Pay attention when you're driving stoned! (663 hits)
Category: HumorRating: -0.43 on 8 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <brdn_nkd.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2004-06-30 16:09:15 EDT
This happened to a friend of mine a few years ago. He was going to college on the other side of the state where we lived. He hitched a ride with a couple of other guys to come home for break and then rode back with them on their way back. And it begins...
The driver offers to pass a bowl round the car and the three of them get really baked. They have a long car ride and need to entertain themselves so decide to play a game and bet cigarettes. If you've ever lived in or visited a rural area you may have noticed that many drivers, when coming toward you on a country road, will give a finger wave whether they know you or not. These three clowns decided that they would take turns giving the wave and bet on whether or not the person who was up would get a response.
They're cooking along at 65 miles an hour when they reach a little town. I mentioned that they were baked, well they didn't slow down. They kept right on at 65 miles an hour. The third passenger is "up" in their game, gives the wave, and says "Holy shit that was a cop!"
Sure enough, red/blue lights flash on and he whips a cookie to come pull them over. The driver decides he does not wish to be pulled over and takes off. He, in his altered state, actually managed to elude the cop! He parks in a church parking lot, gets out of the car and takes off running. His two passengers just look at each other wondering what the fuck just happened.
The first cop arrives very shortly thereafter. More start pouring into the lot and soon the two passengers are ordered to put their hands out their windows. Then, individually, they are instructed to get out with their hands in the air and back up to the waiting officer. My friend digresses here to inform me that of all the cops he got stuck with the biggest, hairiest, meanest looking of all of the cops assembled there.
The officer asks my friend: "We gonna find anything illegal in there when we search the car?" My friend replies with a simple no. The officer says: "things will be easier for you if you tell us rather than us find them". My friend: "There's nothing to find."
We watches the cops begin their search. They open the glove box, where the weed and pipe are stashed, and close it again. My friend is elated! They continue rummaging and eventually hold up his backpack, where a few beers are stashed (they're all minors), and then put it down again. My friend is beside himself with glee, how could they have missed it all?
The officer returns to the car and again requests that my friend inform him of anything contraband that they may encounter when they search the vehicle again. My friend, feeling okay and not possessing the best judgment in his current state, maintains that there is nothing to find.
The cops go back to the vehicle and begin rooting round again. An officer opens up the glove box and shortly produces a bag of pot and a pipe held up for the world to see. My friend? "Aw fuck!" his officer returns again and asks if there's anything else and my friend decides he might as well tell. As the officers finish their search the driver returns. He is immediately subdued and questioned about the jog he took. He tells the officers that he went to pick flowers for his sister's wedding and sure enough is holding a bunch of pussy willows.
They begin the 45 minute drive to jail, they're in the boonies and the nearest county house is that far away. Big, hairy, and mean turns out to be a cool guy to hang with now that all the work is done. He offers my pal a smoke and they enjoy a nice conversation all the way to the jail. He's placed in a cell and shortly thereafter the other passenger joins him. The driver, however, doesn't make it to the cell for about another 45 minutes. When he does walk in, he's walking kind of funny. His two passengers ask where the hell's he been and he responds with "I don't want to talk about it". The passengers look at each other and in unison reply "You were cavity searched weren't you?!" The driver's head hangs low and he gives a small nod.
They were given a slap on the wrist and offered a "deal" to avoid jail time. My friend thought he was going to be able to avoid his parents hearing this story. He was mistaken. He came back for the next break to find a letter on the dining room table detailing his arrest, court proceedings, and subsequent deal. His parents informed him they would no longer be paying his tuition.
The moral of this story? Don't go chasing pussy...willows when the cops are on your tail or you may have a cop inside your tail.
User Reviews
Submitted by vex (user info) at 2004-07-01 03:57:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
In Austrlia (where i live ) they've just brought in new saliva tests for most drugs (weed, ecstacy, speed, coke, H etc.) so soon it'll be even harder to drive stoned here. Do American oinkers have saliva testers?
Submitted by KoolMang (user info) at 2004-06-30 23:01:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
WTF THAT'S FUCKING STUPID LOLZERS
Submitted by Snuggles_The_Assassin (user info) at 2004-06-30 18:33:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This story sucked, sorry man but this was some boring shit.
Submitted by rocafella (user info) at 2004-06-30 17:28:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
This whole story doesn't add up.... reguardless if whether you are under the influence of weed or not, I was pulled over in my truck, I had weed hidden under the console in which police did not find until they brought in a K9 unit, and even at that I was written a ticket to appear in court, fact is with pot if you are a passenger of a car and pot is found and no one takes claim to it then it belong's to the driver, I give this story a thumb down for being bullshit, doesnt matter that they were minors and had beer either, cause the most they would have gotten was a MIP $75 ticket depending where it is, etc.. so I i'll say it again I CALL BULLSHIT
Submitted by runninginplace (user info) at 2004-06-30 16:45:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"He tells the officers that he went to pick flowers for his sister's wedding and sure enough is holding a bunch of pussy willows."
therefore: worth reading, barely
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2004-06-30 16:37:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yes the driver thought it was obvious that that was all he was doing. little did he know that would lead to him being violated by a guy with a rubber glove.
It was a county jail in a little town, my friend claims there were no others in the jail and having been through that town I believe him. He strongly maintains that the driver was the only one to be ass raped and that by a cop.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-06-30 16:12:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I love his excuse about the flowers... and he is holding them as evidence.
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2004-06-30 16:11:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Ewww... are you sure they didn't also have inmates in their tails, too?