Rock Bottom Part 2 (Labor Ready Qualification) (811 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.88 on 18 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <murphydog5.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2004-06-30 17:34:01 EDT
For a little background to this post, click my user info. and read the previous one. If you're lazy, I'll recap it in one sentence. Laid off, unemployed, benefits ran out, time for Labor Ready.
Last Friday I woke up at 5:15am, rolled out of bed, brushed my teeth, and drove down to my local Labor Ready office. I had to fill out a lengthy application and, after I turned it in, had to take a little "evaluation" test. They pulled a terminal from behind the counter that looked something like a credit card machine and a yellow packet with multiple choice questions. The guy behind the counter, a VERY friendly hispanic man, instucted me to push the corrosponding number on the credit card machine that matched the questions in the yellow packet.
Here are a few sample questions, no kidding:
A. If your employer (boss) made you angry, how likely would you be to hit your employer (boss)?
1. Very likely
2. Somewhat likely
3. Unlikely
4. Not likely
B. It is O.K. to use drugs or alcohol on the job:
1. When your employer says it's O.K.
2. During your lunch break
3. Never
4. Whenever you need a boost
C. During the last month, how many times have you used a controlled substance (drugs)?
1. 25+ times
2. 15-20 times
3. 5-15 times
4. Never
The funny thing is, after I handed back the terminal for a pass/fail result, I asked the real friendly hispanic guy how often people failed the test. He said, "oh it's about sixty - forty."
I said, "sixty pass, right?"
He said yes.
At this point, I'm waiting in the waiting room with about a dozen other Labor Ready employees. Here is the profile of the Labor Ready Employee (LRE): Flannel shirt, blue jeans, holding a styrofome cup of coffee, heavy smoker, loopy confused look in his/her eyes. Some smelled like alcohol.
At first I took a seat next to a door in the back of the room, away from where most of the workers were sitting. The super friendly hispanic guy advised me to sit closer to the other people, so that I would be able to view the Labor Ready Instructional Video, which was playing a pre-recorded video in the corner. So I moved closer and watched the video. More multiple choice questions! Here's another sample, because I got such a kick out of this thing.
1. If you are dispatched to a job to dig a ditch and your employer (boss) asks you to operate a jack-hammer on concrete slabs, you should:
A. Operate the jack-hammer
B. Call your Labor Ready office immediately
C. Watch other people operate the jack-hammer, and learn from them before using
D. Ignore your employer (boss)
2. If you are injured while working on a job, what should you do FIRST:
A. Keep working anyway
B. Sit in the shade for a few minutes
C. Tell your boss and contact Labor Ready immediatly
D. Drive yourself to the hospital
3. You are dispatched to a job involving food service. During your lunch break you use the restroom. After you "clean up" you notice a brown clump on your finger. You should:
A. Notify your supervisor immediatly
B. Call Labor Ready
C. Wash your hands with warm water and soap, and again in the food area sink
D. Put the finger with the brown clump in your mouth and hope it's leftover chocolate from lunch.
Speaking of Labor Ready, I have to report in ten minutes. I'll follow this post up with my first day on the job.
Ta-ta,
Murphy
User Reviews
Submitted by hairsphincter2 (user info) at 2004-07-01 19:44:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"cleaned up"
Submitted by someone (user info) at 2004-07-01 19:37:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
wow.
Submitted by Murphy1844 (user info) at 2004-07-01 17:07:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hahaha, no I'm not chewing tobacco yet. I might as well be, though, because I'm getting such a kick out of immitating these hard-core blue-collar workers. A couple things I've learned:
On every break, before lighting a cigarette, scrunch your face up so it looks like you're in extreme pain, grunt quite a bit, and blow the smoke through your nostrils.
Don't talk about anything important or personal to anyone. They don't care. Keep conversation focused on work work work.
Bitch as much as possible about how you've been SCREWED, be it overtime, vacation, whatever.
Don't bitch about being hurt or having to work hard. This messes up the manly image I'm trying to create for myself.
Ok, time to scribble out part three. Weee!
Murphy
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2004-07-01 08:32:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by big_n_veiny (user info) at 2004-07-01 01:51:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Damn, I thought this post was gonna be about 'The Rock' not some bum.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2004-07-01 01:44:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-07-01 01:36:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Fabish (user info) at 2004-06-30 23:09:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2004-06-30 21:08:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
murph you are so butch now.
are you chewing tobacco yet?
===============================
aaaaaaahahahahahahahahahaha
cutting steel gives you an uncontrollable urge to lick a vagina, doesn't it? admit it.
Submitted by antluvdog (user info) at 2004-06-30 20:50:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If I were you, I'd quit and start bartending.
Submitted by MickGinny (user info) at 2004-06-30 20:16:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
the funny thing about some of those questions is that labor ready is THE drug addict employment service. at least here in PA.
they dont drug screen and they pay the same day.
at the end of the day when the van drops the guys off, the dealers are waiting for them across the street.
murph you are so butch now.
are you chewing tobacco yet?
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2004-06-30 19:36:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
holy shit, that test looks HARD!
Submitted by DamienX (user info) at 2004-06-30 18:53:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I can't wait for this Labor Ready thing to hit the west coast.
I'm gonna quit my job, they sound more funner.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2004-06-30 18:18:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Mmmmmm...Chocolate....
Submitted by TripinDayZ420 (user info) at 2004-06-30 17:54:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
can't you just see murph in the bathroom, finger to the mouth:
"come on chocolate, come ooooooon chocolate!"
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2004-06-30 17:47:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Clumps of melted chocolate. On my finger. Now how'd that get there?
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2004-06-30 17:41:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm dying to know how this goes. its like you are an investigative reporter.
good writters usually suffer a bit to get substance for their stories. I smell a really good novel in the future.
Submitted by Yes (user info) at 2004-06-30 17:38:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
mmmmmmmm, chocolate...