for two days and i was lonely...
you don't pay enough attention to me! you spend more time with your friends than with me! when
was the last time you said i was beautiful? when was the last time you brought me flowers
and made me a candlelit dinner? blah blah blah me?? blah blah blah me?
WAAAAAAHHHHH <runs out of the room and slams the door>
Submitted by jme7551 (user info) at 2004-06-30 11:23:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
munkey are you uber cheating on me? lol
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2004-06-30 10:34:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Looks like you guys found a new post to make out on
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-06-30 10:29:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Missty (user info) at 2004-06-29 18:00:24 (#)
Ranking: 0
I'll touch your boobs baby, if you touch mine too!!!
I <3 shitfuck
___________________________________________________
<whips out her sweet sweet melons> side view (.(. - or from the front ( o )( o )
Submitted by dakingisdead (user info) at 2004-06-29 21:23:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Now that was funny but you really need to think about where flashing your boobs in public could lead.
Fat horny biker guys make very good fat horny gangbangers as well.
Oh well if thats what turns you on.
Whatever!
Submitted by Quartermain (user info) at 2004-06-29 19:23:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I got flashed by a bachelorette party a couple of weeks ago. Two looked fake, one was a fat girl, but the fourth made the other three worthwhile.
Submitted by Missty (user info) at 2004-06-29 18:00:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'll touch your boobs baby, if you touch mine too!!!
I <3 shitfuck
Submitted by interchange (user info) at 2004-06-29 17:09:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This would be worth a +2 if you replaced the pic with one of your boobies. Well, a +2 or a -2 depending on the quality.
Submitted by Herpes (user info) at 2004-06-29 17:05:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Just show me your tits.
Submitted by jme7551 (user info) at 2004-06-29 16:44:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
he called me white trash yet i still get a plus one.
hmmmmmmmmmmmmm
white trash makes you smile!!!!
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-06-29 16:12:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2004-06-29 15:37:57 (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for titty rubbing!!
Mmmmmmm titty rubbing
____________________
umm.. that turned me on too.. is that bad?
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-06-29 15:51:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by jme7551 (user info) at 2004-06-29 15:40:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
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Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-06-29 15:01:48 (#)
Ranking: 2
I flashed a group of Hells Angels at a metallica concert. They applauded.
I don't remember this. I was told the next day.
let's have a big yay for horny fat biker guys
YAAAAAAAAY
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YAY HORNY FAT BIKER GUYS!!!!!!!!!
Submitted by vodka7tall (user info) at 2004-06-29 15:39:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
White trash at it's finest.
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2004-06-29 15:39:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fucking classic!
I think you and me should get drunk and fuck.
shitfuck endorses drunken tit flashing and Hi Me's shaved vagina.
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2004-06-29 15:37:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for titty rubbing!!
Mmmmmmm titty rubbing
Submitted by jme7551 (user info) at 2004-06-29 15:33:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ok ok apparently Amy was flashing too and we rubbed our titties together which
got her boyfriend all horny. Then when she dropped me off instead of coming in
she pissed on my driveway. and no my mother left long before that thank god. because
she already calls me "The Narcoleptic Beer Slut" cute huh? that's love.
Submitted by god_komplexx (user info) at 2004-06-29 15:26:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by insanethemind at 2004-06-29 15:12:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2004-06-29 15:10:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hmmmm. You have conveniently left out some details I see. (AHEM) And I'm lost, was your mom with you in the car while you were flashing?
Submitted by jme7551 (user info) at 2004-06-29 15:05:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
jocko i heard your cock is tiny and smells like your moms ass.
so i'll pass.
Submitted by convicted_child_rapist (user info) at 2004-06-29 15:04:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
If you showed me your boobs I'd rape you.
I'll rape you even if you don't. It's what I'm good at.
Submitted by TripinDayZ420 (user info) at 2004-06-29 15:02:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
i was at the bottle club and your boobs are spectacular.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-06-29 15:01:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I flashed a group of Hells Angels at a metallica concert. They applauded.
I don't remember this. I was told the next day.
let's have a big yay for horny fat biker guys
YAAAAAAAAY
Submitted by Jocko_Johnson (user info) at 2004-06-29 15:00:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Focus a little bit more on sucking my cock and we'll get along fine.