If My Penis Were A Plant (1011 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.26 on 29 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Martyn Steiner (View user info) at 2004-06-29 17:01:11 EDT
In one of my classes at college, I noticed a poster on the wall showing a photograph of a stinkhorn. Well, anyone who's seen a stinkhorn before will know what I thought, at first glance, it was a picture.
This got me thinking; What would my penis be like if it were a plant?
This page is a collection of 15 of my ideas of possible features that would occur if my penis were a plant - enjoy.
1. I could cut off the end, and due to compensatory growth, it would grow back longer.
2. Whenever I had a drink of water, I'd get an erection.
3. It would smell sweet.
4. It wouldn't need to see the doctor if it went green.
5. Flies would be attracted to my bell-end.
6. I could impregnate myself.
7. By the time I was 60, it would be 15 foot tall.
8. Passing naturalists would snap it off.
9. Dipping it in manure would be beneficial.
10. Every spring, a beautiful bloom would burst from the end.
11. It would point in the direction of the sun.
12. Herbivores would eat it.
13. I'd have trouble going pee-pee.
14. I'd be a medical marvel.
15. My foreskin would be considered to be sepals.
User Reviews
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-06-27 01:49:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
random!
Submitted by melkorthedelerious (user info) at 2004-06-30 17:04:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Amusing. I love the random shit we come up with whne bored in class and not paying attention. thats where my top 100 list came from. I'm sure you could have come up with more though.
Submitted by cuntXcore at 2004-06-30 16:49:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i meant plus 2
Submitted by Clearhearts (user info) at 2004-06-30 16:36:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Beautiful. Made me laugh on many occasions, very entertaining. :)
x
Submitted by nasher101 (user info) at 2004-06-30 16:32:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hilarious as usual, keep it up Martyn!
Submitted by cuntXcore at 2004-06-30 16:24:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
fucking funny
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-06-30 14:21:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"it would point towards the sun" is it bad that I got a mental picture
and got aroused?
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2004-06-30 14:19:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice work
Submitted by sliver (user info) at 2004-06-30 14:15:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I saw this and thought about AlaAckbar....yummm
Submitted by Martyn_Steiner (user info) at 2004-06-30 14:10:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Well, I didn't actually ever say that the stinkhorn was a plant, just that it made me think of plants. But, I will admit that at the time I was thinking of it as a plant. Which, as biologist is shockingly poor. Forgive me.
Thanks for all the positive feedback though, I love you all.
Marty xx
Submitted by the_lone_stranger (user info) at 2004-06-30 01:34:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You could chop it up and stir fry it and feed it to your friends.
Would it make their pee smell funny, like asparagus does?
Submitted by Cubical (user info) at 2004-06-30 01:28:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Now the only question is "Do you want your penis to be a plant?"
Submitted by euripidestrousers (user info) at 2004-06-29 21:32:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by PWNstar (user info) at 2004-06-29 21:12:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think the corpse flower looks pretty phallic from what i hear. so try that plant
Submitted by fell-8-me (user info) at 2004-06-29 20:34:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My penis is not a plant, but on a hot day it sure can be a fly trap.
Submitted by downerSTAIN (user info) at 2004-06-29 20:01:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
9. Dipping it in manure would be beneficial.
+2 for that line alone.
Submitted by whataefag (user info) at 2004-06-29 19:45:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
holy shit, this is the funniest thing i've read all day. brilliant!
Submitted by Jokaah (user info) at 2004-06-29 19:44:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
'tis a fungus.
But congrats for trying.
Submitted by danieldandy (user info) at 2004-06-29 19:43:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
fairly amusing. the fungus among us.
Submitted by Pacifist248 (user info) at 2004-06-29 17:47:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
bah.
Submitted by Pacifist248 (user info) at 2004-06-29 17:47:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
A stinkhorn is a fungus, not a plant.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-06-29 17:44:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Blitzen (user info) at 2004-06-29 17:42:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
funny
Submitted by RapSupaStar (user info) at 2004-06-29 17:36:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Slapshot99 (user info) at 2004-06-29 17:26:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
...the girls would call you "Bonsai"
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-06-29 17:26:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
And they say my post is disturbing: http://www.ubersite.com/m/36933
Submitted by NetProphet (user info) at 2004-06-29 17:05:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh man, where's a mad scientist when you need one...
You're on to something!
Submitted by interchange (user info) at 2004-06-29 17:05:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
You would have to find yourself a vegan girlfriend.
Submitted by god_komplexx (user info) at 2004-06-29 17:03:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
disturbing...